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The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 232


Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!



Previous Updates
Pine Valley:
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25A, 25B, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100.
Clover County: 101, 102, 103, 104, 105, 106, 107, 108, 109, 110, 111, 112, 113, 114, 115, 116, 117, 118 119, 120. 121, 122, 123, 124, 125, 126, 127, 128, 129, 130, 131, 132, 133, 134, 135, 136, 137, 138, 139, 140, 141, 142, 143, 144, 145, 146, 147, 148, 149, 150, 151, 152, 153, 154, 155, 156, 157, 158, 159, 160, 161, 162, 163, 164, 165, 166, 167, 168, 169, 170, 171, 172, 173, 174, 175, 176, 177, 178, 179, 180, 181, 182, 183, 184, 186, 185, 187, 188, 189, 190, 191, 192, 193, 194, 195, 196, 197, 198, 199, 200, 201, 202, 203, 204, 205, 206, 207, 208, 209, 210, 211, 212, 213, 214, 215, 216, 217, 218, 219, 220, 221, 222, 223, 224, 225, 226, 227, 228, 229, 230, 231.
Sharpesvale: 737.
Interludes: 1, 2, 3. April Fools' Day: 2014, 2014 Comparison, 2015.
Recaps: 1, 2.

I'm getting excited.

I command you all to get excited too.




I wish this was inappropriate, but we've already established that they use taxis.



Stewart: It's so inconvenient coming into the city.

I know. I have to drive to the bus station, bus to the subway station, and subway to the university.

Stewart: Oh. I just walked.

You just...?

Stewart: I left yesterday.





Stewart: Is this why Trump thinks the inner city is all black people?

And all black people are in the inner city?

Anyway no.

It's because he's a racist cunt.



Vicki is imagining being a racist cunt.

She doesn't like it.



Stewart: Um, hi? Police people?



Stewart: When they said their investigations would be transparent I expected more than a fucking PORTHOLE.



Stewart: I'm gonna block all your donut and coffee deliveries until I get some action.



Tish: Hi there! I'm Sergeant Raha. I have enough buckshot to de-torso a bull.
Stewart: Haha! Unbeknownst to you, I am not a bull.



Tish: We've got a live one here.



Annie: How much longer you think the world is gonna last?

I'll be really pissed off if the imminent nuclear catastrophe prevents me from finishing this story.



Tish: Some moron's here to see the prostitute.
Nerissa: She's not here yet. Nathan's taking his time with her OH GOD WHAT COULD THEY BE DOING



Nerissa: Ugh, they probably are.



Tish: Why is Brooke showering?
Nerissa: Because she's an idiot. Why don't you know that? Aren't you all in the same idiot club?



Nerissa: Hello visitor-citizen. My name is Nerissa Cwik, Chief of Police. I am at your service, as long as you don't want anything that costs anything.



Nerissa: If you're here to talk to Ms. Landchild, she hasn't arrived yet.
Stewart: Wow, Rosemarie has a last name? Good for her.



Stewart: Anyway you've got her all wrong! She didn't intentionally squash Leonard, and I've forgiven her for it.
Nerissa: Oh, wow! It's neat how you think the justice system works.



Nerissa: Alright. If you make a statement for us after she gets booked, we can release her to your custody.
Stewart: Ew. Can you make her change out of her prostitute clothes first?



Nerissa: We're a police station, not a makeover parlour.
Stewart: Then why do you look like a fashion model?



Stewart: And how come you let strangers just walk into your jail like it's a not-jail?



Nerissa: We're a public institution, pal! Don't imply otherwise or I'll have you removed.



Stewart: Do you take bribes? Ooh, can I buy more prisoners? I might be able to get some good plantation land south of the border.



Nerissa: You're a funny little liberal, aren't you?
Stewart: Little?



Stewart: I'm just a concerned citizen.
Nerissa: Yeah, we hate those here.



Nerissa: Tell you what. Flash me some "easy D" and I won't arrest you.



Stewart: Are we talking about my penis?
Nerissa: I hope so.
Stewart: I hope so too!



Stewart: Okay, well, here's my statement: let Rosemarie out please.
Nerissa: Is Rosemarie your dog's name? Anyway bye.



Geez, that's a cheery thought.



New arrival, or Grim Reaper?



I was kinda hoping Grim Reaper, to be honest.



Rosemarie: Is this my cell?
Nerissa: You have to be processed first! What the fuck are you doing here?
Rosemarie: Nathan only had enough cab fare for one block. I walked the rest of the way.
Nerissa: Ugh. Cutbacks.



Rosemarie: Hey, is that Chelsea Price? The rock star?
Nerissa: If you mean CHELSEA PRICE THE HARDENED KILLER, sure.
Chelsea: I'm more of a softened killer, really!



Rosemarie: There's that famous Crotchfire humour I've heard so much about.



Rosemarie: That's her band's name. Crotchfire. You didn't know?



Rosemarie: It's because it's all redheads.
Nerissa: Shut the fuck up.



Nerissa: Get your fudge packin' ass to the reception desk and get registered before I have you shot.
Rosemarie: What's that chair doing there?
Nerissa: VEE VILL BE ASKING ZE QUESTIONS!



Meanwhile the townies plan an Assault on Precinct 13.



Ally: And literally EVERYONE in my facebook feed is all like "HAHAHA I'M A KNITTER" and "OMG I KNIT SO MUCH RIGHT" and it's like WHEN DID WE ALL BECOME AUNTIES?



Nerissa: This is a boring conversation. You are a boring policewoman.



Annie: So what're we gonna do for the rest of the afternoon?
Aurora: I was just gonna picture you on fire, screaming.
Annie: Oh, cool! I might try that too.



Secret Attic Chef: YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED UP HERE



Brooke: I can't take much more of this! I miss my family!

You're not in jail, stupid, you're at work.

Brooke: I know! That's what I mean!



You guys have a real problem distinguishing between work activities and home activities.



Hey, look who's a cop now!

Ally: Oh, you want to talk to Vicki? The mass murderer? That sounds totally reasonable.



Ally: I'll ask Vicki the mass murderer if she can come to the phone.



Ally: Vicki! Come get the phone if you can!



Vicki: Funny!



Vicki: Funny as death.



Brooke: Your clipping plane is showing.



Brooke: Also stop framing my boobs.



Brooke's Boobs: WE WERE FRAMED!



This confirms something I've long thought about Chelsea.



I have a lot of faith in cops who can't even line up their high-fives.



Ally: OH MY GOD JUST HIT ME
Brooke: DON'T YOU THINK I'M TRYING



Ricky: YOU'LL NEVER CRACK ME, SCREWS!



It's like the prisoners are running the prison.

Vicki: The original asylum analogy was probably closer.



CLUNK

Dammit! FUCK! Who put that there.



Nerissa: Tell me I'm not seeing this.



Nerissa: You know the rules, Raha! No skipping unless you have a partner!



Nerissa: Okay, new rule: cancel that rule, it's a dumb rule.



Isn't that Rosemarie's dinner?

Nerissa: She wants to think about that before she starts daydreaming about other criminals.



Ricky: Don't panic guys, but I think we might be acting strangely.



Ricky: Annie! You're a Bear. Bears don't shower.
Annie: That's just my last name, dipshit.



I don't know what advice you got from Trump, Ricky, but don't.



Ricky: Cool, just stand there, it's not like personal space is a thing.



Aurora: Is it, though? In a prison?



They're getting their jailhouse rocks off.



Rosemarie: I wonder if Social Need failure counts as a conjugal visit.



Ally: All I'm saying is the mayor made me police liaison and I think we ought to look over the courthouse security policies again!
Nerissa: And all I'm saying is that sounds boring.



Ricky: We just fucked.
Annie: I'm glad you understand that. I was worried you still thought I was a bear.



Ricky: Oh, you're not! That's cool. We're cool.
Annie: I am, anyway.



Ricky: You're much cuter now. You made an ugly-ass bear.



Annie: I'm glad nobody can hear this conversation.



Mhmm.



Annie: So what do you think about our new arrivals?
Ricky: I hope they're not getting paid as much as we are, they just sit in those little rooms and snooze.



Man, you are a hardened criminal.



Stewart: FOR FUCK'S SAKE YOU GUYS



Stewart: INVEST IN AN INTERCOM



Nerissa: An intercom! Does he think we're the military or something? Hey Raha, make sure you checked your assault rifle back into the armory.



Nerissa: I see you've brought your own hold music.



Nerissa: Oh, is that Chopin?
Stewart: No, it's Crotchfire. Have you heard their new album? Vagina Implosion?



Nerissa: ALRIGHT PRISONER TIME FOR YOUR HOSE DOWN



Nerissa: I'm just kidding, you can go.
Rosemarie: ...bitch?!



Nerissa: Our only witness says you didn't do anything wrong, and we've got a full docket as it is.
Rosemarie: Just do some crunches and you'll wear that weight right off.



Rosemarie: You see, the joke was...
Nerissa: Just leave.



Nerissa: We're watching you, scum.



And then a corn avalanche crushed her.



Can somebody flush Tish please?



'cuz "tish" is a synonym for-

Ally: WE CAN GUESS



Ally: It suits her as a quality indicator.



Thank god that's over with. Next time:



...

Next time THIS TIME AGAIN.

Fucking hell.

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Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
lumy12
Apr. 7th, 2017 02:41 am (UTC)
Oh shit! So none of this happened! Groundhog Day again, wheeee!

I don't know what advice you got from Trump, Ricky, but don't.

AHAHAHAHAHAHA GOD I hate my fucking president.

The corn avalanche made me snicker too. And what's up with Chelsea's thoughts, lol -- I've never seen a Grimmy thought, let alone a Hawaiian!Grimmy thought. Your Reaper has way more personality than mine, though.
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )