gruglysims (gruglysims) wrote,
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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 359


Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!



If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!


Breakneck pace sustained!




Should it be "Nouvelle" instead?

Anyone?



Oh. Right.



Apparently the lot bugged out and I had to delete it?

I think I then recovered a version of it from an earlier backup.

Try not to let the existential dread set in.



Here's something else that's going away in this chapter.



Brandi: I'm mad about something.
Laci: Pretty neat, Brands.



Brandi: I'm mad at someone.
Cori: Tell them?



Brandi: Doesn't anyone care about my vague vagaries?
Corey: I sure don't, unless one of those words was a synonym for vagina.



Corey: I care about your vagina.



Brandi: Care for it, then.



Brandi: Evil sex is best sex.



Laci: Juggling is good too.



CRASH

Laci: Haha what.



CRASH



Brandi: What was that.
Corey: I told her not to work transition when she's under the overhang.



Brandi: As long as there's an explanation.



...that closed laptop's pretty funny, huh?



Ohhh, that makes more sense.

You're laughing at the credits you can't see.

I said it makes more sense.



Man, the TV channel movies are, like, Hypercam footage of cellphone footage of Super 8 footage of Mega Bloks.



The Sims universe strongly disincentivizes large screens.

Also I left the walls down in this pic I took to mock the game's graphics.

Let me just hoist myself up here on this petard...



Corey: But seriously, look at it!
Brandi: Yeah, it's pretty great!
Corey: LOOK AT IT.



Corey: I made Brandi look at my dick!
Laci: Are you higher than me in our evil organization? Because if you are I'm going to have to kill you.



Laci: We are still an evil organization, right? I'd hate to find out that we're not. And I know someone else who would hate it even more.



Corey: Are you threatening me with Cecilia? 'cuz I'm pretty sure she's busy doing whatever stupid thing she's doing.
Laci: Well I'm mentally recording every instance of the word "stupid" in this conversation, for use when you turn out to be wrong.



Corey: Look, the plan remains the same. TAUTOLOGY shadows the SCIA and eventually replaces or obsolesces it, so Cecilia can do whatever evil endgame thing Cecilia wants to do.
Laci: And how does you fucking around all day advance that plan?
Corey: I'm playing the long game! And it wouldn't be a game if it wasn't any fun.



Laci: DAMN your nonsense is convincing.



Laci: I'm not convinced you're the right man for this job, but you're definitely the right man for fucking.



Corey: Oh. Well. I mean, I guess... the bedroom's over here?



Corey: What's the occasion?
Laci: I'm putting Iris' face to bed.



Laci: Literally, and then figuratively.



Corey: As long as you don't change your vagina. I'm rather partial to those.



Honestly this is what most windows in Sharpesvale look like at all hours.



Laci: DICK IT DICK IT DICK IT



Laci: DICK IT UUUUUUUUUP



Corey: Hilarious.



WHO WAS THIS SHOT FOR



Brandi: Me.



Corey: I think I lost weight.
Laci: I've got new muscles!



Corey: Wow. That was so good...
Laci: ...that it's gonna be really hard to make eye contact afterwards.



Corey: Yes.
Laci: Yes.



Laci: Evil sex is best sex.



Laci: And I'm not okay with it.



Corey: I am.



Laci: The work proceeds.



Kea: I got the strangest call when I was at work today. I think someone offered me a club membership?

Yeah, it's Tautology Club. The first rule of Tautology Club is the first rule of Tautology Club. That's not my joke, but I love it.



Laci: Love is in the air.



Corey: Also fluids.



Tyler: I'm, too sexy for this hedge.



Laci: This face is too sexy for me.



Finally going back, huh?

Laci: Well I mean Iris is too associated with Daisy, who is now known to be Cecilia, who is a serial killer.

But doesn't everyone already know that you are both Laci and Iris?

Laci: Well my face doesn't need to remind them.



Laci: Besides, I kinda liked my old faaaa-aaaaa-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA



Laci: HURRRRRRRRRRRGH



Laci: NOT AGAAAAAAAAAAAIN



I guess this is my game's attempt at a brick joke.



Laci: Maybe I could get a job woodpecking.



Corey: Wanna see a scary monster?



I have half a mind to leave you like this.

Laci: I have half a chin.



snrk

Laci: Shut up already.



You still look better than any Sim I've seen from TS3.



Laci: That's true.



Laci: It's good to be reminded that there are far worse things that can happen to a Sim.



Laci: Pudding skin and pudding face.



Remove face, put on your "mask," and live your lies.



Laci: Well hello 2010!



Laci: Oh generic face template, I've missed you.



I'm glad you're happy.



I kinda miss the Iris face, though.



CLUNK

Corey: I read about this in a new parenting book.



Corey: Oh, hey, intruder alert.



Laci: Now we don't have to be awkward! The face that sexed you is dead.



Laci: What do you think? Awesome, right?



Laci: ...right?



Corey: Make me a sandwich.



Corey: Please.



Laci: Luckily I'm attracted to misogyny.



Corey: Well it's not attracted to you.



Corey: Hey, nice of you to drop by.
Kea: The call said I'd be murdered if I didn't.
Corey: Still nice.



Corey: It would be really mean of you to make me murder someone so hot.
Kea: Aww, that's so sweet!



Corey: I'm offering you a position in my organization of evil.
Kea: Okay?
Corey: Our secret handshake is a passionate kiss.
Kea: Okay?



Kea: I mean okay!



Corey: Your package will come in the mail! And my package will come in-
Kea: -in me, yeah, I totally saw that one coming.



Kea: It was pretty good, as wordplay goes.



Kea: You are gonna hate their secret handshake.



Corey: Fuckin' teenagers.



Corey: The fuck you want? I already got a redhead.



Corey: You even real? You look like a jailbait blow-up doll.



Wren: WELL STOP NEGGING ME IF YOU'RE NOT INTERESTED



Corey: Unfuckable teenagers.



Wren: Wanna bet?



Corey: No?
Wren: Please?



Corey: I'm evil, not evil.



Wren: Just because you're a bad person doesn't mean you need to have bad taste.



Wren: You have a dumb girl's name, too.



Wren: Can't you read the sign?



That's a good way to get machinegunned, kid.




What're we doing here?

Corey: Buying women's clothing.

Ooh, and hanging around in bars?



Gretchen: It's so hot that you're associated with the Lumberjack Song now.



Corey: Is that a wall?
Brady: I think so!
Corey: Cool!



Corey: NOT cool.



Gretchen: You seem freaked out. Are you okay?
Corey: I'm okay.
Gretchen: AND YOU SLEEP ALL NIGHT AND YOU WORK ALL DAY?!




Corey: You're starting to piss me off, kid.



Corey: I bought you some clothes?
Laci: Gross.
Corey: You're welcome.



Laci: Are they good clothes?
Corey: I think they're good!
Wren: Then they're bad.
Corey: KID



Laci: Don't let the little bird disturb you.
Wren: The "little bird" is fierce like goose.



Tyler: Nothing to see here, ma'am.



Spencer Barakat: I'm here now!
Corey: So you are!



Laci: Let's see what bad ideas you paid for.



Laci: I think the fabric dye is running.



Tyler: Move along, ma'am.



Laci: Man! I'm fuckable.



Spencer: You don't strike me as the sink-cleaning sort.



Corey: Oh, I'm not cleaning it. I'm collecting deadly germs!



Corey: GERM ATTACK



Spencer: OH MY IMMUNE SYSTEM



Jizelle: I am legitimately imprezzed.
Corey: Legitimately wash your hands.



Too Uma.



It's slightly misleading but totally accurate to say that those Aspiration Points are because Spencer was just murdered.



Tyler: Move along my penis, ma'am!



Brandi: No?



Spencer: He struck me after all.



Jizelle: Where did you learn ziz amazing technique?
Corey: Watching Ricky Jay throw playing cards at watermelons.



Corey: Since you're the only woman here I haven't fucked today, I'd like to say you're looking awful fuckable right now.



Corey: Also I seem to have a problem.



Wren: My self-preservation instinct is saying "run" but my stupid teenagerness is saying "get yourself fucking murdered."



Brandi: It's handled.



The Grim Reaper: I APPRECIATE THE CREATIVITY.



Laci: ULTIMATE HOTNESS



Laci: I mean, as long as I stop now, it's automatically ultimate.



Corey: Laci! Can you teleport me out? I can't walk over this fucker.



Laci: What makes you think I can teleport?
Corey: Don't fuck with me.
Laci: That's not what you said/did earlier.



The Grim Reaper: HAHAHA GOOD ONE.



Corey: This is a weird origin story for a cleaning-based superhero.



Brandi: Thinkin' 'bout murder.



Brandi: Murder most fine!



Laci: I've seen better. I've been better.



Brooke: I am a terrible cop.

So go inside and arrest them?

Brooke: I'd rather be terrible than dead.



Wren: I'd just rather be dead.

Teenagers.

Next time: oldagers.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 9 June 2012.

Tags: ea games, eaxis, legacy challenge, maxis, prosperity, sharpesvale chronicles, simblr, sims, sims 2
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