Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!
In which breaks are taken, and given.
You're gonna want to get used to this place, guys and gals et cetera.
Abigail: Did you just et cetera non-binary people?
Did you just get another treasure chest?
Abigail: You first.
Yes, I guess I did. Alright. Ahem. "You're gonna want to get used to this place, LGBTTQQIAAPs."
Abigail: I think that leaves out "straight" people.
The second "a" is for "ally." Anyone who's straight and not at least nominally allied, I have no trouble leaving out.
Yes! Good. This chapter started out a little heavy on the liberal soapboxing, let's mix it up with some Keystone Cops shit.
Leonard: Is there room in that acronym for people who are attracted to spandex?
Let's pretend that's what the little "s" at the end was for.
Leonard: Yes. I am spandexual.
Abigail: I mean your question wasn't really a question, was it? Yes, having had two treasure chests before and having three now, I did indeed acquire another.
Abigail: In fact, my collection is expanding faster than the sexuality acronym!
Arcadia: Damn good hole, this.
Deborah: Can't you arrest her for, like, blocking a fire route or something?
Nathan: Why, you planning on starting another fire?
Abigail: Gotta keep my Nature hobby up.
Arcadia: You got up.
Abigail: And so I killed her.
Abigail: Arcadia! Come prove I didn't kill you.
Arcadia: Aw, but I'm rockin' this right now! As in I just got another rock.
Abigail: Alright! Thank you! You've successfully raised enough cash to cover all my research expenses for the next year.
Arcadia: So you're gonna make me super now?
Abigail: You're obviously no academic if you're more excited about results than funding.
What's the total take, anyway?
Abigail: Ah... §61 138, I think.
Let me do some computing.
Actually that's about the same price in real-world money, in terms of buying things. It's just that real estate and construction costs are significantly lower.
Arcadia: So what did I earn in Build Mode terms, then.
Uh... like... seven and a half million dollars.
Arcadia: I'll take that conversion rate, please!
Abigail: So how strong we talkin'? Golden Age Captain Hero strong? Silver Age MaxisMan strong? What?
Arcadia: However much strong I dug out of your hole, please.
Arcadia: I don't know why that sentence came out that way.
Abigail: We have clearly spent too much time in the lab.
Abigail: I declare a let-loose day.
Arcadia: First let me chop up these pun generators.
Abigail: Leave it. I like the unkempt look. I'm already messing too much with the mad scientist trope by not working in a decaying castle.
What a cynical deployment of the word "family."
Arcadia: We seem to have picked up a stray.
Abigail: I do have that tendency.
Abigail: Don't encourage them, please.
Brooke: I wonder what she meant about strays.
Yeah, me too.
Brooke: I'm naked. Come over.
Nick: Can my friend come over too?
Brooke: What? No. Maybe? No.
Abigail: It is so much easier to write when you've got grant money.
Preach it, colleague.
That's a dead-end street, buddy.
Nick: How is she gonna die? She's a receptionist.
At a prison.
Myrtle: hahaha what
Have I expressed my pleasure at not having to upload half of these pics to some shady porn site anymore, recently?
Nick: I would like to join you in expressing my pleasure.
Nick: I bonked you.
Myrtle: Bonking in the streets, what's happening to this neighbourhood.
Brooke: It's improving.
What could you possibly know about Victoria.
Even her statue is less social than the other statues.
Brooke: She lost Neil Sharpe as her best friend!
That's one way to look at it.
Myrtle: What's up, guv?
William: Just droppin' some flowers.
Myrtle: Gonna come in?
William: God no.
If he'd known he was passing up nudity...
Such fluffy hair.
Myrtle: Bang! If I were a criminal you'd be dead.
Brooke: You're trespassing.
Nick: So she is a criminal!
Brooke: So I am dead?
Brooke: I don't feel dead.
Brooke: Okay, this isn't my bedroom but whatever.
Nick: You're aware those doors lock, right?
Brooke: Go stand behind a counter, NPC!
Nick: That was racist.
Brooke: It was a heated courting moment.
Brooke: Also NPCs aren't a race.
Nick: I just wanted to mention racism to set the Maker off.
I think we should use racists for biofuel. Come back at me.
Or sure, come back at each other. That's probably a better idea.
Brooke: We're eightfriends now. I think that's what that means.
Brooke: Hahaha relationships suck.
Brooke: Of course, I suck too.
Nick: Heh, was that an offer?
Nick: I didn't expect that answer, but I was prepared for it.
Brooke: I like a man who's prepared!
Brooke: Aw, look at the little guy!
Nick: Hey! You probably just haven't ever seen a flaccid penis before. They're usually stuck erect around here.
Brooke: Holy shit! What a magic trick!
Nick: You should see what else it can do.
Brooke: I'm more of a tactile learner.
Brooke: A perfect fit! I'll take it.
That's quite the skintone seam you have there.
Nick: So fix it.
Brooke: What are you looking at?
Nick: The church.
Brooke: Feeling religious, are you?
Nick: If what I'm feeling is religion then I'm ready for the second coming.
Brooke: That was fucking ridiculous.
Brooke: Luckily I'm into ridiculous fucking!
Nick: Ooh, look who's enough of a character to get a decorated bedroom!
Brooke: I just wanted you to see that I'm a real person.
Nick: I love you twice now. I think that's what that means.
Myrtle: My boss asked me to see if Iris White is still around. She's been spotted hanging about. And apparently she's actually his ex-wife?
Kyle: Don't get plot in my porn!
Kyle: In fact don't get anything in my anything.
Tiffany: You can put your anything in any of my anythings.
Kyle: It smells like naked strangers in here.
It's forehead-creasin' good!
Nick: Are we done here, or something?
Brooke: Hey you know Franklin Murphy?
Nick: In the sense that I know of Murphies in aggregate, sure.
Brooke: He cheated.
Nick: Wait, do I need to know specific details here? Because to me a Murphy is just that spiky haircut and a vaguely-defined whitedudeness.
Brooke: He cheated on Mallory! Or maybe Mallory cheated on him? I dunno I just like gossip.
Brooke: I fucked his dad once, you know.
Nick: Yes, let's keep the topic squarely focused on fuckin'.
Arcadia: I guess this is my room now?
I was distracted by your lack of genitals.
Man, this is the most quotable story ever written, isn't it? I think it is.
Arcadia: I'm keeping a tally of every time you snore, so as to exact precisely-measured revenge once I get my superpowers.
Arcadia: Maybe I should ask for the power to stop snoring! I could save so many marriages.
Arcadia: Sorry, did I wake you?
Arcadia: How about now?
That doesn't cover your non-genitals.
You know what, never mind.
That was stupid thing to say.
So you're wearing Sunny's old pajamas.
Arcadia: Buy me new clothes, if it's a problem!
Ugh... load a community lot...
Arcadia: I'll ask Abigail to give me a distinctive look as part of my superpowers, how's that.
Nick: Hold still, there's a bug on your back.
Brooke: Alright, put your thing in my invisible thing.
Brooke: Thaaaaat's it, boy, edge in closer.
Ugh, this animation again?
Brooke: Make your own, if you're so good.
Six years from now.
Brooke: I hope I'm alive to see that.
I hope I am too.
I hope anyone is.
Nick: Get your apocalyptic nonsense out of my bonking, dude.
Brooke: That is one hell of a penis.
Nick: I call him Thrustmaster.
Brooke: Captain Thrustmaster?
Nick: He's not a member of the military, no.
Brooke: There's a purple black hole forming over your head. A purple hole?
Nick: If it was a pink hole I could loan it to you.
Brooke: Oh, I've got one pink hole already. Want me to show you what it can do?
Brooke: If you're gonna hoverhand my head I'll hoverhand your dick.
Victor: I bought you guys a monster! Take good care of it.
Victor: Or it will take good care of you.
Victor: That's all I've got. Cut away already!
OH SORRY MR. POLICEMAN
IS MY SURVEILLANCE BOTHERING YOU
Victor: Quick, spray him and I'll make my escape!
Brooke: Seriously dude, my hair is clean.
Nick: How can I believe that, with what your mouth is doing?
Brooke: Fair point.
Nick: Hey, thanks for the dick-breath.
Nick: Not again, I have a headache. Now.
Brooke: Nick, I've had a really good time tonight.
Nick: Are you about to ruin it?
Nick: Oh god don't barf DON'T BARF
Nick: ONE DATE, Brooke!
Brooke: NINE-INCH PENIS, Nick!
Nick: I'm gonna cheat on you a bunch.
Brooke: Well of course.
Nick: Yeah, let's not kiss right now.
We're at the point where I occasionally took full-resolution pics with a printscreen utility.
Whenever possible I slip them in here in place of the original TS2 captures.
I wonder if you can tell which is which.
And if I've told you this already.
I'd look it up, but it already took FOREVER to find where I named Nick's PENIS.
Nick: OH GOD DON'T BARF
Nick: I'M SORRY ABOUT THE HOVERHANDS OKAY
Brooke: Why is that red?
Nick: Uh, would you believe it's because I'm a dude?
Brooke: I find that very hard to believe.
Nick: Would you believe STDs?
Brooke: I would believe, but I would hope otherwise.
♪ I know my part, you were there in everything I've done ♪
♪ You are the one ♪
Abigail: I know, but it's good to hear it from time to time.
Nick: Ugh, you guys have morning here too?!
Kyle: I'll ask mom if she can do anything about it.
Kyle: So this thing is ours now?
Abigail: Well, I've crunched the numbers.
Abigail: That or I'll kill her horribly.
Either way sounds interesting. Go for it.
Abigail: It'll be a learning experience. That I can guarantee.
Your near-total failure to pass those eyes on is something I still hold against you.
Abigail: Blame Stephen. Boring genetics know they have to be persistent to get passed on.
Nick: Hahaha sports.
Kyle: Hahaha art.
I seem to recall you once wanted to become a world-class ballerina.
Kyle: Oh god don't tell anyone that.
Abigail: Every time I run my simulations, I end up with data fields I don't know how to fill.
Okay. I'm already lost, but okay.
Abigail: What precisely is a backface?
Abigail: I'll just put random numbers in and hope she doesn't explode.
Brooke: Your art appreciation is not currently appreciated.
Nick: Hahaha! You put your butt on that bus.
^ Best-composed image in three hundred and fifty chapters ^
Brooke: Wave goodbye, old shame!
Nick: Here's to the next three hundred and fifty!
I'll try to find some new shame to fill them with.
Brooke: Can you tell me what's in this box?
Nick: Hmm. Nope!
I'd ask you what you were doing down there, but since nobody's lips are moving, I won't.
Brooke: Do NOT Cthulhu-kiss me!
Brooke: It's weird.
It only took me tens of thousands of images to learn how to frame one.
Abigail: Learning is a process.
I mean you want to learn more rigorously when you're, say, planning to alter the strength of someone's molecular bonds. Right?
Abigail: Sure! Whatever.
Nick: Hahaha that chick is so dead.
Next time: that! Perhaps.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 30 May 2012.