gruglysims (gruglysims) wrote,
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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 325


Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!



If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!


In grand Grugly tradition, let's follow up that awesome last chapter with one where virtually nothing happens.




Oh, except that I incarnate again.

As a girl.



This is Gruglette Prime.

She's primarily a Gruglette.



She's also a dead-eyed monster.



I think my profile is lovely on a woman, though.

It's no great shakes on a man.



Gruglette Prime: I disagree!



Of course you do.



Well I'm glad we got that sorted out.



Gruglette is going to help me make a real cemetery for the hundred billion Sims who have died in the last few years.



Close your damn mouth, you look like you do meth from this angle.




Gruglette Prime: Holy hungus, man, that's a lot of dead people.

It's not nearly all of them, either.



Gruglette Prime: It's a real testimony to the kind and amount of fun we have around here.

I agree.

With myself.

As a woman.



Gruglette Prime: I don't even know who most of these people are.

Nobody does.



In other news, secret prison break?



In other other news, Leonard is a suck-up.

Leonard: Hey, if it works, it works!

It doesn't work.



Unlike Limbo Ledge Cemetery, which most certainly does!



It stores dead people with 100% style and efficiency.



Good work, Gruglette. Next time I need to kill one of my avatars for some reason, I promise to kill the other one.

Gruglette Prime: That's all I ask.



Now go home.

Gruglette Prime: Where is my home?

A weird test subhood called Mock Centreborough, on the lot I used to make the intro to the very first chapter.

...

The intro I'm about to make.

Time travel is confusing.



This is where I meant to post the lot description.

I just discovered that it doesn't have one.

It hasn't had one for SIX ENTIRE YEARS.




Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: I think it's safe to say there's no fixing this mess of a neighbourhood.



Lance: Two smiley faces are actually three if they're green.



Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: Do you need money for a psychiatrist, kid?



Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: Okay, enough poorly-written chatter.

Hey.

Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: You obviously looked me up in the phonebook because my name is Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock. I want you to know, first of all, that that's racial profiling.



Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: I want you to know, second of all, that what the fuck dude no hugs.



Lance: I thought even evil people like hugs.



Lance: Especially manly hugs.



Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: I'm more of a dissolute sort.



Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: Is he doing something ridiculous behind me?
Lance: You know it!



Lance: Look, I know this is weird, but becoming an evil warlock is just no good for me unless I achieve it via dubious means!
Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: It makes a certain sense!



Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: Oh, wow! Is it poisoned?!



Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: Please tell me it's poisoned.



Lance: Poisoned with loooove!
Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: The deadliest drug.



Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: You are crushin' it, my man!

This entire chapter is off, in a most distressing way.



Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: Dude, stop it. My name isn't Andrew Jailbaity.



Lance: Hey! I'm legal! You think these pecs aren't legal?



Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: Ooh, dead cats? Please let it be dead cats.



Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: It is dead cats, isn't it?
Lance: You know it!



Lance: Now bring that pussy green tongue herewards.

I meant that as in full of pus, but I don't think it came out that way.



I'm so sorry let's try again.



Lance: I would like to learn bad magic in a non-gross way.



Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: That is a sensible approach.



Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: On a scale of Tom Hanks to Mitch McConnell, how evil are you?



Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: We can use the Saving Starving Orphans to Bombing Starving Orphans scale if you're one of those metric freaks.



Lance: The first thing I felt upon hearing someone had blown up the courthouse was jealousy.



Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: I can definitely work with that.



Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: You've got a real deadeyed motherfucker look going for you, too.



Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: Want to read my Halo / Star Wars crossover fanfic?



Lance: I want you to evil me.
Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: I hate it when people abuse my generosity just to get at my evil.



Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: Making me hate you is the first test!



Lance: Can't I just kill him and take his power?

Sure, do that.

Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: YOU'VE NOW PASSED ALL THE TESTS



Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: Oh, good, I was worried I wasn't gonna get those dead cats this time around.



Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: Listen to 'em not meowing.



Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: What sweet music they don't make.



Lance: This is taking forever.

I know.

Lance: I'm doing the sex thing again.

I know.



Lance: Okay, so, there aren't enough powerful non-romantic interactions in this game.
Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: I follow.



Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: Oh boy, a red-topped thorn stick!



Lance: It's a rose.
Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: A red-topped thorn stick by any other name would cause as much damage.



Lance: It smells all fruity too.
Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: I love the way my hand is bleeding.



Lance: I should really put that shit back in the bin.
Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: Why? It turns me on.



Lance: How's about turning me on? To that old black magic?
Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: Um, it's green magic? Obviously?



Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: And I'll be needing more violence plants before that starts happening.



Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: I know, right? It smells great, right?!



Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: Doin' bribes in public! We are so evil.



Lance: Got any fuckin' magic in there, hot stuff?



Lance: Need to limber up those evil muscles first?



Lance: You dropped...
Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: Pardon?
Lance: Nothing! Just let me stuff something into my pants.



Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: Not suspicious or suggestive at all! You're learning!



Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: Poink!



Lance: He poinked me!



Lance: Is this good?
Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: Oh, no, my friend!



Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: This is bad.



Lance: Bad to the boner!



Lance: Now to duel my mailbox.



Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: Do what you gotta do, my weird man.



Lance: Having murdered an innocent mailbox, my path is set!



I'm so glad this is over.

Next time: aw, fuck. It isn't over.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 5 April 2012 to 6 April 2012.

Tags: clover county chronicles, ea games, eaxis, legacy challenge, maxis, pine valley chronicles, prosperity, sharpesvale chronicles, simblr, sims, sims 2
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