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The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 221


Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!



Previous Updates
Pine Valley:
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25A, 25B, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100.
Clover County: 101, 102, 103, 104, 105, 106, 107, 108, 109, 110, 111, 112, 113, 114, 115, 116, 117, 118 119, 120. 121, 122, 123, 124, 125, 126, 127, 128, 129, 130, 131, 132, 133, 134, 135, 136, 137, 138, 139, 140, 141, 142, 143, 144, 145, 146, 147, 148, 149, 150, 151, 152, 153, 154, 155, 156, 157, 158, 159, 160, 161, 162, 163, 164, 165, 166, 167, 168, 169, 170, 171, 172, 173, 174, 175, 176, 177, 178, 179, 180, 181, 182, 183, 184, 186, 185, 187, 188, 189, 190, 191, 192, 193, 194, 195, 196, 197, 198, 199, 200, 201, 202, 203, 204, 205, 206, 207, 208, 209, 210, 211, 212, 213, 214, 215, 216, 217, 218, 219, 220.
Sharpesvale: 737.
Interludes: 1, 2, 3. April Fools' Day: 2014, 2014 Comparison, 2015.
Recaps: 1, 2.

In which we finally escape this Groundhog Day bullshit.

Tenth update in two days whaaaat.




Are there still other families?

I haven't seen them in so long...



Stephen: Nonono, it's really classy! We're talking Vogue here! Bring your cheerleader outfit though.



Ally: Sorry I'm late, the stop sign gang tried to mug me.



Stephen: I love how portable you people are.
Ally: "You people"?
Stephen: I mean cheerleaders!
Ally: WHAT'S WRONG WITH BEING A CHEERLEADER?! RACIST!



Stephen: I'll just keep pressing this until you forget the past ten minutes.



One of these things is not like the others!

One of these things is complete fucking shit.



Stephen: Wait, you have a MAID'S UNIFORM? Come back come back come baaaaack!



Stephen: Now for some pickup shots.

Where you redo the ones that didn't work out?

Stephen: No, where I use the shots to pick up chicks.



I think most of them are already pickuped up, though.



Stephen: ...I remember her as a kid.

Little awkward?

Stephen: "Little"?!



Brooke: Why don't you clone him if you like him so much.
Abigail: Because if anyone's getting cloned, it's me.



Stephen: Just so you know, most photographers make out with their models. You know, to really get a feel for them.



Sunny: Not if you had the last pair of lips on SimEarth, pal.
Stephen: I thought I was a buddy! :(



Stephen: So, when you agreed to be my sexretary-
Brooke: There was an extra syllable in there. What was it doing?
Stephen: Improving your job title?



Brooke: Dude, if you want dates, just ask for dates.



Brooke: You don't have to +1 to creepy everything you do.



What's that about?

Abigail: How to waterproof a book.



Stephen: Oh man, estrogen overload.



Abigail: I don't see what's wrong with the last shots we took.
Stephen: Neither do I, but the big dude has OCD or something.

And he doesn't even know it yet, poor bastard.



Stephen: Anyway, the more tits the merrier, I always say.



Abigail: You do! No matter how often I ask you not to.



Mrs. Crumplebottom: GIVE MOMMA A TASTE



Abigail: Minimalist huh? That's not like you.
Stephen: When your foreground is Abigail, your background doesn't really matter.



Stephen: So! What defines you as a Sim being? You have ten seconds to answer.



Sunny: I'm straight-faced and distant, but deep inside I care really deeply, I mean sometimes I can be cold, and I don't share my feelings a lot, but that's just because I want it to matter when I do, you know? I have a playful side, but sometimes I just like to slow down and get to know people. You know?



Stephen: Bam. We're done.



Stephen: Party horn and a ladle. Nailed it.



Sunny: ...



I see I was surprised enough to take a picture, but not talented enough to take a good one.



Stephen: Back of the head in the corner to indicate it's a POV shot! Nice work!

Thanks :)

I'm learning :)



Stephen: Thanks for being such a good sport.
Sunny: I still don't even know the rules to whatever sport this was.



Stephen: I prefer to just play it by tongue.



Vampires! Feared denizens of darkness! Sadistic masters of the underworld!



Stephen: May I have this dance?
Brooke: I didn't even see it there!



Brooke: Useless dance, just laying around, nobody takin' it.



Stephen: I can't get over how short you are.
Brooke: That's what she said! Slash might be about to say.



Contessa Lucy Toyonaga: Bleh!
Stephen: Right? I mean come on.



Sometimes I really don't know how you schlubs expect me to caption this shit.



Stephen: Look at them, the children of the night! What sweet sweatshirts they wear!
Contessa Lucy Toyonaga: Teeheehee! Was that Shakespeare?



Brooke: I'm sorry she was a dumb vampire.



Stephen: So mad, can't ungrit my teeth.



Stephen: Jesus Christ, every time you move I expect a piece of you to snap and break off.



Stephen: What does this hand weigh, twenty grams?
Brooke: Don't breathe in or you'll get my whole arm up your throat.



Brooke: I like jokes about how skinny I am.



Nice, cheater.

Stephen: I'm in an open relationship!

I was referring to me, using her hair to hide the fact that you're nowhere near her lips.



Stephen: It's the implication that counts!



Stephen: There's a ceiling light outside and it's driving me nuts.
Brooke: AW HOW ROMANTIC



Stephen: There is, like, zero fat on this head.



CHEATER CHEATER POUTINE EATER

'cuz I'm Canadian.



Wow, some of these animations actually match up!

Looks like about half of the animators weren't lazy shits.



Brooke: I need one of those bathroom stools.



Stephen: Please stop reminding me of my children, you're a grown goddamn woman.



Brooke: I'm not the only thing that's grown!



Stephen: Yeah, it does that.



Stephen: WELL YOU WERE LOOKING



Brooke: Now tap my forehead with it! That's how this works, right?



Brooke: Ohhhhhhhh I get it.



Stephen: How long did it take you to line up that shot?



I refuse to check the timestamps.



Yep. That makes perfect sense.



Stephen: EMBER GUESS WHAT I MADE A FRIEND



Attractive scene transition photo!



Margaret: We seriously are going to escape from this hundred-hour torment, right?
Ember: For him this is just Tuesday.



Stephen: Hey ladies!
Ember: Oh thank-



Ember: -god DAMMIT



Ember: Well at least I got to come this time.
Stephen: THAT MY FRIENDS IS SOMETHING WHAT I BELIEVE SHE MIGHT MAYBE HAVE SAID



Ember: Oh god I set you up for that.



Ember: And now I'll set you up for this.



Ember: DAMN it feels good to be me.



Ember: OKAY, buddy, get a move on.







OKAY OCD CAN WE LEAVE NOW



Ember: OH THANK GOD WE CAN
Stephen: I BREATHED ALL THE AIR IN THAT STUDIO FIFTEEN TIMES







Great, now half the house is adults-only.



Kyle: Got any drain cleaner?



Margaret: I'm gonna paint all his stuff.



Stephen: How many randos are living in my house right now?
Kyle: I think we have squatter's rights at this point, actually.



Stephen: Anyway, hi Kevin.
Kyle: My name is Kyle.
Stephen: I'll name my next kid Kevin, then. That way I'll be right occasionally.



Stephen: You see, when a man gets to be my age, that means he was born on my birthday.



Kyle: Ha ha. And when a man gets to be my age, he can tell me how fucking old I am 'cuz I don't even know.



Kyle: How was your thinly-disguised romantic romp?



Stephen: So thinly-disguised.



Disguises don't get much thinner.



Stephen: My photos are so good, you'd swear they're massaging your genitals in real life.



Ember: Oh Margaret, sweetie? Make like an expensive love affair...



Ember: ...and get your own fucking house.



Margaret: I thought she was gonna seduce me for a second there.



Stephen: I have boned all your brothers' girlfriends.
Kyle: Which brother?
Stephen: Note the apostrophe placement.



Stephen: So they hate me now.



Stephen: But hey, free pussy!



Stephen: That pussy there. The one that just left. Her pussy.



Stephen: She's Stewart's wife.



Stephen: If Stewart is the green one.



Kyle: I don't know anyone past Oliver.



Stephen: I had two daughters, according to the internet.



Stephen: They turned us all into zombies and then there was a fire?



Stephen: Basically the mythology here is thicker than "Lost."



BRILLIANT



Stephen: Ooh, ooh! The police chief! Well one of them. He dates prostitutes!
Kyle: That is literally the first rule of police chiefs, dad.



Stephen: He also got the shit kicked out of him by a football biker.



Kyle: What does that even mean.



Stephen: Okay, well, you know FRIDAY?
Kyle: The fifth day of the week?
Stephen: DAMMIT WHEN DID YOU DIE



Stephen: Okay your mom built a pair of robots and then she made out with one of them!



Stephen: She made out with one of the robots.



Stephen: Yeah.



Stephen: Yeah.



Kyle: I'm glad I missed most of this.



Kyle: Wait, but... one of the robots.



Stephen: Yeah.



Stephen: There must be a landfill chock-full of these damn things by now.



What a nightmare!



That's more than enough of this masturbatory bullshit.



Stephen: Beg to differ!



Stephen: We're a case study in how to keep the magic going!
Ember: Yeah! With actual magic.
Stephen: Oh, yeah.



Stephen: The genie, right.



Stephen: Am I the only one who sees a collection of green biohazard signs?



I'm not even sure I'd want to eat on the same street as that thing.



Stephen: Get a good shot of me, it'll go on my artist profile!

Who are you talking to?

Stephen: You! Oh, on the phone? Nobody! Moron.



And then Xavier became best friends with himself.



Ember: Fuck off, so I'm a little slow in the morning, what's it to you.



Xavier: Hey mommy, why so you old.



Ember: You, mostly.



Stephen: If we're that tight, take this bag.



Wren: I CAN'T CLIMB THIS FAT FLESHMOUNTAIN



Wren: Aaaaaand she wins.



Wren: If you can call that winning.



Stephen: I'd like to introduce you to my kids!
Xavier: Hi!
Stephen: But they were just leaving.



Xavier: Bye, fourth mommy!
Brooke: Ew! I mean ew! I mean bye.



Brooke: He seems cool.
Stephen: Welp. Genetics.



Stephen: Speaking of which, is that your real-
Brooke: Nope.
Stephen: How did you know what feature I was gonna ask about?
Brooke: I didn't. Answer's still nope.



Ember: Do you think this is in her size?

Next time: NO MORE STEPHEN

Like, for a little bit, I mean.

There will eventually be more Stephen.

I can't help that.

Well, I CAN.

But I DON'T.

I think.

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Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
lumy12
Jan. 2nd, 2017 09:07 pm (UTC)
And Stephen wins Dad of the Year for traumatizing Kevin Kyle with his sex stories!
gruglysims
Jan. 3rd, 2017 05:42 am (UTC)
He has eleven chances and counting, and he squanders every one of them.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )