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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 364


Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 3!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!



If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!


Puddin' on the Ritz.




Obviously these two need no introduction.




Leonard: I need them introduced. To me.



Nerissa: Well, you played your best. You can mail your valuables to my post office box.



Kelsey: You took that awful well.
Lyndsey: The natural lifespan of a townie is about twenty years. It would be cruel to deny them their little victories.



Lyndsey: Especially with so many little failures kicking around here.



Kelsey: Hey there Murphy dude.
Leonard: I'm such a freakin' dude.



Kelsey: A dude with 'tude. A 'tude dude.



Kelsey: Back off, bitch. Lust is thicker than blood.



Heath: Lust is thicker than my penis.



Kelsey: CAN YOU PRUNE YOUR TOWNIE POOL



Kelsey: Alright, you're the first half-attractive person mostly my age I've seen today. Wanna go out?
Leonard: I'm already out! So... yes! Obviously.



Kelsey: Amiable and clueless. The perfect Romance Sim boyfriend.



Leonard: I'm a Family Sim.
Kelsey: Meh. I won't kick you out of bed for wantin' babies.



"Penny": Out enjoying the interim between apocalypses, kiddos? Good on ya. Can't stop livin' now just because you'll probably stop livin' soon!




Lyndsey: I'm not going in there.
Kelsey: Aw, come on, this is an old glitch. They probably still have it in The Sims 4.
Lyndsey: There is no such thing as The Sims 4.
Leonard: Hot take!



Kelsey: So yeah, that weird lady we walked past?
Leonard: The vaguely terrifying one?
Kelsey: Yeah! Let's talk smack about her in public.



Leonard: How'd it turn out?
Kelsey: Uh... it didn't.



Kelsey: You might as well take it.
Leonard: You're giving me a gift?
Kelsey: I'm giving you a garbage.



Leonard: Still more than anyone's ever given me.



Leonard: Except death. I've been given death before.
Kelsey: Cool beans.



Jack: Allow me to mince on by, hot stuff.



Bill: Oh! Hey, boss! What are you doing here?
Neil: Fuck, are you guys doing a chapter? Fuck! Cover me while I jet.



Bill: Take this smelly teenager with you. To jail.
Lyndsey: Uh.
Bill: UGLY JAIL



Kelsey: Yeah baby, my guts break nuts.



Leonard: ...not my nuts, though. Please?



Kelsey: I have ultimate crotch control. Don't worry.



Leonard: I'm not worried, I'm aroused.



Kelsey: How old are you, anyway?
Leonard: Uh... you... first.
Kelsey: Eighteen.
Leonard: Uh... yeah! I'm someone who was once eighteen too!



Kelsey: You getting abducted over there, Lyn?



Kelsey: I am gonna do some experiments on you, earthling.
Leonard: Woof.



Kelsey: ...space themed arcade? I thought...
Leonard: You didn't think.



Lyndsey: What army you in?
Bill: I'm a prison guard.
Lyndsey: See and I gave you a chance to lie about it but you were too dumb.



Lyndsey: Dumb hot!
Bill: Woof.



Kelsey: All this woofing reminds me what a sexy bitch I am.



Kelsey: Hey baby, what's that on your lips?



Leonard: It's chapstick.



Kelsey: Let me get that for you.



Leonard: What was that for?
Kelsey: Being a dork.
Leonard: I was specifically trying not to be a dork.
Kelsey: That's what did it.



Lyndsey: Is it hot in here, or is it just you?
Bill: It's just me.



Bill: Look woman, I just went through a bad breakup.
Lyndsey: With the parts of your haircut that stopped it from being a mullet?



Bill: If that was supposed to be flirting I might have missed it.
Lyndsey: I learned all my moves from men.



Bill: Well men don't like it when you treat them like shit.
Lyndsey: ...then why they gotta be shit?



Lyndsey: Dickheads be crazy.



Lyndsey: What? WHAT? That line was classic pickup artistry!



Bill: I wish the attractive one wasn't already taken.



So you just gonna loom there like a creepy stalker?

Bill: It's my core competency.



Leonard: I'm glad you're in my life, Kelsey.
Kelsey: Aww, Len-Len. It's my life now.



Amin: Okay Amin, you got this. Act super natural, not supernatural!



Lyndsey: I'm... not into you.
Amin: OHHHH THAT IS MY EXACT FETISH



Lyndsey: I think we need to Dead Rising this mall. Anyone know any active zombies?



Kelsey: Uh huh Lyn that's nice.
Leonard: Make mine a double.



Lyndsey: You guys are really goin' at it, huh?
Kelsey: You'll understand when you fall in lust.




Lyndsey: You walk like there's a stick up your ass.
Leonard: Yeah, well, you were adopted.



Lyndsey: Disproportionate retribution much?
Nathen: Boner much!



♪ So ya, thought ya, might like to... go to the show ♪

Leonard: I get mean when I get horny.
Kelsey: I'll try to stop before you sprout a Hitler 'stache.



♪ To feel the warm thrill of confusion, and space cadet glow ♪

Leonard: Friends don't let friends become Nazis.

Fucking right.



♪ Tell me, is something eluding you, sunshine? Is this not what you expected to see? ♪

Snogging the light acceptable.



Nick: Helloooooo sister.



Nick: Hold my virginity, I won't be needing it.



♪ If you wanna find out what's behind these cold eyes ♪

Kelsey: You ain't heavy.
Leonard: Nor am I your brother!



♪ YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO CLAW YOUR WAY THROUGH THIS DISGUISE ♪

Nick: Ugh, it smells like at least one other dude in here.



Nick: Hahaha look at that stupid bitch.



♪ LIGHTS! ♪

Lyndsey: Which one?
Nick: The one I don't live with, obviously. The other one would kick my balls up into my teeth.



Lyndsey: I like a man who knows where his balls go.



♪ ROLL THE SOUND EFFECTS ♪

Nerissa: Do you know how to work that thing?
Leonard: Very nearly! I've discovered at a dozen ways not to work it!



♪ ACTION ♪

Myrtle: I'VE FOUND AN UNLUCKY THIRTEENTH



♪ DROP IT! DROP IT ON 'EM! ♪

Leonard: SCIENCE IS A HARSH MISTRESS



Myrtle: Skull fractures are harsher.



Myrtle: THIS IS LESS FUN THAN IT LOOKS



♪ DROP IT ON 'EMMMMMMMM ♪

Myrtle: CUT THE CHAPTER CUT THE CHAPTER



Leonard: Thank you for not using your freeze frame of death on me.

I've gotten bored with killing you, man.



Lyndsey: Hey there, ladykiller.
Nick: I did not just kill that lady.



Nick: But she is definitely dead.



Myrtle: NO I'M GOOD



Myrtle: JUST GOTTA GET MY SECOND WIND



Myrtle: I slump the body electric.



Myrtle: it's just a flesh death

Next time: four's out of the question.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 25 March 2019 to 1 April 2019.

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Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
quinndominion
Apr. 4th, 2019 07:15 am (UTC)
I seem to remember you doing the game crossover thing before so I was amused to see the TS3 April Fool's. But after seeing the 'real' chapter in TS2 and knowing full well how tedious precise sim-staging can be, I had to come back to say that this re-creation is amazing. LJ is kinda dead these days but it needed to be said.

Oh, and retroactively noticing that Amin was a bigfoot who morphed into, uh, that dude? LOL
gruglysims
Apr. 4th, 2019 09:19 am (UTC)
I'm very glad you liked it. It was one of the most frustrating, infuriating things I have ever done. I'm glad I did it because it turned out well AND because it gave me ample opportunity to see that no, TS3 isn't so much a sequel as it is a cruel, lazy joke. Thanks for the kind words.

I was gonna make Amin a mummy until I saw I could make him a genie right from Create-A-Sim. Gave him the beard, should have given him the glasses too. Oh well; most of these pics have at least one thing I want to fix but I've gotta stop eventually and take pleasure in uninstalling the pudding factory forever.

EDIT: Oh, yeah, I'll be posting a version with side-by-side comparisons soon.

Edited at 2019-04-04 09:24 am (UTC)
lumy12
May. 19th, 2019 06:23 pm (UTC)
Well done, sir! Holy crap. Your real Sims look so much better. But you made all of the characters instantly recognizable. How much blood, sweat, and tears you must have suffered!
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )