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The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 226


Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!



Previous Updates
Pine Valley:
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25A, 25B, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100.
Clover County: 101, 102, 103, 104, 105, 106, 107, 108, 109, 110, 111, 112, 113, 114, 115, 116, 117, 118 119, 120. 121, 122, 123, 124, 125, 126, 127, 128, 129, 130, 131, 132, 133, 134, 135, 136, 137, 138, 139, 140, 141, 142, 143, 144, 145, 146, 147, 148, 149, 150, 151, 152, 153, 154, 155, 156, 157, 158, 159, 160, 161, 162, 163, 164, 165, 166, 167, 168, 169, 170, 171, 172, 173, 174, 175, 176, 177, 178, 179, 180, 181, 182, 183, 184, 186, 185, 187, 188, 189, 190, 191, 192, 193, 194, 195, 196, 197, 198, 199, 200, 201, 202, 203, 204, 205, 206, 207, 208, 209, 210, 211, 212, 213, 214, 215, 216, 217, 218, 219, 220, 221, 222, 223, 224, 225.
Sharpesvale: 737.
Interludes: 1, 2, 3. April Fools' Day: 2014, 2014 Comparison, 2015.
Recaps: 1, 2.

I'm actually enjoying these fuckers for some reason.

I must be losing it.





This is a graphical depiction of my energy level right now.



Lyndsey: The man says "cuck!"

Only if he's an alt-right scumbag.



Armando: So your new name is Gisele?
Jizelle: No, Jizelle. With a J. And a Z.
Armando: I'mma call you "Jizzy."



Jizelle: Oh christ that's horrible.



Armando: I think I saw a waiter streaking once.



Armando: ...that's the entire story.



Armando: So here's the thing. The adults who used to live here died mysteriously. Want to be the new adults with me? Want to be a new adult? With me? This is hard to phrase.
Jizelle: What could go wrong?!



Jizelle: Literally nothing.



Armando: I think our secret identities should be attractive to each other.



Jizelle: That's clever. What made you think of it?
Armando: My libido.



Armando: Oh, wow! Did you do that?
Jizelle: Yes. I did. I have power over night and day.



Armando: Well put it back, I can't see shit.



Jizelle: I was kidding. Obviously. It's just nighttime now.
Armando: Then how come I'm surrounded with inky blackness?
Jizelle: I dunno, maybe those glasses aren't your prescription?



Jizelle: Hahaha disguise fail.



Hahaha standards fail.



Lance: What are you doing.
Lyndsey: The Spoink says "Boing!"



Lance: Spoink? She's on Gen III now!



Lyndsey: I can hover now!

And you can speak in real sentences!



Lyndsey: And I can hover now!



Jizelle: My neck's in your shoulder.



Armando: My shoulder's in your sternum.



It must be love.



Armando: It must have left some mark! Look closer.



Jizelle: I'll look as closely as you want, baby.
Armando: Making sure we aren't melting together like that dude in TimeCop is not sexy, Jizzy.



Armando: You can't make it sexy with kisses, Jizzy.



Armando: YOU'RE CLIPPING THROUGH ME AGAIN JIZZY



Armando: Does this make me look smart?

It's just a toy. It's not magic.



Armando: Where are you going?
Jizelle: Gotta drop off this date reward.
Armando: You could just give it to me.
Jizelle: The subroutine is the subroutine, buddy. You can't fight programming.

It's amazing how any sufficiently-advanced AI is indistinguishable from OCD.



Armando: So it's settled then. Team Identity Theft forever!



She looks shocked that their bodies are remaining discrete this time.



Armando: Hey did I tell you about this waiter



Jizelle: Epic topic change!



Take a good long look, ghetto townies. This could be you some day.



Jizelle: Sex, check! Gimmicks, check! We're well on our way to being main characters.



Armando: So I'm basically banging a superstar. Awesome.



Jizelle: Ooh, how did you know my upper arm was an erogenous zone?



You're supposed to be French. Remember?

Jizelle: Some French people can speak normal English.

Not French people I intend to keep in my story, though.



Jizelle: Zut alors! What a beautiful voiture! Vonh vonh vonh.



Armando: Please stop standing on my car.



Jizelle: C'est magnifique.



Jizelle: C'est gigantique!



C'est ridicule.



Armando: Speak English, guys.



Armando: Wow! Sex is sweaty work.

Especially in French. Everything takes longer in French.



Armando: Oh baby, lemme cop a feel.



Armando: And feel a cop!



Armando: HA HA HA.



Jizelle: Good news! I am a fleur factory.



Did you just throw those flowers in the garbage?

Armando: There was no room to shove them in the mailbox.



Jizelle: Sacrebleu! He ees so sexy, the mailmen already know where he leeves!



Armando: The only thing hotter than a real French accent is a fake French accent.



Armando: 'cuz nobody wants to fuck a real French person.



Armando: They smell.



Jizelle: You deed me like a snowplow train, monsieur!



Armando: Alright, who do we call to make this official...



Armando: NO. That's just suicide.



Armando: Hello, is the governor there? No, not the Walking Dead villain, why would I possibly...?



'sup skippy.



Lyndsey: .oO(The cat says) "yaaaaawn."



Armando: Hi! How do you adopt? Is there a form I have to fill out, or is it more of a "dibs" situation?



William: I'm sure there's room for a kickback somewhere in this negotiation.



Lyndsey: There's... someone... at... the... door.

Very good! You didn't have to mentally Speak n' Spell that one.

Lyndsey: Wow... much... effort... so... tired...



Armando: Hey there! My name's... Roman! Roman... Roman da Cox!



William: At least make shit up before you have to say it.



Jizelle: Mon dieu, who ees thees sexy man-man, mon frère?

You just called Armando your brother.

Jizelle: So? French people do eencest, non?



William: This is why I need flunkies.



Jizelle: Oh monsieur, je suis très beau!
William: "Oh mister, I am very pretty?"



Jizelle: Pardon est moi, mon Francais is not zee best.
William: Repeat after me: "pardonne-moi."
Jizelle: I hear no deefference.



William: Stupid French people!



William: So why are you here? What happened to... whoever lived here. They dead?
Jizelle: Oui oui! And I have come from SimFrance to take care of my leetle sister's jaune filles!
William: Yellow daughters?
Jizelle: CLOSE ENOUGH



William: How did these people die? Can you at least tell me that?
Jizelle: They died een a folding couch acceedent.



William: Fine, cool, whatever.



William: Man, dumb French chicks are hot!
Jizelle: Hot to trot!



Jizelle: Put the garroting wire away! He's cool!
Armando: Aww.



Jizelle: Mon boyfriend and I will be stayeeng in thees maison for the time being.
William: Yeah, this all sounds legit.



Lance: Christ, Lyndsey! The armpit says "TAKE A SHOWER"



William: That sounded like a little boy.
Jizelle: Emergency pirouette!



Jizelle: Ooh lala!



William: Yeah baby, I have a helicopter.



Jizelle: Marry me. Moi. Me.



William: Gonna put my sword in BOTH HOLES



Jizelle: Oh mon ami, the grey helleecopter man has walked all over vous. Tu? You.



William: ...little help? Knees locked.



William: I forgot she's just an animatron.



Thanks for dropping by, helicopter uncle.



Jizelle: Let us make zee love, mon belle!
Armando: Not until you learn real French.



Jizelle: Mon Francais est fantastique!
Armando: Okay, I know for a fact that you need at least one little dangly thingy on the "c."



Jizelle: Let me make eet up to your leetle dangly theengy.



Jizelle: Vonh vonh vonh.



Armando: Assez bien.
Jizelle: What about my ass?!

Next time: good genetics will out.

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Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
lumy12
Mar. 9th, 2017 06:05 pm (UTC)
Yay, SimFrance opens up a whole new world of jokes for you, like jaundice humor! And wow, who knew that retelling lame waiter jokes could segue into sex like that?! Kinky car sex, even. I'm impressed with those photos.
gruglysims
Mar. 9th, 2017 09:55 pm (UTC)
Yeah, we're at the beginning of high-quality immature pics now.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )