Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!
Yeah, you're gonna want to read Chapter 340 first. Just sayin'.
It's funny 'cuz almost all of those people have been kidnapped.
Penny: That is funny.
Andrew: What did he say? I wasn't listening.
Penny: He said we should make out.
Andrew: He's so wise.
Wendell: I'm so CRIES
Andrew: I've always liked this dismantle-able outfit.
I shan't make another.
What are you doing to that juice?
Mallory: It's not juice, it's p-
IT'S PUNCH OH MY GOD
Mallory: Glad we're on the same page.
Penny: Ahaha I've missed that toilet brush beard of yours.
Andrew: "Missed"? Missed when?
Penny: However long it's been since you think you've hugged me, obviously!
Andrew: You're behaving very strangely.
Penny: But you're too horny to care.
Penny: Don't argue, I know when you're lying.
Andrew: Let's lie together.
Penny: Yes, that's the general reason I let you disrobe me.
Penny: Put this somewhere would you.
Penny: And put other things in other places.
Penny: Yes, tongues. Tongues are a good start.
Penny: You're pretty bendy for an old man.
Andrew: Most old men are just rocking the stock Sim spine.
Andrew: Better living through mad science, bitches.
Penny: You'd better not have any bitches before me.
Andrew: Perish the thought, my goddess.
Penny: You're right, I am divine.
Andrew: I'm glad you've got your old arrogance back. I missed it.
Penny: I'm getting a lot of things back lately.
Andrew: My baby's got back.
Penny: Don't try to be cool.
Andrew: How about hot?
Penny: If you think you can manage it.
Penny: But I might not feel your heat over my own.
HOW MANY LINKED PUNCHLINES IS TOO MANY
Franklin: All's I'm saying is I don't want you dating her!
Amin: And all's I'm saying is I could break you in half.
Amin: And I wish this staircase would stop poking in my biz.
Sorry, that's my bad.
Angelica: They're fighting over you.
Mallory: I wish they'd fight the walls.
Andrew: I think we have squirrels.
Penny: Not super interested right now.
Andrew: I keep hearing these banging noises.
Penny: So do some banging of your own!
Andrew: I can't tell if you're distracting me for sex or for other reasons.
Penny: Why can't it be both?
Penny: Am I right?
Your hair is clipping really badly right now.
Penny: DOES THAT AFFECT MY RIGHTNESS
You seem to be doing okay without my approval.
Amin: Go on without me. Assuming you find somewhere to go.
Penny: Man, I hope I'm as spry as you in my old age.
Andrew: I'll prepare the injections.
Angelica: I just want you to know that I care about you, dude.
Nathaniel: Aw, that's nice! I care about you too!
Angelica: So we need to draw straws to decide which of us gets eaten.
Muse: .oO(Yeah, sure, don't mind me.)
Wendell: I miss my bed.
Bethany: I red miss my bed.
Mallory: Congrats on my used to having loved you.
Nathaniel: "Used to"?
Muse: .oO(So what's on tonight? On the TV, I mean.)
Muse: .oO(You're killing me here, guys.)
Angelica: I've decided that although Nathaniel and I are fat, and therefore the best choices for food, you are the most despised.
Mallory: Is that everyone's opinion or just yours?
Angelica: See, THIS is why people DESPISE you!
Mallory: I wish this was a situation where being able to outrun you would help.
Bethany: If wishes were horses they could sleep standing up, UNLIKE US
Franklin: Challenge accepted and completed.
Penny: Get hair on those and you're done, cat.
Muse: .oO(I've seen your brush, you shed way more than I do.)
Nathaniel: ohh sleep you're my best friend
Mallory: ohh sleep you're so good to me
Mallory: ohh sleep my bones are broken
Angelica: ♪ Ooh, sleep, things are gonna get easier ♪
Penny: That was a crackin' good time. I hurt vertebrae I didn't even know I had.
Andrew: Yeah, I'm feeling pretty flexible myself right now.
Muse: .oO(Don't pull this Cthulhu shit on me.)
Penny: That was pretty hot.
Penny: If you can survive that, what comes next should be a piece of cake.
Muse: .oO(It just occurred to me that I should have been trying to warn him.)
Andrew: Uhh... where did you get that.
Penny: We're really good at reverse-engineering. ENTROPY hires mostly Russians.
Penny: Something you're about to become exempt from, actually.
Penny: Your system is about to become very stable.
Andrew: I guess that's good.
Penny: My favourite part is the sound they make when they hit. It's like a half-defrosted bag of peas on concrete.
Penny: Speaking of which, I need to get those peas out of there. We need us some room.
Penny: This is much easier with a mad scientist's fridge. I didn't even think some of these temperatures were theoretically possible.
Penny: Absolute zero should do, absolutely.
Oliver: I've had so many goddamn dates.
Penny: Teehee, you're cute. No fridge for you.
Penny: I forgot to ask: does semen expand when it's frozen? That might become important.
Penny: Well, see ya.
Penny: Eventually. Maybe.
Yes, only private schooling can save us now!
Penny: Yeah cat, you get fucked up. You deserve it.
Penny: You and I, we've had a busy day.
Tommy the Witness Gnome: *is hiding*
Penny: I shouldn't do this naked, that dust is a bitch to dig out of the crevices.
Penny: Aw what, I forgot one.
Penny: I can't freeze babies so you'll have to settle for starving.
Penny: She got anything less frumpy in this bad boy?
Can I perhaps interest you in a haunted xylophone?
Apparently I can't interest Dirk.
WEDNESDAY: This is no way to raise a child, let me tell you.
Not unless you're raising him to be VEAL.
LIKE YOU WEREN'T THINKING IT
WEDNESDAY: Yeah but I wouldn't say it...
Penny: I'm surprised I haven't killed them yet. Must be getting soft.
Penny: In my awesome old age.
Penny: Of awesomeness.
Penny: I'm awesome.
Blazej: HURRY YOUR ROBOT ASS UP
WEDNESDAY: Yeah, asshole, keep honking, that'll help.
Bethany: I REJECT THIS UNFURNISHED APARTMENT
Amin: And you made fun of that chair I brought home.
Amin: I wonder if anyone would miss him.
Angelica: Sorry, my cannibalism sensor must have gone off.
Amin: How lovely that you have one.
Angelica: Amin, we've known each other for a long time.
Amin: "Of" each other, I would say.
Angelica: How would you like to know me a second way?
Amin: As in know you for real?
Angelica: As in know me carnally.
Amin: Ooh, a two-for-one deal! Count me in.
They're so desperate even the chair they're imagining doesn't look that comfortable.
Angelica: Let me play with your balls.
Dirk! You're our only hope!
Dirk: .oO(The closest thing to a weapon I have is my name.)
Angelica: Let's see who's changed recently. Ahem. "Chelsea." Wow! That hair does not suit her.
Amin: I've seen that already. Do someone I wasn't just married to.
Angelica: How 'bout I kiss you and melt my hand into your shoulder instead.
Amin: Sure, if you have to do both, I guess.
Wendell: I wish I had a Bigfoot to sit on.
Penny: Hey man, I hear we used to be a thing. Remember! I remember we used to be a thing.
Penny: Good save, Cecilia. Good save.
Brooke: That is NOT how you deploy a spoiler!
It wasn't much of a spoiler. Sheesh.
Her fucking eyes are decals for chrissake.
Mallory: Hey man, you're pretty-
Amin: FUCK NATHANIEL
Mallory: Pretty ho-
Amin: FUCK NATHANIEL
Wendell: FUCK NATHANIEL
Mallory: What are we doing now?
Bethany: He's hogging the shitter.
Wendell: He's a shitterhog. A shithogger. A shithog.
WEDNESDAY: Wait, are you coming on to me? How fruitlessly flattering!
Mallory: OH IT'S FRUIT-BEARING
Stephen: It's been a while!
"Penny": Has it? Sure!
Stephen: What's his deal?
"Penny": I ripped off all his skin and left him to die.
"Penny": But enough about me!
"Penny": Come in and see what I've done with the place.
"Penny": And most of your family.
Stephen: You could stick most of my family in a storage locker and I wouldn't be interested, frankly.
Angelica: Aren't you gonna say "It's Franklin"?
Franklin: I'm not feeling it, frankly.
Frank;in: Hey, have your tits always been that-
Emerson: WE NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE.
Next time: not that!
Franklin: I'm just saying I never noticed-
Mallory: GO BACK TO NOT NOTICING
This chapter depicts gameplay from 17 April 2012 to 18 April 2012.