Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, your #1 source for serial killers, mad scientists, and zombies!

This hugely detailed generational story is narrated by a foul-tempered, sarcastic, bleeding-heart narrator who writes better than you can and constantly gets into postmodern arguments with his own characters.

Expect black humour, random apocalypses, and about a hundred jokes per chapter. Unsafe at any work!


Check after this post for recent chapters, pick one below, or start at the beginning! Otherwise, try this sample chapter.

If the images on this journal are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!

Chapter Updates
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25A, 25B, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100, 101, 102, 103, 104, 105, 106, 107, 108, 109, 110, 111, 112, 113, 114, 115, 116, 117, 118 119, 120. 121, 122, 123, 124, 125, 126, 127, 128, 129, 130, 131, 132, 133, 134, 135, 136, 137, 138, 139, 140, 141, 142, 143, 144, 145, 146, 147, 148, 149, 150, 151, 152, 153, 154, 155, 156, 157, 158, 159, 160, 161, 162, 163, 164, 165, 166, 167, 168, 169, 170, 171, 172, 173, 174, 175, 176, 177, 178, 179, 180, 181, 182, 183, 184, 186, 185, 187, 188, 189, 190, 191, 192, 193, 194, 195, 196, 197, 198, 199, 200, 201, 202, 203, 204, 205, 206, 207, 208, 209, 210, 211, 212, 213, 214, 215, 216, 217, 218, 219, 220, 221, 222, 223, 224, 225, 226, 227, 228, 229, 230, 231, 232, 233, 234, 235, 236, 237, 238, 239, 240, 241, 242, 243, 244, 245, 246, 247, 248, 249, 250, 251, 252, 253, 254, 255, 256, 257, 258, 259, 260, 261, 262, 263, 264, 265, 266, 267, 268, 269, 270, 271, 272, 273, 274, 275, 276, 277, 278, 279, 280, 281, 282, 283, 284, 285, 286, 287, 288, 289, 290, 291, 292, 293, 294, 295, 296, 297, 298, 299, 300, 301, 302, 303, 304, 305, 306, 307, 308, 309, 310, 311, 312, 313, 314, 315, 316, 317, 318, 319, 320, 321, 322, 323, 324, 325, 326, 327, 328, 329, 330, 331, 332, 333, 334, 335, 336, 337, 338, 339, 340, 341, 317B, 342, 343, 344, 345, 346, 347, 348, 349, 350, 351, 352, 353, 354, 355, 356, 357, 358, 359, 360, 361, 362, 363, 364, 365, 366, 367, 368, 369, 370, 371... 737.
Recaps: 1, 2.
April Fools' Day: 2014, 2014 Comparison, 2019, 2019 Comparison.

Happy Anniversary.

Nine years ago today I uploaded the first chapter of the Pine Valley Chronicles. I rewrote it once, ages ago when I updated the first fifteen chapters to match the style of the later entries. I rewrote it, oh, half a dozen times more in the process of adapting the first nine chapters into my upcoming novel, A Symphony of Sex and Death, Book 1: Serial Adultery, which adapts and expands considerably on the events and characters chronicled here.

I've never regretted the time spent writing this story. It's been rewarding to hear the odd comment about it, especially from my tiny cadre of regular readers. A silent audience of, at its peak, a few hundred have enjoyed (?) the twists and turns of my ridiculous story with me. It continues to be a source of pleasure which I don't have any intention of ending any time soon.

So here's my anniversary present to you: the prologue and first chapter of Serial Adultery.



Excerpt in .pdf format!

It'll want to open in fullscreen mode; that's the closest thing to eBook style you can get, so it's pretty awesome. The print edition will look something like this except that the pagination will be a bit different and the pictures won't be in full colour. For colour illustrations you'll want the eBook. Hmm. Maybe I should add an eBook excerpt here too? Yeah, let's do that.

Excerpt in .epub format!

As this is just the stuff from the first Chronicles chapter it won't contain a lot of the violence and absurdity which characterize the remainder of the book. It's pretty funny, though, and plenty wacky, and there's eleven illustrations of various things, seven of those things being characters.

The full book will *likely* be available on October 29, the ninth anniversary of Chapter Nine - the last chapter adapted in Serial Adultery.

Enjoy?

The print proof is in the mail and the final formatting is... finalized?

So have this celebratory no-additional-information promotional image.

SOON



The way she inhabits every picture I do of her is appropriately terrifying.

Maybe it's not healthy to be inhabiting the minds of all these loonies so often.

BUT WHAT COULD GO WRONG

Link to a bigger picture of a teenage serial killer who haunts my nightmares

Maybe she'll haunt you now instead.

So, here's something straight out of left field:

I've written a novel.

It's an adaptation of the first nine chapters or so of the Chronicles, and it's called Serial Adultery. For maximum hubris I've declared it Book 1 of a series called A Symphony of Sex and Death, which should shame me into continuing to write for some time.



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More fun with Inkscape.

This one I'm super proud of. I'm not really tracing anymore.

Colour, too! So much colour.



There's a bigger version of this one as well.

Might not post any more of these, because this is the best one anyway.

Uh, so here's something.

I found a vector art program that adds some drag to the pen tool so I don't constantly overthink my strokes and it doesn't matter that my hands aren't steady and uh apparently I can sort of pseudo-draw now. Only sort of, in very specific circumstances, but it's a nice feeling.

It's called Inkscape, it's freeware, and I think I'm going to do something I've never done with freeware before: thank them with actual money.

'cuz this was a lot of fun:



If you're thinking "that was probably traced on top of a screenshot," well no fucking duh. I'm still happy with it. And after all, I took the damn screenshot.

There's a good chance you'll never know what prompted me to draw this, and a bunch of others, but hey.

Maybe I'll post more at some point.

Maybe I won't?

Link to a bigger version, as if you'd want that. It's way bigger than its intended size, so it'll look worse, because it's almost certainly got a few layers in the wrong order.

THE CHRONICLES WILL CONTINUE. I've just been busy.

Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!

If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!

In which I've suddenly got free time again.

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Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!

If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!

In which an escape is planned.

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Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!

If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!

In which figures a precipice.

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Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!

If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!

In which another one makes it to near-personhood somehow.

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