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Welcome to the Pine Valley Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates on Friday every week!



Previous Entries: C.1., C.2, C.3, C.4, C.5, C.6, C.7, C.8, C.9, C.10, C.11, C.12, C.13, C.14, C.15, C.16, C.17, C.18, C.19, C.20, C.21, C.22, C.23, C.24, C.25.A, C.25.B, C.26, C.27, C.28, C.29, C.30, C.31, C.32, C.33, C.34, C.35, C.36, C.37, C.38, C.39, C.40, C.41, C.42, C.43, C.44, C.45, C.46, C.47, C.48, C.49, C.50, C.51, C.52, C.53, C.54, C.55, C.56, C.57, C.58, C.59, C.60, C.61, C.62, C.63, C.64, C.65, C.66, C.67, C.68, C.69, C.70, C.71, C.72, C.73, C.74
Interludes: I.1, I.2, I.3

It's on time, that's about all I can say for it.

Last time in the Pine Valley Chronicles...

I'd make a newspaper for this week, but 1) nothing happened last week, 2) this is the second part of that nothing happening, and 3) I don't damn well feel like it, so sue me.




Abigail: Was it all a dream?!

What, the last couple days? Or your entire life?

Abigail: I'll take as much as I can get, thank you.



Abigail: Better get started on that term paper.

You don't even have a real major yet.

Abigail: Better pick one, then. And get started on that term paper.

You're gonna pick a major and start your term paper without even having gone to a single class?

Abigail: Yeah. This way it'll only be ten times better than anything the prof has ever written, instead of... well, let's just say exponents would be involved.



Sid: MY FARTS SMELL LIKE COWS
Leonora: I love you guys. You guys make me look so incredibly hot.



Abigail: But some folks around here don't need any help!

Yeah. And then there's Herb.

Abigail: I can't help it, I'm attracted to everyone, I don't know why, it's kind of terrifying.



Celeste: Goddammit, that's the last time I let a stranger buy me a drink. He stole my kneecaps.



Herb: Take off, Sid, you smell like shit.
Sid: It's piss, actually.
Leonora: Then go walk back there with the cow!
Elle: Hi!



Sid: Maybe I'll just go kill myself then.
Deirdre: Maybe good.



Elle: I'm trying out new gestures. How do you like my new mechanized version of "the shocker"?
Herb: STILL LESS OFFENSIVE THAN THE REAL THING



Herb: Seriously, cow, what the fuck is your problem?
Elle: Bad cow disease?



Abigail: Welp, that's that then.

That's what then?

Abigail: I'm done my term paper!

What? What the hell are you gonna do for the rest of the term?

Abigail: I dunno, screw?



Abigail: Or maybe mop. Something tool-related, anyway.

How is screwing tool-related?

Abigail: Don't get around much, do you?

If I did, you wouldn't exist.



Oh great. Zombie Llamie.



Gabe Chalmers: Can I come in?
Herb: What's the password?
Gabe: Fada soola gor?
Herb: That's three words. And together they mean "kill on sight."



Gabe: Fada soola gor!
Abigail: Why didn't the sentries kill it on sight?



Gabe: Fada soola bron!
Herb: I figured zombies were kinda your thing.
Abigail: And I suppose if a radium beast came in you'd have taken it to see Madame Curie.
Herb: Why not? She was gonna die anyway.



Gabe: Fada vaby oba vaba-
Herb: SHUT UP ALREADY WE GET IT



Gabe: Oh baby. Who's the golden-haired vixen on the pinball machine?

Kana Fuchs.

Gabe: I dunno. You tell me!



Kea: Can you sleep my assignment too? I'm in a hurry.



Kana: Don't look now, but it's about to rain milk.



Elle: How about I get all up ons.
Kana: How about you back up offs.
Gabe: Everybody just calm the fuck downs.



Gabe: Oh, the love that dare not speak its name.

Said name being "furry."



Sid: OOPS I DROPPED MY LEMONADE
Gabe: I CAN'T SEE PAST THIS HALF-WALL SO I'LL HAVE TO TAKE YOUR WORD ON THAT



Gabe: It's nice of them to leave drinks out for visitors.

That is a bottle of zombie cure. It will turn you into dust.

Gabe: These energy drink slogans are ridiculous. Next they'll be claiming to give you wings or something.



Gabe: BRAAAINNNNZ
Leonora: Uh... guys? I think we just accidentally turned a really pale person into a zombie.



Deirdre: Why are you all sitting down?
Chas: We're filling up our action queues with assignments so the zombie can't attack us.
Deirdre: Does that actually work?
Chas: Only if there's some poor sap standing around to take the heat off us.
Deirdre: Well, you're welcome then.



Gabe: Beaaaaannnnzzz...

Oh great. It's a hipster zombie. Well done everyone.



Abigail: You gonna get any of that in your... mask...?



Sid: Okay, so. How do I not fuck this up again?

Just be yourself.

Sid: What? That's what went wrong last time! She'll never go out with me if I just be myself!

Exactly! I thought you were asking me how not to fuck up Abigail.



Abigail: I have decided to give you a second chance, because even though you're kind of stupid and unattractive, you have an acceptable level of genetic diversity.



Sid: Wow... that... that really hits me right there, you know?



Elle: Hitting you right there is something I can totally get behind!



Elle: .oO(In SimSoviet SimRussia, cow eats you.)



Abigail: Oh no... there isn't enough light in here for a Herb garden.



Being asleep is the only defense dormies have against being dead.



Abigail: Isn't anyone else concerned about this?
Elle: What, me worry?



Sid: Okay. Okay. You can do this.
Celeste: No, you can't.
Sid: Get back behind your counter.
Celeste: Not until the cow finishes its shower.



I guess pissing yourself might have an adverse effect on your confidence with girls, eh.



Abigail: Let me out.
Kea: Let me in.
Herb: LET ME SLEEP.



Abigail: So THAT'S why they invented high heels!

I knew there had to be a reason.



Elle: Time to die, Elpheba!



Celeste: WHY DID YOU IMPLY I'M A WITCH IT'S NOT MY FAULT I'M OLD
Elle: I DON'T KNOW I'M SO SORRY FORGIVE ME



Abigail: So if you want to become an evil cow mascot, do you attend Cow College or Clown College?



Kea: Ugh, don't we have a homeowner's association or something? We need to hire a custodian.



Elle: Ugh, how can I rape him if he's always asleep?



Elle: ...more easily?



Elle: Too easily.



Elle: A heifer's gotta have standards.



Elle: This had better not be leather.



Herb: AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGHT TO RAPE OR SOMETHING



Herb: Speaking of -

NO. NO MORE RAPE JOKES.

Herb: ...speaking of things I'm not good enough for...

Oh. Well. Yes.

Sorry.



Herb: Why are you looking at me like that?

I'm not, I'm still looking at how the ceiling doesn't match.

Herb: Oh. I could have sworn you were looking at me with intense sympathy or something.

I can't imagine why.



Elle: Imagine THIS!
Herb: I don't have to, it's all up in my face!



Herb: Why do you do this shit?
Elle: Udder contempt.



Herb: Can't you do something about the cow?

Like what? Fill her pillow with rocks and give her her own journal?



Herb: Forget I said anything.

About what?



Herb: I'm gonna kill the next vegetarian I meet.



Elle: I'm a vegetarian.
Herb: WELL THAT'S JUST PLAIN EFFICIENT THEN



Elle: But I don't mind fried meat!
Abigail: I have no interest at all in this subplot, I'm out.



Abigail: Thought experiment time! I call it "Abigail's Cow." If the narrator is not there to see the cow annoy someone, is it still annoying someone?



Yeah, probably.

Herb: I don't wanna be in a thought experiment with you!



Elle: WELL SCIENCE SAYS FUCK YOU THEN



Elle: And I always do what science tells me!



Elle: See what you made me do? Now you're violating the laws of physics. That's what happens when you mess with science, buddy.



Herb: Alright cow, I've had about enough of your shit.



Elle: How about some belches, then?



Herb: How about that's worse.



Elle: I've got your nose in this pillow case!
Herb: Give it back!
Elle: Please accept these feathers as compensation.



Okay, so if the cow is walking away... why are you following it?

Herb: This is my Ragnarok. I wouldn't wish it on anyone else.



Herb: FANCY MEETING YOU HERE.
Elle: You followed me here.
Herb: DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT.



Herb: I'm out of here, something stinks.
Elle: I got here first. And you're the one that stinks.
Herb: DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT.



Elle: I'll just change the target, then.



Celeste: Cut it out, bitch. I know fifteen ways to cook a cow.



Elle: Know any ways to unbreak a nose?



Celeste: NO.



Celeste: What? What are you looking at?
Kea: I have not the heart to tell you.



Elle: Your pancakes look too dry.



Celeste: THIS IS MUCH BETTER THANK YOU



Elle: SEE THIS RED THING?!
Kea: Yeah?



Elle: THIS RED THING EXPLODES



I never get tired of seeing that.



Kea: This is not how I like girls to make me wet!

That was pretty far to go for a lesbian joke.

Kea: Almost like lesbian jokes aren't good jokes.

Almost, but not quite.



Elle: Where are you going?
Celeste: I'm throwing out your plate.
Elle: Aren't you supposed to... wash them instead?
Celeste: I'm also going to burn the dorm down when you leave.



Celeste: It won't be much of a loss, all things considered.



Elle: Hoof and mouth disease!
Kea: I already ate!



Elle: Is it snowing outside, or is there a stone-cold superfox in the room?!
Leonora: Is this going to end eventually?

God, I hope so. I'm just going through the motions at this point.



Herb: Herb, Herb, Herb of the jungle! Strong as he can be!
Leonora: Watch out for that pee!



Herb: Why? It's mine.



Herb: What?



Leonora: I think I need one of these in my room.





Just keeping my cred up.



Herb: I've had a hard day, baby. You wanna come back to my room and have a hard night, if you know what I mean?
Abigail: By which you mean I'd be sleeping on the floor.
Herb: Well, it's a single bed, and I need my rest.



Kana: I need in there.
Abigail: I got here first, the toilet is mine.
Kana: I don't want the toilet, I want the newspaper.



Kana: I want to see if there's anything in there about limbs clipping through solid objects.



Abigail: STOP INTERACTING WITH ME GODDAMMIT



Abigail: OR AT LEAST STOP BEING SO FUCKING BORING



Kana: That girl seriously needs to have a hard night.



Chas: I'm helping!



Abigail: Well, the landscaping is pretty barren, but at least there's a water feature.



Sid: I wanna put my engine on your track.
Abigail: I get the engine part, but what would the track represent in this case?
Sid: Pretty much anywhere you'll let me put my engine, really. It's university, I'm not picky.



Abigail: Your persistence looks like romance from a distance, Sid. And that's better than most people here can manage.



Sid: I'm the best of a bad lot!



Abigail: I'm gonna hoover the lint off your tweed jacket with my mouth.
Sid: She cares!



Abigail: Call me!
Sid: What? Why? You're right here!



Abigail: I mean call me during my exam. With the answers. I haven't done any studying.
Sid: Will the prof be okay with that?
Abigail: He won't see it, I won't be holding the phone over my breasts.



I don't know how to solve that with those extra addition marks.

Anyway, yeah! That sucked. Next time: adultery. Because it's been a whole two updates since we've had that.

Comments

( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
foulmouthtom
May. 17th, 2013 11:28 pm (UTC)
Too much serenity.
Needs more sex and violence.
gruglysims
May. 18th, 2013 12:01 am (UTC)
No doubt.
foulmouthtom
May. 18th, 2013 12:19 am (UTC)
Sorry,didn't mean to be a negtive fucker, just that two episodes with no sex or death seems odd here.
Still one of the funniest things around.
gruglysims
May. 18th, 2013 05:59 am (UTC)
Trust me, I don't like writing these ones much. Give me adultery and murder any day.
(Deleted comment)
gruglysims
May. 18th, 2013 03:57 pm (UTC)
Stupid Americans, going to other countries and telling them how to do things with their frilly dresses and their little brown dogs.
ink_sec_sims
May. 24th, 2013 02:53 pm (UTC)
And with one misapplication of potion, you now have a zombie furry running around. Good job.

The saga of the cow! Aka the story of mascots who will never ever ever EVER leave. At least yours are amusing.

How you know a dorm is pathetic: Sid, who pees himself and dresses like a professor, is the best choice for possible matings.

"Abigail: I can't help it, I'm attracted to everyone, I don't know why, it's kind of terrifying."

Maybe your vagina sees all the other ones getting all the action and desperately wants to join in the fun? (For a given value of "fun.")
gruglysims
May. 24th, 2013 05:18 pm (UTC)
Zombie furries, zombie furries. Look like furries, EAT YOUR BRAINS.

To a point. It gets tiresome not being able to do anything because you have to follow a cow around like you're its personal Boswell or something.

The Quiet Legacy students are a lot less fail. Then again they're protected from pissing themselves, which is nice.

The only value of "fun"!

Edited at 2013-05-24 05:19 pm (UTC)
ink_sec_sims
May. 25th, 2013 04:16 pm (UTC)
*snrrrk*

Ah, true, true. Maybe you could lock Elle in a room with a fire jet and have a barbeque. Probably get rid of some of the worst of the dormies in the bargain. :P

LOL, well, that's good. No more water features!

XD
gruglysims
May. 25th, 2013 06:24 pm (UTC)
Elle's ultimate fate is somewhat more interesting.
ink_sec_sims
May. 25th, 2013 07:45 pm (UTC)
Oooooh. . .
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )