gruglysims (gruglysims) wrote,
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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 308


Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!



If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!


In which business is done.




Got the skills to pay those bills?

Richard: No, but I know who does.



Richard: Do real people ever put the phone on the floor?

I don't know any real people.



Richard: I don't know any virtual people. Yet.



Gonna pick that money?

Richard: I told you already, I don't intend to do any work.



Richard: I intend to work it!



Richard: Ooh! Ahh! Livin' the dream!



Richard: ...what's that sound?



Everybody look what's goin' down.



Richard: The space exterminator is here!



Yeah, he's here to exterminate your space.



Good, you want to make sure to get the whole set.



I thought vampires didn't have reflections.



Richard: Okay, so maybe I'll do a little work.



Richard: Let me know when you see some prospective employees, though.



Are you looking for child labour, or... vacationers?



Richard: Man, adulting is hard.



Richard: Aww, they cancelled my favourite show!

Fuckin' networks, eh.

Richard: Welllll... the star did die in a car explosion.



Richard: People still play chess?

Not in your house they don't.



Richard: ...



Richard: Man, being old must be boring.



Some random chick outside.

Richard: She hot?

Not really.



Richard: Then she's perfect.



Richard: No, don't touch me! Only the clients.

Clients?



Richard: Let's just get this out of the way real quick: I'll let you move into my house if you fuck people for money.



Tiffany: I'm not sure how quick we can get that out of the way.



Richard: If you move in you'll become a playable.



Richard: Oh look, she came back.



Tiffany: A real playable? Like Abigail Young and William Sharpe?
Richard: Sure! Only... uglier!



Richard: DON'T EAVESDROP



Tiffany: What even is this thing?!



Richard: Hmm. What should her theme be?

Theme?

Richard: All good prostitutes need a theme!

I thought the theme was "sex for money."



Tiffany: I wonder what the record is for youngest pimp ever.



Richard: She looks Japanesey to me. This furniture also looks Japanesey to me.

So that's her theme, then?

"Japanesey"?



Tiffany: I can live with it.
Richard: But can you work with it.



Tiffany: Man, choices! Never had those before.



Richard: I'll get you the relevant tax forms in the morning.



Tiffany: Wow, Japanesey is hottish!



Aw, look at the poor little guy, all tuckered out.

From starting his brothel.



Tiffany: He's already got enough money to pay these bills.

I guess he's just in it for love, then.



Tiffany: So, what made you want to take up this... business?
Richard: It's a family firm.



Tiffany: Is there a lot of money in it?
Richard: I dunno, a dude killed my mom and all her employees before I could find out.



Emmy Hourvitz: I'm a Mormon!



Emmy: Hello little man!
Richard: I'm putting you on fat dude duty for that.



Richard: God, what is with you people?! Drugs dealers don't do drugs, and prostitutes don't give away affection for free!



Emmy: I'm a what now?



Emmy: Whatever, it's better than being homeless.



Richard: She hasn't seen the fat dudes yet.



I take it your theme was "lumberjack."

Emmy: "Lumberjill," actually.

You look more like a Jack to me.



Tiffany: Wash that dish when you're done.
Emmy: I didn't become a prostitute to do manual labour!



Tiffany: Tell me everything you know.



Emmy: So I rub this all over myself and get clean? That's weird.



Oh no, I've been framed!



Tiffany: Gotta rub my vagina on everything, mark my territory.



Gnome: Go ahead, I've got you.



What did you change your Turn-Ons to? 'cuz I hope "fat" was in there somewhere.



Emmy: Are you fat? 'cuz you're lookin' good.

Oh, you changed them to "Sad" and "Lonely."



Kennedy Smith: Did somebody call me?



Emmy: Wanna fuck?
Kennedy: Can I get two?



Emmy: I said fuck, not hug, perv!



Emmy: But man that's some sexy sad and lonely you got goin' on right there.



Emmy: I'm a lumberjill, and I'm okay.
Kennedy: You work all night...
Emmy: And probably all day, too. My rates are reasonable.



Kennedy: Climb my tree, baby.



I think that's the symbol for when you start to like someone because it's too dark to see how ugly they are.



Kennedy: ASS GRAB!
Emmy: At least you call your shots!



Emmy: Slow up there, tiger!
Kennedy: Slow down, you mean?
Emmy: No, slow up! As in go less slow!



Kennedy: Your ass was gross and I'm sad I touched it.



Emmy: That makes me feel better about beating you up and taking your wallet.



Kennedy: That's my most dangerous fetish!



Dream big, baby.



Kennedy: I'd take you home with me, but I don't have a home.



Kennedy: Are you guys hiring?
Emmy: Only kinda ugly people, sorry fuggo.



Kennedy: That's fair.



Kennedy: I forgot to ask how much you charge.
Emmy: That's okay, I'll rob you blind while you sleep.



Kennedy: I never sleep.



Kennedy: Honestly this is my first day of having real biological functions.
Emmy: You too?



Emmy: What is this gross shit?!



Jasmyn Yang: Is this where the lumberjill convention's at?



Richard: So I'm obviously not a madame, but does that make me a monsieur?



Richard: Hi! Want to have sex for me?



Jasmyn: Say that again, slowly and carefully?



Richard: STOP. WHY.



Richard: WHAT DID YOU TELL THEM
Gnome: I DINT SAY NOTHIN



Kennedy: Noisy place.
Emmy: Business is booming!



Richard: You need to pick a new theme. May I suggest Victorian? You're that kind of ugly, I think.



Emmy: This is gonna cost you extra.



Kennedy: Well fuck that I'm leaving.



Emmy: Let me get you a business card before you go.



Bleugh.



Richard: Well anyway, thanks for taking my virginity.
Emmy: We're the only virginity-disposal business in town!



Emmy: This is the part where I rifle through your backpack.



No, this is the part where this happens.



Emmy: Oh god this again.



Oh god, this again.



Richard: Geez dude, update your drivers or something.



Richard: Sheesh, slim pickings. In fact, even Slim Pickens would be better.



Richard: Okay, you're in.
Jasmyn: I'm in what?
Richard: Just... scroll up, I don't want to go through it again.



Richard: WHY WHY WHY WHY



Richard: SURE. FUCK. WHATEVER.



Richard: NOW LET ME SLEEP DAMMIT



I usually take pics like this when I find the Sims interesting.

Sooo...

What the fuck.



Kennedy: Everything the fuck.



I've never seen a flesh unibrow before.



Richard: Thanks for your business.
Kennedy: ...are you the owner's kid?
Richard: I'm the owner, kid!



Richard: SNITCHES GET STITCHES



Richard: Hello, would you be interested in-
Elle: NO.



Emmy: Is he still here? His ugly face is all I can see.



Jasmyn: I don't think I'll miss the lumberjill theme.



Jasmyn: All things considered.



Kyle? I dunno, I don't think you're his type.

Emmy: What's his type?

Interesting?



Emmy: No, we can't "order in" for you! You pick from what we got.



Jasmyn: Eww, who bit the bullet on that dude?



Jasmyn: If I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do this hot.
Emmy: I'm broken in!



Richard: Man of the Year, here I come.

Next time: jail time.

Tags: ea games, eaxis, legacy challenge, maxis, prosperity, sharpesvale chronicles, simblr, sims, sims 2
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