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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 305


Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!



If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!


In which intra-marital affairs finally go extinct.




Chelsea: mmfsexmmf



Chelsea: I hope you weren't hoping for plot today.



Chelsea: ...I think I might be carrying Bigfoot babies.

You just promised me no plot!



Chelsea: These kids are impossible.

Of course they are.

They're William and Cameron's.

You should put them down before it's too late.



Chelsea: Badass.
Emma: Chehwsea.
Chelsea: EXACTLY!



Emma: Tell them what they want to hear.



Chelsea: Nobody wants to hear what I'm about to tell.



Chelsea: To the toilet.



Chelsea: I'd better get some sex in before I get fat.



Chelsea: Bigfoot.
Bree: Beaw!
Chelsea: Exactly.



And then she puked on the baby.



How did you get so fit?

Chelsea: Sexercise!



Chelsea: With my bearfriend.



Hey, an establishing shot, and it's not even someone's birthday.



Aw, come on. I could have framed that perfectly with just a little more effort.



Amin: REAL GOLD FLOORS Y'ALL



Amin: Behave while I'm at work?
Chelsea: I'll get up to some behaviour, sure.



Chelsea: .oO(Mating behaviour.)



Chelsea: Wanna fuck?



Bree: Could you not.



So sultry.



You know he's not human because he wants to go to work.



See also.



Michael: Oh yeah baby, that's the money shot!



Chelsea: Some people don't like me!
Michael: They haven't seen you naked, I presume?



Chelsea: Lucas is dead.
Michael: Never gets old!



Chelsea: Shit, I'd better put some clothes on.
Michael: You'd better not!



Chelsea: Around here you have to earn nudity, mister.



Chelsea: It's not a hard job, though.



Michael: I dunno, feels pretty hard from where I'm standing.



Chelsea: Oh yeah? Show me.



Chelsea: Why'd you put me down?
Michael: You were getting heavier rapidly.



Chelsea: Oh FUCK.



Michael: Looks like you already did.



Chelsea: If you back out now I'm keeping your ass.



Michael: I'm feeling your boob.
Chelsea: Good man!



Bree: Is he, though?



Michael: Where you goin', baby?
Chelsea: For a baby shower. You can come.



Michael: I'm definitely going to!



Chelsea: Tell your friends!



Chelsea: OHHHHHHH TELL ALLLLLL YOUR FRIENDS



Chelsea: Seriously do it.



He's back from work;
Today he drove;



His wife's a bitch;



He won a stove.



Michael: I just heard the door open.
Chelsea: So stick 'er in!
Michael: ...you think "door" is a euphemism for "vagina"?
Chelsea: I'm a Romance Sim. I think everything is a euphemism for everything.



Chelsea: Anyway stick 'er in already.



Amin: I have cyclotronned the superjuice!



Michael: You deserve a blowpromotion.



Chelsea: I'm already the CEO of blow.



Michael: This is just barely worth the mortal peril it puts me in.



He's going to do some financial consulting.

Hopefully video conferencing isn't involved.

I don't know if I'd take 401k advice from a bigfoot in a bowler.

Amin: Racist?



Michael: ...how is the shower going if neither of us are actually interacting with it?



It's complicated.



Chelsea is also complicated.



Chelsea: I'll distract the monkey so you can sneak out.



Michael: Racist?



Amin: Were you alone in there?
Chelsea: There's my big ol' fuckmuffin!



Amin: You just taught the kids a new word.



Bree: Fuckmuffin!
Emma: Fuckmuffin!



Amin: I might as well fuck your muffin now that the damage is done.



Amin: Hey, you're fat now.



Chelsea: It's genetics. Specifically yours and mine combined.



Michael: I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING FOR SOME REASON



And then he soaked his leg.



Michael: I HAVE A VERY STRANGE UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT CONSTITUTES BETRAYAL



Michael: I'm gonna leave before someone asks me to justify my wrath.



Chelsea: I'd explain what just happened, but luckily it won't have triggered your jealousy code.



Chelsea: It's a good life when you know how to game the system.



Amin: HARLOT!
Chelsea: How do you know, though?!



Amin: That man just ran in and implied you'd had an affair with him!
Chelsea: But that's not supposed to tip you off! PLAY BY THE RULES MAN!



Amin: I'm not some fucking robot, Chelsea!
Chelsea: We're ALL some fucking robots, Amin!



Amin: Well beep boop bleep fuck you, then.



Chelsea: What just happened?

I have no idea. It doesn't make any sense.

Chelsea: I blame your eighteen-gigabyte downloads folder, personally.

Hey! It was only like sixteen gigabytes at this point.



Chelsea: I can't live with a man who spots cheating that easily.
Amin: But I love you now somehow!
Chelsea: GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER



Chelsea: And get it OUT OF MY HOUSE.



Chelsea: Take your stove and GIT.



Amin: I thought you'd like that stove.



NOTHING MAKES SENSE ANYMORE



Yeah, empty your... pockets... before you go.



This is how Bree dies.



Amin: I'm gonna naked ass your chair before I go.



Chelsea: Let me teach you how not to get stomped by bigfoots, kid.



Amin: Fuck you.
Michael: Fuck you!
Amin: Fuck... Chelsea.
Michael: Yeah, fuck her, definitely.



Bree: So many handholds!



Kick her in the tits.



Chelsea: Hey man, good news! Got the house all to myself now.



SHE WASN'T CALLING YOU



Chelsea: Are you stealing my house?



Michael: Why am I doing this.



Chelsea: Has everyone but me lost their mind?

I saw how you reacted to the breakup. You're not immune.



Oliver: Hey, look who got old and fat!



Chelsea: And horny.



Oliver: Did you miss me while I was dead?
Chelsea: Honestly I called you the moment I remembered you.



Chelsea: Your dad's a jerk.

Mine isn't. Happy Father's Day, dad!

Except I hope he never reads this story.

That would be weird.



Oliver: Hahaha your house smells like dog sex.



Oliver: And you smell like all sex.



Chelsea: I'm a collector!



Oliver: This is weird.



Chelsea: Because you died and I got older, or because you died and I got pregnant?
Oliver: Because a girl likes me, actually.



Oliver: What're you doing?
Chelsea: Adjusting to taste.



Oliver: Tastes goooood.



Chelsea: I am way too hot to be wasted on breeding.



Chelsea: Will you be my live-in sex butler?



Oliver: Did someone send you a telescope bomb?



Chelsea: HELLO FIRE DEPARTMENT? IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW



Oliver: Oh, the rain put it out.

Good thing nobody panicked.



Chelsea: You can't fine me! I'M on fire!



Oliver: No arguments here.



Oliver: I think your water pressure is a bit too strong.



Chelsea: Hahaha what is this tiny thing.



Chelsea: I'mma call you Oscar Mayer.



Chelsea: Seriously where's the real dick.



Oliver: I think you're the real dick.



Oliver: At least you're a big one.



Chelsea: I hope you like diapers, bud.



Chelsea: Maybe I should like diapers!



Chelsea changes her Aspiration to Great Grey Brick.



Chelsea: It's so hot, the way he mashes his dick into the counter like that!



Chelsea: I will pay you in sex if you raise these kids that aren't yours.
Oliver: This is that weird cuckold fantasy I've been hearing about on the internet, isn't it.



Chelsea: I fucked your brother.
Oliver: That's five other people.



Chelsea: I fucked him when he was already married.
Oliver: Oh, that brother.



Chelsea: I fucked him when he was married to my sister.
Oliver: You're terrible.



Oliver: And fuckable.



Chelsea: I'm fuckable!



Oliver: Yes, that's my face, what of it.



Chelsea: I'm pimp-handing you, bitch.



Chelsea: Now make with the makin' it.



Chelsea: So strong!
Oliver: The Little Erection That Could.



Chelsea: I hope the neighbours are taking notes.



Chelsea: OHHHH TAKE NOTES EVERYBODY



Elle: Your neighbours threw up.



Chelsea: It's been a weird life, Ollie.
Oliver: With a few weird deaths mixed in, yeah.



Chelsea: MY KNEES ARE SINKING THROUGH THE FLOOR

Is that good?

Chelsea: IT'S WEIRD



Chelsea: ...I think it may be possible to have enough sex in one day.



Oliver: I'll meet you there.



Michael: Didn't my telescope bomb go off?!



Oliver: So wait. I have to take care of baby WilliamCamerons AND baby ChelseaBigfoots?
Chelsea: Won't it be fun?!



Oliver: This is hell, isn't it.

Next time: no plot, and then suddenly, LOTS of plot!

It's plotted unevenly.

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Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
lumy12
Jun. 23rd, 2018 02:52 pm (UTC)
I'm gonna naked ass your chair before I go.

Ahahahahaha

That was my fave line. There WAS a lot of weird shit in this chapter! How does the shower keep going when no one's "using" it? I didn't know someone could get all jealous when they're bringing date flowers! ...CRYING while at the same time being happy about a breakup? (wait, that one kind of makes sense, actually) Is there anyone Chelsea won't fuck? I mean, she's not even getting paid for this. Not sure if I like the new hair better or not, but she's hot either way.

Y'know, it never occurred to me to use the wedding arch as an entryway, but it looks so perfect. I'ma have to start doing that!

Lucassssssssssssss WHEN ARE YOU COMING BACK TO LIFE, DUDE
gruglysims
Jun. 24th, 2018 08:30 pm (UTC)
Grugly Prime was "using" the shower so it would keep running. That's why he was so smelly and in the other room :D

The arch does look good there. I did a similar thing in Lance's house and it made the fucking Sims think the route was too long, so they walked outside to get into the living room, which was... infuriating?

NEVER
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )