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The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 206


Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!



Previous Updates
Pine Valley:
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25A, 25B, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100.
Clover County: 101, 102, 103, 104, 105, 106, 107, 108, 109, 110, 111, 112, 113, 114, 115, 116, 117, 118 119, 120. 121, 122, 123, 124, 125, 126, 127, 128, 129, 130, 131, 132, 133, 134, 135, 136, 137, 138, 139, 140, 141, 142, 143, 144, 145, 146, 147, 148, 149, 150, 151, 152, 153, 154, 155, 156, 157, 158, 159, 160, 161, 162, 163, 164, 165, 166, 167, 168, 169, 170, 171, 172, 173, 174, 175, 176, 177, 178, 179, 180, 181, 182, 183, 184, 186, 185, 187, 188, 189, 190, 191, 192, 193, 194, 195, 196, 197, 198, 199, 200, 201, 202, 203, 204, 205.
Sharpesvale: 737.
Interludes: 1, 2, 3. April Fools' Day: 2014, 2014 Comparison, 2015.
Recaps: 1, 2.

And now, the shortest chapter ever.

Previously in the Clover County Chronicles...



I'm sure he's fine.



Hey, I typed "here" instead of "hear."

Which would be FAR too much work to correct.




We're stretching the definition of a "family" right to its limit.

Just like Cameron's belly.



Cameron: Hey, fuck you too.

I wouldn't dare! You get pregnant so easily.



Cameron: With their genetics, my kids are gonna fuck up your world.



We already have Melanie + William. What's so much worse about Cameron + William?

Cameron: Melanie was too stupid to have the kind of bad ideas I've had.



Cameron: They're not as bad as, say, doing a play-by-play of a pregnant woman cooking, but...

Hey, fuck you too.



...

Cameron: I want twins!

Oh, I know that's how it works. I'm just...

I just really want some cheesecake now.



Although maybe not in that setting.



Cameron: Get a move on! This tiny-ass chapter's like half over!



Cameron: Broke, pregnant, and disgraced... but clever!



Kelly: Rich, healthy, and professional... and clever too!

Yeah, nobody likes a pretty lawyer.



Ian: Oh, I dunno.
Jack: Pretty lawyers, I could go for one from time to time.



Ian: Funny how rapey it seems to say that after night falls.



Cameron: You are not my boyfriend.
Ian: You'd be surprised how many women say that to me.



Cameron: I might.
Ian: Call me!
Jack: Actual boyfriend, over here?



Cameron: Pay him no mind, those curly hairs put too much tension on his brain.



That's how most conversations between men and women get scored.

HO HO HO TOPICAL GENDER HUMOUR

SOMEBODY GET THIS MAN A COMEDY SPECIAL

AND A SUICIDE PISTOL



Ian: Hey, where's mine?

Your suicide pistol?

Ian: No, my k-

GOT YOUR SUICIDE PISTOL RIGHT HERE



Cameron: You came!
Jack: Shit, you can tell that?!



Jack: ♪ The hills are alive... ♪



Jack: ♪ With the sound of... music... ♪
Cameron: Was that the sound of you realizing you don't know the rest?
Jack: I didn't expect this gag to last more than one pic!



Cameron: My hormones are making me swoon against my will.



Cameron: I wonder if you're even attractive.



Jack: We need a bigger sample size.



Jack: Night, Engagement Ring.
Ian: Later, Goldfinch!
Cameron: What-
Jack: OUR PET NAMES ARE NONE OF YOUR CONCERN



Cameron: And then a zombie ate them THE END



Cameron: Hahaha remember garbage goes on floor now?

I do.

I bet nobody else does though.

I could link it, but then, I could not link it!



Cameron: Remember that gnome we had?

Sure! Tommy the Witness Gnome.

Cameron: What was that joke about?

I honestly have no fucking idea.



Please tell me we don't have a running gag about a TV that I've forgotten.



What a boring fucking diary.



Jack: I'm writing fanfiction about this rad dude I once saw.



Jack: He goes on an adventure with good ol' Engagement Ring.



Jack: And beats jocks.
Cameron: At chess!
Jack: No, with a baseball bat.

I'd read this story.

I want to know the secret origin of Engagement Ring!



OSMOSIS



Ooh, metatext.



Jack: Lookin' curvy.
Cameron: DON'T LOOK AT MY DAUGHTERS YOU PERV



Jack: Did you hear? They're not installing metal detectors at the courthouse before the trials. I bet someone's gonna wait how do you know they're daughters?
Cameron: I made a very specific kind of cheesecake.



Cameron: Anyway, now I'm thinking about courthouses, and trials, and jail, and are you aware that I'm probably going to be charged with war crimes for getting an entire university eaten by zombies for science?



Cameron: Way to put me in the mood, Romeo.



Cameron: Luckily I'm always in the mood.



Aw, come on Jack, you finished without her?



Jack: I don't believe in matching orgasms; I'm a spontaneous kind of guy.



Cameron: Well spontaneously wake the fuck up, it's morning.



Cameron: ♪ I feel pretty, so pretty... ♪



Jack: What's with the ass glyph?
Cameron: It's a sign of my demigoddery.
Jack: It looks like a bad sketch of fireworks.



Cameron: Neptune's dinner fork deserves more respect than that.



Cameron: Poseidon and I go on grand adventures at the bottom of the ocean, and he needs to be able to spot me in the inky blackness of the Challenger Deeps.
Jack: So you're saying your tramp stamp glows in the dark.
Cameron: No, stupid! In the deep.



Cameron: What are you, retarded or something?



Jack: It's not the nineties anymore, we don't say shit like that anymore.



Jack: ...but that cabbie is retarded hot.

STOP DAMAGING MY LIBERAL CRED



Prostitutes, check... black people, check... poor people, check...

I'm trying to up my disenfranchised cast ratio.

Next time: zombies are disenfranchised too, right?

Clay: Um, I'm a fucking government employee, asshole. I have a 401k! Way to stereotype.

Recent Posts from This Journal

Comments

( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
lumy12
Aug. 22nd, 2016 04:49 am (UTC)
I didn't expect this gag to last more than one pic!
Haha! Your God does have quite the sense of humor!

Hey, cheating, Cameron and Jack didn't actually have that thought bubble at the same time!

I know the cheesecake thing is supposed to yield twins... what I don't get is HOW it possibly can if the number of babies is decided at conception. ?? Or is that a Maxis LIE!

*squints at your icon* Hmmmmm, foreshadowing? Or I missed something! I bet foreshadowing. Like the mohawk zombie band icon used way in advance :)
gruglysims
Aug. 22nd, 2016 06:40 am (UTC)
Y'know, I don't even remember shooping that title pic into existence, but I clearly must have. Hopefully not to make that terrible joke.

I dunno. Did it come from the strategy guide? 'cuz that's one big book of bullshit.

Yup. That's where I put my foreshadowing. Nobody's pointed it out until now :)
lumy12
Aug. 26th, 2016 04:19 am (UTC)
There's a strategy guide? I suppose there would be, there is for everything else. I dug out my Gameboy Advance recently to play Zelda, picking up where I left off like 10 years ago... I wonder how I ever did this shit as a kid without having the internet to cheat with! I don't completely cheat, but on the overworld map, hell yeah.

Yay FIRST
gruglysims
Aug. 26th, 2016 04:53 am (UTC)
There's a guide for each of the expansions, too. With a healthy crop of mistakes each time.

The original Zelda is a bitch. The SECOND Zelda is just fucking stupid. Some of the things you need to do, no sane person would ever try or even figure out how to try. They were clearly just trying to sell people on a hint hotline... if those existed at that point. It took a long time for game developers to realize that they weren't trying to suck quarters out of people's pockets on a HOME CONSOLE, and they could lighten the fuck up with the Guide Dang It crap.
lumy12
Aug. 27th, 2016 01:31 am (UTC)
That's so wrong!

My brother LOVES Zelda II but I never got into it. I can do the first one. I think I used to have endless patience for wandering around, bombing walls and setting things on fire. Maybe I played the recorder on every screen too (that's where I last got stuck, I completely forgot about it doing special things on screens that don't have lakes).

Thanks for the Guide Dang It trope link, that was amusing :) I ANSWERED THIS COMMENT OUT OF ORDER
simsfreq
Oct. 6th, 2016 08:01 pm (UTC)
Old. But. Cheesecake determining twins was brought in with Open For Business along with the forcetwins cheat. There were rumours in the base game of cookies and spaghetti both creating twins, plus a cheat "twinsr2cute" but none of these were true because AT THE TIME the number of babies was set at conception and couldn't be changed.

With the OFB engine they added the cheesecake modifier which would make a singleton pregnancy into a twin one and the cheat just pulls the same code without the cheesecake.

The strategy guides were written pre-release which means they are effectively useless. Maxis made too many lastminute changes. In other kinds of games these are negligible but in TS2 they were quite big changes.
lumy12
Oct. 7th, 2016 04:44 pm (UTC)
Never too old! Thanks for the info!

I had someone eat cheesecake not too long ago and she only had one baby, but it might have been due to the number of Sims already in the household, I can't remember if I checked that.
simsfreq
Oct. 28th, 2016 06:27 pm (UTC)
Possibly! Or maybe you have a mod which overrides the cheesecake effect - Triplets and Quads?
lumy12
Nov. 19th, 2016 03:04 am (UTC)
Nah, I don't have those mods, I'm a bit mod-phobic!
(sorry for the late reply, I only seem to log in to this LJ when grugly updates...)
simsfreq
Dec. 9th, 2016 07:16 pm (UTC)
It's OK, I barely check LJ these days either.
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