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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 286


Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!



If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!


Now with correctly-coloured borders.

Be honest, you didn't notice.




Joshua: Hey there, hot stuff! I sure hope you're old enough for me to say that to you.



Joshua: Is she old enough for me to say that to her?
Hobart: I wouldn't know, I'm not an asshole.



Joshua: I am!



Joshua: So hey, in your own words, why was it a good idea to collude with the enemy?



Joshua: Which is what you did.



Faith: The zombies weren't my enemy. I was a knowledge seeker, and so were they! They just took a more... culinary approach.



Faith: I might have overestimated how much their love for brains was academic.



Faith: A Knowledge Sim's job is to learn stuff! I wanted to learn what it was like to rot, but you normally have to do something sorta permanent for that.



Faith: Verdict, by the way: rotting is GROSS.



Joshua: Did it ever occur to you that the rest of us might not be interested in finding that out firsthand?



Faith: Admittedly the rest of you don't enter into my calculations very often.



Joshua: I get you. Sometimes I'm really inconsiderate too! Steal parking spots at the mall, set my text message ringtone to that annoying whistle.



Joshua: It's my understanding, however, that nobody has ever died from those things. Okay, maybe the whistle, but those exploding heads were never conclusively linked to me.



Joshua: BOOM! Hahaha. Seriously though, did you even consider the effects of your action queue?



Joshua: Or were you all like "ooh look at me in my pretty dress and my pretty communism"?



Joshua: What a hot mess you are.



Joshua: I don't even want to talk to you anymore.



Karina: ...I feel like I should object, but I don't even know what that was.



Karina: I wasn't even prepared for it to be my turn yet.



Joshua: I just really hate teenagers.



Hobart: Please say or do something, Ms. Lawson.



Karina: Fine. Defense calls the other one.



Faith: I'mma call you that from now on.



Joshua: Bad girl.



Karina: I remember what it was like to be a teenager. Theoretically! I was premade as an adult.



Karina: What teenage girl considers the consequences of her actions? We wouldn't have things like Twilight or the WB or teen pregnancy, and then where would we be?



Karina: I'll bet you didn't even realize what you were doing. You have that kind of glossy-eyed, vacant expression to you.



Karina: I have to make this into a question, so: you! Shortsighted! Yes?



Yvonne: Nearsighted, you mean, yeah. I'm surprised you can spot a prescription from that distance!



Yvonne: That was a smart person joke.



Yvonne: I mean ooh ooh I feel so bad 'bout what I done.



Yvonne: I definitely didn't know I'd get arrested for this.



Yvonne: Which is why I don't feel remorse.



Karina: ...you mean you... didn't do anything wrong, right? Not that you're a sociopath.



Yvonne: Sure, whatever. I don't really care what you think.



Yvonne: I mean heck, why are your opinions worthwhile? You almost all died. So weak! Sad.



Karina: ...that sounded like Trump.
Yvonne: The game show host?

We're only up to 2012 here, people.



Karina: You were just trying to educate the Sim race, right? That's a good thing I think.



Yvonne: No. Other people being smart makes me sad. I wanna be the only smart one.



Karina: I give up.



Joshua: Nice work! I feel like I should be paying you.



Joshua: You wanna keep digging that hole, or should I tear you a new one?



Joshua: Okay, that's enough talk about teenage holes.



Faith: More than enough.



Andrew: He might be a pervert, but he's still putting them both in the electric chair.
Faith: Moral support, guys?



Joshua: So when you decided to hire killers, were you just trying to kill your family?



Joshua: Or were you going for a worldwide epidemic? Or somewhere in between.



Karina: Objection! The prosecution is assuming the disastrous consequences of my clients' actions were intentional instead of, uh, just... kinda unfortunate and bad.



Joshua: I'm sorry, have they not made their guilt clear enough already? I can let them run their mouths off a bit more if you want.



Hobart: I wish I'd never been Create-A-Simmed.



Joshua: I'll take that as an "overruled." So, honey, how 'bout it? How apocalyptic was your garden.



Joshua: My money's on "pretty apocalyptic."



Joshua: Why aren't you responding? Is it because I have so many pics with my mouth moving?



Joshua: I'm all out of rant, dammit!



Joshua: DUDE.

I wasn't sure what the script was, I wanted to get lots of extra shots!



Hobart: I think she's Blue Screened. Good job mate.



Karina: The defense rests. Because it needs it.



Joshua: Boom! Headshots.



Faith: We can't stop! I don't feel innocent yet!



Yvonne: I move the prosecution be disregarded on grounds of fugliness.



Yvonne: Hopefully we roll a Want to "Get the Electric Chair."



Faith: You just froze up! What the fuck was that?
Yvonne: We're supervillains, sis. Own up to it.



Hobart: Closing statements, Lawsons.



Hobart: Boy Lawson first.



Joshua: As it should be! Girls suck.
Yvonne: Guilty!
Faith: What?!



Joshua: Your honour, the state has shown... nah, the defendants have shown the defendants to be a pair of morally-reprehensible jerkpeople.



Joshua: They knowingly called a zombie hole on the phone, in spite of its incredibly-low Yelp! rating.



Hobart: Then they invited zombies over to their house. My stupid sister says they didn't know what would happen next. Right! Because being ignorant is totally a Knowledge Sim thing.



Faith: My face is stuck like this!
Joshua: The face of guiltiness!



Joshua: Build a prison and full it with Murphy girls, I say.



Joshua: Better yet, fill the foundation with them.



Joshua: Better yet yet, don't! Because they're unstable.



Joshua: And not in the "not my fault I'm crazy" sort of way, in the "Republican Party" kind of way.
Aurora: Oof, that's harsh.



Joshua: "Undead" is a ridiculous misnomer. Zombies are dead. These chicks killed half the county.



Joshua: Indirectly, you might say! Well, fine! Kill them with indirect current, then.



Joshua: But definitely kill them.



Karina: ...



Hobart: Yeesh.



Karina: Your honour...
Hobart: Didn't say it was your turn yet.
Karina: Oh.
Hobart: Okay, it's your turn.
Karina: ...Forgot what I was gonna say.



Karina: Oh, yeah. Your honour, my clients are completely innocent!
Faith: Not true! We're practically world-weary!
Yvonne: Shut up shut up!



Karina: It wasn't illegal at the time to call a zombie on the phone. Look it up!



Yvonne: It wasn't? I didn't know that!
Faith: Shut up shut up!



Karina: The prosecution is just out for blood.
Joshua: Better than brains! BAM.



Karina: Furthermore this trial wouldn't be happening if my clients weren't Maxis-skinned.
Yvonne: I'm not sure I like where this is going.



Karina: As a person of bad skintone myself, I feel for these girls.



Karina: And what about zombie rights? Why can't they have self-determination?



Karina: The defense has shown that Faith and Yvonne Murphy didn't know what they were doing, and even if they did, they were just helping to raise up a traditionally-downtrodden race of mythological beings.



Karina: We should be giving them a MEDAL! Well, two medals. One each. So they don't have to share.



Karina: Don't hate them because they're Knowledge Sims. It's not their fault. They just rolled that way.



Karina: I think that went well.



Hobart: Cool. I'll be in my chambers playing Game Boy and deliberating.



Hobart: It helps me think, don't judge.



Hobart: Because I'm the judge.
Oliver: Think he's talking DMG-001 or maybe an Advance SP?
Stewart: Are those sex toys?



Hobart: Grey brick all the way baby.



Hobart: Also this case is sad.



Hobart: And it's bumming me out.



Don: Is there any zombie on my face?
Abigail: I don't know, these aren't actually transparent.
Stephen: And I'm squinting for some reason.



Leonard: Did they leave us in here to starve or something?



Stewart: He's still deliberating.
Abigail: He'll see the light. From my rayguns. If he makes the wrong decision.



Aurora: I can't hear this.



Stephen: Hey hey, the gang's all here!
Andrew: Maybe don't call us a "gang" while two of us are on trial, dad.
Stephen: Don't talk to me, dad murderer.
Leonard: Just like the good old days!
Oliver: I don't remember any "good old days."
Kyle: They happened before you were born. There's a correlation there, too.



Oliver: Should that guy be walking around?
Stewart: Aren't you friends? Talk him down if he tries anything.
Oliver: Friends?! He ate my brains!
Don: Yeah, but I didn't enjoy them.



Don: We all know whose brains taste best.
Abigail: They're well-seasoned, I'll admit!



Karina: Oh good, these stupid shoes suck.
Don: Mmm, look! It's the mayor! Of my heart.
Karina: These people suck too.



Hobart: I have reached the same conclusion, yes.



Hobart: Well ladies, you really fucked up, didn't you.



Hobart: Try as I might, I can't find anything particularly admirable about genocide.



Hobart: On that note I'm not completely on-side with how the SCIA handled the whole "zombie" situation.



Hobart: State-sponsored ethnic cleansing aside (can't believe I had to say that), you damn kids and your rock and roll and your zombies really grind my gears.



Faith: Whew! Somebody's old is showing!
Stewart: I don't think I even have gears!
Don: I feel like I'm on his lawn.



Hobart: The point is, what you did was unforgivable. The state allows me to find you guilty and sentence you to death, which, frankly, is also unforgivable.

Hear hear.



Hobart: Some of my best friends are Knowledge Sims, but that's not true, nobody likes Knowledge Sims. I'm not a racist.



Hobart: I'm unclear on what races are in the context of this game.



Hobart: Anyway you got me really steamed, and I'm normally one tame kettle.



Hobart: But this kettle is calling both of you pots black. That's not a racial thing. It's a you're guilty, go to jail forever thing.



Hobart: Bye?



Karina: You didn't get the chair, I call it a draw.



Yvonne: How many days is forever?
Leonard: They ain't guilty, they're my sisters! I think.
Oliver: Why are you all surprised? You're either stupid or evil.
Andrew: That's not fair. We're mostly good people. Except mom.
Stephen: Hey!
Andrew: And dad.
Kyle: Do you have to mention incarcerated siblings on your résumé?



Yvonne: I can't go to jail, I'm too solipsistic!
Faith: You people probably can't even spell that! I can.



Yvonne: Please help me sustain the illusion that this is unfair.



Faith: That's what shared genetics are for...



Joshua: Don't drop the soap, ladies!
Yvonne: That's a dude thing.
Joshua: Is it? I don't understand it at all, actually, I just know it's a thing you say.



Joshua: I'll just default to "hahaha your lives are over" then.
Faith: Simple but effective.
Yvonne: And accurate.



Yvonne: And the stupidest thing is, our fucking lives were already over.



Joshua: Seven out of nine spectators agree: aww we're sad now! Pretty good ratio.



Joshua: Congratulate me on their misery, sis.



Karina: It's good misery.



Stewart: Just for that I won't have sex with you now.



Joshua: Feels good to put evil-doers behind bars.

You mean it feels good to win arguments with your sister.

Joshua: Yeah, honestly I'm not too fussed about evil.



Don: Any family notes you want me to pass along?
Stewart: Pff. You're not going to jail. You're going to hell.
Oliver: Good one!
Don: Redundant one, more like! Already been there.



Don: Hey baby, want to come back to my cell and inspect my collection of infernal whip gashes?



Abigail: Where did we go wrong?
Stephen: Procreating.



Stephen: But that's just collectively. Individually you went wrong marrying me, and I went wrong being a total jackwad.



Abigail: I still have residual hormonal affection for you despite your general abhorrence.
Stephen: I think abhorrence is a self-reflexive word.
Abigail: I knew there was something I liked about you.

Next time: a fishy trial.

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Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
lumy12
Oct. 30th, 2017 07:35 pm (UTC)
And justice for all! w00t w00t!

The whole racism aspect is amusing, btw. I personally don't see anything "less than" about any of your skintones. I'm a Maxis whore, though.

And Joshua! He's got such great movements! (and the DUDE when you focused on him too long was a hoot, too) That thing he did when he said "OR WERE YOU JUST ALL LIKE LOOK AT MY PRETTY DRESSSS" ahaha, I can totally picture it -- how you get all their expressions and body language so perfect is amazing. Or how you work with you've GOT is amazing, I should say... or is it a mix of both? What came first, the chicken or the egg? I assume you have SOME idea where the story is going when you play, and you try to get them to do stuff to tell that story...
gruglysims
May. 11th, 2018 02:24 am (UTC)
By this point I had a lot of tools for making Sims go through all the different emotes they can do, so I ran through a bunch of them for each scene until I got what I wanted. So the chicken and the egg were basically contemporaneous. As for what they were "actually" saying, well, in my head at the time I knew what they were saying, and then years passed, and now I try to simultaneously capture the spirit of it and brutally subvert it for my own masochistic amusement.
lumy12
May. 26th, 2018 05:23 pm (UTC)
Well, the results are brilliant :) so keep up the good work, kid!

And please kill Stewie again kthxbye
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )