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Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates Monday, Wednesday, and Friday every week!



Previous Updates
Pine Valley:
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25A, 25B, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100.
Clover County: 101, 102, 103, 104, 105, 106, 107, 108, 109, 110, 111, 112, 113, 114, 115, 116, 117, 118 119, 120. 121, 122, 123, 124, 125, 126, 127, 128, 129, 130, 131, 132, 133, 134, 135, 136, 137, 138, 139, 140, 141, 142, 143, 144, 145, 146, 147, 148, 149, 150, 151, 152, 153, 154, 155, 156, 157, 158, 159, 160, 161, 162, 163, 164, 165, 166, 167, 168, 169, 170, 171, 172, 173, 174, 175, 176, 177, 178, 179, 180, 181, 182, 183.
Interludes: 1, 2, 3. April Fools' Day: 2014, 2014 Comparison, 2015.
Recaps: 1.

Second update! Competent and proud of it.




I like to call this the Writer's Block household.

But I've just written twelve chapters in three days, so I can do this bitch.



Stephen: Hmm. How can I make this day as awesome as possible?

Good works?

Stephen: But with as little effort as possible.



Stephen: I'll read smut with my thinking cap on.



Stephen: ...I THINK I CAN MANAGE A FIVE-WAY NOW.



Ember: How about a four-way?
Stephen: Inappropriate.



Stephen: But funny.



Ember: If you do this with your eyes closed, you have an excuse to accidentally spit on people!
Wren: Noted.



Stephen: If you establish a pattern of irrational behaviour, you can spit on people whenever you like!
Xavier: Favorited.



Ember: Don't turn out ugly.



Stephen: Don't turn out gay.
Xavier: Why?
Stephen: Gays disintegrate in sunlight.

YOU MISUNDERSTOOD WHAT HAPPENED THERE



Ember: Right, it's goths who disintegrate in sunlight, isn't it?

Wrong again!

It's Republicans.



Wren: ♪ The hills are aliiiiiive ♪



Stephen: Remember kid, you live in a neighbourhood with William Sharpe. Your dick needs to be this long at least if you ever wanna get married.



Wren: I'm taller!

And your face is less fat!

Put it back.



Stephen: She's just an Ember clone! You can do better than that!

Is better than that even possible?



Apparently not.



Wren: How about two whole cakes? Is better than two whole cakes even possible?
Xavier: We'll definitely think so once we eat two whole cakes.



Wren: I can't wait to see my new outfit!
Xavier: I can't wait to get my hand out of my mouth!



Xaiver: There's no new outfits, are there.
Stephen: We didn't think you were gonna reach childhood, honestly.



Wren: What a gyp!

Just for that I'm giving you a gypsy outfit when you're older, you culturally insensitive little worm.



Xavier: Looks like I've only got the one shirt, and the one pair of pants. So... I'm a dude, basically.



Wren: Something needs to be done, I'm running for mayor.

This is a convenient time for that.



Since someone ran over the previous mayor.

Ember: That guy with the dreads? Really? I always liked him, he had a real "I'm the mayor" attitude going on.



Wren: Hey everybody, watch this!
Xavier: It's only me. There's nobody else.
Wren: Then you should all be able to pay attention!



Wren: I'm gonna do a thing!
Xavier: She's gonna do a thing! Oh boy!



Xavier: Wow! Great pre-show! What's the thing?



Wren: ...fuck you.



Ember: I'd get them both some clothes, but frankly we've both seen Xavier's face.



Kennedy: I wish I could talk to chicks like that.

I wish chicks like that existed.



Ember: If we do, you don't talk to us, we talk to you.



Theresa: I really need a flowchart to deal with these people.



Ember: So, what's your name?
Kennedy: K...K...K...
Ember: Oh, neat, KKK. I loved you in Birth of a Nation.



Ember: Which was horrifying.



Ember: Okay, enough fun. You want to impress these suckers?
Kennedy: Yes! Impress!



Kennedy: Suck!



Ember: I should mention that I'm married, but my husband is totally fine with this. And not in the bow-chicka-bow-wow, quotation marks around "totally fine" kind of way.



Ember: We're both sluts, is what I'm saying.



Kennedy: You know what, I think I can deal with that.



Kennedy: As long as you only have the really interesting STDs.



Kennedy: I only have the barest notion of what I'm talking about.



Kennedy: I'm Kennedy. We just met.



Kennedy: ...aaaaaand this date might need to give way to a better one.
Poppy: It might, but you won't like the form it takes.



Ember: That, Kennedy, is a lesbian.
Kennedy: I've heard of those! They're some form of super hot babe, right?
Brady: It applies to gay dudes, too.



Poppy: I am so angry with Daisy White!
Theresa: I'm listening, unofficially.



Ember: Right, just like that. And now you try to look like a goofball! You should be a natural.



WHUMP

Poppy: Ember!
Ember: Poppy!
Kennedy: Medic!



Kennedy: Lesbians! I get it now.



Theresa: Who scrubbed all your features off, boy?



Poppy: That's the gayest straight dude I've ever seen.
Ember: He's on a date with me. That makes him the straightest gay dude.



Ember: And it's at least a little bit adorable.



Ember: I don't do little bits, though.



Poppy: I'm pretty sure my sister is a murderer.
Theresa: I'm pretty sure most people are.



Theresa: This... is a Surveillance Operator shirt.
Poppy: Pretty easy application process.



Theresa: Hey, Ember. I'm canvassing for opinions on something important.
Ember: Definitely not my thing, then.



Ember: Today's my day for meaningless shit.



Ember: And I'm gonna milk that shit for all the shit juice it's worth.

I know you keep trying, but nothing you can can make you less hot.



Theresa: Hypothetically, would you be willing to sit in judgement over your peers?
Tazama: I do that every day! I'm doing it now.



Tazama: KEEP YOUR GOVERNMENT JIZZ OUT OF MY EARS, SHE-SPY!



Theresa: We'll be out of touch.
Tazama: That's my government!



Brady: Can anyone spot their aqua lungs?



Brady: Are they suffocating each other to death?



Kennedy: I'm okay with going this way.



Brady: Do you guys have any relatives we should notify?



Ember: Yes! One step closer to a promotion.



Ember: Back to work.



Kennedy: Mmm, roast baby...
Theresa: You bad boy!
Kennedy: ...back ribs?



Chick: YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO ASK ME TO THE FIRST ANNUAL TAKE-YOUR-TEENAGER-TO-A-NIGHTCLUB NIGHT!
Dude: Wait, we're characters now?!

Not until I remember your names you're not.



Theresa: Hey, I'm glad I caught you.
Ember: I did it.
Theresa: I meant, like, caught you when you weren't busy.
Ember: I still did it.



Theresa: I just wanted to ask you if you'd consider doing some pro-bono public defender work. We're preparing a few cases for trial.
Ember: Ohhhh. Okay. Sure, I'll do pro-bono. If you pay me.



Ember: AHAHAHAHAHAHA



Ember: But seriously though, pay me.



Ember: I don't owe the government shit.



Theresa: Hello there, Mr. Lind. Would you be willing to sit on a jury in judgement of your peers?
Kennedy: Only if I already like or dislike them.



Theresa: We're thinking of bringing a few cases to trial, using new laws relating to assault and murder.
Poppy: I'm surveilling you guys with this shirt.



Ember: Hey, sorry to interrupt, but I couldn't help but overhear your hushed conversation.
Theresa: Uh-huh.
Ember: These new laws... they wouldn't be to cover crimes committed during the zombie apocalypse, would they?
Theresa: If you mean "Would my daughters go to jail" then the answer is "Yes, absolutely, we are building a jail specifically for them."



Kennedy: Wow, you feds sure do play hardball!
Theresa: Don't slang, you aren't cool.



Everybody run! The NPCs are having thoughts of their own!



Kenya: It feels so warm...



Daisy: Is she talking about shit? 'cuz I smell shit.

Ah, the country.



Ember: So, about how my kids can't be held accountable for shit that happened back when breaking and entering was literally the only crime.
Theresa: Right, well, consider how the nonexistence of a law and order system gives us the blanket right to make one up as we go along.



Ember: TELL HER THIS IDEA IS TERRIBLE



Theresa: You wanted to tell me something, babybrain?



Kennedy: I'm too distracted by whatever that thing is.



Kaylynn: Don't do the red witch's bidding! The spiky witch wants to pass legislation to make space piracy illegal! WE ALL WIN!



Dude: FUCK YOUR NOSE



Ember: Look, I'm appealing to your humanity here. My kids didn't know what they were doing. And Chelsea didn't mean to machinegun that llama!
Theresa: She machinegunned a llama? Thanks for the tip! We were gonna nail her for zombie dating, but that's much better. And thanks for assuming I have humanity to appeal to, also. I'm a government employee, girl.



Dude: I couldn't say this to your face, but I want to snog you.



Kennedy: Hey, that stinks. You can't just make up laws and retroactively charge people for them!
Theresa: I'll tell all the victims of the zombie apocalypse that some guy I met thinks that justice "stinks," then, shall I? I'm sure they'll roll right over.



Theresa: IN THEIR GRAVES.



Theresa: Asshole.



Theresa: It was nice talking to you!
Ember: Bitch.



Ember: I wish these secret agents would stay secret.



Xavier: Well, we know the glue works.



-SCENE MISSING-

Wren: New clothes!



Xavier: My platform is largely a no-more-gym-class one.



Ember: I might have some of this, my ass could use a few more curves.



NO

NO NO NO NO NO



This had better not be a naked woman you're painting.

Stephen: I'm doing abstract art. If you look at it the right way, it's always a naked woman.



Wren: Where does your campaign stand on space piracy?



Xavier: It's right up there with llama machinegunning as one of my top concerns.



Wren: What about robots?
Xavier: There's no robots in space. That's a trick question.



Wren: You are gonna kill it at the debate.



Xavier: INVISIBLE BASEBALL
Wren: I've got it! As far as you know.



Oh yeah! I made some new images out of stuff!

...and I have no idea what kind of stuff it was.



Xavier: Riveting.



Wren: If we're not doing a plot today, I'm gonna clock out early.



Wren: I may in fact have already clockzzzzzzzzz.



Ember: My fellow Cloverites: FUCK CITY HALL.



WHAT WAS THAT

Stephen: Don't ask me, I'm just the artist.



Stephen: Okay, stop using your Build Mode tools next to me, it's freakin' me out.



Stephen: There was definitely a wall there before.



Stephen: But this is a marked improvement!



I added a discretion entrance, too.

Stephen: Who needs discretion?

YOUR CHILDREN NEED DISCRETION



Wren: We're not babies, you know.





Ah, true art.

By the time it's done, nobody cares.



Xavier: BREAKIN' CURFEW!
Wren: HBO's least boundary-pushing program yet.



I dunno, kids in underwear is beyond the pale for most stations.



Stephen: It's done!

What is it?

Stephen: It's done.



That it is.



It can go up there with all your other artistic treasures.



Or rather, it can supplant them.



Xavier: Wren and I are best friends, dad!
Stephen: You're doing something wrong, then.



Stephen: If I wanted a stable family, I'd have kept my last one.



Wren: Do we really have to go to school now?
Ember: Think of it as an early-access date market.



Stephen: Don't listen to your mother. Ever.



They're gonna be alright, those Fox-Murphys.

But they should be awesome.



Ember: Our kids turned out alright.
Stephen: They were a lot of fun to make.



Ember: It would be a shame to stop when we're on a roll.



Ember: Fine, we'll do it for the neighbourhood then.



Ember: My daughters are gonna get arrested.



Ember: No! No! The original ones, I mean.



Wren: You know, that's my bathroom too.
Xavier: Yeah, but this way you can flower it up after I've made it all smelly.



Ember: I have to go work on my case, Steve. You scrumptious thing you.
Stephen: I'll chalk that terrible compliment up to your mentally being already at work.



Wren: Man, being a family together is TOO MUCH FUCKING WORK.

Next time: pulling in Daisies.

Recent Posts from This Journal

Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
lumy12
Feb. 5th, 2016 03:13 am (UTC)
Have any of your Sims read 50 Shades of Grey? It totally seems like that would get worked in to the smut jokes somewhere but I don't recall.

I think gay dudes DO disintegrate in the sun in this story, cuz none exist!

Heehee, babyback ribs!

LOL the "let's hang out with stuff between us" thing. The shy dude's savior.

No gym class? Xavier woulda had my kid vote! Now I have no reason to care.

Hmmm, maybe Stephen was painting the scaffolding to the penis tower!
gruglysims
Feb. 13th, 2016 08:10 pm (UTC)
No, I don't hate any of them that much.

That's the canonical explanation now.

I should cook some babies. In the game! Probably.

I normally can't even manage that much.

I would vote for someone who promised to retroactively cancel gym class.

How long before nobody remembers what the tower is actually called? Or is it now?
lumy12
Feb. 20th, 2016 04:37 pm (UTC)
The tower... uh... it's not just the Penis Tower? I do vaguely recall that it had a name but, you know. Phallic reference takes over.
gruglysims
Mar. 7th, 2016 12:54 am (UTC)
Sharpe Oil Tower. Still pretty suggestive.
porkwithbones
Mar. 21st, 2017 01:34 am (UTC)
Theresa: She machingunned a llama?

Machinegunned? Man, Theresa, even with neologisms, you've got to follow the rules of spelling in English or we wind up with another Great Vowel Shift.
gruglysims
Mar. 21st, 2017 02:48 am (UTC)
RIP Old English.
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )