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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 321


Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!



Sister chapters with Chapter 123!

But not really.




You're too round to be Sharpe.



Andrea: Uh-oh. He's already on puns and the chapter hasn't even started yet.



This part of your secret agent training?

Arcadia: Wax on.



William Jr.: Wax off!
William: No, it's pronounced whacks off.



Good, leave.

Can't have any fun with kids around.

Just like the real world!



When did Anthony get fat?

Anthony: Turns out these bottles weren't supposed to be for me?



Secret agent training is really rigorous.



And hilarious.



This object is worth having a basement for.



I would pay good money to see real people do this.



On top of the hundreds of dollars I paid to see Sims do it.



Mortal terror really brings out your eyes.



I honestly think you can do it.



I wasn't being honestly honest, though.



Arcadia: I really appreciate you keeping all these pics.



Why bother tweaking your approach when you've already got nothing but net?



Uma: Wanna come boost the ratings?



Nathaniel: Was that a euphemism for-
Uma: Probably.



Uma: Kiss me, I'm eighty.



All that is required for evil to triumph is for good people to be distracted by the sexy.



Uma: So wait, you think your stepmom is a pod person?
Nathaniel: I'm just saying the pod person theory covers all the known facts.



Don't look now but you're haunted by ghost fingerguns.



Nathaniel: They obviously appreciate my game.



It doesn't take much game to get with Uma. No offense.

Uma: Far from being offended, I'd like you to pass that information along as much as possible.



CRACK BZZT

Arcadia: I think this is meant to be an outside thing.



Honestly I forgot you were still down there.



I've been distracted.



I know I've made this joke before, but wow, you people are really into creating future therapy bills these days, huh?



Uma: I'm supposed to keep an eye on the kid.
Nathaniel: Four eyes are better than one!
Uma: Unless you're talking about glasses.
Nathaniel: Right? Ew.

Shut your fool mouths.



Oh, they were just talking about you.

Penny: Guess I'll have to kill them, then.



I think she's trying to subtly indicate that he's actually just penetrating her taint.



Anthony: That reminds me, we're out of sanitary wipes.



Anthony: And napalm.

Good joke, but sloppy premise.

As if William would ever run out of napalm.



I hope that's a goodbye kiss.



Don't take him further into the house!



That's William's bed. You're not worthy.



Neila: It's locked to his genetic signature anyway.

Covered in his genetic signature, more like.



Neila: HEARING ABOUT DAD'S FLUIDS ISN'T FUN



Andrea: Yeah, I already saw you waving outside. What.



Who let Rebecca in?

Rebecca: I've been asked to judge this birthday contest.



Good god I love glitches.



Rebecca: Does that naked chick belong to anyone?



Andrea: Power, looks, money... it's hard to know what to wish for when you're already one of the beautiful people.



Andrea: Aw, who am I kidding, more money. It's always more money.



Neila: That's a good idea in case we become one of those families that fights over inheritance money.
Victor: Except that dad's going to live forever, because he's too awesome to die.



Neila: Yeah, he told me that too.



Uma: Grow up ugly. Grow up ugly!



She just... got larger, is all.



♪ But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay ♪

William: Oh, fuck off.



Anthony: A bagged poop, good sir?

He pronounced it "bagg-ED," if you're wondering.



William: Good, I didn't miss the ones I'm actually related to.

Remind me to tell you a funny story later.



I honestly never noticed what was on that shirt until this moment.

Now I can't look away.



I can look away from whatever this is pretty easily, on the obverse.



Rebecca: Yes! Proof that time is passing!



Neila: Hey, we look pretty good!

Rest assured I'll make the least of it for the next four hundred chapters or so.



Andrea: I wasn't kidding about that money wish.



Sure, ogle each other while the bombs are falling.



Andrea: Come on, "rich person killed by falling bag of money" is something you'd be happy to hear about.

It would honestly brighten my day, you're right.



Victor: Know what brightens my day, baby?

Remind me to tell you a funny story soon.



Okay, if I tell you a secret that would destroy the neighbourhood, would you tell anyone?

Victor: Yes.

What? Why?!

Victor: So you don't tell me why I shouldn't have the hots for Andrea.



William: I don't know why he shouldn't have the hots for Andrea.

Yeah, well, make the most of the next seven chapters.



Andrea: He's even hot backwards.



Good, don't leave this shit lying around, it's making the prols envious.



This is the whitest I've ever seen a Sim act.



Victor: Congratulations on growing up sexy!

How do you say "ixnay" in millennial-speak?



Andrea: God doesn't want me to feel pretty.

I don't want Victor to make you feel pretty.

Also what the fuck is happening, you look like you're dematerializing.



Victor: Apparently she was?



Neila: Help, my feet are clipping.



Meanwhile at the Garbage Olympics...



Meanwhile, elsewhere at the Garbage Olympics...



And this is why transparent ceilings would be a nightmare.



Not bad, but a bit too heavy on the porcelain-face. Fix it.

Neila: Nah, this is my forever look.



You look like a china doll.

Neila: That's racist.

It isn't. At all.

Neila: Well it should be.



Neila: In other news apparently our family has all of the money and none of the clothes.



You've got a serious case of Daisy-face.



Andrea: Did you change literally anything?

I liked Daisy's face.



Victor: Who's the marionette?



Andrea: I made a bunch of messes upstairs.
Anthony: Why?
Andrea: Because I don't like you.



Where do you think you're going?

Neila: To get new clothes!

You'd inflict loading times on me?

Neila: It's the lesser of two evils compared to Maxis aging outfits.



Yeah, and Nathaniel's here again, so you're right, let's leave.



Neila: Nathaniel's got a girl-friend!
Nathaniel: Who's the Muppet?



Andrea: Is it my turn to insult her face yet?



Those fucking stop signs look like shit.

Remind me to fix them seven hundred chapters from now.



Why are you stalking these kids?

Penny: They're William's and Melanie's and Daisy's. I'd say this falls squarely under the umbrella of "legitimate surveillance targets."



I hate it when the fucking townies hog the racks.

Clue in, nobodies! You're never getting new clothes.



Neila: Now I feel bad for them.
Andrea: So make a donation to the soup kitchen.



Andrea: Hahaha it's fun being rich and unassailable.



Victor: I'll let you live in my house if you act as my slave.



Michael: It's a legitimate arrangement.
Jewel: Oh! BTW! I'm leaving you.



Neila: You should both leave.



Brady: I feel like our house rules deserve more respect.



Andrea: Huffing butterflies?
Neila: They were out of Tide P-

ONCE.

We can make that joke ONCE.

And we already DID.



Cheryl: Take her with you. Please.



Neila: We appreciate the police escort, ma'am.
Andrea: Yeah, no. We don't.
Penny: Serve the rich and protect the property. I don't know why people always go for the short version instead.



William: You will not believe the crazy shit I just learned about xylophones.



Victor: Are we under suspicion of something, lady?
Penny: We're only allowed to racially profile people with zombie DNA.



I think Uma might have some.



Victor: I'm fine with being wanted for my brains.

I didn't think there were any remaining angles to cover on that one-dimensional joke. Well done, team.



Victor: Are you gonna give me any personal space?
Uma: No.
Victor: Good.



Andrea: Wanna abandon the sinking ship?



Neila: Are you going on a date with my brother?
Andrea: I'm a sucker for baby faces and devil eyes.



♪ There is a flower within my heart / Planted one day by a glancing dart ♪



William Jr.: Tell me more xylophone gossip.



William: No. Fuck it. We're talking cars. I didn't have kids for this sissy shit.



Victor: I'm all about the sissy shit.

Next time: ♪ Whether she loves me or loves me not / Sometimes it's hard to tell ♪

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Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
lumy12
Jul. 29th, 2018 08:17 pm (UTC)
Tell us a funny storrrrrry then!

Forgot to say (I'm a bit ADD today I guess) that the garbage TOTALLY looked like the sorting hat in the last chapter, lolol. I wonder if I can see that in MY game. That I haven't played in ages.

Neila looks great like that! Leave her alone! And Andrea looks evil as ever, bwahahaha.

Poor Arcadia... I love that obstacle course, though! Y'know, I've never even tried to put it inside. Good idea, just stick it in a basement.

I don't think you have to worry about William Jr. needing therapy. He's just learning young. ~I'm gonna be like you, Dad, you know I'm gonna be like you~
gruglysims
Jul. 30th, 2018 08:39 am (UTC)
The funny story is that Andrea is Daisy's daughter and Daisy is Cecilia and Cecilia is William's sister and Victor is William's son so Andrea is Victor's cousin. It's not funny "ha-ha."

I find I start seeing really bizarre stuff after I stare at the same textures for thousands of hours. Weird, huh?

Neila eventually looks even better for not getting left alone:



I'm a big fan of William Jr., despite the heavy expectations on his shoulders.
lumy12
Jul. 31st, 2018 05:13 am (UTC)
Oh yeah, Neila's perrrrty! Good job with her! And that IS a funny haha story, you just have to learn to be cool with incest. It's totally fine in fandom, not squicky at all, nope. ...okay so it depends on the fandom. I HATED it in Dexter and it wasn't even full-on incest.

And from the other thread, yep, none of us will remember anything ten chapters from now....
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )