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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 288

Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!

If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!

I've been here the whole time, I don't know what you're talking about.

Cameron: I can't be guilty! I'm a celebrity!

Ember: Get me out of here.

Ember: Alright, alright, okay, we can still salvage this. Um... can you make this somehow not your fault? I've got nothing.

Cameron: I could blame you? The other girls blamed their mom.

Cameron: Maybe I betrayed an entire race of living beings because my mom had too much sex? If the judge is right-wing that just might work...

Cameron: Oh no, my sadface stuck.

Cameron: Save yourself, even my mouth thinks I'm guilty.

Ember: No further energy, your honour.

Richard: Your crab impression won't help you now!

Richard: You should try bribing me instead! Send pics.

Richard: Oh shit, that's right, I have ethics. How come you didn't?

Cameron: Because sometimes ethics get in the way?
Richard: Ouch! Wrong answer, Dr. Mengele!

Cameron: My hand is HUGE

Cameron: Listen how loud it slaps.

Richard: You're not talking this very seriously, are you? Is that how you got into apocalypse-starting? A high scandal threshold?

Richard: "Ooh look at me, my nose looks like a ploughshare, I do what I want!"

Evelyn: Be funnier if you're gonna mock her.
Cameron: Or don't mock me at all?
Evelyn: Belay that phaser order.

Cameron: Back in my day I'd have eaten you whole! Assuming you weren't so fat back then.
Richard: There's the soundbite I was looking for! No further armour-piercing questions, your honour.

Evelyn: Go away.
Cameron: Yeah.

Cameron: Thanks mom, I almost felt like a half-beloved family pet.
Ember: You'd be full-loved if you hadn't shit up the neighbourhood.

Richard: Fight! Fight!

Emerson: Lake and Palmer!

I know it makes no sense, but I had to make that joke at least once.

Oh god please let this have been the first time.

Xavier: They keep saying she ate people.
Wren: I think it's a weird sex thing.

Evelyn: Closing spiels, windbags.

Richard: This practically spiels itself.

Richard: I mean, look at her. With her underwear out. Shameless.
Cameron: Don't insult my uniform.

Richard: Cameron Price was chosen as the Hand of Poseidon. That's fine. But does Poseidon get to use his hand to JERK US AROUND?!

Richard: Don't let her ugly face confuse you; she's ugly inside as well.

Richard: The prosecuting attorney should be punished as an accessory to treason for vaginasplatting her into this world!
Evelyn: "Vaginasplatting"?!

Richard: Every time I see her every part of me wants to scream "please don't eat my brains evil brain-eater!"

Richard: I shudder to imagine the evils she'll eat if we let her roam free.

Richard: I mean, what's next? If brains aren't sacred to her, what is? She'll be after our eggs and sperm next.

Richard: I love my sperm! I name each and every one.

Richard: Don't touch my sperm.

Richard: Why you wanna touch my sperm?!

Richard: My sperm containers, however, are fair game.

Richard: So there you have it. She's such a diabolic mistress of Diablo that she'd consider fondling a stranger's balls to satisfy her perverse lust for bodily fluids.

Richard: THAT is a DOOR, strumpet!

Richard: Gibberish.

Ember: Okay! Wow. Is there a doctor in the house.

Ember: We all know Knowledge Sims are idiots. Lord knows I didn't mean to spawn one.

Ember: Instead of having good urges like adultery or machinegunning, they want to get struck by lightning or eat people. Not normal!

Ember: But can we imprison an entire class of people just for not being normal? Great idea, HOLOCAUST RE-ENACTORS.

Ember: All these Nazis make my punchin' arm itch.


Ember: Please don't put my good daughter in jail.

Ember: I mean my good original daughter. I've had another daughter since who might be alright.

Ember: I forgot what I was talking about. Richard's contagious.

Ember: Just like FASCISM

Ember: I contend that the prosecution wants to curtail the cultural activities of the zombie population.

Ember: What's next, illegalizing milk?!


Ember: We need to get over this witch-hunt attitude. Zombie-hunt. Zombie witch-hunt?

Ember: We can't move forward as a society by looking backward! In this sense. I might need use the opposite metaphor in a different situation.

Ember: If we punish zombies for eating brains, we might as well punish lawyers for practising law! Strike that strike that. No.

Ember: What I'm saying is, you're being racist. Now is the part where you immediately recoil and surrender.

Ember: Please recoil and surrender.

Ember: I don't like losing.

Ember: And also I kind of like my family.

Evelyn: You made some good points there, I assume. Wasn't listening.

Evelyn: I'mma go pretend to think on this some.

Evelyn: That's disgusting.

Richard: I'll show you disgusting, baby...

Melanie: Why did you jump-cut to me after that line?

No reason.

Chelsea: I think there was a reason.

Angelica: Am I crazy or did that not go well?

Wren: I don't see why those are mutually-exclusive.

Penny: So your mom is probably going to jail.
Emerson: Like, to visit somebody?

Richard: That didn't take long.
Evelyn: Chair's uncomfortable.

Ember: Let's get this over with.

Cameron: No let's stretch this moment out forever.

Evelyn: This was a very interesting case, probably.

I'll catch it when it comes out on video.

Evelyn: So I can fast-forward.

Evelyn: All your arguments were stupid, Foxy.

Evelyn: Yours too, fatso, but marginally less so.

Evelyn: Jail! Lots of jail! Jail for you.

Evelyn: SO much jail for you.

Cameron: But I don't want any jail!

Nathaniel: Does this mean my bedtime is revoked?!


Wren: The heck are you crying for? She's just some shitty aunt.

Angelica: This is an attack on the foundation of knowledge!
Chelsea: Right, 'cuz zombies are big on that.

Cameron: Oh god you can see my underwear.

Ember: Oh god I saw her underwear.

Cameron: Can I get a cell by the sea? Poseidon might want to come visit me.

Cameron: Mommy has to go away for a while now, kids! Be mean to Penny for me.

Brooke: Right this way, walkin' dead!

Ember: What happened?! I'm way smarter than this!


Evelyn: -shudder- Boring people.

Ember: You distracted the judge with your stupid blabbering and MY STUPID BLABBERING WASN'T AS GOOD because I'M NOT ACTUALLY STUPID

Richard: Stupid is as stupid loses, bitch.

Richard: 'cuz you lost.

Richard: And your kid's going to jail now.

Cameron: Aww, I am.


Chelsea: I bet they're gonna blame me just because my testimony was so damning.


Ember: This is all KINDS of conflicting with my self-image!

Angelica: Wait, how would your bedtime be revoked? She hasn't lived with us for years.

Chelsea: Sorry for being so gayballs mom.

Chelsea: Hey! That makes this a hate crime!

Richard: I love my job!

Brooke: Boo! Boooo! Boo.
Richard: Woo! Woooo! Woo.

The legal system, in a nutshell.

Chelsea: BAD MOM
Chelsea: THAT TOO



Chelsea: So let me give you your ass in return!

Richard: I've made a mental tape of this for later.

Ember: Thanks for fucking up your sister's life, Chelsea.
Chelsea: Just returning the favour, mom.


Richard: I'd certainly hit that!

Richard: Segue!

Chelsea: Segue to go, dude!

Chelsea: Mmm. It's true what they say! Fat ugly dudes try harder.

Richard: So hard.

Ember: Oh. Great! Yes. Excellent.

Richard: To the victor goes the vag.


Chelsea: She's just jealous. And a bitch.

Chelsea: You really know how to show a girl a good time, Mister District Attorney!
Richard: Jailing siblings, the ultimate form of negging!

Richard: Should have held out for a client, client's sister, and client's mother/attorney threesome.

Ember: I would PROBABLY not be down for that.

Ember: Stupid justice.

Ember: Stupid everyone but me.

Ember: Stupid genetics.

Chelsea: Stupid hormones.

Richard: Stupid is as stupid does your daughter!

Next time: broheim on trial.

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( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 23rd, 2018 04:35 am (UTC)
I missed you, Grugs! Even if you were allegedly here the whole time.

"I think it's some weird sex thing."

Mr. Stupid-Does-Your-Daughter should go into theatre! But I guess he's doing pretty well for himself with law... lol at Ember just sitting there announcing her displeasure! Sims are so... uninhibited. Yes, I suppose that's the word.

Lake and Palmer? If you made that joke before, I still don't get it ;)

Well, Cameron, I hope you find a way to break out of jail or something...
May. 11th, 2018 02:22 am (UTC)
Apr. 3rd, 2018 09:05 pm (UTC)
Hurray xD good to see u again haha loved it. Oh Cameron, even though you're my favorite you are pretty guilty. Knowledge sims just cant help their selfish need for wanton destruction and chaos.
What was their familys band name again? My brain keeps saying Crotch Fire and though it seems pretty accurate im not quite convinced im remembering right lol
I cant wait to see what happens next and who else gets thrown in the slammer xD i do love a good courtroom drama/comedy/porno
May. 11th, 2018 02:21 am (UTC)
Crotchfire! Good memory! For terrible things.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )