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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 357


Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!



If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!


Man, what a Bradley/Bradleigh stretch of chapters this is.




Well, a Price Family.



Chelsea: I would also accept Price-Murphy, Price/Murphy, Price/Sharpe-Murphy, and Frost/Nixon.



Chelsea: So what's this I hear about you turning my dad into a girl dad?



Do you have a problem with that?

Chelsea: I don't have a problem with him being a woman. I have a problem with him being a hotter woman than me.



Other hot people are not the enemy, Chelsea.



Chelsea: That's shit and you know it.



Oliver and his dick are also here.



Chelsea: I told him he could stay if it stayed.



Brooke: He is a dick.



Oliver: A sensitive dick.



Brooke: Oh yeah? Let me kick it.



You realize that's basically the relationship repair tub?

Brooke: Yes. You think I like coming over here every three hours to kick the can?



Oliver: I'd rather keep picking it up than pick her up.



Oliver: But apparently I don't get a say!



Brooke: I wouldn't give you one.



Oliver: Found someone to replace me yet?
Brooke: I've found a stark emptiness that does about as much as you did.



Brooke: How come you're not at school? Did you get emancipated? Is there a hack for that?



Oliver: I dunno? I guess I'm technically so old they don't know what grade to put me in?
Brooke: Can I whack your balls?



Chelsea: Thought you were in the hot tub.
Oliver: There were developments.



So many developments.



♪ Are you guys up for the Pokérap?! ♪



Emma: .oO(HARBLEBLARBLE)



Oliver: Do they become self-sufficient now?
Chelsea: Not really.
Oliver: Will they at least be able to wipe their own asses?
Chelsea: Oh god I hope so.



Rip Co. Wobby Wabbit Head: If you let them age you, I can't whisper sweet nothings in your ears anymore.



Emma: That alone is incentive enough.

I'm good at toddler dialogue.



Oliver: I didn't know you could "win" aging up, but hey. Well done, Bree.



Emma: I've still gotten way more dialogue.



Bree: *doesn't get words when her damn mouth is shut*



Can you focus on the moment please, Ollie?

Oliver: Yes I can! At this moment I am horny.



Brooke: I can fix that.



And then Brooke was a door.



Bree: Close her.



Oliver: Slam her.



Bree: Stranger danger!
Oliver: She's not a stranger, she's a townie I used to date.
Bree: Townie downie!



Okay, well. Bree and her sister Emma, as last mentioned a hundred chapters ago, are Cameron and William's daughters from when she fucked him to spite Andrew.

Bree: Neat.



They're both gonna be Knowledge Sims.

Emma: Nifty.



Brooke: They can start by knowing how to get the fuck out of the bathroom.



Oliver: ♪ Rainy day people don't ♪ blah blah forgot the words.



Emma: Am I old enough to die yet?
Chelsea: You're safe here, Emma.
Emma: Do I want that?




Oliver: Whose cars are these?

What?

Oliver: The townies don't have driveways.

...

...



...

Oliver: Uh...

FUCK



Meanwhile Virginia's statue reminds me that Virginia is still dead for some reason.



Brady: If I pushed this onto your shoes, what would you do?



Oliver: I would punch you with my ring.



Margaret: I like violence.



Margaret: I also like Murphies.
Oliver: Too much and too indiscriminately, from what I hear.



Oliver: I'm not complaining.
Margaret: You're not appealing, either.



Bill: Congrats on not being appealing!
Oliver: Why are you in this now? You're not a character.




Chelsea: Okay that is TOO MANY WORDS.
Emma: I like it! It's terrible.



Man, you can always recognize a Sharpe, can't you.



Emma: I'm wreaking havoc like daddy!



Bree: Maybe you shouldn't wreak havoc.
Emma: Don't turn your back on our heritage, Bree!



Bree: Maybe we should be more like Mom.
Chelsea: There's something on the kitchen counter so I'mma make dinner in your bathroom, 'kay?



Bree: I take it back.



Emma: I've decided to starve.



Bree: Let's play daddy kills everyone!
Emma: Only if I get to be daddy.



I don't care if you're about to pop quints, that is not where that goes!



If someone bursts in right now they might think she's birthing soup.



Oliver: Dangit, I didn't get to my favourite part!



♪ Ninetales Ekans OMASTAR ♪



Bree: I sentence you to death for whatever!
Emma: Ow! Right in my due process!



Chelsea: OHHHH THIS ONE IS GONNA BE FAT



Oliver: Focus your chi, everyone!



Brooke: Did I miss the chi focusing sesh?



Chelsea: OH MY GOD MY WAIST IS BACK! Also baby.



Hector Price-Murphy. Although he's Amin's kid, so I dunno. Maybe it should be Hector Bigfoot-Murphy?

No.

Not that.

Never that.



Chelsea: Yep, we're calling him that.
Oliver: Totally. It's official now.



Chelsea: Alright, take this thing.



Chelsea: I feel another coming on, and I don't want to stretch my good shirt any longer than I have to.



That's a weird first thought, as first thoughts go.



Hannah Bigfoot-Murphy. Or should it be Hannah Bigfoot-Price?



Emma: It's too complicated, we should just kill them.



Hannah: .oO(Feed the others to me.)



Brooke: Can I go now? This isn't really my thing.



Okay, I think I've got a handle on this now.

Harold Bigfoot-Price.



Hector: .oO(Worth our weight in big feet.)

I dunno man, Big Feet are worth quite a lot to me.



Chelsea: We're never leaving the house now, y'all know that?



Brooke: You could get a robot to take care of them.
Oliver: Go nuts and electrocute them, you mean?
Brooke: Either way you get more free time.



Chelsea: They're not so bad. At least they can't talk.



Chelsea: Oh Christ, I forgot. The two older ones can talk now.
Oliver: But! You can tell them to shut up, and they'll understand!



Chelsea: I'm sure these will understand if I yell loud enough.



Feeling better?

Chelsea: Vain and fat is not a fun combo.



God I hate these things.



Chelsea: I'm having a pork baby next.



Oliver: I'm glad Don's in jail.
Chelsea: Apropos of...?
Oliver: Apropos of Don being in jail.



Apparently this week I was just ogling Price faces.



...

And it was a good idea.



Oliver: Isn't that your mom's rockstar outfit?
Chelsea: Rock me, Amadeus.



Oliver: Hey, did they ever figure out where in the world Carmen Sandiego was?



Chelsea: She was in our hearts all along.



Chelsea: Also PBS.



Chelsea: Also prison.



Oliver: Thank you for that comprehensive summary.



God is dead.



Hannah: SHUT THE FUCK UUUUUUUP



Hannah: Now you've got me doing it.



Oliver: The fuck you yelling about.



Oliver: I hope this is the right shit, I'm too tired to check.



Oliver: If there's milk in your diaper and talcum in your mouth, choke once for me and once for your mom.



CLUNK



Oliver: You want to be set down gently, you scream quieter.



Oliver: Suck your plastic cucumber.



Hannah: I just cannot even.



Hannah: They're animals, those two.
Oliver: Shut the fuck up.



Oliver: Babies can't talk.
Hannah: Okay but mfffff
Oliver: BABIES CAN'T TALK



Oliver: Treat 'em like hostages, the Oliver Murphy parenting method!



Oliver: When they're older I'll make 'em fight each other for meals.



Amin: I hear my babies were born.

Who told you?

Amin: I mean I literally heard them. When they were screaming?



You not gonna check in on them?

Amin: Not until I find a buyer.



Oliver: I hate your furry babies.



Chelsea: Oh! BTW! If you impregnated me, I'll snuff you.



It's not morning, go the fuck back to bed.



STARS OUT = LIGHTS OUT



Okay well that's creepy.



Children liking mornings is a really good reason to hate children.



The house in the distance is calling to your nose and chin, Bree.



Ah, what a destiny inheres in your exaggerated genetics.



Meanwhile Chelsea dreams about drooling on a cigar.



Emma: If you convince them you're malnourished they'll take you on a trip where you can meet lots of other kids!



Most of my friends are like this.



Brittany: Aw, what is this thing.



Oh, hey, did you know? We found out what happened to that baby you had who got kidnapped.

Chelsea: I'm at max baby saturation right now, thank you.



It's okay, Michael's about to abduct one.



Michael: I'm not a creep, man, I'm an asshole.



I see her attitude is contagious.



Then again I can see why you'd want her to rub off on you.

OH HO



Chelsea: Fuck off.



Chelsea: You fuck off too.



Brooke: Okay!



Brooke: Alternatively I could burn your house down.



Oliver: Let's keep all options on the table.



I must have taken this for the audience, because I certainly didn't take it for myself.



Oliver: You could have not taken it, for me.



I removed the wall to take a good pic from this angle.

I obviously intended to cut out the grass on the bottom.

That's why I didn't.

Because it's what I wanted back then.

And FUCK ME BACK THEN.

He didn't do me now any favours.

Next time: nobodies nothinging.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 6 June 2012.

Tags: ea games, eaxis, legacy challenge, maxis, prosperity, sharpesvale chronicles, simblr, sims, sims 2
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