Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!
The number of half of the beast.
In just under the wire! As far as future readers will know.
I guess families are an institution.
Gina: I want to go back to that thing about how everything smells like feet in here.
If you're asking whether there's an air circulation system, the answer is, I think, ha ha ha.
Neil: We should go out on the town sometime.
Nanette: Sure, let me get a date first.
Ally: I find it hot that she doesn't find him hot.
Don: Y'all don't know nothin' 'bout hot.
Bernard: ...is this some weird form of kissing I don't know about?
Don: Like there's a form of kissing you do know about.
Don: Oh baby, I've missed you.
Don: Yeah, totally.
Don: Mmm. Forgot you existed.
Renée: Oh! There's the piece of shit I fell in love with!
Ally: What a bunch of useless fucks.
Nanette: No argument here!
Ally: The prisoners, too.
Don: It might be a useless fuck, but it's a fun one!
I hate seeing you happy.
Don: I know.
Bernard: I think you gross fuckers are getting me dirty.
Renée: You need to stand out of fluid range.
Ally: I hate not hating this.
Nanette: Extra hate, coming right up!
Neil: OW YOU'RE DEMOTED OW YOU'RE DEMOTED AGAIN
And then he cupped her chin gently, because real men don't hit women.
Neil: I'm just a virtual man. And not a virtuous one, either.
Sure, sure, everybody likes everybody, let's do this thing.
Yvonne: Man, wouldn't it be cool to go to university instead of rotting in prison?
Elle: Yeah, you can kill all sorts of people there!
I basically made these people to be attracted to each other, but I forgot to make them interesting.
Bill: It's okay, baby. I think you're interesting.
Oh, actually, she's not bad. You, on the other hand...
Nanette: He's not wrong.
Renée: I don't know if I can even walk.
Don: Well, you can't stay here!
Renée: Maybe I should commit a crime.
Don: One they know about, you mean.
Don: But hey, no rush. Just sex visits is fine.
Gina: I'm not about to stop butt-rubbing this chair just so you can carve shit into your diary with a scalpel.
Cameron: And now there's a scalpel in my heart.
Cameron: Not cool.
Renée: I just thought of a new plotline.
It'll have to wait until next year.
Renée: Next game year or next real year?
Oh get over yourself.
Nanette: Don't you mean "get over him"?
I usually say what I mean.
It saves time.
Faith: No hard feelings about my screwing Don?
Cameron: Maybe some soft ones.
Cameron: But I'm more upset about Gina butt-rubbing my diary.
Bernard: How come people in this neighbourhood still expect monogamy?
Because I think it's funny.
Gina: You know, ENTROPY could probably get you out.
Cameron: I don't know anybody in ENTROPY.
Gina: Do you know Daisy White?
Cameron: Not really, but... wait, what?
Gina: Man, nobody reads the chapters around here!
Bernard: Don't fart up our dishes!
Nanette: Oh man, Don, you have got to hear what I just did to Neil!
Bill: Why does he get to hear?
Nanette: Because he's not boring? I mean, comparatively.
Don: Look out, I'm gonna take your keys and escape!
Cameron: I don't know where any of this is going.
Nanette: I know where some of it is going. Some parts of it, I mean.
Don: She means my-
Nanette: I WAS BEING INTENTIONALLY VAGUE
Don: You're a heck of a woman, Nanette.
Nanette: I know, but it's good to hear someone say it.
Don: A man would have to be crazy to cheat on you.
Nanette: Right? Because I'd murder them! Right?
Gina: I wish these doors locked from the inside.
Did you cheat on her somehow?
Gina: No, but wait'll she sees what I rubbed my butt on.
Nanette: I wonder if Neil's allergic to anything.
Nanette: It's hot how people think that's a window.
Bill: I can see snow!
Nanette: No you can't.
Don: You on tucking duty?
Nanette: Something rhyming with that.
Don: Wait, do you mean...
Nanette: I mean so much.
Nanette: Unfortunately I think I also mean to him.
Bill: OH NO I EXPECTED MONOGAMY
Bill: Fraternizing with the prisoners!
Nanette: I know! Cool, right?
Bill: Nose-breakingly not cool!
How come your nose is breaking?
Nanette: I cast reflect!
Nanette: BUT I CAN'T REFLECT A BROKEN HEARRRRRRRT
Cameron: How cool would it be if someone shot Bambi.
Someone does, I think. Either that or someone blows her up.
Cameron: Oh, neat. Spoilers?
Nobody will remember.
Gina: Nobody will remember any of this.
Yvonne: She's got a point, you know.
Elle: I have nothing to contribute.
Faith: It just occurred to me that I should be planning an escape.
Don: It occurred to me a while back.
Nanette: What did?
Don: How sexy you are!
Nanette: Fuck me like that weird albino never could.
Don: You move fast, don't you?
Nanette: Gotta strike while the iron hasn't escaped yet.
Don: ...you think I'm gonna try to escape?
Nanette: I think you're gonna succeed.
Don: You think or you know?
Nanette: Have faith.
Don: Already did, earlier today.
Bill: Dammit, cheating is so hot.
Nanette: Bill's watching.
Don: Tell him to film it.
Bill: I might.
I'm not sure who seduced who.
Don and Nanette: It was me.
Meanwhile the prison governor is an extemely useful and competent individual.
With a terrific sense of timing and location.
Neil: It's so hot that you like to do dumb shit too.
Nanette: I'm converting my rage at being slapped into ardour.
Ally: I wish I could convert my ardour into something valuable.
Like a roof for Neil's house back there.
Neil: Pretty chilly in my no-roof house!
It's warmer in the cell block.
Don: Make sure my dick's in the shot.
Don: Did you make sure my dick was in the shot?
Nanette: Focus on what you're doing, will you?
Don: DID YOU
Don: I just really want people to see my dick.
Nanette: Trust me, the moment people see you, all they see is dick.
Don: That's sweet of you to say.
Nanette: What can I say, I'm in a romantic mood.
Nanette: Stop staring at my stupid hair.
Bill: Out, cheating spot!
Nanette: You're pretty good at this.
Don: When you're a zombie you have to be really good to feel anything.
Nanette: That must mean Cameron's a better sexer than me.
Nanette: She's dead.
Nanette: After we're done, I mean.
Nanette: Actually now I'm tired. Lucky bitch.
Nanette: ...this is not a pleasant view.
It's better from where I am.
Don: Night, screw.
Nanette: Screw yourself.
Don: After you just so competently did it for me?
Bill: Where do we keep the guns again?
Nanette: Don't escape too soon, I might need you to scratch another vagina itch.
Nanette: Pretty hot language, Nanette. Pret-ty hot.
Bambi: What are we doing?
Melrose Place, apparently.
Bill: I call Melrose! BAM! It's my place, now!
Nanette: I wanted to be Melrose!
Where the fuck is that.
Bambi: It's where we keep the guns!
Shit, there are actual guns?!
Bernard: I'd make a gun show joke, but I'm too tired and tasteful.
Nanette: You taste pretty bland to me.
Nanette: Want another taste?
Don: Too much sugar is bad for me.
Don: Luckily I'm bad for you.
Nanette: If this is bad, then I don't want to be not-bad.
Nanette: There's a word for not-bad, but I can't think of it right now with your tongue down my throat.
Don: I don't know how you can even talk.
Nanette: Got a lot of practice with having my mouth full.
Bernard: That's hot and gross and hot. And gross.
Nanette: Wanna see my party trick? It's not hot or gross but it is impossible.
Nanette: Check it.
Nanette: FORCE BACKRUB
Nanette: I'm using mind-controlled nanites. I call them Nanettites.
Bernard: That is the hottest nonsense I have ever disbelieved.
Nanette: Well, I guess we're the only combination left. Let's do this thing.
Bernard: Let's do me.
Bernard: Preferably where my girlfriend won't see.
Nanette: That's no fun.
Nanette: Ooh, the Burgundy Mile? You mad romantic you.
Don: I wonder if any of my old mates are still dripping around somewhere.
My little gang of awful survivors.
Nanette: I only have eyes for you, Bernie.
Bernard: What about thought bubbles?
Nanette: Those are private.
Don: I only have privates for you, baby.
Faith: Who you talking to?
Don: Anyone receptive.
Faith: Hey Don.
Gina: Hey, dawn!
Bernard: We could do it on the electric chair.
Nanette: I don't think the readers know there's an electric chair.
And I don't know why there's an electric chair.
It's amazing how often I have my Sims do things I consider morally reprehensible.
Neil: It's because you're too boring to do morally reprehensible things yourself.
I'm not taking shit from a talking whale penis.
Neil: WHY HAS EVERYONE SEEN A WHALE PENIS BUT ME
Ally: He must not have a mirror.
Cameron: Anybody ever seen a magnifying glass on a daffodil? It's super fulfilling.
That sounds like something out of Bad Lip Reading.
Yvonne: STOP COCKBLOCKING DON HE WANTS TO BANG YOU
Yvonne: LOOK HOW HE'S POLISHING YOUR BARS HE'S SO SWEET
Don: It's necessary!
Bambi: This walkie-talkie is a great hair accessory.
Nanette: This meaningless conquest is a great body accessory.
Myrtle: I don't accessorize.
Yvonne: I am not going to fuck you.
Don: Your loss.
Yvonne: Not feelin' it, honestly.
Neil: Not feelin' it is the new feelin' it.
Unhappy Old Year!
Next time: Happy New Year!
This chapter depicts gameplay from 14 April 2012 to 15 April 2012.