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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 355


Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!



If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!


In which Chekhov's title is finally fired.




Writing it up for science?

Abigail: Hells yeah! Any project that doesn't end up as an apocalyptic log is a success in the mad science community.



Bradleigh: I'm not a failure!



Bradleigh: Haven't melted yet, anyway.



Bill: Maybe you'll melt in my mouth.



Bill: Not in my hands.



Bradleigh: Are you brand-sponsored or something?



Bill: Yeah, I'm in the pocket of big clipping.



Bill: Also big snogging.



Bradleigh: ...this all we're doing today?



Valerie: Somebody lose a poo golem?



Stick that in your book and publish it.



Abigail: Oh, I'm not gonna publish yet. Not when I've got such glorious results on the way.



Abigail: Bradleigh was just a proof-of-concept. Don't tell her I said that.



Abigail: Mad science is progressive. I mean that in every sense of the word.



Abigail: You do something crazy, and it works? You do something crazier.



Bill: I like this flophouse.



Abigail: Stop staring at my perfect ass.



Bill: I feel so lucky!
Bradleigh: And you are!



Bradleigh: Seriously though watch that dude, he's bad news bears.



Bill: Whatever.



Bradleigh: Don't you whatever me!
Bill: Whyever?



Upgrading are we?

Abigail: Sidegrading.



Abigail: If there's one thing the word needs, it's one of me. If there's eight things the world needs...



Abigail: Faciō ergo erit.



Bill: Hey look, we're trippin'.



Bradleigh: Don't you be trippin' while we're dancin'.



Bradleigh: Contractions.



Bradleigh: Palpitations!
Bill: Reciprocation.



Abigail: Consultation!



Bradleigh: So are you a good prison guard or a bad prison guard?
Bill: I am an indifferent prison guard.



Bradleigh: I would be too.



What, me?

I would be not a prison guard.



Bradleigh: Yeah, that's better, you're right.



Bradleigh: You sure do take a lot of pictures of my face.

I made, I'm proud.

Wait, I mean...

Feci ergo superbus?

Bradleigh: Superbus sounds like what Miss Frizzle drives.



Bradleigh: Look at this zombie's dumb outfit and hair.

That's the hair you used to have.

Bradleigh: Exactly!



Victor: Y'all loiterers still loiterin'?



Victor: Pretty sure there's some laws apply to this.



Victor: I smell.
Bill: You do.



Bradleigh: Holy shit he does.



Victor: Skeedaddle.



Victor: Watch me pretend to swim.
Bradleigh: I won't.



Bradleigh: Transition!



Bill: I thought you already transitioned.
Bradleigh: I walked right into that one.



Bradleigh: Fucked right into that one?



Bradleigh: Anyway get pumpin'.



Bradleigh: This is a real eye-opening experience, let me tell you.



Bill: I hope it works on me too.



Bill: I'm pretty squinty.



Bill: Is the sphinxface strictly necessary?



Bradleigh: Man, just look at that little bugger go in and out!



Bill: "Little"?!
Bradleigh: Well you never saw mine.



Victor: If you want a look you'll have to pay me.



You don't often see hoverhands during sex.



Or long dead-eyed stares.

Bradleigh: You haven't had married sex, then.



Victor: Fifty bucks and I'll let you poke them.



Bradleigh: Yeah, sorry, I'm all poked up over here!



Victor: Not every police chief would offer you this great deal!

That much is true.



Victor: ...I'm trying not to take personal offense.
Prof. Amar Danaher: Well don't.



Victor: Okay, ten bucks and you can watch from back here in the weeds.



Bill: At least he's not selling ménage à troi rights.



Bill: Whoops. Slipped.



Bradleigh: I made the right decision.

I've always wanted to know what that feels like.



Bradleigh: It felt like dick.



Bill: Good dick?
Bradleigh: Pretty good.



Bill: So what happens next?
Bradleigh: You exit. Pursued by a bear or not. Your choice.



Bill: I choose not to bear.



Victor: Sure, you guys fuck on a park bench and I'm gross.



Bill: That is a fair summary of tonight's events, yes.



Abigail: So, how's it working out so far?
Bradleigh: It's great! I've always known that piston-pumping was too much work, and now I can just lay back and take it!
Abigail: What a generous and energetic lover you must be.



Bradleigh: I think I was always meant to be a woman.

Yeah, men get a raw deal in my neighbourhood.

To counterbalance the real world.



Bradleigh: I fucked a prison guard!
Abigail: Is that good?
Bradleigh: SIX INCHES GOOD



Caryl: Does she know that's only average?
Bill: Shut your fat face.



Bradleigh: You did a great thing, Abigail.
Abigail: I always do.



Bradleigh: I'm serious.
Abigail: I always am.



Bradleigh: You've helped me realize who I really am! Hot.



Bradleigh: I always felt so unfulfilled as a dude!
Abigail: Yeah, it sounded like you were getting fulfilled out there, alright.



Abigail: I'm glad you're happy with your new identity.
Bradleigh: You should make all dudes into chicks.
Abigail: Okay, enough utopianism.



Bradleigh: I owe you a debt.
Abigail: Oh, good. A lazy person owes me a debt. Sure that will come in handy.



Abigail: Alright, on your lazy bike.



Bradleigh: ...I don't have a home.

She can stay with you!

Abigail: SAYS WHO.



Abigail: Right. Says god. I keep forgetting.



Alvin: This bordello gets top marks!
Abigail: Yay!



Alvin: Top marks.



Abigail: STORYLINE OVER. GTFO.

It's pronounced "gitfo." Like "Gitmo" but with less human rights abuses.



Bradleigh: Still missing the pit hair.



Bradleigh: You win some, you lose some.



Looks like we've crossed the terminator.



Wait, we're still at the lab? That must mean...

Bradley: It means your five days in May turned into three additional days in JUNE.

I'm still not abandoning the song motif.



♪ Funny how you can look in vain ♪



♪ Livin' on nerves, and such sweet pain ♪



♪ A loneliness that cuts so fine ♪



Bradleigh: The best thing about loneliness is the cure.



Brooke: This cure's taken.



Bradleigh: I used to be A-list.

Hmm.

Bradleigh: NOTHING I want is TAKEN.



Brooke: Rackinfrackin' hierarchy.



Aurora: Hi! I'm abominable!



Bradleigh: I'm Bradleigh.



Bradleigh: And for a change, I'm okay with it.



♪ To find the face you've seen a thousand times ♪

This chapter depicts gameplay from 3 to 4 June 2012.

Tags: ea games, eaxis, legacy challenge, maxis, prosperity, sharpesvale chronicles, simblr, sims, sims 2
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