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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 360


Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!



If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!


In which things come full circle; will always be the same; will never be the same.




It's called Chapter 360 because when you see it you turn three hundred and sixty degrees and walk away.



Tyler: That's stupid, three hundred and-

Click the link.

Tyler: Okay, but if you turn three-

CLICK THE LINK



Tyler: I'M SEVEN YEARS AGO



Tyler: And I've got me the seven-years-ago itch.



Corey: Don't you be objectivising my Brandi!
Tyler: I think I was objectivising the other one.
Corey: Don't you be objectivising my other one!



Tyler: Oh god, you're a B-lister, I was warned about you.



Corey: POCKET ACID



Tyler: And that's why I got these glasses.



Brandi: Did you just pocket acid that man? That's so hot.
Jizelle: Waz zat pocket aceeding I hert?



Brandi: Oh yeah baby, bubble my butt.



Tyler: HOW STRONG WAS THAT ACID



Laci: Just because this dude is melting doesn't mean I'm not angry.



Tyler: But I just became a character...



The worst part about being a D-lister is what the "D" stands for.



Corey: Dumb.
Brandi: Dead.
Corey: Dead! Right, dead. That's what I said.



Jizelle: We zhould 'ave called our group Population Control.



Laci: Killing someone to distract me from cheating is A DIFFERENT KIND OF CHEATING



Brandi: It's not cheating when it's evil.
Corey: Also we're not in a relationship.
Laci: ALSO FUCK YOU



Corey: Been there, done thot.
The Grim Reaper: COLD, DUDE.



Brandi: So wait, is this what "doing acid" means?



Corey: Look, Laci, I would REALLY like to take this conversation SERIOUSLY but I'm emitting fucking BUBBLES



Corey: I think I need a doctor. Like, from Theme Hospital.



Laci: I think you need a doctor. Like, Doctor Kildare. Because you are fucking daring me to kill you right now.



Laci: The bubbles are pretty cute, though.



The Grim Reaper: YOU EAT A BAR OF SOAP OR SOMETHING?



Corey: It's just good, clean living.



Laci: It's me. Meet me at the place.



Neil: Who what where?



Neil: I can't hear you if you don't move your mouth.



Laci: It's me! Laci!
Neil: I don't know a Lacey.
Laci: Dude, I can even hear you spelling it wrong.



Neil: Last time we interacted, you kicked me out of my own house.
Laci: Well, you cheated on me.
Neil: I would've cheated on anyone, though!



Laci: Look. I've had a rough day, and I was wondering if you wanted to hang out. Where we first met.
Neil: If this is a test, I am going to fail it.



Wren: I've invented a self-tripping device.



Neil: I don't even remember where I ate today. And it's probably not ten feet away.



Laci: Okay, well, do you remember Hardbody's? The hot tubs?
Neil: Sounds pretty gay to me.



Laci: Do you remember the title pic for Chapter Three?



Laci: Anyway I hear your asshole son married that bitch who killed me. How does that make you feel?



Neil: Like you're attacking my family.
Laci: Your family attacked me first.



Laci: Have you met your grandson? William Junior! MAN could I tell you something FUNNY about HIM.



Laci: Would you like to know what a good kisser your son is?



Brandi: This is simultaneously difficult and pointless!

I'm working on something like that.

You'll see in a few days.



Laci: Come on, Neil. Take a tub with me. It'll be like old times! Before you got me murdered.



Laci: Bring your trunks, and leave your gun.



You realize I'm going to have to try and recreate that title pic, right?

I am going to fail that so hard.



Laci: Fuckin' zoo, this place.



Laci: Unlicensed, too.




I am amazed that redundant nonsense fits on one card.



Neil: This isn't the gym.
Laci: We didn't meet at the gym.



Neil: I remember now! You were dressed like a waitress.
Laci: Bartender.
Neil: Your ass was fantastic.
Laci: You do remember!



Laci: How do I measure up to your memories? Bear in mind I'm already a woman scorned.



Neil: Your red hair sure is red hair!



Neil: Was that a good answer?
Laci: It was barely an answer.



FINGERGUNFIGHT



You fuckin' dopes.



Neil: She is fuckin' dope.



Laci: A storm is coming.
Neil: Is that a warning?
Laci: No, I'm being literal. I checked the weather channel.



Neil: So you're not talking about a rain to wash away the garbage and sleaze off the sidewalks?
Laci: No.
Neil: Or a rain of blood, where once the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown?
Laci: No!



Laci: Stop trying to noir up our date.



Neil: Are we on a date? How quaint.
Laci: Nothing you or I do is ever "quaint."



Neil: I bought a doghouse once.
Laci: Okay, that's a little bit quaint.



Neil: Also we're sitting on a bench in the rain.



Neil: So I take it you're mad that I married Vicki.
Laci: What's there to be mad about? You cheat on a woman, your wife divorces you, and that woman murders her, of course that's marriage material!



Laci: You definitely did right by me, darling.



Laci: Don't look now, but I think we made a friend.



Neil: I don't make friends anymore. Friends die.



Laci: Everybody dies, Neil. The problem is, some of them come back.



...



Laci: What? I can't hear you.



Laci: Speak up, dammit.



Laci: I don't speak cropped.



Neil: I said, you were asking if it bugged me that Vicki married William.
Laci: Right.
Neil: Well, it doesn't.
Laci: Right.



Neil: It doesn't! She was a fucking axe murderer when I knew her.
Laci: The axes were mind-controlling her.
Neil: Right! Who needs that hassle?!



Laci: You ever wonder what would have happened if you and I had never met here?
Neil: No, I have literally zero non-sexual imagination.



Neil: I guess I'd be out of a job.
Laci: Why's that?
Neil: Because practically everyone in my prison is there because of something related to Cecilia.



Laci: Related to William, more like.
Neil: What's the difference?



Neil: Oh sure, get mad. Cecilia being evil is totally not a fact in evidence.



Laci: Insulting a woman's daughter is definitely the way to her heart, my man.
Neil: She called me her man!



I see the prison has a generous day trip program.



boolprop testingcheatsenabled true

force error

delete



For a second I thought that was two Deborahs and I was terrified.

Then I saw it was Deborah and Vicki.

That's more terrifying.



Neil: Should we say "hi"?



Neil: No?




Laci: I hope you've been working on your summer bod.



Neil: No. I look like an eighty-year-old baby.



Neil: Okay, now this I remember.



Neil: Okay stop remembering.



Laci: The world was full of possibilities when we came here together.
Neil: Less crashes.
Laci: Yeah.
Neil: No sex animations.
Laci: Yeah.
Neil: No serial killers.
Laci: Nope.



Laci: Altogether quite boring.



Neil: We didn't see it that way.
Laci: Well of course not! We were fucking around.



Neil: I was fucking around around.



Neil: What were you saying about William Junior?
Laci: Wouldn't you like to know?
Neil: Yes. That is why I asked.



Laci: I don't think I'll say. I'd feel bad if I prejudiced you against our grandson.
Neil: Okay.
Laci: ...alright. Cool. Don't catch the obvious hint.



Neil: I am literally impervious to obviousness. I am obvioblivious.



Laci: You're a hefty hunk of blubber, is what you are.



Neil: And you look even better than the day we first met.
Laci: Was it a good looking day? Or was that a faulty parallelism.



Neil: Talk like that, people're gonna think you're an asshole.



Chelsea: Is she not?

Hahaha.

Chelsea: What?

You have NO IDEA how much right you have to say that to her.

Chelsea: ...what?



Chelsea: Anyway, nakeding.



Laci: You still find me desirable?
Neil: Desire is basically the only kind of able I'm still capable of!



Laci: How's your back?
Neil: If it breaks, it breaks.



Laci: You know what I'm thinking, then.
Neil: Yeah? You already mentioned it on the phone.
Laci: That was, like, a few hours ago. You're old, I assumed you'd forgotten.



Laci: We'd better flirt a bit first, in case these are your last few moments on SimEarth.



Laci: You were my one true love, you know.
Neil: That was stupid of you.



Laci: It really was.



Laci: And will be again.



Neil: Are you sure you want to start something with me? Because if I get you pregnant, I'm pretty sure they'll pass a law against the baby's birth.



Neil: Or is this just a scheme to get my money by killing me with sex? Because you are definitely built for it.



Laci: If I wanted to do that, you'd damn well let me.



Laci: Tell me I'm wrong.
Neil: The only thing wrong about you is how right you are.



Neil: Right in the kisser.



Laci: Alright, big man. The moment of truth.
Neil: Dozens of vertebrae crying out in terror.



Neil: I'll see that your puddle gets a proper burial.



Laci: I'll help William pick out a nice bottle for you.



Neil: Shut up and hurt me.



CRACK

Neil: LOVE HURTS



Laci: He loves me!
Neil: Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.



Laci: Are we doing it?

Swing her to the left a little.



Laci: How about now?



Neil: I think that's done it.



♪ She said you hurt her so ♪



♪ She almost lost her mind ♪



♪ And now she says she knows ♪



♪ You're not the hurting kind ♪

Neil: My hips beg to differ.



Laci: That's my Neil! No moment left unkilled.



Laci: Now let's do that shoulder-punching thing.
Neil: No.
Laci: Kidney-kicking?
Neil: Ow! No!



Laci: You're no fun.
Neil: I was never any fun.



Neil: And I'm only growing unfunner.



Laci: I think I can change that.



Neil: I don't, but I'm willing to let you try.



Laci: I'll just bet you are.



Neil: I hope this isn't the second time I've endagered everyone in the neighbourhood by hugging a chick at the gym.



Neil: Also, honestly, I am totally okay with that naked chick.
Laci: If we're being honest now, I'm not.



Neil: Not okay with that naked chick, or not being honest?
Laci: I'll let you decide.



Laci: Look at these fucking people. Pretending to be... well... people.



Laci: Even the playables aren't a patch on the original batch.



Laci: It's all been downhill since you and I.
Neil: You sound as old as I look.



Laci: These fucking people make me feel old.



Neil: Okay, well, thanks for a lovely evening, don't forget to write.



Ricky: What a nice lady.



Neil: Summer bod. Summer bod.



Myrtle: Fuck that. Summer food.



♪ In the summer, in the city ♪

Next time: basically half a chapter that I didn't get to this time.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 9 June 2012.

Tags: ea games, eaxis, legacy challenge, maxis, prosperity, sharpesvale chronicles, simblr, sims, sims 2
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