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The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 262


Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!



In which the narrator intervenes for the better.

You'll thank me some day.




"Cathouse." The fuck was I thinking.



Dagmar: Hard at work I see.
Emily: I'm at my workstation, just waiting for some clients.



Rosemarie: Sorry man, I think you have the wrong country.

Out on bail, huh?

Rosemarie: Yeah, funny thing, they didn't really have a protocol for what to do when someone blows up the courthouse.



Emily: Are you just gonna stand there all day?
Dagmar: The fuck do you care? I'm paying, aren't I?



Emily: Your money's no good here, Ms. Mayor. But your vagina is.

She means she wants to sex you.

Dagmar: Yeah, thanks.



Ugh.

Push him down the stairs or something.



Rosemarie: This is a lot like something we do here at work.



Rosemarie: And this is a lot like the result! It's not usually purple though.



Emily: You're seriously paying for hugs?



Dagmar: I'm a politician! I have to!



Rosemarie: Can you make me not a manslaughterer anymore?
Genie: ...sort of!



Rosemarie: This reminds me of that time Andrzej tried to convince me that all the women in his country customarily breathed chloroform.



Leonard: Where's the chick I was just kissing?



Rosemarie: HOW MANY WISHES DO YOU THINK I HAVE?!



Rosemarie: Try jailing me for killing an alive dude, guys!

I think you can only be tried for-

Rosemarie: SHUT UP SHUT UP



I actually recoiled in fear when I got to this pic.

Kendra: Yeah! I'm SICK OF YOUR PEEPING



Rosemarie: So yeah, Stewart and I fucked, then I ran you guys over with my car.
Leonard: Not a bad day for you, all told!



Genie: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASCRACK

Asscrack?

Genie: IT'S AN ONOMATOPEIA



Leonard: I see you're not married to Stewart.
Rosemarie: Funny thing! His fiancè isn't, either! She's married to your dad.



Leonard: How'd you get the lamp?
Rosemarie: Sent in fifty box tops!



Rosemarie: Got the box tops by fucking fifty dudes.



Leonard: I'm sorry I missed that.



ATTACK... OF THE DAY-VAMPIRE!



Leonard: I might need this explained.
Rosemarie: I'm not even sure, to be honest.



Leonard: So, if you're a prostitute...
Rosemarie: Uh-huh...
Leonard: ...I can't afford you. 'cuz I didn't have any money in hell.



Rosemarie: Don't you mean heaven?
Leonard: No. Hell. There is no heaven. Just hell. Lots of hell.



Kendra: Okay. As long as you promise you're not ugly anymore, I'll take you on. Me.



Rosemarie: I wished you back to life so I don't have to go to jail for killing you! I think a thank-you fuck is in order.



Rosemarie: Oh hahaha they caught Vicki Sharpe.



Leonard: Don't make shit up.

Nice pink pillow, dude.

Really suits you.

And your suit.

HAHAHAHA



Leonard: Good LORD.
Rosemarie: I know, he's embarassing isn't he?



Lot of that going around lately.



Clay: I could kill you right now.



Leonard: I'm sorry your life was ruined when you ended mine.



Rosemarie: It's okay, now I get to hang out with dicks all day long.



Leonard: Not much on privacy, huh?
Rosemarie: Clay has been putting his cock on literally everything.



Rosemarie: It's pretty hot, actually.



Clay: It is.

And then he put his cock on her.



Clay: Why'd you bring this douchebag back?
Rosemarie: I guess we're just in the business of bringing back douchebags, Clay.



Sure, why not.



Leonard: You know, I think you're a better match for me than for Stewart.

Pff. Half the neighbourhood is hot for redheads.

And you know why?

BECAUSE I AM HOT FOR REDHEADS.



Off to crime work!



Kendra: Stop calling me "Chelsea" dammit.



Kendra: I charge extra for roleplay.



Geoffrey: Are we using the bed?
Kendra: No, it's just you're so gross that everything in here seems filthy now.



Rosemarie: Well hey! My boyfriends all hate me, and your chick is super dead.



Andrzej doesn't hate you.

Richard: But Andrzej is creepy.
Andrzej: Is sex toy? I am stealing it!



Emily: Okay, well... if we get a barbecue I can probably use this as charcoal.



Rosemarie: So, how 'bout it champ? Want a freebie?
Leonard: I'm definitely not getting a paybie!



Emily: STOP IT WITH THE FUCKING PILLOWS



Rosemarie: Jerome's dick is tiny.
Leonard: HAHAHA wait are you gonna tell other people about my dick?



Rosemarie: Turns out Vicki was pretending to be Cecilia Phelps!
Leonard: If I was a serial killer on the run, it would never occur to me to impersonate a serial killer on the run.



Rosemarie: I bet serial killers don't visit graveyards often.



Leonard: Who's that for?
Rosemarie: I dunno, ask the algorithm.



Leonard: Nah.



Kendra: Well THIS isn't awkward.



Emily: Think of it as training.



Is everyone aware that there's still a kid living here? Who is supposedly being looked after?

Richard: Shh! Don't wreck this for me!



Andrzej: In my country women are not allowed outside after dark.



Oh.

Okay!

This makes what's about to happen a bit embarassing for me.



Kendra: GASP YOU'RE NAKED
Emily: GASP YOU'RE SWIFT



Rosemarie: I've been thinking of starting a webcam.
Leonard: Of your sexing!
Rosemarie: No, of people kicking our garbage can over. The damn thing is entirely composed of dents now.
Vanessa Yang: Could you please direct me to the Steaming Dragon Hotel?



Rosemarie: FUCK YOU'RE FAT



Yay! Sexual diversity for a change.

So, so unhappy with what's coming up.



Leonard: Gonna give me the tour?
Rosemarie: Oh, I'm gonna take you places alright.



Rosemarie: Places you won't ever wanna leave.



Leonard: Your vagina is a pretty great place alright.



Leonard: MAN! That skintone has nice breasts!



Until I saw the roaches I had this mad feeling of hope that she was about to kick the flowers over.



Leonard: I have a terrible idea!



Rosemarie: You're in the right place!



Rosemarie: FUCK.



Leonard: I will!



Leonard: MAN! That skintone.



Clay: It hasn't been the greatest week.
Kendra: Cool.
Clay: Hopefully, things will turn around for me this week.
Kendra: Neat.



Yep.



Clay: How's it going, Em?
Emily: I'm not your fucking "Em." Who are you, fucking DOROTHY?



Kendra: Oh, Em!
Emily: Oh, Ken!



Emily: Oh, fine.



Clay: So it's clothes optional tonight?



I don't know where to start.



Geoffrey: Look guys! I got you the exact same chess table you already have! Because REASONS!



Yes, everybody make sure to roach-proof your feet.



Rosemarie: We're all getting cancer.



But at least the roaches are dead!

Rosemarie: THE POOR LITTLE THINGS!



Yes! More lesbians! We have precious too few lesbians, and it makes me feel like a bad liberal.

Of course, considering what's about to happen...

Rosemarie: STOP TEASING DAMMIT



Kendra: I've been thinking about Richard's university education.
Clay: Oh, yeah? That's boring, don't explain.



Rosemarie: Clay had a bad day at work.
Emily: Oh yeah?
Rosemarie: He said they game him the hatchet!
Clay: No, dammit! I said they gave me a machete!



Rosemarie: AAAAUGH! POINTILLISM!



Emily: IT MAKES A STRONG IMPRESSION

That was an Impressionism joke.

I'm so sorry.



Emily: Hey there hot stuff!
Clay: I remember a time when that could conceivably have been about me.



Kendra: Would some rampant lesbianism make you feel better?
Clay: Ramp it up, baby!



Moving on?

Rosemarie: I don't know about on, but out definitely.



Emily: I want to touch your girl parts.



Clay: THOSE GIRL PARTS ARE MY GIRL PARTS!



Hmm, wait, where... uh... okay, here we go...



Richard: THEY'RE ALL DEAD



Richard: BACK UP

Sorry kid, the revisionary history train speeds heedlessly onward.



Richard: WHAT EVEN HAPPENED

That's the Clover County motto!



Richard: What the fuck, though.

I'll explain it in a few hundred chapters.

If I remember.



Richard: So apparently shit went down? Can you come down? And help me deal? With my shit?!



Lance: I'm a certified shit-dealer.



Lance: I know what you're going through, buddy.
Richard: No you don't! Your parents died on-screen!



Lance: It's okay, buddy. I'll teach you how to be an awful person, just like at least your dad would want.



Lance: 'cuz your dad is an asshat.

Next time: jail time!

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Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
lumy12
Jul. 30th, 2017 01:37 am (UTC)
Holy fucking shit, what the hell happened?! I hope I'm still alive in a couple hundred chapters to find out!

Hehe, I would've been excited to see flowers get kicked over, too. I still see new things happen in my game... when I play, which isn't much at all lately. I bet the only new things you get to see are new glitches?

You linked to the evil photobucket... ewwwww. At least it let me view the pic. Cute that Leonard got stuck in kiss mode!
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )