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The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 109


Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates on Friday every week, and sometimes on Tuesdays!



Previous Updates
Pine Valley:
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25A, 25B, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100.
Clover County: 101, 102, 103, 104, 105, 106, 107, 108.
Interludes: 1, 2, 3.
Recaps: 1.

Yup. Tuesday.

Get used to it.

A bit.




Checking in with Mother again?

Cameron: It beats sitting around staring at the yellow wallpaper.



Roger: You know, it's a federal offense to interfere with the mail.
Daisy: I was just going to interfere with their lives.
Roger: Oh, that's okay then.



Cameron: So yeah, I hear they're still agitating to have us ex-zombies tried as war criminals. I can count on you to represent me, right?
Ember: That depends on whether or not I think I can win. Mommy's got a career to think about, after all!



Andrew: My wife, the convict! Hot.



Daisy: I'll pay you both to kill yourselves!
Kent: How would we benefit from that?
Caryl: If we're dead, yeah?
Daisy: You're too stupid to worry about that.
Kent: Oh! Right.



Daisy: Hey y'all! The door was locked, so I thought I'd come in.



Andrew: So... um... how's that baby? That you had? Which I am not the father of?
Daisy: You need to talk to your mother-in-law, buddy, those were some awful leading questions.



Daisy: Anyway, calm down. I'm not gonna tell her you gave me carpet burns.
Andrew: What about all the other people I gave carpet burns to?



Amin: Some of them got pregnant, too.



Amin: I hope we don't get an entire neighbourhood of Murphys again.

Good luck with that.



At least they don't tend to live long.

For some reason.



Emerson: .oO(I'm screwed.)



Andrew: You wanna get screwed too, Cam?
Cameron: Dammit! I was sure this fuzzy sweater would disguise my breasts better.



Andrew: HI EMBER YOUR GRANDKIDS ARE AWESOME
Ember: Do you mean ugly?
Andrew: Sort of, yeah.



Cameron: Why are you here?
Daisy: I wanted to thank you for saving my life from those zombies.
Cameron: To make it look less like you staged the whole thing to get me infected?
Daisy: Does your insurance company know you're so perceptive? Because your premiums might go up.



Cameron: You're not going to kill me in broad daylight in the middle of the street.
Daisy: You wouldn't say that if you really knew me.



Daisy: Anyway, I promise I'll visit you in jail.



Cameron: Maybe we'll be cellmates.



Cameron: Don't you have a job or something?
Andrew: I'm working the graveyard shift.
Cameron: Can't you get anything better? You must have seniority by now.
Andrew: I'm a mad scientist, though. Every shift is the graveyard shift. That's where we get the parts.



Andrew: Heh... I remember when we used to do stuff.

Yeah, this is much better, isn't it.



Cameron: Yeah.



BIRT DAYZ OMG



Kent: Does that mean no more of this? Because that would be pretty much alright.



Kent: I'm rubbing this all over you.
Amin: Fine, I'll kill you later.



Melanie: How did I get here?!

My theory is you're always here.

Biding your time.

Melanie: Biding my time for what?

I dunno. A storyline?



Amin: Pff, good luck. We've been waiting for ages.



Cameron: Come on, Angelica! Blow!
Angelica: Why waste the effort? I know you'll pick up the slack.



Andrew: Dammit Nathaniel! Put your belly into it!
Nathaniel: Mommy says not to roll around in fire!
Andrew: And Daddy says understand metaphors.



Melanie: And Melanie says don't point your telescope at my house even though you didn't and it's impossible.
Amin: That definitely needed some metaphors in it!



Amin: And a shotgun to back it up.



Cameron: Hey kids, look! It's Zombie Queen Melanie Lillard!



Melanie: ONE BULLSHIT AT A TIME PLEASE



Angelica: My bullshit first, Zombie Queen Melanie Lillard!



Amin: I hate Zombie Queen Melanie Lillard!



Kent: I hate life.



Wow... you actually aged up normal!

Your clothes are alright and everything!

Must be because you're ugly.



Cameron: And you're ugly too! You're ugly too!
Angelica: Can we go back to "coochie coochie coo"? It was somehow less offensive.



Cameron: Then hurry up, bitch, we haven't got all day.



Nathaniel: Who's taking care of Emerson?
Angelica: Who cares?



Angelica: THIS HOUSE IS MINE NOW



Cameron: Oh god, it's the worst of both worlds.



Nathaniel: I'm not that bad.

Just stand next to your sister a lot, and that will become the general consensus.



Angelica: I'm just unique.

And you'll stay that way. Because nobody's gonna help you pass on those genes.



Nathaniel: We're gonna kill the butler!
Angelica: He has to die for his crimes!
Kent: I can't really argue.



Angelica: We made him into clothes!
Nathaniel: And glasses!
Angelica: That was the hard part.



Nathaniel: Aren't we adorable?

Fifty years plus... good god. I don't think I'll make it.



Angelica: AREN'T WE ADORABLE



As long as they think so, it's fine.



Getting the grand floor tour, huh?

Emerson: .oO(At least I get to travel a lot for my age.)



Nathaniel: CALL THE NATIONAL GUARD



Nathaniel: AND FEMA



Nathaniel: I burned my muffin.
Angelica: My lobster thermidor needs more butter.



Nathaniel: Fatass.



Kent: Apologize to your sister, Nathaniel.
Nathaniel: I'm sorry we didn't really kill the butler, Ange!
Kent: Good boy.



Pierce: Hey kid, wanna see a-
Nathaniel: My flamingo tells me never to talk to strangers.
Pierce: What if a stranger told you never to talk to flamingos?
Nathaniel: My flamingo tells me I'd have to kill them.



Amin: How's about you give the kids to me, and I don't tell your bosses what a tool you are?
Kent: Look, I didn't ask to be a baby travel agent.
Amin: You're not a baby travel agent!
Kent: That's what I said! But that little bastard, he's got me all confused.



Look! I put some effort in!

Now I can slack off for a few more decades.



Nathaniel: DID I GET EFFORT TOO?!

Kent: Probably not. Your parents spent it all debating whether or not to abort you.



Kent: They decided in favour of it, but the procedure didn't take.



Nathaniel: He is gonna die, right?

Yeah, I think so. I'm not sure what of, though.

Nathaniel: Good! I can dream, then.



Amin: This sugared sponge is okay.



This is what I do with my real house, too.





Cameron: We never really talk any more.



Cameron: Isn't that great?!



He's dreaming about thicker walls.



Andrew: I think you woke the kids up.
Cameron: What can I say? You really know how to work that mechanical hand.



Andrew: She really needs to get checked out, I'm still pissing out embalming fluid afterwards.



Andrew: Sleep tight, honey! Daddy loves you. And probably mommy too, but who knows. Bitches.



Angelica: ...close your flap a bit more. Good god.



Andrew: Sleep tight, little-
Nathaniel: I DON'T WANNA SEE YOUR JUNK



Andrew: THAT'S NOT WHAT YOUR MOM SAID



Let's not put too much stock in whatever that person says, though.



Andrew: I wish she'd wear the wetsuit to bed, but she's really opposed to cutting a slit in it for some reason.



Elle: Hey kid! Walking to school?
Angelica: Nope! Generating a bus with my mind.



Angelica: Heheh. Knowledge of schedules is power.



Nathaniel: What's knowledge of toy cars?

Unless you're a regular on Pawn Stars, nothing.



Stephen: If anyone asks, they were doing this when I got here.



...I thought you became a cop?

Ally: I'm undercover as a cheerleader.

But you were a cheerleader. Before.

Ally: It's a very good cover.



Jerry: DON'T YOU BELIEVE IT



So yeah, the stupid fucking house bugged out.

Yay for backups.

There are a few weird consequences, though.



Like Ally's second collegehood.



The fridge door being stuck open.



And apparently that gate being naked.



There's three babies, Ember.

Ember: So? They've both got two arms.



Stephen: DON'T LOOK, XAVIER



Basement nursery!

Because fuck good camera control.



Isn't it great that you don't have to breast feed?

Ember: Thank god for the ESRB.



Stephen: I dunno, I'd like to try it at least once.



Ember: Your persistent and ever-increasing weirdness never ceases to excite me.



Ember: Same goes for you! Only the exact opposite.



So apparently we're the mafia now.



Ally: SO APPARENTLY I'M A MAFIA MAID NOW



Gerald: HAVE YOU NO DECENCY



Gerald: ...what the fuck did I do that for?

Search me.



Ugh.

Don't search me.



Ally: Search me!
Gerald: But I can only search your mouth this way!
Ally: Keep searching until you find my tongue!
Gerald: I found it! It's in my esophagus!



God. Can you not feel the waves of don't-care I'm sending your way?



Ally: I think it would be a good idea if you move in with us, Gerald.

WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU



Gerald: More like, what are you planning to do to me?

EVERYTHING.

All at once.



Ally: Wanna fool around? That tasteful nude outside has me really turned on.



STOPIT



Ally: So, this is our basement. We live here.
Gerald: All of you?
Ally: No, I mean, you and I. And the kids. Who we look after.
Gerald: You mean I'm moving into my own house to remain a fucking maid?!
Ally: Not exactly! You're more of a live-in butler now.



Gerald: I'm gonna be one of the serial killer ones, not one of the Batman ones.



Ally: Dear Diary, what have I done?



Ally: Oh god he's nothing at all

Yeah, were you drunk or something?



Gerald: People too often underestimate the life-changing attributes of roofies.



Gerald: Although this whole "still a manslave" thing is kinda getting me down.

Look on the bright side! You won't live long.



Ally: OR PROSPER.



Ebony and ivory!

Is a moronic metaphor.



Wren: .oO(Yeah, fuck that black kid.)

No! I mean, well, yes, but not because he's black.

Because he's Maxis.



Gerald: I'm guessing this is a nudist house. That's the only acceptable reason for there being a nude picture of my fiancé on the wall.



Ally: What are you, a gate or something?!



What are you doing? You're not a Family Sim!

Ember: I've had just about enough of this caste system bullshit.

ROMANCE SIMS CAN'T DO WHAT YOU'RE DOING

Ember: Fine, the game's bugged. Happy?



Ember: WELL HELLLOOOO THERE BIG BOY



Ember: Well helloooo there... medium-sized boy.
Gerald: The air conditioning's on too high.



Gerald: And I'm small boned.



Gerald: And I'm going to have sex with you.



Gerald: We've decided we're exhibitionists now.
Ember: Be sure to tell them that, at the homeless shelter.



Gerald: Fascist.



Stephen: I wouldn't have let the eye candy live with us if I knew it was gonna bring manjunk with it.



Ally: Just because I wear a French maid outfit doesn't make me eye candy!

Sure it does.

Ally: WELL IT'S RUDE TO POINT IT OUT



Gerald: Just so we're clear, once I marry her, you can't have sex with her.



Stephen: No worries! Cheating's totally not my thing.
Gerald: Except now that we're talking about cheating, you're glowing. Like it's your One True Hobby.



Stephen: Nah, my One True Hobby is art. The glow just comes from being really proficient.
Gerald: Well I guess that's okay then.



Ember: I'm out. Let me know when I care.



Stephen: If I catch the bouquet, I get first dibs on the bride.



Ember: My contract stipulates that nobody gets hot kisses but me.



Sorry guys. A contract's a contract.



Stephen: They sure do seem to be in love.
Ember: I'm sure there's something we can do about that.



Gerald: I'm game!
Ally: I've killed men in my sleep.
Gerald: I'm game, when she's at work.



Ally: Stop by while I'm at work, okay, Stephen?
Stephen: I think I've seen this porn movie.



Gerald: I would never cheat on my wife! As far as she knows.
Stephen: I believe him! She looks really hot in his speech balloon.
Ally: I think he makes me look tacky.



Ember: Live a little, boy! A ring ain't no thing.



Ember: Take Stephen and I for example. We've been together since well into his first marriage.
Stephen: I wonder why Abigail never disintegrated you?
Ember: It wouldn't work. None of my atoms can bear to be separated from me. I'm just that awesome.



Stephen: Preaching to the choir, baby.



Stephen: Hey, wanna make arbitrary distinctions between disconnected phenomena?



Ember: As long as we can do it uncomfortably!



Gerald: This is truly where I belong!



Gerald: ...on this filthy mattress.



Ember: I assume the filthiness was your contribution?
Stephen: Damn straight! They sell the stupid things clean!



Gerald: Luckily I make all my pajamas out of used bathroom rags.



Ember: Uh-oh! Looks like nobody touched this nothing!





Ember: AND GYPSIES TOUCH OUR NUDIE PICS



Ember: The modern world is so complicated.



Ember: So I'm gonna give my womrats cancer.



I'm sure it would like to complain about that.

But I've forgotten its name again, so it can't.



Ember: Yeah, I'm drawing a blank too.



Ember: HAHAHA slavery.



It's what's forever!

Next time: more fucking baby shit.

Let's call it "girlservice."

Because they lap that shit up!

Comments

( 17 comments — Leave a comment )
bellemistoire
Mar. 25th, 2014 02:19 am (UTC)
The kids don't look bad. They're cute.

And listen, this is the 21st century. There's no need to make excuses for wanting to write about domesticity. It's a new age, man, own your feminine side.

*hides evil grin*

Edited at 2014-03-25 02:19 am (UTC)
gruglysims
Mar. 28th, 2014 06:23 am (UTC)
Sure sure. Cute in a pug sort of way. Which is to say, ugly.

Pretty sure I own it wholeheartedly. Pretty sure I write a diary about dolls. On LiveJournal.
bellemistoire
Mar. 28th, 2014 07:40 am (UTC)
Well yeah, but you do it in a really Dude way. :P
gruglysims
Apr. 3rd, 2014 12:10 am (UTC)
That's the only way to dude it.
simlili
Mar. 25th, 2014 02:24 pm (UTC)
A Tuesday update, be still my heart! It's like it's Sunday. Or Friday. Because it's Tuesday. Anyway, yay!
gruglysims
Mar. 28th, 2014 06:23 am (UTC)
Wait'll this Tuesday.
foulmouthtom
Mar. 26th, 2014 10:46 am (UTC)
You sneaky bastard,trying to slip a Tuesday episode in !
It's not fair ! Why does your game bug out in such interesting ways ? (Babies impaled on fenceposts,LOL) Mine just crashes,though I did get a hermaphrodite social worker once.
Because he's Maxis.
Damn those Maxis's, always dealing drugs and stealing pies and hanging round on street corners listening to loud music.Someone ought to lynch them.
gruglysims
Mar. 28th, 2014 06:24 am (UTC)
I have my reasons.

Mine used to crash constantly. Then I found out how to stop it. Then I told everyone that constantly but never told them how to stop it themselves. I'm awesome that way.

Yeah, okay, maybe the Maxis joke is a bit... slippery.
foulmouthtom
Mar. 28th, 2014 07:31 am (UTC)
Actually I have no problem with the Maxis joke, I was possibly maybe being slightly racist in a slippery way.
I'm allowed to, It's an Australian thing.
gruglysims
Apr. 3rd, 2014 12:09 am (UTC)
Right, right. Just consider the source. Got it.
ink_sec_sims
Mar. 29th, 2014 03:12 pm (UTC)
Carpet burning should be the national sport in Clover County. After all, everybody seems to participate. (Granted, I dunno who could take the trophy away from William, but. . .)

. . .Good God that nose. Angelica, not even glasses can save that face.

*snork* "Baby travel agent" is probably a better description of what all those child-care workers in the game do.

"I want to put babies on spikes!

Oh yeah, show off that white-picket fenceness, baby gate. It's certainly better than looking at Gerald. Seriously, Ally, you could do better. Lots better
gruglysims
Apr. 3rd, 2014 12:16 am (UTC)
They already have a county sport. It is death.

Yeah, she... well... she doesn't grow into it, but I grow accustomed to her. It's Cameron's goddamn nose. It looks neat on Cameron but hideous on everyone else.

Honestly I think my social workers are a bit lax. Shouldn't they be visiting, like... every goddamn day.

Eddie Izzard terrifies me.

Gerald dies horribly. Not soon enough for me, though.
ink_sec_sims
Apr. 3rd, 2014 06:21 pm (UTC)
Creative death, mind. None of your Sims would get away with standard death at this point, I don't think.

Ahhh, I see. Well, I suppose that's really all you can do in the face of Sim genetics. Either that or risk the plastic surgery machine.

Every goddamn hour, more like.

Whoops? ^^; :P

At least it's something to look forward to! Or back on, perhaps, in your case.
lumy12
Apr. 13th, 2014 05:11 am (UTC)
Awww babies. What a nice WTF glitch. The naked gate is a cool enhancement. Yay backups!

Nathaniel and Angelica ARE cute. Aren't Cabbage Patch Kids cute? N & A are cuter than they are!

I almost want to go back and find the gerbil's name... if only I weren't so lazy, and so far behind.
gruglysims
Apr. 27th, 2014 05:28 pm (UTC)
That goddamn gate. I love it.

They turn out alright. Sorta. Angelica has the longest face in history.

...I think it's "Gerbitz."
porkwithbones
Mar. 19th, 2017 01:10 am (UTC)
This chapter, you're keeping all the nudity to yourself.
gruglysims
Mar. 19th, 2017 01:45 am (UTC)
I have honestly no idea how that happened. But it's unhappened now.
( 17 comments — Leave a comment )