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The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 203


Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!



Previous Updates
Pine Valley:
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25A, 25B, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100.
Clover County: 101, 102, 103, 104, 105, 106, 107, 108, 109, 110, 111, 112, 113, 114, 115, 116, 117, 118 119, 120. 121, 122, 123, 124, 125, 126, 127, 128, 129, 130, 131, 132, 133, 134, 135, 136, 137, 138, 139, 140, 141, 142, 143, 144, 145, 146, 147, 148, 149, 150, 151, 152, 153, 154, 155, 156, 157, 158, 159, 160, 161, 162, 163, 164, 165, 166, 167, 168, 169, 170, 171, 172, 173, 174, 175, 176, 177, 178, 179, 180, 181, 182, 183, 184, 186, 185, 187, 188, 189, 190, 191, 192, 193, 194, 195, 196, 197, 198, 199, 200, 201, 202.
Sharpesvale: 737.
Interludes: 1, 2, 3. April Fools' Day: 2014, 2014 Comparison, 2015.
Recaps: 1, 2.

Three updates in one day! Roughly.

Last time in the Clover County Chronicles...



Three newspapers in a row!

It's almost like I'm forcing myself to up the quality factor around here.

Almost.




Pictured: a mistake I won't fix for another five hundred chapters.



Nick: Well we all make mistakes.



Medicine Cabinet: Ain't that the truth.



"Cecilia": So this happened.



Whunk.

"Cecilia": SHITSHITSHIT

And now we know how.



"Cecilia": I bet this is a black man's fault somehow.



"Cecilia": OH WHAT THE FUCK

We're starting again. Don't make yourself sound racist this time.



"Cecilia": I thought we'd established that there's no racism in this universe.

Yes, and we need to keep establishing it so everyone knows how enlightened I am.

Because I'm a liberal person and having everyone know how liberal I am is important to me.

And that isn't even a joke.



"Cecilia": You got problems man.



Vicki: Not as many as I got, but still.



Vicki: Are you happy you don't have to quotate my name anymore?

I'll be happy when ALL the quotated names are gone.

Some time around Chapter 800 I think.



Vicki: So hey, bad news.



Nick: I always knew you were somebody cool, mom.



Vicki: Aww, thanks little man! Um, but serial killers aren't cool. Don't be a serial killer.



Vicki: Please don't be a serial killer.



Vicki: Some bad people messed with my head and made me do it.
Nick: Hey lady, I'll quote any alibi you give me!



Vicki: That child makes me feel filthy.



Nerissa: I'd feel better with a gun drawn.
William: Yes, let's go aggressively into the serial killer den, you're SO right.



William: Christ it's a good thing you're hot.



William: Hey Vick! I've got your paper! And your sister. And a cop but she hasn't drawn a gun! And if she has you can axe murder her, I won't tell.
Nerissa: Hey man, thanks.



Vicki: I have a sister?
William: That's what I said, but I was kinda hoping you'd know at least.



William: Okay, don't you fuckers have a table or something



Vicki: Oh Mr. Sharpe, please take me into custody!
Nick: Geez mom.



William: No, it's cool, I'll roleplay.



William: Everything's settled. Your sister will take care of the brats.
Vicki: Still don't remember having a sister.
William: But you're not challenging the "brats" part, I notice.



Vicki: This is a terrible picture.



Vicki: Alright, I trust you. If you say I have a sister, I have a sister.
William: That is a lot less comforting than what I expected you to say.



William: So hey, this is Valerie? Your sister? Maybe?



William: I hope?



Valerie: It's like looking into a mirror!
Vicki: And seeing that I need glasses apparently.



Valerie: Mr. Sharpe found me in the phonebook and figured we might be related.
Vicki: Great?
Valerie: I have convenient amnesia about my childhood so we're definitely sisters.



Valerie: Please be cool with this.



Valerie: Oh, wow! Our tits are even the same.



Valerie: You are fucking weird sister.
William: THE FUCK IS MY BODY DOING.



William: So yay, the next twenty years.



Valerie: Nick! Come see your aunt Valerie!
William: He's gonna have to see you later anyway, don't torture the boy.



William: I was just kidding for Vicki's sake. You are one hot sister, Val.



William: You and I can just act like you're Vicki!
Valerie: Why do I get the feeling that arrangement would benefit us unequally?



Valerie: Oh fuck wait, WILLIAM SHARPE just propositioned me, never mind YES, I'm totally in.



Valerie: Hello there little man!
Nick: That sounds stupid coming from your face.



Nick: Even though it is a horrifically familiar face.



Vicki: I'm not happy with this.
Nerissa: Oh, but you WERE happy being a fugitive from JUSTICE, huh? Whore.



Nick: We got off to a rocky start there. You'll need to buy me lots of stuff to salvage the relationship.
Valerie: Hey, it's not my money!



Valerie: Let's buy a yacht.



William: If you're wondering, no, I haven't kissed her yet.
Vicki: But you're gonna.
William: Vicki, we both know I'm eventually gonna kiss everyone.



Valerie: I'm a doctor in the big city!
Nick: What big city?
Valerie: That's a term for a large urban area.
Nick: And if I were three it would be a sufficient explanation!



Nick: So which hospital do you work at? What's your supervisor's name? And what kind of dirt can I dig up on you?



Uh oh, the Big Yellow Taxi is here.



William: We've got things covered here, Vick.
Vicki: I'm sure you'll get them under the covers too, mhmm.



Vicki: Be good, kid.
Nick: I dunno, the genetics aren't promising.



William: It is so hot how much you look like her.
Valerie: And BOY is that ever a compliment in your head.



Nerissa: If I see any axes on you, it's a one-way trip to forehead bullet town.
Vicki: That's fine, I have a doctor in the family APPARENTLY.



Vicki: Oh, shit.
Nerissa: Please tell me your axes are in a safe place.
Vicki: As long as it's safe under my bed.



Valerie: So, what do you wanna do?
Nick: In regards to you? Not a lot!



Nick: Go mack on my brother if you have to.
Valerie: Wait, your brother?
Nick: Yeah, apparently I was conceived like fifty years ago. It's a long story and you'll probably be a short-term resident, so I'm not gonna bother enlightening you.



Nick: I'm vaguely foreshadowing your death.
Valerie: It wasn't really all that vague.



Valerie: Maybe this is one of those stories where a character leaves and gets permanently replaced with their identical twin!
Nick: Yeah, 'cuz Beerfest is a great standard to aspire to.



Nick: FUCK who made me make that reference?!
Valerie: I should paddle you for it.



Valerie: Okay I'm already fed up with you.
Nick: New record!



William: Alright kid, you'd better change your tune fast.
Valerie: MAN what a hot speech balloon joke that was!



William: So yeah, you're really hot and so am I.



William: Let's be really even hotter.



Nick: New record.



Valerie: Hey, at least he waited until she was out of the building!
Nick: YEAH THANKS BRO



Vicki: I'm back on the couch.

Cool. Yay continuity.





I call it the Valeriedictorium.



Valerie: Nobody will ever say that word again.



Nick: Man, FUCK William.
Valerie: I'm on it!



William: When is this documentary airing again?



Nick: So I was thinking we could move Samantha into this fancy can crib. I think she'd really like that WHERE ARE YOU GOING



Nick: She's already ignoring me like a pro.



Nick: Wait, did we just walk here?!
Valerie: Maybe there was a bus. Use your imagination dammit!



Valerie: QUICK STOP USING YOUR IMAGINATION



Nick: Toooooo late.



Valerie: She's much too old for you.
Nick: Yeah, and Bill is much too old for her but that didn't stop him from boinking her on the pool table.



Valerie: Where do you GET these stories from?
Nick: I get them from his kids calling me in the middle of the night crying.



Nick: I hate being an adolescent uncle.
Valerie: I hate you too.



Nick: That wasn't nice.



