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The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 176


Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates Monday, Wednesday, and Friday every week!



Previous Updates
Pine Valley:
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25A, 25B, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100.
Clover County: 101, 102, 103, 104, 105, 106, 107, 108, 109, 110, 111, 112, 113, 114, 115, 116, 117, 118 119, 120. 121, 122, 123, 124, 125, 126, 127, 128, 129, 130, 131, 132, 133, 134, 135, 136, 137, 138, 139, 140, 141, 142, 143, 144, 145, 146, 147, 148, 149, 150, 151, 152, 153, 154, 155, 156, 157, 158, 159, 160, 161, 162, 163, 164, 165, 166, 167, 168, 169, 170, 171, 172, 173, 174, 175.
Interludes: 1, 2, 3. April Fools' Day: 2014, 2014 Comparison, 2015.
Recaps: 1.

How do you follow up a chapter like that last one?

You don't.

Last time in the Clover County Chronicles...













Ah, yes. The best of times.

And now... the worst of times!




Ally: Well? How do you like the new house?
Gerald: They apparently used my pants as inspiration.



Ally: Hey, no griping. At least they didn't stick us in a Maxis-generated NPC ghetto.



Ally: And our house is so excessively decorated!

I need something interesting to look at.



Gerald: Yeah, that was her. Leaving. Mmhmm. Mmhmm.



Ally: Nothing can go wrong with this life.



Gerald: Anyway I think she was banging our boss or something, so that gives me license to do whatever I want. I think.



I see Jerry is settling right in.



That's it, make the place your own.



Gerald: Are you hot?
Jill: The guy with the pony tail says I'm hot!



Gerald: I know two guys who fit that description, and I don't want to share tastes with either of them.



Gerald: Go away, nothot.



Gerald: You are, like, the anti-maid.



Gerald: Yeah, you missed a spot over there.



Maybe if you taught him anything at all he'd have something else to do.



Gerald: High chair.
Jerry: .oO(Hi, but my name's not "chair.")



Gerald: Please don't overthink this.



Gerald: Bottle.
Jerry: .oO(Baby or beer?)



Jerry: .oO(Or do you mean bottle episode?)

We'll get some air eventually, calm down.



Gerald: Daddy!



Jerry: .oO(No, YOU'RE daddy! God, I should be teaching you.)



Yeah, just what we needed to add some interest.



Kendra: I'm here on behalf of the Chamber of Commerce.



Kendra: Pink girl!
Deborah: Lazy chick!

Generation 2, ladies and gentlemen.

What a disaster.



Kendra: I'VE SEEN WORSE

Hey, stop that. You're not mad at her yet.

Kendra: What?

I played these households in the wrong order. We haven't gotten to the whorehouse yet.

Kendra: Man, you had one job.



Kendra: If you need that knob polished, you know where to find us.





If you can't say it, don't spray it!



Kendra: Wow, Deborah! You haven't changed a bit!
Deborah: Aww, thanks!
Kendra: It wasn't a compliment.



Gerald: Daddy?
Jerry: .oO(Say it like you mean it.)



Jerry: .oO(I hate my) Daddy.
Gerald: HIS FIRST WORD! He loves me.



Generation 2, ladies and gentlemen.

Gerald: What a disaster.

You're included in that.



Kendra: Hey, at least I'm a successful businesswoman!
Gerald: You live next to the power plant.
Kendra: And my electrical bill has no added delivery charge. Your point?



Gerald: Please stop being more interesting than me in my own house.



Deborah: No way are you kicking me out on that criteria.



Gerald: You're your own criteria, lady.



Admit it, you paid him to do that.



Cop job not paying well?

Ally: We've been getting serious budget cuts since the county discovered we immediately turn all the burglars loose after we catch them.



Jerry: I have issues with this layout.



Gerald: Look, you shouldn't call here. She might find out!

And also you're standing on Jerry.

Gerald: Who? Anyway yeah, and I'm not sure, but I think cops have a license to kill these days.


Ally: It would sure help with stress relief.



Jerry: That one for me?



Jerry: Dad will need a bigger one.



Brandi: Hmm. Suicidal. Noted.

What?

Brandi: Nothing.



Yeah, wow. A bone.

Ally: I knew you'd throw me one eventually!



Ally: Now I can afford an indoor digsite.

Congratulations! You're almost on a level with the prostitutes now.



Which is actually really appropriate for a cop.



Gerald: Look, Kelly, you're really hot and all, but I don't see the point in cheating if I'm gonna get caught. And maybe there's some morality shit in there too but meh.



Gerald: Unless you can think of a good excuse for us to hang out together, this isn't gonna work.



Gerald: That was a stupid thing to say to a lawyer.



Welcome to the City of Centreborough's first annual Take Your Teenagers to a Nightclub Night!



Gerald: This is bullshit.
Kelly: Hey, community service looks great on a resumé. Better than "male au pair," anyway.



Irfan: Remember, I'm charging for this engagement. I'm a busy man! I'm the-
Richard: MAYOR, we KNOW.
Justus: You only told us like FIFTY TIMES.



Gerald: Kelly! We need extra chaperone power here on the dancefloor!



Gerald: I'm sworn to uphold the law!



Gerald: How about upholding my arms? We ought to at least teach these fuckers how to dance.



Kelly: Hey, as long as it's educational.



Kelly: If only you were sueing somebody, we could meet more often.
Gerald: I could sue you for getting me into this mess...



Kelly: I could sue you for your CLUMSY FUCKING FEET



Kelly: But I'm willing to take reparations in the form of another dance.



Gerald: You think the little shits are on to us?
Kelly: I paid them all specifically not to be.



Gerald: I think that's the mayor.



Gerald: I hear he let some poor server girl get beat up by a zombie.
Irfan: I can neither confirm nor deny until the next election is over.



Kelly: SHE THINKS SHE'S HOT
Gerald: HAHAHA she is though.



Tyler: Guys, I don't think all of us are teens here.



Amin: I have no idea what he's talking about.



Kelly: What's down there?
Gerald: Fee-based privacy.



Gerald: It's where the prostitutes do their thing. We can bang each other's brains out without anyone being the wiser.
Kelly: Uh.



Gerald: Alright, well, fine, they can't unhear it now so anything goes.



Gerald: I'm attracted to how not a maid you are.



Kelly: I am so not a maid.



Gerald: Prosecute me, Ms. District Attorney.
Justus: I don't think I want to do this dance with you, Richard. It's really complicated and I'm not quite gay enough.



Cheryl: Man, they know some moves!

She's probably not named Cheryl.

That's just a Cheryl-looking haircut to me.



Justus: I think these people are evil. We should tell Mr. Sharpe.
Richard: Remember when we told Mr. Sharpe that our teacher was evil? They spent all afternoon yelling at each other in a broom closet, and in the end all she got was a slap on the wrist and a strangely-rumpled appearance.



Tyler: Are they playing with suction cups in there?



Tyler: That's a pretty basic looking dance you're doing.
Gerald: And yet it's the most delicate dance of all.



Gerald: Where did you get your law degree?
Kelly: I don't like rings.

I can only make it make sense when it can make sense.



Gerald: Let me grab this complicated intruder prevention mechanism.



Kelly: Let's keep it dangerous.



Yeah, you're really living on the edge with this brain trust on the case.

Richard: WHY WOULD YOU BOTTLE SUCH FUNNY-COLOURED WATER?!



Gerald: Alright baby, debrief me.

UUUUUUGH.



Kelly: I'm too horny to complain.



Nice manhands, Kel.



Emily: DERP



And then everyone died.



Clarence Barrett the Brand-Spankin' New Infallibly Good Warlock: Makin' an entrance.



Gerald: I still liked my chair idea.



Justus: I texted my mom about the basement fun hole and she said we all have to come home.



Gerald: Nobody cares.
Clarence Barrett the Brand-Spankin' New Infallibly Good Warlock: SOMEONE must!



Kelly: Fuckin' kids.



Irfan: On behalf of the City of Centreborough I'd just like to let you know that I'm the mayor.



Theresa: Hey, don't you have somewhere to be married?



Theresa: And like a ghost, she disappears.



Gerald: Alright kids, tell the driver where you live and bill the city.
Richard: I live in the park.
Cheryl: I don't even know my real name.



Cheryl: Wanna go pick up scrap at the harbour?



Irfan: Hey! HEY! WAIT FOR MAYOR!



Irfan: OW OW MY GLADHAND



Irfan: GAH FUCK HELP I'M OVER A PORKBARREL HERE



Gina: Oh, hey, I know that guy!



Irfan: I HAVE NO POWER HERE



Irfan: OW MY KICKBACK



Autumn: Is that the guy I didn't vote for?



Irfan: No, wait, I'm fine no I'm not.



Gina: I'll run him over, just to be sure.



Autumn: I'd call for an ambulance, but you cut their budget so they'll never make it here in time.



Irfan: I... deny...



Irfan: ...everything.



The Grim Reaper: IRFAN CHIN, YOUR TERM IS UP.



Gerald: Hi honey! This might take some explaining.
Ally: Is that the mayor?!
Gerald: Don't get ahead of me.



Gerald: Hi, hot scantily-clad redhead! You are not one of the things I need to explain.
Autumn: Since you called me hot, I won't disagree.



Gerald: So, it's kind of a funny story.
Ally: Is it? 'cuz I don't really get the punchline.
Gerald: It's black humour, you'll like it. 'cuz you're black.



Gina: I'm black, and I don't think it's funny. It's too grim.



Gerald: ♪ Thiiiiiis was not my faaaaaauuult ♪



Autumn: New mayor!
Gerald: Score!
The Grim Reaper: THE CORPSE NOT ME YOU IDIOT



Autumn: Do we even have a deputy mayor?
Gerald : That was the good thing about Irfan, you always knew where he sat.



And you always will.



Gerald: So, do you just live here now?
Autumn: Is that an option?
Gerald: Ha! No.



You'd think a lawyer would know better than to plant evidence.

Kelly: It's only circumstantial.



Ally: I'm so glad our precious little darling is settling in.



To an early grave, that is.



What are you doing?

Autumn: Blending in! This is Maidhaus, right?



Gerald: I have never ever seen anyone more attractive than you and am definitely not currently more attracted to anyone else!



Ally: ...thaaaaanks.



Gerald: Look, if this was your house before or something, sorry. But you need to go.



Ally: I've got just the place for her.



Yeah, I wonder how THAT happened?



...I legitimately wonder how this happened.



Gerald: Please leave before my wife finds us in a compromising position.
Autumn: You CAUSED this compromising position! Just to get rid of me!



Gerald: Well look at that. So I did.



Gerald: This one, though, is totally only about a quarter my fault.



Gerald: At least I can take comfort knowing that my wife's cheating on me emotionally with Stephen.

I think you wouldn't mind letting him have the particular emotions she's sending his way...



Ally: I'm worried about the future.

Why? You'll never see it.



Especially with this kind of food hygiene.



Or just hygiene in general.



Ally: Thing is screaming.
Gerald: Thing is dead.



Jerry: DADDY! BATH!
Gerald: Look, kid, I know I taught you to speak better than that. We only underline caps for emphasis, never italicize, and we leave punctuation outside of that! Didn't you read the style guide I left out for you?



Gerald: Having said that, yes. Bath. Definitely bath.



Gerald: That's your new potty over there. Self-flushing, just kick some dirt in when you're done.



Ally: I'd better not find poop in my hole.

More words never before spoken.

Or wait... hmm... maybe.



Gerald: Why are you constantly looking around?
Jerry: Searching for escape routes.



Gerald: Already found mine.



Gerald: It's high time you learned to walk, kid.
Jerry: You say that like it's not your fault I can't.



Gerald: Shut up, we're having a moment here.



Gerald: Until you failed me we were, anyhow.



Gerald: That's it! Get your irradiated haggis over here!



Gerald: Now wipe off your hands, these aren't daddy's good clothes.



Gerald: Good boy! Now when you play in the middle of the road you have a much higher chance of surviving.



Ally: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA



Jerry: I haven't even started yet!



Hurry up and age so you can die.



Gerald: It's a shame none of her awesome rubbed off on him.

Or on you, for that matter.



Then again, her carpool might have something to say on the subject of her alleged awesomeness...



Gerald: Hey baby...
Ally: Mmm...
Gerald: Hey baby...
Ally: Mmm...



Gerald: Go to work.



Ally: I knew I was forgetting everything.



I'm gonna miss you when you're gone.

Ally: So don't gone me!

With language like that?



Gina: You're under arrest.
Ally: You're not a cop.
Gina: Cars says different.



Jerry: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Trunk: OM NOM



Gerald: I should've taught him kung-fu! The most important toddler skill!



Gerald: Damn, and just when we were getting our first children's allowance cheques too.



Gerald: Oh well. Time for nookie.

It's always time for nookie.

Next time: prostitutes.

See?

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Comments

( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
simlili
Sep. 17th, 2015 10:31 pm (UTC)
Oh wow, did the Chronicle hire a new pen or something? He's good!

And er.. so long, Mayor. (I hope someone from the Chronicle was there to capture that spectacular death.)
gruglysims
Sep. 20th, 2015 05:31 am (UTC)
I was bored. But thanks :P

Your hope came true.
foulmouthtom
Sep. 19th, 2015 05:44 am (UTC)
Alas poor Irfan, I knew him ..... not at all actually.
Spectacular death scene though.
gruglysims
Sep. 20th, 2015 05:30 am (UTC)
I feel kinda proud for remembering to put him in the newspaper for Chapter One.

There's a real benefit to playing the game three years ahead of time and then knowing what you need to establish earlier when you actually publish.
lumy12
Jan. 26th, 2016 03:26 am (UTC)
Well, Something had to follow the chapters of plottiness, and this one wasn't bad. They're ALL funny to me though so I guess you can't go by what I say. Anything with death and/or toddlers in it can't be bad. Unless it's Lucas's death.

Jerome's "he's always been being awesome" is awesome! I heart Jerome. Is his penis the same size as Gerald's? Gerald looking down at his dick looks like the pregnancy bump pose. Huh.

This has nothing to do with anything but the topic of cheating brought it to mind. On this week's Snapped the victim was this dude who'd been cheating on his girlfriend of 16 years, cheating with this woman for I forget how long, except he wouldn't fuck the mistress, they could only do oral. Because somehow THAT wasn't really cheating. Maybe this guy reads your story! Guys are dicks and women are DUMB.
gruglysims
Feb. 13th, 2016 07:54 pm (UTC)
Likes toddlers, likes Lucas, is unpleasable.

I think Gerald's is normal, but meh. I ain't lookin' at his dick agin.

Dicks are guys and dumb are an adjective.
porkwithbones
Mar. 20th, 2017 08:02 pm (UTC)
Gina: Cars says different.

With language like that?
gruglysims
Mar. 21st, 2017 01:10 am (UTC)
That one was an intentional joke.
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )