?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 308


Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!



In which business is done.




Got the skills to pay those bills?

Richard: No, but I know who does.



Richard: Do real people ever put the phone on the floor?

I don't know any real people.



Richard: I don't know any virtual people. Yet.



Gonna pick that money?

Richard: I told you already, I don't intend to do any work.



Richard: I intend to work it!



Richard: Ooh! Ahh! Livin' the dream!



Richard: ...what's that sound?



Everybody look what's goin' down.



Richard: The space exterminator is here!



Yeah, he's here to exterminate your space.



Good, you want to make sure to get the whole set.



I thought vampires didn't have reflections.



Richard: Okay, so maybe I'll do a little work.



Richard: Let me know when you see some prospective employees, though.



Are you looking for child labour, or... vacationers?



Richard: Man, adulting is hard.



Richard: Aww, they cancelled my favourite show!

Fuckin' networks, eh.

Richard: Welllll... the star did die in a car explosion.



Richard: People still play chess?

Not in your house they don't.



Richard: ...



Richard: Man, being old must be boring.



Some random chick outside.

Richard: She hot?

Not really.



Richard: Then she's perfect.



Richard: No, don't touch me! Only the clients.

Clients?



Richard: Let's just get this out of the way real quick: I'll let you move into my house if you fuck people for money.



Tiffany: I'm not sure how quick we can get that out of the way.



Richard: If you move in you'll become a playable.



Richard: Oh look, she came back.



Tiffany: A real playable? Like Abigail Young and William Sharpe?
Richard: Sure! Only... uglier!



Richard: DON'T EAVESDROP



Tiffany: What even is this thing?!



Richard: Hmm. What should her theme be?

Theme?

Richard: All good prostitutes need a theme!

I thought the theme was "sex for money."



Tiffany: I wonder what the record is for youngest pimp ever.



Richard: She looks Japanesey to me. This furniture also looks Japanesey to me.

So that's her theme, then?

"Japanesey"?



Tiffany: I can live with it.
Richard: But can you work with it.



Tiffany: Man, choices! Never had those before.



Richard: I'll get you the relevant tax forms in the morning.



Tiffany: Wow, Japanesey is hottish!



Aw, look at the poor little guy, all tuckered out.

From starting his brothel.



Tiffany: He's already got enough money to pay these bills.

I guess he's just in it for love, then.



Tiffany: So, what made you want to take up this... business?
Richard: It's a family firm.



Tiffany: Is there a lot of money in it?
Richard: I dunno, a dude killed my mom and all her employees before I could find out.



Emmy Hourvitz: I'm a Mormon!



Emmy: Hello little man!
Richard: I'm putting you on fat dude duty for that.



Richard: God, what is with you people?! Drugs dealers don't do drugs, and prostitutes don't give away affection for free!



Emmy: I'm a what now?



Emmy: Whatever, it's better than being homeless.



Richard: She hasn't seen the fat dudes yet.



I take it your theme was "lumberjack."

Emmy: "Lumberjill," actually.

You look more like a Jack to me.



Tiffany: Wash that dish when you're done.
Emmy: I didn't become a prostitute to do manual labour!



Tiffany: Tell me everything you know.



Emmy: So I rub this all over myself and get clean? That's weird.



Oh no, I've been framed!



Tiffany: Gotta rub my vagina on everything, mark my territory.



Gnome: Go ahead, I've got you.



What did you change your Turn-Ons to? 'cuz I hope "fat" was in there somewhere.



Emmy: Are you fat? 'cuz you're lookin' good.

Oh, you changed them to "Sad" and "Lonely."



Kennedy Smith: Did somebody call me?



Emmy: Wanna fuck?
Kennedy: Can I get two?



Emmy: I said fuck, not hug, perv!



Emmy: But man that's some sexy sad and lonely you got goin' on right there.



Emmy: I'm a lumberjill, and I'm okay.
Kennedy: You work all night...
Emmy: And probably all day, too. My rates are reasonable.



Kennedy: Climb my tree, baby.



I think that's the symbol for when you start to like someone because it's too dark to see how ugly they are.



Kennedy: ASS GRAB!
Emmy: At least you call your shots!



Emmy: Slow up there, tiger!
Kennedy: Slow down, you mean?
Emmy: No, slow up! As in go less slow!



Kennedy: Your ass was gross and I'm sad I touched it.



Emmy: That makes me feel better about beating you up and taking your wallet.



Kennedy: That's my most dangerous fetish!



Dream big, baby.



Kennedy: I'd take you home with me, but I don't have a home.



Kennedy: Are you guys hiring?
Emmy: Only kinda ugly people, sorry fuggo.



Kennedy: That's fair.



Kennedy: I forgot to ask how much you charge.
Emmy: That's okay, I'll rob you blind while you sleep.



Kennedy: I never sleep.



Kennedy: Honestly this is my first day of having real biological functions.
Emmy: You too?



Emmy: What is this gross shit?!



Jasmyn Yang: Is this where the lumberjill convention's at?



Richard: So I'm obviously not a madame, but does that make me a monsieur?



Richard: Hi! Want to have sex for me?



Jasmyn: Say that again, slowly and carefully?



Richard: STOP. WHY.



Richard: WHAT DID YOU TELL THEM
Gnome: I DINT SAY NOTHIN



Kennedy: Noisy place.
Emmy: Business is booming!



Richard: You need to pick a new theme. May I suggest Victorian? You're that kind of ugly, I think.



Emmy: This is gonna cost you extra.



Kennedy: Well fuck that I'm leaving.



Emmy: Let me get you a business card before you go.



Bleugh.



Richard: Well anyway, thanks for taking my virginity.
Emmy: We're the only virginity-disposal business in town!



Emmy: This is the part where I rifle through your backpack.



No, this is the part where this happens.



Emmy: Oh god this again.



Oh god, this again.



Richard: Geez dude, update your drivers or something.



Richard: Sheesh, slim pickings. In fact, even Slim Pickens would be better.



Richard: Okay, you're in.
Jasmyn: I'm in what?
Richard: Just... scroll up, I don't want to go through it again.



Richard: WHY WHY WHY WHY



Richard: SURE. FUCK. WHATEVER.



Richard: NOW LET ME SLEEP DAMMIT



I usually take pics like this when I find the Sims interesting.

Sooo...

What the fuck.



Kennedy: Everything the fuck.



I've never seen a flesh unibrow before.



Richard: Thanks for your business.
Kennedy: ...are you the owner's kid?
Richard: I'm the owner, kid!



Richard: SNITCHES GET STITCHES



Richard: Hello, would you be interested in-
Elle: NO.



Emmy: Is he still here? His ugly face is all I can see.



Jasmyn: I don't think I'll miss the lumberjill theme.



Jasmyn: All things considered.



Kyle? I dunno, I don't think you're his type.

Emmy: What's his type?

Interesting?



Emmy: No, we can't "order in" for you! You pick from what we got.



Jasmyn: Eww, who bit the bullet on that dude?



Jasmyn: If I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do this hot.
Emmy: I'm broken in!



Richard: Man of the Year, here I come.

Next time: jail time.

Recent Posts from This Journal

Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
zombifruffles
Jun. 19th, 2018 08:57 am (UTC)
I dont know what's crazier - Richard getting the youngest pimp award or the fact that i dont remember how Kendra and her Hoe Hoard all got shot to death lol as I've read the story about 3 times now, im kinda leaning towards the later. Im glad Richard grew into his custom skintone tho - he was the ugliest sim-baby I've ever seen haha
gruglysims
Jun. 24th, 2018 08:20 pm (UTC)
I cut out the hopocalypse because it made me uncomfortable, like the entire storyline leading up to and out of it. It was neither funny nor a sensitive treatment of the issue of violence against people in precarious positions. I always kill off my Sims when I get bored of them, but killing off a bunch of prostitutes has implications which were not intended. I really don't want to accidentally attract an audience of Men's Rights Activists.

Richard's still pretty ugly at this point, I think. He grows out of it.

Edited at 2018-06-24 08:21 pm (UTC)
lumy12
Jun. 23rd, 2018 04:38 pm (UTC)
Richard should get some prettier ladies in his whorehouse and charge the Sad and Lonelys more for those. The surplus of ugly crashed your game, it looks like. And wtf, I've never seen that "lolz it's too dark to see you" icon. Interesting!

Hehe, poor little abused Gnome!
gruglysims
Jun. 24th, 2018 08:22 pm (UTC)
I think that headline means the friendship improved faster than usual because it's summer. It's a Seasons thing. Winter is better for family, spring is better for love, and autumn is better for learnin's, I think.

lumy12
Jun. 25th, 2018 05:00 am (UTC)
I'll combine a few replies here so as not to spam. ...and out of laziness.

Wow, ya learn somethin' new every day... I know about the faster learning in Fall, because the game makes it so obvious, and about it being easier to fall in love in Spring. The other two are new to me!

600 chapters in the future? I knew you were playing years ahead but wowza. Just how far ahead ARE you, and how the hell do you make yourself revisit the old stuff? Daaaaaang.

Oh and the baby icons -- yeah, there's a different one as a "plot element" choice for a novel than the normal (wants/fears) one, and yours had the plot element one in the thought bubble instead of the one that shows up in the wants panel. Weird.

I had to laugh at your routing issues with the arch :) Soooo annoying when Sims can't figure it out when there's clearly plenty of fucking space.

...that simlogical prison thing blows my mind. SO COOL.
gruglysims
Jun. 25th, 2018 08:36 pm (UTC)
A very rough calculation puts me at about Chapter 1300 currently.
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )