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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 283


Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!



The rumours of my demise were... oh. There were no rumors. Nobody was worried.

Well thanks.




Somewhere in Twikkii Island there's a sadistic travel agent.



Lance: You still alive, Rich?
Richard: Yep!



Good, then let's move on because children are boring.



Nerissa: Great, now he's a zombie ghost police chief?



Have a little faith, guys! And a little Yvonne too.

Faith: Funny.



Don: Dibs on the window seat!
Victor: This is a jail. You're thinking of an airplane.
Don: Cool! Let's go there instead.



Victor: Winding up for a kick, my dear?
Nerissa: It happens automatically whenever you're near.



Don: I take it you two lovebirds are married.
Victor: We're not lovebirds, though I hear she does like to swallow.
Nerissa: Fuck you too, honeybunch.



Yay!

I guess!



Aurora: So, what are you in for?
Don: Well hello there pretty lady!
Aurora: Sexual assault then, is it?



Aurora: He's like the governor, only without the charm.



Faith: Hello, crazy!
Victor: Crazy hotttttttttttttttt



Don: How often does he do this?
Aurora: Often enough that I can't look at it anymore.



Even bad girls love bad boys apparently.



Don: Process me baby.



Aurora: What did you do?
Don: What did I do?! Only like fifty chapters of zombie nonsense!



Victor: No flashback for you!
Don: You couldn't handle my flashbacks!



Aurora: Alright, what're you in for?
Yvonne: My arrest was a hate crime against Knowledge Sims.



Yvonne: I invited zombies to eat my family.



Yvonne: And if that's a crime, well-
Aurora: Yes that's a crime. Alright you're booked.



Yvonne: These people have no sense of adventure.



Faith: I did the same thing.
Aurora: Copy-paste it is, then!



Faith: I don't see why my sister and I should be punished. I thought early adulthood was supposed to be about experimentation!



Knowledge Sims of the jail UNITE!



Nerissa: I hate these people.



Nerissa: But I hate you more.



Nerissa: PING! I hate you! HAHAHAHAHA.



Nerissa: You're so dumb!
Victor: It's like our honeymoon all over again!



Nerissa: Hahaha, you look so stupid when you're mad.



Nerissa: Comfortable?
Yvonne: No.
Nerissa: Good.



Nerissa: OH DON'T EVEN



Don: Getting mad just makes you hotter.



Nerissa: Why is this clogged.
Brooke: Overuse?
Nerissa: In an empty cell.
Brooke: ...ghosts?



Nerissa: DON'T SHIT IN THE CELLS
Brooke: But then why they got shittin' seats?!



Brooke: Man, this job has like zero perks.



Ugh. Lipstick on a Maxis pig.



Cameron devises clever solutions to her predicament.



Don models.

Don: There's windows here for a reason.



Brooke: I just want you to know that this is not a lot of fun for me, either.



Yvonne: This discipline-and-punish shit is a major abuse of the nexus of power. Don't you motherfuckers read Foucault?!



Brooke: Sure, in between toilet-plunges.



Yvonne: I'm too smart for society.
Brooke: And society breathes a sigh of relief.



The fuck is that even.



Brooke: I JUST REALIZED I'M IN HELL



Brooke: With a fridge, though...



Cameron: This is really giving me a new perspective on authority.



Are you supposed to have that?

Don: Hey, I offered to have the ladies strip-search me!



Don: Random person! This is Don. I am in jail! You are talking to a criminal.



Don: I bet they arrest you on suspicion of something now.



Don: Yeah, there's bars and shit and everything. Very cliché.



Don: It probably has to do with how I ate all those people.



Faith: SAW A RAT

No rats in this game.

Faith: NOT CONVINCED



Is that a gang sign?



Their best moments are when they have nothing to say to each other.



Don: Yeah, I'll have my date in court alright.



Encountering another Nerissa, Nerissa faints in shock.



Typical teenager.



Noelle, Noelle! Noelle, Noelle!

Nerissa: UGH FINE I'M AWAKE



Justice never sleeps!

It has insomnia.



Yep, she's replaced you.

Cameron: Well I hope she can breathe underwater then, because Poseidon's gonna be pissed if I miss another day of work.



Sims aren't afraid of the cops.

That's how you know this is fiction.



Among other things.



Ah, my heart swells with pride.

At least I hope that's pride.

I'm too young for a heart attack, but not too in-shape!



Faith: Man, I miss being dead.



Yvonne: Grimmy used to read us bedtime stories.



How the fuck am I supposed to caption this shit.



Count Alon: These birds suck.



Count Alon: Maybe I should suck their blood.



Or maybe you should all suck.



OH MY GOD WE GET IT



Nerissa: I don't smell Victor's piss, so I guess the night went well.



Ricky: Who puts bricks in a bathroom?



Faith: Damn. Life is not a dream.



Victor: She's right. It's a nightmare.



There's my favourite glassy-eyed serial killer!



And my favourite Don!

Don: Not much competition there, is there?



Yvonne: I hope we get the death penalty.



Faith: Maybe I can get time off for good behaviour.



Cameron: I'm thinking about having Poseidon intervene on my behalf.

Pros: a tidal wave from Bennett Harbour could easily free you.

Cons: everyone dies.

Cameron: Hmm, the math is so close...



Ricky: I'm so proud to be a part of this.



Me too.

Next time: teenagers on trial.

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Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
lumy12
Oct. 29th, 2017 07:29 pm (UTC)
Argh, I got behind again!

Love the title of this chapter! Teehee.

...I only just noticed there's an upside-down staircase in that building, if my eyes don't deceive me?!

How the fuck am I supposed to caption this shit.

I often wonder how you do that, and make it look easy. I know it ain't easy.

Who knew it was so fun to high-five??
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )