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The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 212


Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!



Previous Updates
Pine Valley:
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25A, 25B, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100.
Clover County: 101, 102, 103, 104, 105, 106, 107, 108, 109, 110, 111, 112, 113, 114, 115, 116, 117, 118 119, 120. 121, 122, 123, 124, 125, 126, 127, 128, 129, 130, 131, 132, 133, 134, 135, 136, 137, 138, 139, 140, 141, 142, 143, 144, 145, 146, 147, 148, 149, 150, 151, 152, 153, 154, 155, 156, 157, 158, 159, 160, 161, 162, 163, 164, 165, 166, 167, 168, 169, 170, 171, 172, 173, 174, 175, 176, 177, 178, 179, 180, 181, 182, 183, 184, 186, 185, 187, 188, 189, 190, 191, 192, 193, 194, 195, 196, 197, 198, 199, 200, 201, 202, 203, 204, 205, 206, 207, 208, 209, 210, 211.
Sharpesvale: 737.
Interludes: 1, 2, 3. April Fools' Day: 2014, 2014 Comparison, 2015.
Recaps: 1, 2.

More unfunny jokes about sexuality.

Lalala.




Hey, you almost look good.

Poppy: You've been practicing your smooth talk, huh?



Brittany: Well lookie here! My second-favourite vagina!



Poppy: I hate top-down views of a sand bucket with a moebius strip in it.



Poppy: That one was a stretch, even for you.



Brittany: Does she shower by rubbing her body all over the wall?



Brittany: I think some of this dirt was involved in the original sin.



Brittany: Hey, so, I don't want to leave the house.

Me either.

So I'm gonna do it vicariously through you.



Brittany: I appreciate the direction you're facing in.



Bill: I can tell when a chick's not into me. I moonlight as a gaydar repairman.



Brittany: I like that guy.



Brittany: Except guys are gross.



I wish I could keep you.

Brittanny: So... keep me?

It's gonna be a real tragedy, is all I'm sayin'.



Brittany: Cool, I won't be thinking about that ominous statement all day at work.



Poppy: I did a thing!

What thing?

Poppy: Who cares?



Yay!

What career are you in?

Poppy: I think the one where all you do is show up at parties and people pay attention to you.

Oh!

You're Bill Murray.



Poppy: I hate painted busts of people.



Poppy: You need to come over, I can't remember what you look like below the sternum.



Poppy: I hate two-fifths of the Olympics.



Michael: So I hear somebody's movin' on up the social ladder!
Poppy: Maybe you should go bug them then.



Poppy: Look, I need your help. I think my sister isn't really my sister.
Michael: If you want my blessing for incest, this is the wrong way to go about it.



Poppy: Seriously Michael, I think I'm a straight person trapped inside a gay person's identity.
Michael: I'm sure this can somehow get even more offensive.



Michael: Alright, calm down. I believe you.
Poppy: Whew! Why?
Michael: That's what I always say to shut people up.



Poppy: Fabulous.



Poppy: So I'm gonna need you help figuring this out, 'cuz my fake sister is a serial killer I'm pretty sure.



Michael: See, the problem with that is I don't even want to get killed once.



Poppy: Don't you want to see me returned to my former glory? I'm assuming I used to be glorious, because how could I not.



Michael: What if I kinda like you how you are?
Poppy: Don't say stupid things.



Poppy: I know it's hard for you.



Michael: More like "I'm hard for you"!



Poppy: I used to know a guy who made jokes like that.



Poppy: AND GUESS WHAT



Michael: I can definitely see how sitting on the couch is advancing this storyline.



Poppy: What were you complaining about?
Michael: Who cares?



Poppy: I like how dudes can be distracted by boobs.
Michael: What else do you like about dudes?
Poppy: ...



Michael: Sorry, I got distracted by your boobs. What were we talking about?



Michael: I'm glad you know how to do this, because I'm just doing a fish impression and hoping for the best.



See, I've even DONE this, and I have no idea how it works.



Poppy: I'm glad we've put our past behind us.
Michael: You spent all of today talking about your past.
Poppy: Right? I said I'm glad we've put our past behind us.



Poppy: Hahahaha what
Michael: Your crazy is crazy hot.



Michael: Also I'm lonely.



Poppy: Alright, we'd better stop before you start thinking I want to hear about your feelings.



Brittany: I'm glad at least one household in this neighbourhood is gay.

Look, I feel bad enough about what's gonna happen, alright? Shut up.



Brittany: Anyway this old woman came home with me.



Brittany: She's not really my type.



Brittany: Take off, we can't all get promoted to main cast.



Brittany: I'm not even sure how I managed it.



Poppy: I love having it both ways.
Michael: That's what she said!
Poppy: ...yes? I did?



Michael: That's what she said.

Must be a Michael thing.



Michael: Hey rando, could you go grab us some condoms from the supermarket?



Michael: It's just I need the really small ones but I don't want anyone to know.



Brittany: Wait, what are we doing?



Michael: Poppy's gay for dudes as well as chicks. It's pretty great.



Poppy: This is literally the only way to make him stop talking.



Poppy: Bam, evening! It's not lazy to be in bed now.
Michael: Awesome.



Brittany: I'm still processing this. Michael's a woman? That's the only explanation that makes sense here.



Brittany: Or she's cheating on me with a dude.



Brittany: BUT THAT WOULD BE STUPID



Poppy: Now just wait a second, I can explain.
Brittany: Save it for the police report.



Brittany: I'm attacking you with my mind.



Poppy: I'M MORE TRADITIONAL



Poppy: Look, seriously, it's not my fault.
Brittany: Now you're gonna tell me you're a straight woman trapped in a gay body, right?
Poppy: IT'S NOT MY FAULT



Brittany: Wait, seriously? Your explanation is that you're not really gay? That's the best rejection line you can think of?!



Brittany: Cool, I just found out I hate you.



Brittany: That makes things a lot easier.
Poppy: I'm glad we worked it out.



Brittany: How can someone flip-flop so fast?!
Poppy: Ew, more visual puns: the kiss of death.



Brittany: So wait, am I still main cast now?



Poppy: You can be my wacky gay sidekick!



Brittany: And you think I'm wacky?!



Poppy: Fine, you can be a boring person with no story.
Michael: I'M WAITING FOR SEX UP HERE



Brittany: You're just another college chick pretending to be gay because she thinks it makes her DEEP AND TORTURED
Poppy: Actually someone implanted false memories in my head.
Brittany: OH THAT TIRED EXCUSE



Brittany: Hello, is this the cheating hotline?! Send me your cheatingest gypsy.



Poor Kiera, not being attractive to cows.



Ugh! Okay, shut the door.



Poppy: What do you keep looking at out there?
Michael: There's a Pontiac Aztek across the street. I'm using it to keep my horniness down.



Michael: Shit, they left. Prepare for impact.



Poppy: That's your version of "I'm close"?
Michael: It's a pretty good one, don't you think?



Poppy: No, but it's cute that you think so.



Brittany: No arm penetration, please.



Kiera: Want this huge marble? Got it cheap.



Brittany: I want to have sex.
Kiera: I don't think the ball is into that.



Brittany: A thousand Simoleons says shut up and do your job.



Kiera: Ooh! Money talks dirty!



Michael: Oh, thank god, a Gremlin just drove up.



Brittany: I think there's been a substantial misunderstanding here.



Kiera: No, it's cool! He's really into lesbians.



Brittany: I was hoping for someone that I would find attractive.



Kiera: He has a really tinny voice, if that helps.



Kiera: I think you make a really cute couple!
Brittany: In retrospect I should have known better than to expect an octogenarian to set me up on a gay date.
Amar: What's happening? Who are you? Where am I?



Brittany: Bye stupid! I hope you die.



Poppy: What's the matter?
Michael: I just... I just saw a Nissan Cube. I don't think I can orgasm now.



Brittany: Do you like the taste of vagina?
Amar: Is that a kind of fish?



Amar: Hey, how did you get this awesome place? Who do I have to fuck?



Amar: Wait, isn't this where that hot lesbian lives?
Brittany: It is indeed! I'm glad to hear my reputation pre-
Amar: Could you introduce her to me?



Brittany: ...Poppy. This is about Poppy again, isn't it.
Amar: Is she inside? I'll let myself in.



Poppy: Thanks for coming, Michael.
Michael: THAT. Is what SHE. Said.



Amar: You spent a thousand bucks and she sent you a DUDE?!
Brittany: Yeah, haha, pretty funny. Oh BTW I own you now.



Amar: I'm genderless, you wouldn't like me.



Michael: MAN that Poppy's got a cool vagina, am I right? Oh, sorry, too soon?



Brittany: On second thought, yeah. Come in here and seduce her, would you.



Brittany: I better get my thousand's worth.

Next time: she does, and then some.

Recent Posts from This Journal

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
lumy12
Jan. 1st, 2017 04:59 pm (UTC)
You're baaaaaaaack!

Er, you've BEEN back. And I've just let myself get behind. I will catch up a little at a time.

I love seeing the things Poppy hates, and Michael's dorkiness, and ohhh poor Brittany, what terrible fate awaits her?! Tune in next week~
gruglysims
Jan. 3rd, 2017 05:37 am (UTC)
I'm always back, baby.

I can't remember what happens to Brittany, so it's probably nothing nice.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )