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Welcome to the Pine Valley Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates on Friday every week!



Previous Entries: C.1., C.2, C.3, C.4, C.5, C.6, C.7, C.8, C.9, C.10, C.11, C.12, C.13, C.14, C.15, C.16, C.17, C.18, C.19, C.20, C.21, C.22, C.23, C.24, C.25.A, C.25.B, C.26, C.27, C.28, C.29, C.30, C.31, C.32, C.33, C.34, C.35, C.36, C.37, C.38, C.39, C.40, C.41, C.42, C.43, C.44, C.45, C.46, C.47, C.48, C.49, C.50, C.51, C.52, C.53, C.54, C.55, C.56, C.57, C.58, C.59, C.60, C.61, C.62, C.63, C.64, C.65, C.66, C.67, C.68, C.69, C.70, C.71, C.72, C.73, C.74, C.75, C.76, C.77, C.78, C.79, C.80, C.81, C.82, C.83, C.84, C.85, C.86, C.87, C.88, C.90, C.89, C.91, C.92
Interludes: I.1, I.2, I.3

Well, so much for Tuesdays.

And now, nudity.




Aren't you trapped in Daisy's walls?

Sullivan: Yeah, but the stupid game doesn't know that.



Bradley: Remember Lance, stay away from butlers. They are like bears. They rummage through your trash and molest your children.



Lance: Butlers suck.



Bradley: That's my boy!



Sullivan: Put that down! You're not good enough for it.



Sullivan: I'm surprised you're still so fuckable, after those disgusting little phlegmballs dropped out of your crotch.



Lewis: Man, butlers really do suck!



Lewis: And also this place is a fucking mess.

Those two facts are related, too.



Bradley: This is my Lora impression.

Needs more ass crack.



Sullivan: Do you want me to rub you with things while you're naked?
Lewis: I'm frozen in terror at the very idea!



Sullivan: That's good, I thrive on your fear.



Sullivan: Was it something I said? Was it everything I said?



Lewis: .oO(I want my daddy.)
Sullivan: Oh yeah? Well I don't wanna be a telepath but we can't always get what we want now can we.



Sullivan: Good, you've already got the bed. I'll go pour you some dog food.



You people are so fucking stupid.



Lora: Stupid in love.

Stupid in everything!



Oh, good, are you back to stealing stuff now?



Sullivan: Just hearts.

Uuuuuugh.

Sullivan: I meant the little hearts this thing puts out.

Yeah, but that's not what I was uuuuuughing.



Sullivan: Oh, what, did you accidentally see yourself naked or something?



Sullivan: Nothing like a little cold water to shrink the big man down! He chafes so when he's erect.

:'(



You should see the other guy.



Bradley: NO I SHOULDN'T



Sullivan: Want a tossed salad? I tossed it myself. With my dick.



Sullivan: He's lucky he left. 'cuz that's not salad dressing on there.



Lora: THESE PICTURES SURE ARE INTERESTING
Bradley: I thought I told you to get rid of Sullivan.
Lora: But that would involve talking to him.



Lora: Dude, move. I want to put this salad in the fridge.
Sullivan: Hey, what a weird coincidence! I want to wipe my dick all over your fridge!



Sullivan: And then make dick food.



It's no crazier than anything else around here.



Lora: He's using up all of our food.
Bradley: And all of my patience, too.



Lewis: To say nothing of my innocence.



Sullivan: Hey, mind if I jump rope in the nude for a bit? I think it might have hilarious consequences for your children. You know, later. When they need therapy.



Bradley: Lora! You're naked!
Sullivan: Lora! You're naked!
Lora: Guys! I live here!



Bradley: Oh, really? That explains why you never leave.

Yeah.

Bradley: And why I never get a bill.

Yeah.



Lora: DO SOMETHING BRADLEY I THINK I'M STARTING TO LIKE HIM



Sullivan: Haha! It looks like I'm tiny, and you're touching my penis!
Lora: What? How can you tell what the journal looks like from over there?



Sullivan: WE'RE IN A JOURNAL?!



Sullivan: I'm afraid you know too much. I am going to have to punch you to death.

I'd like to see you punch a grown woman to death.

Sullivan: I was talking to her baby.

Oh.

I'm pretty liberal, but I don't think I'm pro-fist, personally.

No matter what it means.



Lora: Bradley! Not in front of Lewis!
Bradley: Oh, I didn't know he was in line! Sorry!



Sullivan: Here, I filled this up with my naked hot tub water. It'll put boils on your chest.



Sullivan: Thanks for the laser pistol, Dark Lord Fridgeman!

That's a TV dinner, from a weird angle.

Sullivan: WELL THEY DIDN'T HAVE TO KNOW THAT



Sullivan: Now I'll have to cook it. Dark Lord Fridgeman is gonna be so displeased.



Sullivan: Especially since there's peas, and he hates peas.

All right-thinking people do.

Even fridge people.



I'm not sure why they keep cooking TV dinners.

I'm not sure I want them to stop, though, so it's fine.



"Dismiss NANNY"?!

Who knew letting people trapped in another house into your house would be so buggy?!







Sullivan: These people sure are jumpy.



Sullivan: Mind if I come in?
Bradley: Yes.
Sullivan: Awesome, that makes it more fun for me.



Bradley: You've scarred my children and eaten all my food, Sullivan. Goodnight.



Sullivan: I'm not leaving until I've scarred all your food and eaten all your children, Bradley. Good times!



Sullivan and Bradley: OH GOD A DICK



STOP HAMBURGERING

Sullivan: I'm not! I'm hamburglaring!



Bradley: What's going on here? Something set off my hamburglar alarm!



Sullivan: I reached all the way across the room, and I took your hamburger.



Bradley: NO MORE HAMBURGER JOKES
Sullivan: Because dick attacks are better?



Thank god for the discretion cloud.



Lance: I care enough to sit up but I don't care enough to wake up.



Sullivan: Man, are you ever out of shape! You need to start raping people in the park, it really gets your abs toned.



Sullivan: I claim this baby poop as my spoils of victory.



Lance: Aw man, what's he doing with my poop? Did he claim it as spoils of victory or something?



Bradley: Look. Sullivan. Can you just get the fuck out of here already?
Sullivan: Well of course I can! All you had to do was ask!



Sullivan: I didn't realize he wanted to use the bathroom.



Sullivan: Hmm. Tempting, but you know what they say... "bet you can't molest just one." And I'm sure some prude would call the cops.



Sullivan: I guess I'll just wipe my ass on this chair instead.



Bradley: I hope he's not bothering Lora.



No, apparently he's hot and bothering Lora.

Sullivan: PUT SOME CLOTHES ON YOU'RE HIDEOUS



Bradley: Here's a hundred bucks. Get the hell out of my house.



Sullivan: I accept the hundred bucks! That other thing I've already forgotten, though, not so much.



Bradley: Why are you acting so strangely? I mean, you're usually all creepy and rapey and shit, but this is like you're having a mental breakdown or something.
Sullivan: Or like somebody's got me trapped in a secret room in their house, and they've drugged me and sent me over here to wreak havoc on you before locking me back in.
Bradley: Look, if you're not going to take this seriously, I don't even care.



Bradley: At least stop following my wife around! It's like you're trying to steal her hair or something.



Sullivan: Her diary, actually. Did you know she calls you "Wyatt Derp"?



Lora: Remember how we were locked in a basement by a serial killer?



Lora: And half of us died? Maybe that's what's happening to Sullivan!



Bradley: Good.



Bradley: It's like there's this big bag of urine floating over the valley, and it keeps springing leaks.



Sullivan: Speaking of leaks. Heheheheheh.



Lewis: I love you, Teddy! Because you can't see how ugly I am.



Lance: I hate you, Teddy! Because AI was a shitty shitty movie.



Lance: And also because you can't protect me from the pedophile.



Lance: I need a hug, Lewis. But nothing gay.



Lewis: I love you, Lance.
Lance: Nothing gay! Nothing gay!



Lewis: ...did you just piss yourself?!



Lewis: It's all over my hands!
Lance: You're welcome!



Lance: Friendship!
Lewis: For lack of a better word.



Lance: Hahaha these don't have gross dangly bits!
Lewis: I like them better than mommy and daddy and scary!



Why are you thinking about the stairs?

Lewis: I'm not! I'm thinking about the first one. All the others are a purely academic concern if I can't climb it.



Lewis: Let me in! We need to sleep together. For safety.



Lewis: It's still out there.



Mayhew: Now it's in here!

Great, two pedophiles are totally better than one.



Bradley: I just want to kiss you, in case this new butler is worse and I don't get the chance again.



Daisy: Yeah baby! What do you want to hear?
Andrea: .oO(It doesn't matter, you've already blown my eardrums out. I'm like two you crazy bitch.)



Sullivan: Do you realize how serious this is? My suit is dry clean only! Although they do usually manage to get the blood stains out so maybe it'll be okay.



Sam: Hmm. I'll have to check under there for a spare key later.



Sullivan: I wonder if you can eat stink?



Sam: I'm making a bowl of Felk and Sulfla.



Daisy: I love Felk and Sulfla!



Uh-oh. If you've maxed creativity, you're way overqualified for DJing now!



Sam: It doesn't feel right, this place.

In what sense?

Sam: It doesn't feel like it needs a butler. I mean, you have an entrance hall, with a wide sweeping stone staircase? Butler. You have a basement with a hookah and a DJ booth? Bouncer. It's not difficult.



Bradley: Hey! I'm sneaking! Move the camera so I'm hidden by that post.



Sam: If you're going to take something, how about you take this bag of garbage.



Sam: Or how about you get the fuck out of my way.



Bradley: Sullivan Kearney is a bastard!



Sam: That's no way to talk about my father!

Your... what?



Sam Kearney: My father is a rapist and a thief and a mass-murderer and a baby-eater, but my grandparents were married!



Bradley: ...who are you addressing?
Sam: The camera. Has it moved?



Sullivan: Yes. It has. And so have my bowels.



Sam: This whole house smells like my dad's piss.

And how, though I will surely regret asking this, do you know what your dad's piss smells like?

Sam: Dad believed in baby bottles, but he didn't believe in milk.



Sullivan: I wondered where all that piss I was storing up went!

What were you storing it up for?

Sullivan: I lived through the Depression, you wouldn't understand.



Sam: What should I do with this thing?
Daisy: Whatever.



Sam: Okay.

-clunk-



Sam: Doctor Spock be damned.



Sullivan: I never got that red transparent toilet I wanted :(



Now you'll be dreaming about it all night.



Daisy: Go home, Sam.
Sam: Why?
Daisy: So you don't notice when your dad dies.



Sam: Makes sense!



Sam: What are you doing? I wasn't done waving yet.



I've run out of creative variations on "sultry."

Actually, I ran out quite a while ago, but don't tell me that. My ego is fragile.



Daisy: Got my death phone, got my concrete, life's pretty full.



That's... actually pretty tempting.



Hmm.



Sullivan: No... no... I don't want...



Sullivan: ...piss butler omelettes...



Sullivan: ...what am I saying? Of course I do! What a stupid dream.



Daisy: Hey Poppy. You there?



Poppy: No, I'm actually in the next room now, because the game is bugged. But let's pretend.



Sullivan: I just had the worst dream!

What about?

Sullivan: There were weird seams in my puddles of piss!



Sullivan: ...fucking Christ, this game.



Sullivan: FIX IT.



Shouldn't you be putting that closer to your lips?

Daisy: Nah, I want some of it to reach the baby. Stoned baby! Instant YouTube sensation, bitches.



Daisy: Alright, you're almost two, time for your first stairway jump-rope lesson.



I hate to tell you this, Sully, but I think that ship might have sailed.



Sullivan: There were so many more terrible things I wanted to allude to having done!



Sullivan: I've done things you FUCKERS can't even IMAGINE!



Sullivan: Set orphans on fire off the side of the road!



Sullivan: I watched seawater glisten on the bodies of drowned prostitutes!



Sullivan: All those... atrocities... will be lost in time, like...



Sullivan: Butlers... in...



Sullivan: ...piss.



The Grim Reaper: Time to die. FUCKER!



Now mix it all together and drink it! He would've wanted it that way.



Daisy: Ugh. The world just got a little bit brighter, and it's all my fault.



You do look pretty sad.

Daisy: I'm so sad, my vagina is missing!



Daisy: FIX IT.



Daisy: Wait, no. I got this!



Daisy: Coverups! If it's good enough for the government, it's good enough for me!



Elle: Hi Mr. Kearney! How are you today?
Sam: My dad just died.
Elle: That's great! He was terrible.



Sullivan: And I'll be terrible again.

Yeah, probably.





Are you?

That's great.



Sam: I'll dump this on the berber, dad would've wanted it that way.

No, your dad would've wanted you to rub it on the berber.

You're a terrible son, Sam.

Next time: a very long story about prostitution.

I'm surprised we haven't done that before, honestly.

Comments

( 19 comments — Leave a comment )
simlili
Sep. 12th, 2013 09:24 pm (UTC)
Oh, Sullivan!
But Sullivan makes the best updates (see above), how could you kill Sullivan.
His son seems to have potential too, but there's only one Sullivan!
gruglysims
Sep. 12th, 2013 09:51 pm (UTC)
I wouldn't worry too much.
simlili
Sep. 12th, 2013 10:11 pm (UTC)
'knew it :D
foulmouthtom
Sep. 13th, 2013 12:54 am (UTC)
Alas poor Tuesdays, etc etc.
You really need to adjust your butler setting to not evil
I am never eating a salad again ever.
Sullivans death speech was truly epic.Son of Sullivan has big shoes to fill.
I look forward to the prostitution.(All sims are whores anyway).
gruglysims
Sep. 27th, 2013 06:47 pm (UTC)
I can't do faux-Shakespeare right now. Consider yourself lucky.

But why would I want to?

I wasn't planning on it anyway. Fucking lettuce. Why you gotta be so nothing?

Big shoes, full of urine.

Mine are doublepluswhores.
ink_sec_sims
Sep. 13th, 2013 02:22 am (UTC)
. . . Son of Sullivan. Not something I would have expected. On the other hand, Sam's already been outshined by Mayhew, so he'd better get to the evil and horrible quick.

Gotta say, though, couldn't have asked for a better update for Sullivan to go out on. My mouth hurts a little from smiling and giggling so much. XD Which may make me a horrible person, buuuut. . .

Pine Valley: Where it's weirder to see an adult FULLY CLOTHED.
gruglysims
Sep. 27th, 2013 06:49 pm (UTC)
Sam's more of a boring, useless kind of evil. Kinda like the Canadian government.

Always happy to make your body hurt.

Yeah, 'cuz it's not like I spent hours downloading all those clothes they never wear...
ink_sec_sims
Sep. 29th, 2013 06:22 pm (UTC)
Clearly he's a plant from the Quiet Legacy.

XD

The life of your average Sims player: "I'm going to download ALL this stuff!" *never used*
gruglysims
Sep. 30th, 2013 12:31 am (UTC)
There are entire Stuff Packs which fit that description for me.
ink_sec_sims
Sep. 30th, 2013 12:42 am (UTC)
LOL -- I never bought any of the Stuff Packs. The only one I was even tempted to at one point was the holiday one, but I'd already gotten the Christmas tree and lights, and I found Halloween signs somewhere else, so. . .
gruglysims
Oct. 4th, 2013 07:10 am (UTC)
ink_sec_sims
Oct. 5th, 2013 01:03 am (UTC)
So you pretty much collected the whole set? Ah, sweet EAxis slavery. . .
gruglysims
Oct. 11th, 2013 06:15 am (UTC)
Not even "pretty much." That's the whole goddamn shebang there. God help me.
ink_sec_sims
Oct. 11th, 2013 05:03 pm (UTC)
*patpatpat*
(Deleted comment)
gruglysims
Sep. 27th, 2013 06:44 pm (UTC)
Sullivan is one of the few things the game generated without my input that I unambiguously approve of. Well, his ass maybe not so much, but the rest of him is great.

It's awesome, that's what it is.

I would love to see Sullivan in the maid outfit. I might need to make that happen now.

She's gonna kill him anyway, so big deal.

Isn't it?
ndyrbirdcansing
Sep. 21st, 2013 06:38 am (UTC)
I feel like you ripped my heart out of my chest by killing Sullivan! Sure, he's all "creepy & rapey," & he'll probably be back from the dead by next week...BUT STILL. :'(

& also, "I'm a clam wrangler"?..I...what? lol.
gruglysims
Sep. 27th, 2013 06:41 pm (UTC)
What, you didn't think they wrangled themselves, did you?
porkwithbones
Jul. 2nd, 2015 03:32 am (UTC)
"I'm a Clam Wrangler." I thought that was your sister.
gruglysims
Jul. 2nd, 2015 05:16 am (UTC)
!

That's a much better caption.

STOP IT.
( 19 comments — Leave a comment )