Nick: So what the fuck was that trip for?
Valerie: I was gonna buy you a pet, but then I thought wait, hookers and blow!



Valerie: So I'm gonna throw you into the sun.



Nick: SHE SAID JOKINGLY



Nick: Well I've got a newfound respect for life, what about YOU, Harold?



William: He is definitely one of dad's kids.



Nick: Alas, poor Harold.



Nick: I slew him, Horatio!



Valerie: Mumblemumble.

What?

Valerie: I thought you'd want at least one inaudible phone conversation so you can later claim you set up a subplot about my nefarious nature way ahead of time.

Carry on.



Valerie: Anyway YEAH I won't be in tomorrow, I expect to dislocate my pelvis tonight.



William: This isn't MINE what am I DOING



Nick: So, do I actually have to live with that painted whore or were we just telling mom that to make her feel better?



William: She's not a WHORE, she's your AUNT.
Nick: Aunts can be whores!



Hail to the Chief!



Tyson: Somebody here order a dog?
Valerie: Somebody here remembered adoption is free!



William: NO you may not crush her head with a trophy! Do you even HAVE a trophy?
Nick: No, but I might GET one, and then I'd need to know!



Tyson: Take care of him, lady. He's a good dog.
Valerie: I won't intentionally kill him.
Tyson: That's better than most people.



Chief: .oO(Just so we're clear, I'm probably going to eat you at some point.)



Chief: .oO(I'm so glad we got that settled ahead of time.)



Nick: Oh wow, somebody else's used doggie! How wonderful.
Chief: .oO(Good news lipstick lady! Somebody's passed you on the eating list.)



Valerie: What do you eat? And don't tell me I need to lactate you something.



William: Make sure he's only nipping you!
Nick: What do I do if he really bites?
William: Scream?



William: SPEAKING OF SCREAMING

That would be a good Chronicles anthology title.



Nick: Wow! Some of your hairs are actually modelled! I thought I sensed a lag spike when you showed up!



Valerie: I don't know what's in this. I hope it's not poison.



I didn't know they made Addams Family doghouses.



William: So, getting settled in?
Valerie: YES we're gonna fuck, just give me a few minutes!



William: You speak the language of romance, lady.



Valerie: You'd better not shout out her name when we do it.
William: I probably won't, I only just learned it.



Valerie: Think of it this way - it's like banging Vicki, only WITHOUT also getting sloppy seconds from your DAD.



William: Sorry, I blocked out everything but your tits as a defense mechanism. What gross shit were you saying?



William: I'm sure it wasn't important anyway.



William: So yeah, let's be discreet about this.
Valerie: Why?
William: Because almost nobody in our family isn't capable of murder, and Nick might know where his mom keeps her axes.



William: Oh wait, I was talking about a zombie I killed.
Valerie: I bet he goes back and rewrites the dialogue.
William: I bet he doesn't.



William: Eh? Eh?
Valerie: Good call!



William: Alright, Captain Sparkles is tearing up my underwear, let's get this show on your back!



Valerie: What about the baby?
William: EW! I'm not having sex with a BABY!

Next time: the rest of this time, obviously.

Valerie: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT

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Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
lumy12
Aug. 22nd, 2016 04:28 am (UTC)
"Sorry, I blocked out everything but your tits as a defense mechanism. What gross shit were you saying?"

Bwah!

I wonder if the chest-staring thing was careless programming or nerd fun. So weird.

Also, yay Chief!

Also, SPEAKING OF SCREAMING would be an awesome name for the novel when you get around to publishing this and making your millions.
gruglysims
Aug. 22nd, 2016 06:44 am (UTC)
I like to believe that the tit/dick stare was intentional, because it's funny.

I have occasionally thought of novelising this. But it wouldn't be as fun without the fourth-wall Sims 2-ness of it.
lumy12
Aug. 26th, 2016 04:24 am (UTC)
You could keep the 4thwallness!
gruglysims
Aug. 26th, 2016 04:50 am (UTC)
True. And I would. It might be a fun novel with the protagonists responding to the prose like they can read it!
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )