Welcome to the Pine Valley Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates on Friday every week!
Previous Entries: C.1., C.2, C.3, C.4, C.5, C.6, C.7, C.8, C.9, C.10, C.11, C.12, C.13, C.14, C.15, C.16, C.17, C.18, C.19, C.20, C.21, C.22, C.23, C.24, C.25.A, C.25.B, C.26, C.27, C.28, C.29, C.30, C.31, C.32, C.33, C.34, C.35, C.36, C.37, C.38, C.39, C.40, C.41, C.42, C.43, C.44, C.45, C.46, C.47, C.48, C.49, C.50, C.51, C.52, C.53, C.54, C.55, C.56, C.57, C.58, C.59, C.60, C.61, C.62, C.63, C.64, C.65, C.66, C.67, C.68, C.69, C.70, C.71, C.72, C.73, C.74, C.75, C.76, C.77, C.78, C.79, C.80, C.81, C.82, C.83, C.84, C.85, C.86, C.87, C.88, C.90, C.89, C.91, C.92
Interludes: I.1, I.2, I.3
Well, so much for Tuesdays.
And now, nudity.
Aren't you trapped in Daisy's walls?
Sullivan: Yeah, but the stupid game doesn't know that.
Bradley: Remember Lance, stay away from butlers. They are like bears. They rummage through your trash and molest your children.
Lance: Butlers suck.
Bradley: That's my boy!
Sullivan: Put that down! You're not good enough for it.
Sullivan: I'm surprised you're still so fuckable, after those disgusting little phlegmballs dropped out of your crotch.
Lewis: Man, butlers really do suck!
Lewis: And also this place is a fucking mess.
Those two facts are related, too.
Bradley: This is my Lora impression.
Needs more ass crack.
Sullivan: Do you want me to rub you with things while you're naked?
Lewis: I'm frozen in terror at the very idea!
Sullivan: That's good, I thrive on your fear.
Sullivan: Was it something I said? Was it everything I said?
Lewis: .oO(I want my daddy.)
Sullivan: Oh yeah? Well I don't wanna be a telepath but we can't always get what we want now can we.
Sullivan: Good, you've already got the bed. I'll go pour you some dog food.
You people are so fucking stupid.
Lora: Stupid in love.
Stupid in everything!
Oh, good, are you back to stealing stuff now?
Sullivan: Just hearts.
Sullivan: I meant the little hearts this thing puts out.
Yeah, but that's not what I was uuuuuughing.
Sullivan: Oh, what, did you accidentally see yourself naked or something?
Sullivan: Nothing like a little cold water to shrink the big man down! He chafes so when he's erect.
You should see the other guy.
Bradley: NO I SHOULDN'T
Sullivan: Want a tossed salad? I tossed it myself. With my dick.
Sullivan: He's lucky he left. 'cuz that's not salad dressing on there.
Lora: THESE PICTURES SURE ARE INTERESTING
Bradley: I thought I told you to get rid of Sullivan.
Lora: But that would involve talking to him.
Lora: Dude, move. I want to put this salad in the fridge.
Sullivan: Hey, what a weird coincidence! I want to wipe my dick all over your fridge!
Sullivan: And then make dick food.
It's no crazier than anything else around here.
Lora: He's using up all of our food.
Bradley: And all of my patience, too.
Lewis: To say nothing of my innocence.
Sullivan: Hey, mind if I jump rope in the nude for a bit? I think it might have hilarious consequences for your children. You know, later. When they need therapy.
Bradley: Lora! You're naked!
Sullivan: Lora! You're naked!
Lora: Guys! I live here!
Bradley: Oh, really? That explains why you never leave.
Bradley: And why I never get a bill.
Lora: DO SOMETHING BRADLEY I THINK I'M STARTING TO LIKE HIM
Sullivan: Haha! It looks like I'm tiny, and you're touching my penis!
Lora: What? How can you tell what the journal looks like from over there?
Sullivan: WE'RE IN A JOURNAL?!
Sullivan: I'm afraid you know too much. I am going to have to punch you to death.
I'd like to see you punch a grown woman to death.
Sullivan: I was talking to her baby.
I'm pretty liberal, but I don't think I'm pro-fist, personally.
No matter what it means.
Lora: Bradley! Not in front of Lewis!
Bradley: Oh, I didn't know he was in line! Sorry!
Sullivan: Here, I filled this up with my naked hot tub water. It'll put boils on your chest.
Sullivan: Thanks for the laser pistol, Dark Lord Fridgeman!
That's a TV dinner, from a weird angle.
Sullivan: WELL THEY DIDN'T HAVE TO KNOW THAT
Sullivan: Now I'll have to cook it. Dark Lord Fridgeman is gonna be so displeased.
Sullivan: Especially since there's peas, and he hates peas.
All right-thinking people do.
Even fridge people.
I'm not sure why they keep cooking TV dinners.
I'm not sure I want them to stop, though, so it's fine.
Who knew letting people trapped in another house into your house would be so buggy?!
Sullivan: These people sure are jumpy.
Sullivan: Mind if I come in?
Sullivan: Awesome, that makes it more fun for me.
Bradley: You've scarred my children and eaten all my food, Sullivan. Goodnight.
Sullivan: I'm not leaving until I've scarred all your food and eaten all your children, Bradley. Good times!
Sullivan and Bradley: OH GOD A DICK
Sullivan: I'm not! I'm hamburglaring!
Bradley: What's going on here? Something set off my hamburglar alarm!
Sullivan: I reached all the way across the room, and I took your hamburger.
Bradley: NO MORE HAMBURGER JOKES
Sullivan: Because dick attacks are better?
Thank god for the discretion cloud.
Lance: I care enough to sit up but I don't care enough to wake up.
Sullivan: Man, are you ever out of shape! You need to start raping people in the park, it really gets your abs toned.
Sullivan: I claim this baby poop as my spoils of victory.
Lance: Aw man, what's he doing with my poop? Did he claim it as spoils of victory or something?
Bradley: Look. Sullivan. Can you just get the fuck out of here already?
Sullivan: Well of course I can! All you had to do was ask!
Sullivan: I didn't realize he wanted to use the bathroom.
Sullivan: Hmm. Tempting, but you know what they say... "bet you can't molest just one." And I'm sure some prude would call the cops.
Sullivan: I guess I'll just wipe my ass on this chair instead.
Bradley: I hope he's not bothering Lora.
No, apparently he's hot and bothering Lora.
Sullivan: PUT SOME CLOTHES ON YOU'RE HIDEOUS
Bradley: Here's a hundred bucks. Get the hell out of my house.
Sullivan: I accept the hundred bucks! That other thing I've already forgotten, though, not so much.
Bradley: Why are you acting so strangely? I mean, you're usually all creepy and rapey and shit, but this is like you're having a mental breakdown or something.
Sullivan: Or like somebody's got me trapped in a secret room in their house, and they've drugged me and sent me over here to wreak havoc on you before locking me back in.
Bradley: Look, if you're not going to take this seriously, I don't even care.
Bradley: At least stop following my wife around! It's like you're trying to steal her hair or something.
Sullivan: Her diary, actually. Did you know she calls you "Wyatt Derp"?
Lora: Remember how we were locked in a basement by a serial killer?
Lora: And half of us died? Maybe that's what's happening to Sullivan!
Bradley: It's like there's this big bag of urine floating over the valley, and it keeps springing leaks.
Sullivan: Speaking of leaks. Heheheheheh.
Lewis: I love you, Teddy! Because you can't see how ugly I am.
Lance: I hate you, Teddy! Because AI was a shitty shitty movie.
Lance: And also because you can't protect me from the pedophile.
Lance: I need a hug, Lewis. But nothing gay.
Lewis: I love you, Lance.
Lance: Nothing gay! Nothing gay!
Lewis: ...did you just piss yourself?!
Lewis: It's all over my hands!
Lance: You're welcome!
Lewis: For lack of a better word.
Lance: Hahaha these don't have gross dangly bits!
Lewis: I like them better than mommy and daddy and scary!
Why are you thinking about the stairs?
Lewis: I'm not! I'm thinking about the first one. All the others are a purely academic concern if I can't climb it.
Lewis: Let me in! We need to sleep together. For safety.
Lewis: It's still out there.
Mayhew: Now it's in here!
Great, two pedophiles are totally better than one.
Bradley: I just want to kiss you, in case this new butler is worse and I don't get the chance again.
Daisy: Yeah baby! What do you want to hear?
Andrea: .oO(It doesn't matter, you've already blown my eardrums out. I'm like two you crazy bitch.)
Sullivan: Do you realize how serious this is? My suit is dry clean only! Although they do usually manage to get the blood stains out so maybe it'll be okay.
Sam: Hmm. I'll have to check under there for a spare key later.
Sullivan: I wonder if you can eat stink?
Sam: I'm making a bowl of Felk and Sulfla.
Daisy: I love Felk and Sulfla!
Uh-oh. If you've maxed creativity, you're way overqualified for DJing now!
Sam: It doesn't feel right, this place.
In what sense?
Sam: It doesn't feel like it needs a butler. I mean, you have an entrance hall, with a wide sweeping stone staircase? Butler. You have a basement with a hookah and a DJ booth? Bouncer. It's not difficult.
Bradley: Hey! I'm sneaking! Move the camera so I'm hidden by that post.
Sam: If you're going to take something, how about you take this bag of garbage.
Sam: Or how about you get the fuck out of my way.
Bradley: Sullivan Kearney is a bastard!
Sam: That's no way to talk about my father!
Sam Kearney: My father is a rapist and a thief and a mass-murderer and a baby-eater, but my grandparents were married!
Bradley: ...who are you addressing?
Sam: The camera. Has it moved?
Sullivan: Yes. It has. And so have my bowels.
Sam: This whole house smells like my dad's piss.
And how, though I will surely regret asking this, do you know what your dad's piss smells like?
Sam: Dad believed in baby bottles, but he didn't believe in milk.
Sullivan: I wondered where all that piss I was storing up went!
What were you storing it up for?
Sullivan: I lived through the Depression, you wouldn't understand.
Sam: What should I do with this thing?
Sam: Doctor Spock be damned.
Sullivan: I never got that red transparent toilet I wanted :(
Now you'll be dreaming about it all night.
Daisy: Go home, Sam.
Daisy: So you don't notice when your dad dies.
Sam: Makes sense!
Sam: What are you doing? I wasn't done waving yet.
I've run out of creative variations on "sultry."
Actually, I ran out quite a while ago, but don't tell me that. My ego is fragile.
Daisy: Got my death phone, got my concrete, life's pretty full.
That's... actually pretty tempting.
Sullivan: No... no... I don't want...
Sullivan: ...piss butler omelettes...
Sullivan: ...what am I saying? Of course I do! What a stupid dream.
Daisy: Hey Poppy. You there?
Poppy: No, I'm actually in the next room now, because the game is bugged. But let's pretend.
Sullivan: I just had the worst dream!
Sullivan: There were weird seams in my puddles of piss!
Sullivan: ...fucking Christ, this game.
Sullivan: FIX IT.
Shouldn't you be putting that closer to your lips?
Daisy: Nah, I want some of it to reach the baby. Stoned baby! Instant YouTube sensation, bitches.
Daisy: Alright, you're almost two, time for your first stairway jump-rope lesson.
I hate to tell you this, Sully, but I think that ship might have sailed.
Sullivan: There were so many more terrible things I wanted to allude to having done!
Sullivan: I've done things you FUCKERS can't even IMAGINE!
Sullivan: Set orphans on fire off the side of the road!
Sullivan: I watched seawater glisten on the bodies of drowned prostitutes!
Sullivan: All those... atrocities... will be lost in time, like...
Sullivan: Butlers... in...
The Grim Reaper: Time to die. FUCKER!
Now mix it all together and drink it! He would've wanted it that way.
Daisy: Ugh. The world just got a little bit brighter, and it's all my fault.
You do look pretty sad.
Daisy: I'm so sad, my vagina is missing!
Daisy: FIX IT.
Daisy: Wait, no. I got this!
Daisy: Coverups! If it's good enough for the government, it's good enough for me!
Elle: Hi Mr. Kearney! How are you today?
Sam: My dad just died.
Elle: That's great! He was terrible.
Sullivan: And I'll be terrible again.
Sam: I'll dump this on the berber, dad would've wanted it that way.
No, your dad would've wanted you to rub it on the berber.
You're a terrible son, Sam.
Next time: a very long story about prostitution.
I'm surprised we haven't done that before, honestly.
- Current Mood:unfettered