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The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 209


Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!



Previous Updates
Pine Valley:
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25A, 25B, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100.
Clover County: 101, 102, 103, 104, 105, 106, 107, 108, 109, 110, 111, 112, 113, 114, 115, 116, 117, 118 119, 120. 121, 122, 123, 124, 125, 126, 127, 128, 129, 130, 131, 132, 133, 134, 135, 136, 137, 138, 139, 140, 141, 142, 143, 144, 145, 146, 147, 148, 149, 150, 151, 152, 153, 154, 155, 156, 157, 158, 159, 160, 161, 162, 163, 164, 165, 166, 167, 168, 169, 170, 171, 172, 173, 174, 175, 176, 177, 178, 179, 180, 181, 182, 183, 184, 186, 185, 187, 188, 189, 190, 191, 192, 193, 194, 195, 196, 197, 198, 199, 200, 201, 202, 203, 204, 205, 206, 207, 208.
Sharpesvale: 737.
Interludes: 1, 2, 3. April Fools' Day: 2014, 2014 Comparison, 2015.
Recaps: 1, 2.

Yep, still rollin' on.

Last time in the Clover County Chronicles...

Ally had a baby.

That's no newspaper story.




Golly gee, the pic hasn't updated to show how Richard's a child now!

Alternatively you could say I probably stole this pic from the last Flint update, but that's silly.



Now I remember why I don't hate this household.



Richard: Please tell me.



Emily: Boy am I ever meh.



Kendra: Alright, all present and accounted-for.



Kendra: You're past age of consent, right? Come on down!



Richard: Whore you doing this fine morning?



Emily: Well hello there, young sir! Come in and see our terrifying interior architecture!



Kyle: That's what happens when you use custom stairs.



Emily: Whore you doing this fine morning? I learned that one from a kid just now.



Emily: Wow, that was fast!



Kyle: Well, stand back when I'm doing my punch dance then!



Coy: Do I just pay the gnome, or what?



Emily: Oh! I get it. I thought you seemed a bit short and normal to be Coy.



Kendra: Yeah, this one's not coy at all.



Kyle: AHAHAHA STOP INFANTILIZING ME



Rosemarie: Hey! We used to be engaged, right? That should be worth at least one dicking.



Sims can lay down when they Hang Out?

...

WHY HAVEN'T I SEEN THIS SINCE 2011?!



Emily: You look a bit Buckaroo Banzai to me, buddy.



Kyle: So yeah, I died forever and now all my younger brothers are getting married.
Kendra: Millennial problems.



Stewart: It worked out pretty well for us brothers...



Rosemarie: ♪ If I had a million dollars... ♪



Kendra: Isn't it magical though, getting to see how everyone's changed over the years?
Kyle: Half of them have changed to being dead.



Stewart: I wonder if she's hot at all under that hair.



Rosemarie: We won't need to find out until I get a shedding STD!



Kyle: I have dead siblings I've never even met. How's that for magic?



Stewart: You've got your diploma over your bed.
Rosemarie: I think people have a right to see how overqualified I am.



Stewart: Things really are bad if you need a degree to be a prositute.



Rosemarie: Alright, out with the pants python.



Right, this is totally a kiss.

He's not just smooshing his face on her neck or anything.



Kendra: Leave the boy some illusions, man.



Kyle: That was a rad necksmoosh.



Kyle: Eww no, don't get any whore on my wholesome vest.





Stewart: It's HOW short?!



Rosemarie: You didn't hear it from me.



Kyle: You are way too attractive to be a prostitute.

Yeah, this would only be acceptable if it were a sensitive treatment of the subject.

And it's not.



Mostly.



Emily: Wow you're stupid-looking.



Kendra: There goes another dozen cells!



Kyle: Your shoulder tastes like chicken.



Stewart: Don't get romantic with me, hoower.
Rosemarie: Hoower? Could you put any more Southern stank on that syllable?



Rosemarie: Also I'm a Sim being, you asshole, have some respect.



Stewart: I THOUGHT THIS WASN'T A SENSITIVE TREATMENT



Stewart: I guess you're too sensitive.



Rosemarie: I'm glad I didn't marry you, asshole.



Kendra: So you were the Valley's first kid, right?
Kyle: Yep. The first of many. First to die, too!
Kendra: First of so many.



Rosemarie: Your brother's upstairs, eh.
Stewart: Cool, that could only be any of five different people.



Kendra: So this douchey douchebag, let's call him Douchmonger...



Kendra: He got so douchey-douchey that even other douches thought he was a douche!



Kendra: Even dead douches.



Rosemarie: Admit it. It's at least a little funny how I accidentally squashed Leonard.
Stewart: Snrrk NO IT ISN'T



Stewart: Okay just a little.



Rosemarie: Admit it. I'm the cutest prostitute you've ever seen.
Stewart: You're about as cute as a vagina.



Stewart: Sexy as one, too!



Kendra: Up here, dammit!
Kyle: NECK WON'T REACH



Kendra: I know about faking orgasms but faking kisses is ridiculous.



Stewart: You brush your teeth between clients, right?



Rosemarie: You hope.



Kendra: If I don't hear oohing and aahing from downstairs in about five minutes, I'm gonna start docking some pay.



Rosemarie: Ooh!
Stewart: Ahh!
Kendra: I MEANT EMILY



Stewart: Have... a good day at school? Buddy?
Richard: I know this is awkward, just keep walking.



Richard: Greetings, least valuable employee!



Kyle: I wish I could shoot all those gross cinnamon hearts to bits.



Richard: So, who wants to help me with my homework?
Emily: I dunno, who?
Rosemarie: Sounds like a trick question.



Emily: Making other people smarter makes me less smart relatively. So no.



Rosemarie: More like "I never went to school so I don't know shit," right Em? I'll help you.
Emily: What did you go to university for again? Turfgrass management?



Kyle: This is a serious businessplace.



Rosemarie: So what you do is, when you know the right answer, you write that answer down.



The Sims 2.



Rosemarie: ...and if it's getting towards the end of the semester and your grades are still low, fuck the professor!
Richard: Thanks Aunt Rosemarie!



Rosemarie: Uh oh, are you going through puberty now?
Richard: I'm trying to see where your vagina is.



Richard: This is TOTALLY safe WHAT could go wrong.



Rosemarie: I have a feeling that I in particular should know why this is a bad idea.



Kyle: Oh, roses, I love you so.



Emily: This hurts. I am getting nothing out of this.



Richard: That's how you know it's sweet.



Kyle: I'll miss you, awesome flower collection!



Ew. Ew ew ew. Don't touch stuff here.



Especially that.



Richard: Welcome to the Cathouse, can I take your order?



Richard: Oh, I see one of our mentally ill employees would like a word with you.



Rodney: I was in the first chapter. That makes me better than you.



Rosemarie: Is that your best pickup line?



Rodney: I want to slobbergullet you.



Kendra: She's right, it does hurt.



Kendra: I think it's time I taught you about the birds and the bees.
Richard: BIT LATE FOR THAT



Richard: Seriously, I'm already at like a twelfth grade level.



Rodney: You should be honoured to date me. I've been this ugly for this long, and yet somehow survived.



Rosemarie: Well that's a stunning Joker costume you're wearing.



Rodney: Porous, too! Watch it suck my hand up.



Rosemarie: I know how I look right now, so I won't even ask the question.



Rodney: I know how overdone my facial expressions are, so I won't even answer.



Rosemarie: Oh MAN OH MAN OH MAN.
Emily: You're certain?



Rodney: Can I take those home with me?



White people.



Rosemarie: Take it all in, buddy. You're paying for every inch.



Rodney: Your inches smell pretty.



Rosemarie: Whatever.



Rosemarie: Oh my god! Faith Murphy!
Rodney: You made that name up.



Rosemarie: She burned FOOD once! Oh, and caused half of the zombie apocalypse. And died.



Rodney: SHE BURNED FOOD ONCE THAT'S SO HOT



Rosemarie: Can you imagine if our conversations had to make sense?
Rodney: Man, fuck THAT pineapple!



Rosemarie: No touching. Lip touching is a Platinum Plan service.



Rodney: What about smelling your underwear?
Rosemarie: Only the clean stuff.



Kendra: Man, this whore skyscraper was a GREAT idea.



Kendra: The House that Dick Built.



Kendra: The Iron Divan is an uncomfortable seat.



Included for mere assery.



Sure is foggy around here.

Or someone's got his settings on low.







Rosemarie: I SEE YOU THERE



Rosemarie: Fuckin' pervert.



Rosemarie: I'mma watch my dog show.



Rosemarie: With my eyes closed.



I'm trying to make a Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves joke, but it won't quite come to me.



Felicia: It's spelled "Gypsys" in the song.

Nobody ever accused Cher of being a genius.



Nothing says success like a brothel.

...

...well, actually, yeah.



Rosemarie: The secret ingredient is the tears of broken dreams!



Emily: Love is a strategy game.



Kendra: Maybe business would be better if we didn't have blinds. It'd be easier than taking out advertisements.



Or maybe you could just walk down the street like that.



Rosemarie: Or maybe mmorgllpg mmmroorgpphg murggllghoph.

Next time: the plot for the next hundred-odd chapters begins.

So there's that.

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Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
lumy12
Aug. 28th, 2016 08:30 pm (UTC)
I didn't know Sims could lie down while hanging out either! Are you sure you didn't photoshop that with a stargazing Sim?

Kyle gets around.

I don't think Stewart deserved to know Jerome's secret, Rosemarie!

I'm impressed that you know that awesome Cher song, and you even know how she spells gypsies. I did not know that. And I'ma believe you cuz I'm too lazy to google it.
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )