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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 296


Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!



The House of the Rising Townies.




Ivy: Nobody can burn pancakes like my dad, right, lady?



Ivy: Ratfuck lady who lives with my dad?



I didn't know those bottles were electric.



Let's all bond over how Kelsey needs to put some fucking clothes on.



Alvin: Can we skip the bonding and go right to the clothing?



Kelsey: Clothes are gross.

No, kids are gross. And kids without clothes are worse.



Kelsey: Science is worse.

Than kids without clothes?

Kelsey: Than anything.

You'll make a fine politician.



Bitches love a man who can make a stack of charcoal bricks.





Somehow this doesn't strike me as a pregnancy activity.



What are you doing here?

Andrew: Just judgin'.



That ain't workin'.



THAT'S the way you do it!



Iris: WHY.



No, seriously, why.



Man, Ivy's right, science is worse.



Alvin: Goodbye trustworthy spouse!



Iris: He's gone, let's do it.



William: Stupid self-improving townies.



You couldn't at least have waited until he was gone?

Iris: How can we sneak around behind his back if his back isn't here?
Alvin: -puts his foot through the floor-



Yeah, that's definitely the front door.



Iris: You fucked my daughter.



William: Now to complete the set!



All my Sims have the same Turn-On.

"Married to Someone Else."



Iris: Wanna go make out inside and then come back out here to fuck?
William: Inefficient! I like it.



Childhoods exist to be ruined.



Ivy: Bye! Don't answer, you're not real.



Baby: Hello? Who's knocking?



Rebecca: Go find your own swings.
Ivy: These are my swings.
Rebecca: Great, you've found them! Now go away.



Baby: OOF



Baby: WHAT IS HAPPENING



I think my Turn-On is that hair model.



Kelsey: Alright, turd, into the bowl with you.



Iris: Pregnant blowjob miming!



Ivy: Coarse, but dessicated!



I've been saying that for years.



Kelsey: I'm gonna take careful notes for bribe-related reasons.



Iris: Isn't it your bedtime?
Kelsey: No?
Iris: All questions to children are rhetorical, Kelsey.



Kelsey: WELL THAT'S TRUE



Kelsey: Couch will never betray me.

Put your hands under the cushions and then say that.



♪ Rock lobster! ♪

Wait, no, that's not right.



I don't have a thousand ships, but if I did...



Stephen: OH SURE RUB IT IN



William: Yes, sir! Rubbing it in, sir!



Stephen: I'm telling.



Iris: ohhhhh what's up with the shadows



William: They're fucked too!



♪ A wasted youth is better by far than a wise and productive old age ♪

Yes, seriously, that's a song lyric.



William: OHHHH I WANT ALL THE WIVES



Alvin: Stupid ghost, make a friend or something.



Iris: I can't believe that fit inside me.



Iris: It's all downhill from here.
William: Wait'll you get arthritis.



Subtle backstabbing visual is subtle.

Until explained.



I don't think there's ever been a pregnant Bond girl.



A good spy always leaves evidence of his misdeeds.



William: Hey Ghost Dud, what's up?



Alvin: The witch trials begin.



William: AAAAAAGH THANK GOD I'M WEARING GLASSES



William: Man, dead people suck.



William: Maybe I shouldn't have made so many of them.



That's what HE said.

Alvin: Who's "he"?
Iris: Me to know, you to find out.



Iris: Except hopefully not.



Iris: Nine inches, Jesus Christ.



Stephen: You anglin' for a heart attack, old man?



First you poke her, then you poker?

William: You came off hiatus for THAT?



No child has even enjoyed making their bed.

Ivy: What about building up a static charge to zap their sleeping sister, though?



BZZZZZZZZZT

Iris: You set the round timer, I'll be the referee.



Apparently the shock shorted their brains out.



Underwear bonding!

Stop making it a thing.

Next time: I reverse what little goodwill I've built up lately.

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Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
lumy12
May. 13th, 2018 03:38 pm (UTC)
~Money for nothin' and chicks for free!~
Classic old song that would never have been released had it been today's cultural climate.

Hehe, so irritating when Sims are idiots and go to the wrong door. Sometimes I can't even figure out why, because the correct door is closer to the sidewalk. I have one house where they walk all the way around through a huge yard to the back door... takes an hour just to leave the paper every morning.

Hmmmm, subtle backstabbing image... I'm intrigued... reversing goodwill? Even more intrigued...

Underwear bonding is neato!
gruglysims
May. 14th, 2018 08:34 am (UTC)
At the point I'm playing now my Sims behave in a completely erratic fashion due to bug pile-up. It enhances the story, in my opinion. Of course nobody will ever see that story, because it's hundreds of thousands of pics in the future.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )