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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 318


Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!



If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!


In which things make more sense but are less pleasant.




Mallory: These mating rituals are weird.



Nick: We're working on my face callouses.



Brooke: They really give your cheekbones definition!



Brooke: Nathaniel and I are working on grossing up my hair!



I really think you can line your shit up better than that, game.

also why are you guys kissing



Brooke: Your house has lots of drama.
Nathaniel: All imported I'm afraid.



Wouldn't have pegged you for the army.

Though you are a brat.



Angelica: Okay, you guys keep being gross.



Angelica: I'm gonna be grosser.



WEDNESDAY: Those mating impulses are really wreaking havoc with their social lives.
FRIDAY: Social lives are only support systems for mating impulses, though, so it's okay.



Angelica: I keep forgetting we have a butler. Here, you deal with this.



Nathaniel: I'll deal with this.
Brooke: Unless someone more competent comes around.



Nathaniel: I will fight them. And probably lose.



Oh, this one grew up.

One more age group to go before I consistently remember your name, so you have that to look forward to.



Well, we were due.



Hahaha remember when Andrew blew up his bedroom with a bomb.

Good times.



Penny: I knew there was unaccounted-for space on that floorplan.



Christ, we're back to this again?



Mallory: I had a daydream that there was a huge dramaplosion in the kitchen.



Hey look, it's Lucas.

That's all the Lucas you're getting for a while.



Nathaniel: So who was your first dude?
Brooke: Another one of you fucking rabbit Murphy people.



Andrea: My kingdom for an out-of-control car.



Right, and then Penny changes her Turn-Ons for no apparent reason...

Penny: It would be apparent if you hadn't blocked out two-thirds of the last chapter.

A lot of things would.



Andrew: Something's different. I can't put my finger on it.
Nathaniel: Going through the change, old man?



Jesus fuck she's too thin.

Nathaniel: Hey, don't give her body image issues.

I GAVE HER THAT BODY



Penny: I thought you were dead.
Mallory: I get that a lot.
Penny: I doubt you get anything a lot.



You guys do know there's an entire small town's worth of space in this house, right?



Penny: Let's test that.



And then he threw her through the ceiling.



Angelica: Did anyone else feel a sudden wave of revulsion when they looked at Penny just now?
Franklin: Yes.
Nick: Is revulsion a funny way of saying attraction?



Nick: It's not, is it.



Nathaniel: I don't get it. I thought I was okay with dad dating Penny.

Maybe you're a stupid fucking teenager though?

Nathaniel: Yeah, maybe.



Angelica: But I'm not.



Franklin: She seemed... meaner than usual.
Nathaniel: Oh no, she killed someone at work.
Nick: She's a cop. They do that for fun.
Brooke: A fellow liberal!
Nick: What? No, I'm envious.



I can't keep track of who likes who so these demonstrations are very helpful.



...no, no, I still can't figure it out.



Franklin is dating Mallory is kissing Nick is dating Angelica is Nathaniel's brother.

Huuuuuhhhgh.



Mallory: Flowchart time!



Nick: Déjà ow!



Mallory: THIS PART'S NEW



Angelica: Penny brought an evil force into this home.
Nick: Nah, I came in of my own free will.



Wendell: Don't let it touch you, lady!



Franklin: This kind of thing never happened to me when I was dead.



Mallory: These ugly people are too complicated.



Mallory: And hot.



Speaking of hot.

Do something hot.

And be hot.



If Brooke fell down, how many bones would she break? All of them?



Emerson: Birthday shmirthday.



FRIDAY: Happy Smirthday, small one!



Who let Kenya in?

And who took Amin's giant bigfoot dick away?



WEDNESDAY: Come on, help me out here, my blower's just for show.



Nick: Wait, you people actually like your young?!



They do. I don't.



Angelica: She's got Aunt Chelsea's awful forehead line!



I can't tell what any of you are reacting to today.

Is Penny an entomologist? Because she seems to have brought a lot of bugs home with her.



Franklin: Emotions suck.
Kenya: It's okay, kid. You stop caring eventually.



Nathaniel: You could find a new girlfriend.
Franklin: You could NOT STEAL MY EXISTING ONE.
Nathaniel: You could INVENT TIME TRAVEL I guess.



Why?

Whatever.



Andrew: Why the sudden ardour?
Penny: I was hopping all over town today. Crime makes me horny.



Okay, but I feel like I need to remind you that he's your UNCLE.

Angelica: Nope. Game bugged. We're not related anymore.

His mom is your dad's mom. His dad is your dad's dad.

Angelica: Nope. His dad is a dead criminal and he has no mom.

Like, what fucking button did I press to get that result.



Andrew: Enjoying yourself up there?
Penny: Yeah. Sure.



Anthony: -unintelligible-



Anthony: ...and their fucking Tide Pods.



Go away.

Oliver: Look, can we just-

Can you just GO AWAY



We've got enough boring romance going on, we don't need icky romance too.



Andrew: You're being awfully quiet.
Penny: Well you're being awfully six inches.



Penny: The fuck you staring at.



Amin: OH NOT THIS AGAIN



Nathaniel: Welcome to slap club!



Nathaniel: It's a family institution.



Angelica: OLLY OLLY OXEN FREE



Wendell: Who left this thing out?



Let me know if I need to go watch something else, okay?



Not that the other options are all that enticing...



Andrew: This was your idea, woman.
Penny: I just thought you'd execute it better, is all.



Wendell: It's like a car crash, I can't stop staring!



Penny: Well, that wasn't terrible. Where is this room, anyway?
Andrew: How have you been teleporting in here without knowing where it is?
Penny: I've been following you.
Andrew: What if I'd teleported into a wall or something?
Penny: Walls can't hold me, bitch.



Nick: There's clearly something in the water today.



OHHHKAY THIS NEEDS TO STOP



Nope. Nope nope nope nope.

Angelica: Dude. We're not. Related.

YOU HAVE THE SAME EYES

Angelica: There's only so many to go around!

NOT TRUE, I HAVE DOZENS IN MY DOWNLOADS FOLDER



Oliver: Also I have mom's eyes, so you're wrong anyway.

But your FACE is half Stephen, just like her DAD's is.

Oliver: Actually I got mom's face, mostly.

Okay, but-

Oliver: And Angelica's face is mostly her mom's.

YOU CAN'T ARGUE YOUR WAY OUT OF INCEST BEING WRONG



Angelica: And you can't fight the Wants panel, buddy.



Angelica: And you should see what's in mine right now.



Meanwhile bleeaaah I should just leave this lot entirely.



No room is safe.



How many chambers of horrors can one house contain?



Nathaniel: You're just a prude.

I think the evidence speaks to the contrary.



Amin: Yeah, buddy! Makin' it happen.



Penny: You people aren't as interesting as I'd hoped you'd be.
Andrew: That's why most Legacy stories only go for one generation.



And then Amin fucking lampshades the sex rug in his thought balloon. Thanks man.

Amin: Gotta give credit where it's due!



Uh, well, speaking of which... didn't you help raise that kid?

Amin: Yeah, you're right, it is paying off!



Whatever you're thinking, don't.



Oh, were you thinking of NOT fucking?



Thumb on the lens time, I guess.



You doing a headcount or something?

Nick: I hear sex upstairs but I can't figure out who's doing it.



Andrew: This is one lucky kid, having your genetics and all.
Penny: He'd be luckier if his dad wasn't fucking naked.



One more kid in this household and we're moving to a shelf system.



Let's just pretend they're playing Twister in there.



Oliver: It's like fucking a thick fog.



Nathaniel: You gonna stick around all night?
Nick: Not if it's not making you uncomfortable.



Nathaniel: Where you going?
Brooke: I came, he saw, I'm leaving.



Sorry, but this is where we're at right now.

This isn't "Game of Thrones," we're not actively courting the incest crowd.



Nathaniel: I can't believe I lost my virginity to a double bill with incest.



Sure, take all night with this most minor of characters.



It's better than the other things I could be watching.



Murphy's First Law of Gravity: old man penises exert a push force. All objects move away from them at speed.



Welcome home, you missed things I wish I'd missed.



THIS ISN'T YOUR HOUSE

Nathaniel: I think Angelica was-

I KNOW WHAT SHE WAS AND I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT



Oliver: I want to talk about it forever.



Angelica: Please don't.



Angelica: OH MY GOD HE'S MY-

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Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
lumy12
Jul. 28th, 2018 04:17 pm (UTC)
Yay someone remembers dearly departed Lucas!!!

Penny's a tough customer, man... all that sex, naked men feeding babies, Big Foot... and she can't find anything interesting, eh?

I'm with Angelica -- if the game no longer considers it incest, it ain't incest! ...except she seems to have a little buyer's remorse there at the end O.o
gruglysims
Jul. 28th, 2018 08:27 pm (UTC)
Lucas' departure is indeed dear to me.

Penny's seen some shit, it's difficult to impress her. Maybe someday we'll see the shit she saw.

The face she made is the face I was making the entire time.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )