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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 313


Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!



If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!


One of the hardest things I do is write this little intro blurb because I never have anything to say.

So, there's that chore done for now.




Hmm, actually, don't have much to say about this, either.



Stephen: Let's get some more characters up in this bitch.



Stephen: Let's start a scandal!



Stephen: That's not exactly public attire, Margaret.
Margaret: Nobody will notice. It's either full nudity or no nudity with these people.



Stephen: I am a fan of full nudity.



Dagmar: Who's that?
Stephen: My wife. I stole her from one of my sons.
Dagmar: You are clearly a good person.



Stephen: I'm a good kisser, at least.



Dagmar: I'll give you that.
Stephen: I'll give you more.



Dagmar: I'll take that.



Stephen: Wow, there's enough hearts there to partially ensoul one Republican!



Dagmar: Don't talk about fascism on our date.



Stephen: Is that yours or mine?
Dagmar: He's a person, Stephen. He's his own.
Stephen: I MEANT THE CARPOOL



Stephen: You owe me a kiss for implying I'm a racist.



The fuck are you doing here?

Chelsea: I'm just a photog-

NOT YOU



NOT YOU EITHER



Stephen: Ow! Who! Why?



Dagmar: Wow, small world, huh?



Dagmar: Hahaha I was just thinking about how awful it must be to be Neil's deputy warden, I hope I never have to face Ally again.



Dagmar: Well as long as she heard that I might as well go full awful.

Meanwhile the game goes full weird black blob.

I've never seen that before or since.



Stephen: Maybe the weird black blobs are blowjob encouragers.

That would be weird and creepy.

Stephen: WELL MAYBE I LIKE IT



Dagmar: "Maybe"?



Stephen: I mean I've had better.



Ally: You're a dick.
Stephen: Why are you talking to my dick?



Ally: Guy gets a blowjob on the street must have some awesome garbage.



Ally: Nope. Just a dead bird.



Off to "work" I see.

Stephen: Says the person whose current job is writing.

You don't want to pick a fight with me about writing, Stephen. If I stop writing, you just stop.



Dagmar: Do we really need these things?



Ally: Going through someone's mail is a federal offense.
Dagmar: Luckily this neighbourhood has no federal structure.



Dagmar: You can leave, by the way.



So... are you just moving in, or what?

Dagmar: It's not or what!



Your car turned into a limo.

Stephen: And my dick's out. That cover everything?



Stephen: HEY LOOK NEIGHBOURS A LIMO

That's the main purpose of limos.



Wait. You got a limo but you got demoted?

Stephen: They call that the Captain Kirk!



Stop bothering the children.

Dagmar: Can't make me.



Not while you're inside, I guess.



But hey, you were saying?



Dagmar: I don't know. I'm a different person now.



Wait, you are still the Mayor of Centreborough, right?

Dagmar: Of course. I'm just thinking about how much I hate busts of bald men on tables.



Dagmar: And accidentally flashing children.



Felix: Photo op!



Fiona: You're a good agent.



Vicki: You're a bad mayor.



It's knight time!



Stephen: Hello Sir Knight!
Margaret: It's me.
Stephen: Hello, Sir Me!



Yeah, don't want anyone peeking in your diary while your legs are open.



Margaret: We're out of Armor All.



Stephen: Is this your bodyguard? Seems a bit medieval.
Margaret: I can't tell if you're being stupid or an asshole but it's hot.



Margaret: Time to floss my airholes.



Dagmar: Time to floss my asshole.
Stephen: Um.
Dagmar: YEAH THAT CAME OUT WRONG



Stephen: It's okay, I'll still fuck you.



Margaret: Good day at work? HUSBAND?



Stephen: Your voice sounds less metallic now, Sir Me.



Dagmar: Is she just gonna sit there and eat?
Margaret: I fucked him in a photoshoot for his son's wedding photos. His son's wedding to me photos. I have no moral authority here.



Dagmar: Your family life is interesting.



Stephen: Try it.



This looks like a good way to get cancer.



Margaret: Okay! You're still going! Wow.



Dagmar: "Wow" about covers it, yeah.



Dagmar: He's givin' me the ol' crooked dickin'!

That might be one of my favourite captions ever.



Dagmar: Sudden attack of conscience?
Stephen: Fly in my eye.



Stephen: Will you mayor me?



Dagmar: I mayor may not!



Stephen: This is still legally binding, puns or not.



Dagmar: Bind me, baby.



Stephen: I can get behind that!



Dagmar: You can get behind me.



Dagmar: Oh, we're getting married right now? In your kitchen.
Stephen: It's got a great Yelp rating.



Dagmar: I give it more of a welp.



Dagmar: But I'm super happy to be a character now.



Dagmar: Who pays for these rings?
Stephen: We both do, with long years of drudgery.



Dagmar: That sounds fair.



Dagmar: I'm gonna hyphenate my name.
Stephen: Good. Otherwise I'll have trouble remembering who my various kids belong to.



Dagmar: It's sweet that you care.



Stephen: Nothing about me or my actions is sweet.



Dagmar: Yeah, you're a shithead.



Dagmar: Oh look, he realized that was a bad angle.

I have my moments.



Stephen: He has moments, in amongst millennia.



WELL DON'T FUCK ON THE SIDEWALK THEN



Stephen: Try not to step on the kids.
Dagmar: Why?
Stephen: I dunno, I'm just repeating what I've been told.



The fuck is her leg doing.

Chelsea: The legs always get fucked up when you use custom poses on a nude-

RHETORICAL QUESTION



Oh, hey, the walls are down and I can see that picture.

Margaret: NOT THE MOST PRESSING ISSUE



Margaret: ...I think there should be a "Proceed Y/N" dialog option before this happens.



Dagmar: I didn't know old cameras could be automated.
Stephen: They can't. Grugly is manipulating it off-screen.

You're welcome.



Yeah, make boring Maxis babies with blurry feet why don't you.



Margaret: Thank god these ones got my skintone.

That's racist.

Margaret: It's... not? Stephen and I are the same race. ALSO THERE'S NO RACISM IN THE SIMS.

I'm not surrendering my social justice soapbox just so your world can be a paradise of tolerance, Margaret.



Anyway you may not be racists but you're still shitty people.



Wait, that's the same room.

Margaret: Tell me about it.



Stephen: Please stop making this awkward, kids.



Stephen: Whatcha doin'?
Dagmar: Getting my own house. Turns out I can get a government stipend!

More like turns out I don't want three adults in this household.



Margaret: Oh good, she's leaving?
Stephen: Oh good, you're pregnant?



Margaret: Bye miss mayor!
Stephen: Bye thin wife!



Margaret: "Thin wife"? Seriously?
Stephen: Pregnant? Seriously?
Dagmar: YOU GUYS? Seriously?



Dagmar: What are these stains?

People who asked stupid questions.



Stephen: Nighttime is naked garbage time!



I just want to point out that you don't look ridiculous at all.



Felix: AAAAAAAAGH GODZILLA



It's supposed to be a Thinking About Something Productive Cap.



For example, think about putting some clothes on.

Next time: nobody's favourites.

Especially not mine.

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Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
lumy12
Jul. 8th, 2018 11:28 pm (UTC)
You have a hard time titling the chapters? But you're good at it! Never seen a knight brush their teeth before. Cute.

Hehe, the crooked dick-in thing was funny, yes, but I was just smirking in general over Stephen walking around with his dick out for most of the chapter. Since the front-lawn-in-broad-daylight BJ (srsly, who does that?? so classy). And it earns him a limo!

And, wait... they just got married... but Dagmar moves out, no biggie? lolol
gruglysims
Jul. 15th, 2018 07:48 pm (UTC)
I was honestly confused about who the knight was for a full five minutes.

Marriage is no big deal in Clover County, I think we can safely say by now.
zombifruffles
Jul. 16th, 2018 07:52 pm (UTC)
Whats that wife number 4 now? Possibly 5 haha god imagine him trying to move them all in together, it'd be a mad house.

Stephen really needs to stop procreating already - the neighborhood has enough maxis townies without him making more lol
gruglysims
Jul. 22nd, 2018 11:38 pm (UTC)
Right now he's married to Margaret and Dagmar and he's been married to Abigail and Ember so... yes. The correct answer would have been simply "yes." I arrived at it eventually.

Also yes to less Stephen. Not in the cards, though, unfortunately.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )