gruglysims (gruglysims) wrote,
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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 305


Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!



If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!


In which intra-marital affairs finally go extinct.




Chelsea: mmfsexmmf



Chelsea: I hope you weren't hoping for plot today.



Chelsea: ...I think I might be carrying Bigfoot babies.

You just promised me no plot!



Chelsea: These kids are impossible.

Of course they are.

They're William and Cameron's.

You should put them down before it's too late.



Chelsea: Badass.
Emma: Chehwsea.
Chelsea: EXACTLY!



Emma: Tell them what they want to hear.



Chelsea: Nobody wants to hear what I'm about to tell.



Chelsea: To the toilet.



Chelsea: I'd better get some sex in before I get fat.



Chelsea: Bigfoot.
Bree: Beaw!
Chelsea: Exactly.



And then she puked on the baby.



How did you get so fit?

Chelsea: Sexercise!



Chelsea: With my bearfriend.



Hey, an establishing shot, and it's not even someone's birthday.



Aw, come on. I could have framed that perfectly with just a little more effort.



Amin: REAL GOLD FLOORS Y'ALL



Amin: Behave while I'm at work?
Chelsea: I'll get up to some behaviour, sure.



Chelsea: .oO(Mating behaviour.)



Chelsea: Wanna fuck?



Bree: Could you not.



So sultry.



You know he's not human because he wants to go to work.



See also.



Michael: Oh yeah baby, that's the money shot!



Chelsea: Some people don't like me!
Michael: They haven't seen you naked, I presume?



Chelsea: Lucas is dead.
Michael: Never gets old!



Chelsea: Shit, I'd better put some clothes on.
Michael: You'd better not!



Chelsea: Around here you have to earn nudity, mister.



Chelsea: It's not a hard job, though.



Michael: I dunno, feels pretty hard from where I'm standing.



Chelsea: Oh yeah? Show me.



Chelsea: Why'd you put me down?
Michael: You were getting heavier rapidly.



Chelsea: Oh FUCK.



Michael: Looks like you already did.



Chelsea: If you back out now I'm keeping your ass.



Michael: I'm feeling your boob.
Chelsea: Good man!



Bree: Is he, though?



Michael: Where you goin', baby?
Chelsea: For a baby shower. You can come.



Michael: I'm definitely going to!



Chelsea: Tell your friends!



Chelsea: OHHHHHHH TELL ALLLLLL YOUR FRIENDS



Chelsea: Seriously do it.



He's back from work;
Today he drove;



His wife's a bitch;



He won a stove.



Michael: I just heard the door open.
Chelsea: So stick 'er in!
Michael: ...you think "door" is a euphemism for "vagina"?
Chelsea: I'm a Romance Sim. I think everything is a euphemism for everything.



Chelsea: Anyway stick 'er in already.



Amin: I have cyclotronned the superjuice!



Michael: You deserve a blowpromotion.



Chelsea: I'm already the CEO of blow.



Michael: This is just barely worth the mortal peril it puts me in.



He's going to do some financial consulting.

Hopefully video conferencing isn't involved.

I don't know if I'd take 401k advice from a bigfoot in a bowler.

Amin: Racist?



Michael: ...how is the shower going if neither of us are actually interacting with it?



It's complicated.



Chelsea is also complicated.



Chelsea: I'll distract the monkey so you can sneak out.



Michael: Racist?



Amin: Were you alone in there?
Chelsea: There's my big ol' fuckmuffin!



Amin: You just taught the kids a new word.



Bree: Fuckmuffin!
Emma: Fuckmuffin!



Amin: I might as well fuck your muffin now that the damage is done.



Amin: Hey, you're fat now.



Chelsea: It's genetics. Specifically yours and mine combined.



Michael: I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING FOR SOME REASON



And then he soaked his leg.



Michael: I HAVE A VERY STRANGE UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT CONSTITUTES BETRAYAL



Michael: I'm gonna leave before someone asks me to justify my wrath.



Chelsea: I'd explain what just happened, but luckily it won't have triggered your jealousy code.



Chelsea: It's a good life when you know how to game the system.



Amin: HARLOT!
Chelsea: How do you know, though?!



Amin: That man just ran in and implied you'd had an affair with him!
Chelsea: But that's not supposed to tip you off! PLAY BY THE RULES MAN!



Amin: I'm not some fucking robot, Chelsea!
Chelsea: We're ALL some fucking robots, Amin!



Amin: Well beep boop bleep fuck you, then.



Chelsea: What just happened?

I have no idea. It doesn't make any sense.

Chelsea: I blame your eighteen-gigabyte downloads folder, personally.

Hey! It was only like sixteen gigabytes at this point.



Chelsea: I can't live with a man who spots cheating that easily.
Amin: But I love you now somehow!
Chelsea: GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER



Chelsea: And get it OUT OF MY HOUSE.



Chelsea: Take your stove and GIT.



Amin: I thought you'd like that stove.



NOTHING MAKES SENSE ANYMORE



Yeah, empty your... pockets... before you go.



This is how Bree dies.



Amin: I'm gonna naked ass your chair before I go.



Chelsea: Let me teach you how not to get stomped by bigfoots, kid.



Amin: Fuck you.
Michael: Fuck you!
Amin: Fuck... Chelsea.
Michael: Yeah, fuck her, definitely.



Bree: So many handholds!



Kick her in the tits.



Chelsea: Hey man, good news! Got the house all to myself now.



SHE WASN'T CALLING YOU



Chelsea: Are you stealing my house?



Michael: Why am I doing this.



Chelsea: Has everyone but me lost their mind?

I saw how you reacted to the breakup. You're not immune.



Oliver: Hey, look who got old and fat!



Chelsea: And horny.



Oliver: Did you miss me while I was dead?
Chelsea: Honestly I called you the moment I remembered you.



Chelsea: Your dad's a jerk.

Mine isn't. Happy Father's Day, dad!

Except I hope he never reads this story.

That would be weird.



Oliver: Hahaha your house smells like dog sex.



Oliver: And you smell like all sex.



Chelsea: I'm a collector!



Oliver: This is weird.



Chelsea: Because you died and I got older, or because you died and I got pregnant?
Oliver: Because a girl likes me, actually.



Oliver: What're you doing?
Chelsea: Adjusting to taste.



Oliver: Tastes goooood.



Chelsea: I am way too hot to be wasted on breeding.



Chelsea: Will you be my live-in sex butler?



Oliver: Did someone send you a telescope bomb?



Chelsea: HELLO FIRE DEPARTMENT? IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW



Oliver: Oh, the rain put it out.

Good thing nobody panicked.



Chelsea: You can't fine me! I'M on fire!



Oliver: No arguments here.



Oliver: I think your water pressure is a bit too strong.



Chelsea: Hahaha what is this tiny thing.



Chelsea: I'mma call you Oscar Mayer.



Chelsea: Seriously where's the real dick.



Oliver: I think you're the real dick.



Oliver: At least you're a big one.



Chelsea: I hope you like diapers, bud.



Chelsea: Maybe I should like diapers!



Chelsea changes her Aspiration to Great Grey Brick.



Chelsea: It's so hot, the way he mashes his dick into the counter like that!



Chelsea: I will pay you in sex if you raise these kids that aren't yours.
Oliver: This is that weird cuckold fantasy I've been hearing about on the internet, isn't it.



Chelsea: I fucked your brother.
Oliver: That's five other people.



Chelsea: I fucked him when he was already married.
Oliver: Oh, that brother.



Chelsea: I fucked him when he was married to my sister.
Oliver: You're terrible.



Oliver: And fuckable.



Chelsea: I'm fuckable!



Oliver: Yes, that's my face, what of it.



Chelsea: I'm pimp-handing you, bitch.



Chelsea: Now make with the makin' it.



Chelsea: So strong!
Oliver: The Little Erection That Could.



Chelsea: I hope the neighbours are taking notes.



Chelsea: OHHHH TAKE NOTES EVERYBODY



Elle: Your neighbours threw up.



Chelsea: It's been a weird life, Ollie.
Oliver: With a few weird deaths mixed in, yeah.



Chelsea: MY KNEES ARE SINKING THROUGH THE FLOOR

Is that good?

Chelsea: IT'S WEIRD



Chelsea: ...I think it may be possible to have enough sex in one day.



Oliver: I'll meet you there.



Michael: Didn't my telescope bomb go off?!



Oliver: So wait. I have to take care of baby WilliamCamerons AND baby ChelseaBigfoots?
Chelsea: Won't it be fun?!



Oliver: This is hell, isn't it.

Next time: no plot, and then suddenly, LOTS of plot!

It's plotted unevenly.

Tags: ea games, eaxis, legacy challenge, maxis, prosperity, sharpesvale chronicles, simblr, sims, sims 2
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