gruglysims (gruglysims) wrote,

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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 368

Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2 and 3!
Updates whenever I damn well please!

Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
All naked fake people/fake people having fake sex are 18+ and consenting.

If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at instead!

In which another one makes it to near-personhood somehow.

Only half of these are Whittakers.

Vanessa: I'm considering switching back.

Vanessa: Hyphenated, of course.
Michael: Why is that "of course"?
Vanessa: When you're any part Sharpe, it is always a qualifier.

Vanessa: And oh, the things it qualifies you for.

Vanessa: Oh the things.

Vanessa: Think I'll get drunk in my underwear today.

You're a member of the state assembly.

Vanessa: Right? It's painfully on-brand.

Vanessa: I still don't know why they won't let me put a minibar in the chopper.

And then she drunkenly mowed down all the trees with her rotors.

I don't care.

I don't care!

Vincent: I'm very excited that I tried this Science activity! That was a lot of fun!


Jewel: Heart fart bagart.



Theresa: Yeah, yeah.


Theresa: Alright buddy, open Tinder and get swiping.

This isn't making you less attractive.

Hmm. Maybe that is.

Who you thinking of marrying?

Theresa: I can't bear to say it out loud, honestly.

Theresa: Can you... come over here for a bit?

Theresa: Don't say anything or I won't do anything.

My lips are sealed!

Theresa: Don't sing anything, either.

But there's a song in my heart, for some reason!

I dunno, I just kinda like this household today.

Anthony: My job satisfaction is at all all-time erection. I mean erection. I mean high.

Anthony: Although it's dropping.

Anthony: The satisfaction, that is. Not the erection.

Alvin: I wonder if it's possible to make conjoined twins.

Theresa: There's my scientist!
Alvin: I'm a mad scientist.

Theresa: Remember when you stole that guy's girl?
Alvin: Did I kidnap someone and forget about it?!

Theresa: I was just thinking what improbable luck you have with the ladies, having so little custom content in you.
Jewel: Well look who's improbably hot!

Jewel: You improbable thot!

Alvin: What is this place, the girlfriend repository?

Alvin: Guess it's just the friend repository, now.
Jewel: Not even.

Jewel: Although I'm open to an assist over here, if your Mechanical Skill's up to it.

Alvin: I'm exercising the Chemistry mechanic right now, sorry.

You foreign spies don't blend in very well.

Thomas: Sure we do. In Simerica all you have to do is talk really slow and loud and they think you're a native.

Benson: Hey baby, look what poop I got.

Alvin: Don't look, it really is poop.


Vanessa: You'll see.

Noah: If I'd known "helicopter ride" wasn't some sort of sexual metaphor I never would've taken you up on it.

Vanessa: If I hadn't found you weirdly attractive I never would have taken you up on it! "It" being my helicopter.

Noah: You spin me right 'round, baby.
Vanessa: Like a record, baby?
Noah: Uh... no? Like a helicopter blade? Try to focus, okay?

Vanessa: Every time I focus I see things I don't like.

Alvin: How does your hair float like that?
Theresa: Boob gravity.
Alvin: Checks out.

Alvin: As in, I checks out your boobs.

Alvin: And her boobs.
Theresa: They're not bad, yeah.

Alvin: I really like how our skintones match.
Theresa: Unfortunately that's how most attraction works.

Jewel: Are you angry at the wall?
Vanessa: I'm angry I can't bang my head against it.

Noah: Don't be angry, but do bang.

Theresa: You guys would look super hot melted together.
Alvin: I can arrange that.

Theresa: I'm sorry I'm out-hotting you.

Vanessa: It's okay, it reminds me of my dead sister.

Noah: I'm touching you now.

Theresa: Okay, I guess.

Theresa: Okay! I know.

Jewel: Get a room.
Noah: For hugs?
Jewel: For fugs.

Noah: If you think I'm fugly you clearly need to recalibrate your standards.

Theresa: Be back later, gotta investigate the president.

What's he like?

Theresa: He's involved in a secret plot to destroy the world.


He sounds great.

Wanna trade?

Jewel: Wanna trade? Fluids?

Vanessa: Don't.
Jewel: But I just lost Alvin!
Vanessa: Don't replace bad baggage with more bad baggage!

Jewel: I wanna kick him in the baggage.

Veronica: Dude insists he's my brother.

He is your brother.

Veronica: Yeah but does he have to insist on it?


Richard: GROW UP

Richard: ...I think I'm about to.

All the secret agents are gone.



Noah: Such air!
Vanessa: So breath!
Richard: Lung capacity!
Jewel: Neat.

Happy I Stop Ignoring You Completely Day!

It's most people's final day.

That's her soul forming.

Congrats! You're a person now.

Well! Apparently Whittaker genes are almost as strong as Sharpe genes.

Considering where the Whittaker genes came from, there was a good chance we were never gonna discover that.


Jewel: That must be yours. You look like the kind of asshole money drops out of the sky for.
Veronica: I'm cuter than you now, mom. Just thought you should know.

Veronica: I take it back.

No, I think you're right.


Veronica: Hey less facially-fortunate family fellow!

Victor: ...what?

Veronica: I'm rich.
Stewart: Good lead!

Veronica: I'm rich and easy.
Stewart: Better lead!

Veronica: What do you think?

The colour's no good. Buy a new one.

Veronica: Or you could just rip me one off.

I'm your god, not your fence.

Veronica: Do you really wanna clear the racks of townies so I can get at them? AGAIN?

She made a great point.

Veronica: Hi! I was just talking to you. I think?
Grugly Prime: You're not eighteen until six o'clock. Stop flirting with Stewart.
Veronica: Or what?
Grugly Prime: Or I'll have to kill Stewart? Actually never mind.

Grugly Prime: Actually never mind I'll kill you both.


Why hello there, Aurora! You're looking awfully long-lived today!


Brooke: Shouldn't all the prison guards be at the prison?

Do you ever get to leave that register?


Veronica: My mom's a state assemblyperson.

She got promoted to congresswoman today, actually.

Veronica: My mom's one of the problems with our democracy.

Stewart: I'm getting the overwhelming urge to not talk to you for a few hours.


Veronica: Hey man, you wanna get us both killed? Get us both killed? Get us both killed why can't I stop saying that I'm not trying to say that!
Grugly Prime: SIX. O. CLOCK.

Alright, it's seven, go hog wild.

It takes me way too long to lose those ugly-ass signs.

I don't know why I keep trying to make this thing be something other than distant scenery.

Veronica: I don't know why you keep trying to make Stewart be something more than distant scenery!

Veronica: But what a scenic scene he is.

Stewart: Why are we here?
Veronica: Because it's too lame for anyone else.

Stewart: Did I hear him say you're only eighteen?
Veronica: Don't be mad!
Stewart: "Don't be mad"? You tried to make me be jailed!

Veronica: Do they put you in jail for dating underage girls?

No, they put you in boiling lava.

Stewart: Yeah, they put you in boiling lava? What?

It's better than you deserve, honestly.

Stewart: Well I don't appreciate being lavabaited.
Veronica: I promise not to do it again, now that it's impossible.

Veronica: Now you wanna come see the view or not?
Stewart: Depends on what it's a view of.
Veronica: Wouldn't you like to know.

Veronica: Surprise! It's just a view of trailers.

Stewart: I like trailers.

Veronica: You look like you like trailers.

Stewart: That's mean.

Veronica: I'm mean.

Veronica: Haha my dad is gonna beat the shit out of you.

Repo Man: ...should I be here?

No, it's a sign of neighbourhood corruption.

My game is fucked.

That's a really sad thing to hear, too.

Since this was seven years and several hundred thousand pics ago.

Veronica: I think my legs are still kids.

Veronica: Hey rando wanna make out?!

The Unsavoury Charlatan: Did I overhear you saying you have wealthy parents?
Veronica: I'm sure our angry god will totally not punish you if you kidnap a teenager.

The Unsavoury Charlatan: That's good to hear.

Next time: I get bored, so things get unboring.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 15 June 2012.

Tags: alvin, brooke 1, brooke alioto, butler, charlatan, ea games, eaxis, grugly prime, jane, jewel, kenya, legacy challenge, maxis, michael, noah, prosperity, richard flint, sharpesvale chronicles, simblr, sims, sims 2, stewart, superhero, theresa, vanessa sharpe, veronica, victor sharpe, vincent, yvonne

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