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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 354


Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!



If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!


ONWARD!




Abigail: I've created a womanster!



Abigail: Seems to have all the right parts...



Bradleigh: I appreciate the complimentary tummy-tuck and age-lift.



Bradleigh: And blinding.



Bradleigh: Get that shit out of my eyes.



Bradleigh: How do I look?

Like Bradley Price, but a woman.

Bradleigh: That good?!



Abigail: Let's get you some clothes.
Bradleigh: Why don't you go get me some clothes.
Abigail: This ain't no service stop.



Abigail: How do you feel?
Bradleigh: Hot. And hot.



Bradleigh: You sure can cook, Abs!



Abigail: Don't call me Abs.



Bradleigh: I'mma call you glutes then.



Bradleigh: I miss my pit hair.



Abigail: Excited to experience life from a new perspective?
Bradleigh: So excited I could kiss you! If I wanted to. Which I don't now.



Bradleigh: This is gonna be complicated to explain to my exes.



Bradleigh: Alright, time to hide these perfect puppies.



Bradleigh: Here's to new beginnings in old threads.



Abigail: Is she hideous? Should I look?



...

Bradleigh: What?

I'm just happy.

Bradleigh: For me?

For both of us.



Bradleigh: Yeah, looks like you done goofed on that initial sex decision.



I really cannot disagree.



Abigail: Where you going?
Bradleigh: Out to test my newfound wiles.



Bradleigh: Man, that chick is dangerous.

Dangerous hot.

Bradleigh: The most dangerous of all possible dangerouses!



Brandy: I loooooove a man in uniform!
Bill: I'm a prison guard.
Brandy: ...oh.



Bradleigh: Still works for me!



Brandy: BOO! USE NAME BRAND!



Bradleigh: I wonder if water and snow and detergent creates some kind of chemical reaction?

Yes.

It's called cleaning.



Bradleigh: Wanna pour your cleaning on me, baby?



Bradleigh: Or y'all wanna just keep bein' sexy sexy rebels?



Bradleigh: So hey, I used to be a dude, but then I got my DNA unwound.
Bill: That's cool.



Bradleigh: No I do NOT wanna go downtown! I've had enough crashes for a lifetime, thank you!



Bradleigh: Do you think I'm sexy?
Bill: I think your sexiness lies entirely beyond the reach of my thinking.



Bill: That came out dumb. Yes. Yes, I think you're sexy.



Bradleigh: It's not weird that I used to be a dude?
Bill: Well of course it's weird. It's just not a problem.



Abigail: Told you.



Bradleigh: Wanna pop my man date cherry?



Bill: I accept that mandate.



Bradleigh: We'll have to stick around here so my minder can make sure I don't suddenly dissolve or anything.
Abigail: Appreciate it!



Bill: So how long have you been a woman for?
Bradleigh: About an hour!
Bill: ...oh!
Bradleigh: Yeah, and an hour lasts about three minutes.



Bill: My girlfriend is a horrible bitch.
Bradleigh: I've had girlfriends like that.



Bill: Hahaha yeah your tits are nice.



Victor: Do you think that teenage boy thinks I'm sexy?
Abigail: This is not the kind of thing I like to hear from the police.



Bradleigh: What do you like about me? Besides the incredible geometry of my face.



Bill: Mostly just that.



Bill: I'm personally really attracted to people being attracted to me.

Same.



Bill: That was the entire basis of my last relationship.
Bradleigh: How did that end?

She fucked Don.

Bradleigh: Critical failure!



Bradleigh: Don.

Yeah.

Bradleigh: Maybe this dude's beneath me.



Bill: Maybe you should get beneath me!
Bradleigh: Maybe I should!

Oh no!

She's a woman with a man's sense of what makes a good pickup line!



Victor: She's perfect.



Bradleigh: I'm perfect.



Bradleigh: Have you met my daughter? She's in jail.
Bill: Yeah, you're hotter though.
Bradleigh: I am hotter.



Bill: I'mma pee on this bush now.



Bradleigh: While you've already got your dick out...
Bill: Yes?
Bradleigh: Wipe it.



Bill: Fair enough.



Abigail: FAST FORWARD



Nah, I'm enjoying this.



We'rt thou suspended from baloon,
You'd cast a shade, even at noon;



Folks would think it was the moon
About to fall and crush them soon.
- James McIntyre, Ode on the Mammoth Cheese Weighing over 7,000 Pounds



Brandy: So many ugly dudes.

Bradleigh's a woman.

Brandy: Well that explains that.



Brandy: But what explains you being a woman?
Bradleigh: Personal growth. You should try it sometime.



Brandy: Aw, honey, you know I'm too perfect to change.



Bradleigh: Got your dick!
Bill: GIVE IT BACK GIVE IT BACK



Bradleigh: Dude, did you drink that entire fountain or something? Hot.



Bradleigh: ...less hot.



Bill: BOO POO



Bradleigh: What was that even?
Bill: I don't know. Chocolate, I think?
Bradleigh: Why?
Bill: I DON'T KNOW



Bradleigh: ...why?



Bradleigh: Whatever.



Bradleigh: Snog away my poo puddle memories.



Bradleigh: Wait, do you pee chocolate?
Bill: My darkest secret, revealed.

Dark chocolatest more like.



Bradleigh: Are you guys worried about terrorists or serial killers where you work?
Bill: We exclusively house terrorists and serial killers.



Bradleigh: That's hot.



Bill: It's neat that you get better animations as a woman.

Isn't it?



Actually I think that one's unisex.

Bradleigh: Unisex is my superhero name.



Valerie: Is this soap water for the poo puddle?



Bill: We think it's chocolate.
Victor: Well we think you're gross.



Bill: He's not wrong but I'm still mad.



Bill: I approve of this brothel.



Bill: Do you offer good rates?
Valerie: On vasectomies? Free.



Bradleigh: Man, that Don guy used to date this cheerleader. She's like the only zombie that never got punished. She's like zombie Mengele.
Bill: That's the wrong bubble pic. That's the chick who visited him the other day.
Bradleigh: ...you should tighten security.



Abigail: Will they?

Nah.

Predestination and all that.

Abigail: Yay.



Bill: Are you telling me we had a zombie in the prison?
Bradleigh: I'm bored. This is boring.



Bill: Okay, but-
Bradleigh: Boring.



Was I compiling angles for a 3D recreation or something?



Bill: You just think she's hot.

Her hotness lies entirely beyond the realm of my thinking.

Bill: Ooh, "realm"! That's a much better word choice.



♪ Sometimes the world begins to set you up on your feet again ♪

Bradleigh: New feet.



Bradleigh: New lips.
Bill: Smooth as a baby's liWHAT THE FUCK AM I SAYING



Bradleigh: Please don't accidentally pedo while we're kissing.



Bradleigh: kthx



Bill: You've got a purdy mouth.



Bradleigh: Slightly better.



It's somewhat galling that female Bradley is one of my hotter characters.

Bradleigh: Progressive, though!



Bradleigh: And now let's progress to fucking.



Bradleigh: Or I guess we could keep doing this interminably.



Bill: I just want you to know that I'm really awesome.



Bradleigh: I just want to know you.



Bill: Stop smiling and snog.



Man, I remember when all my Sims were the same height.

Good times.



Bradleigh: I think he's suggesting I might be too tall for you someday.

Hahaha yeah.

Like Bill will still be alive then.



Victor: This is what I think of your romance.



Bradleigh: Let's jump on him.



Bradleigh: How does hands?



Bill: Thank god for attachment points.



Bradleigh: I wasn't kidding about the jumping thing.



Bradleigh: I'm jumping on someone, dammit.



Bradleigh: ♪ I feel like a woman ♪
Bill: I just feel a woman.



Bradleigh: Feel away, my man.



Bill: Man, science is the best.

Next time: the storyline title comes full circle.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 2 to 3 June 2012.

Tags: ea games, eaxis, legacy challenge, maxis, prosperity, sharpesvale chronicles, simblr, sims, sims 2
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