gruglysims (gruglysims) wrote,
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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 370


Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!



If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!


In which an escape is planned.




Half this fucking town is a something-Murphy.

Why isn't he the mayor?



Stephen: Because I don't like dealing with garbage.



Stephen: Except when I do.



Vicki: FUCK MAYORS



Meanwhile this is happening.



Since the can is up now I guess that was a blatant misuse of "meanwhile."

Which is pretty much the only use it gets nowadays.



Stephen: Hi! Why.



Stephen: Actually why not.



Yusun Kearney: That's what I always say! To my detriment.



Yusun: Nice kitty.



Yusun: NAUGHTY KITTY



Yusun: OHHH IT'S IN MY PORES



Stephen: You can use my shower if you're an adult.
Yusun: Why do I have to be an adult to use your shower?
Stephen: So I can take pictures of you doing it. Nothing's free, girl.



Yusun: I'm old enough to auto-erotically asphyxiate myself.



Stephen: David Carradine was pretty old.

Not old enough :(



Unlike most of the townie teens, who are like a hundred, Yusun is only like twenty.



Stephen: She'd be pretty boring without Ember's skintone, too.



But she does have Ember's skintone.

Stephen: And thus.



Yusun: Is this photography for personal or commercial purposes?
Stephen: Depends how it turns out. But probably the former.



Yusun: So you're a pervert.
Stephen: Yep yep.



Stephen: A talented pervert, though.



Stephen: With sophisticated equipment. And a camera.



That's not tacky at all.



Stephen: No. Don't touch the equipment.



Stephen: Making dumb faces won't help.



Stephen: No! I've already got too many wives.



Yusun: I could be your girlfriend!
Stephen: You could go away!
Yusun: I could be your muse!
Stephen: You could go away!



Yusun: I could go away!



Fiona: ...
Felix: ...



Stephen: Twenty years old and she hasn't learned how not to be a goddamned pig.



Stephen: Some people have no sense of class.



Felix: It's okay, sis. We don't have object permanence.
Fiona: This would be a terrible time for it to set in.



Sometimes I just can't with these people.



Margaret: And sometimes us people just won't.



Brooke: Did you hear me?
Margaret: I don't hear townies anymore. I've been gentrified.



Stephen: Welcome to our dump.



Brooke: HAND MAGNETS
Stephen: WHAT NO
Margaret: Just let it happen.



Stephen: ...nah.



Stephen: Nice kitty!



Vicki: MEAN VICKI



Stephen: Yeah, I've been meaning to talk to you. About that.



Vicki: ...fancy meeting you here?
Stephen: You are meeting me, and you are fancy.



Vicki: I'm really sorry about the garbage.
Stephen: I'm over here?
Vicki: I'm apologizing to the Maker.

Yeah, it's alright, I guess. But stop it.



Vicki: I just don't know what came over me, I saw you snogging the mayor and it really bothered me for some reason.
Stephen: Are we romantically involved or something?
Vicki: God I don't know. I'm some fucked up in the head, my man.



Well I can't find any romantic interactions between them.

I did find this.

HOW DID NOBODY NOTICE.

William: Well I mean my middle name is Stephen...

WELL I MEAN YOU'RE NOT REALLY HERE SHUT UP



Vicki: I just feel so... bad... about...?
Stephen: Yeah?
Vicki: ...huh? What?



Vicki: Why you naked?



Vicki: Is this a suburban nudist camp?



Vicki: Can I camp here.



Stephen: You ever have a portrait done?





Uh.

Thanks, past Grugly?

I don't think I was ever in danger of forgetting those.



Lainey: SO UNFORGETTABLE



Stephen: Wanna come be my etchings?



Vicki: What even are etchings?
Stephen: I think they were made up for that pickup line.



Vicki: Who's that?
Stephen: Probably nobody.
Lainey: Yeah, probably.



Stephen: You still seem kinda mad.
Vicki: I'm not mad, I'm crazy.
Stephen: Like a fox?
Vicki: Like an axe murderer.



Stephen: Like an axe me murder me-er?
Vicki: If you keep that shit up, yeah! Probably.



Margaret: I hate him.



I named it after a bunch of places in Canada.

Scarborough. Peterborough.

And the French term for downtown, "centre ville."

So I guess it means "downtown district."

...

So I guess it's a perfect name.



Vicki: Whole lotta perfect goin' on.



Vicki: I picked up a book of your sketches at the library.
Stephen: I thought they only carried those at the adult bookstore!



Vicki: So you do nudie pics.
Stephen: Mostly.
Vicki: And your hedge is protruding through your wall.
Stephen: Partially.



Stephen: Am I seeing double, or are you two hot?!



Yeah, I know.

But once I thought of it, it had to go in.



Vicki: Porn me like one of your porn girls.



Vicki: Hahaha that smart woman's dumb.



Vicki: Did you hear her kids keep dying?



Vicki: So dead! So often.



Vicki: ...well how was I supposed to know that.



Stephen: AGRESSIVE POSTURE ADJUSTMENT



Stephen: Man, that Maxis Match skintone.

I know.

Right.



Stephen: A lot of these pics are HD!

Yep.

Stephen: How come?

It's definitely not because you're in them.



Vicki: Wait, did you take high-res pics because I'm naked?

Don't go visiting my intentions.



Vicki: The Maker approves of your choice of models.

The Maker chooses his choice of models.



Stephen: Oh god, what did I do.
Vicki: You do prop pics, right? This one's pretty, and I hestitate to use the word, iconic.



Stephen: Are you sure you're okay with that? I know the whole axe murderer thing wasn't actually your fault.
Vicki: If you can't laugh at your murderous rampages, what can you laugh at.



Stephen: We can find something less... controversial for you to hold, if you want.
Vicki: Keep it in your pants.



Vicki: For now, at least.



Vicki: Okay, I'm ready.
Stephen: What's with the baseball?
Vicki: I like baseball!
Stephen: That's your second defining character trait?
Vicki: When axe murder is your first, you don't really need much of a second.



Stephen: Keep reminding me of the axe murder thing, it's really setting me at ease.



Vicki: Suffer for your art, potential victim!



Vicki: Let me know if we get to "gonna call the cops" level of awkward, though.



Vicki: You done shooting?
Stephen: Unless you start throwing, yeah.



Vicki: Do you actually have a gun?
Stephen: Yeah, they hand those out for free at art school.



Stephen: No I don't have a gun.



Stephen: So, do you like it? The whole "riddle of the sphinx" thing you've got going on is doing a number on my head.



Vicki: It's pretty good! Can I get a copy?
Stephen: Sure you can! Sponsor an art gallery and it's all yours.



Stephen: Fuck off, whoever you are.



Joshua: SHE KILLED ME
Stephen: Uh-huh.
Joshua: PUSHED ME INTO A POOL
Stephen: Uh-huh.
Joshua: YOUR FAMILY'S IN DANGER
Stephen: Can you call back when literally any of my blood is in the vicinity of my brain?



Vicki: You're quite the artist, Stephen.
Stephen: That's nice of you to say.
Vicki: It is nice of me to say.



Vicki: It's also nice of me to mean.



Vicki: And I can be so mean.



-shrug-

I'm sure I was really excited at the time.



Stephen: Getting pretty excited myself, won't lie.



Vicki: Have this murder plant.



Vicki: To remember me by.



Vicki: What? Too on-the-nose?



Stephen: You're so much more than just a murderer, Vicki!
Vicki: I'm not actually a murderer at all, so, yeah.



Stephen: You seem like you're trying to reinvent yourself.
Vicki: Well can you blame me? Considering the last time I was invented it was ENTROPY doing the inventing?



Stephen: OH GOSH YOU'RE STILL NAKED



Stephen: I've been doing a whole series of these. Tons of 'em.
Vicki: Sounds like a passion project.
Stephen: It's boring and I hate it.



Stephen: Do you like piña coladas?



Vicki: I don't think that's a good metaphor for what's happening here.
Stephen: Maybe we can do a sequel to the song, where it ends realistically.



Vicki: Maybe we can just fuck.



Vicki: Oops, my feelings are showing.



Vicki: I'm tired of being a local celebrity.
Stephen: I'm not, but I am tired of not having a plotline.



Stephen: Aren't you supposed to be marrying William?
Vicki: I did marry William.
Stephen: So why are you still wearing your engagement ring?
Vicki: Call it the commitment version of a mood ring.



♪ I didn't think about my lady, I know that sounds kinda mean ♪

"kinda"



♪ But me and my old lady, had fallen into the same old dull routine ♪



Stephen: There's an old lady staring at us.



Vicki: Let's give her something to stare about.



Vicki: How about lust?



Stephen: I saw the heart. How about love.
Vicki: Again, too on-the-nose.



Stephen: You ever been to Twikkii Island?
Vicki: I've never been anywhere. Oh! That's not true! I've been dead.



Stephen: Yeah, me too.



Stephen: Twikkii Island's nicer.



Vicki: You asking me on a vacation?
Stephen: Maybe. While the vacatin's good.



Vicki: It might be good for you to leave the country, since you're making out with William Sharpe's wife in a glass box in the state capital.



Stephen: Hahaha yeah I'm pretty dead.



Stephen: Speaking of dead, did you hear? Fucking hilarious.



Stephen: Oh, what. If you can't laugh at war criminals who can you laugh at.



Stephen: Present company excepted, of course.
Vicki: Hey, I was dead for the war.



Stephen: Yeah... me too.



Stephen: I'm glad we came back.



Neil: Hey, honey.



Stephen: What's wrong?
Vicki: Everything. Me.



Stephen: Maybe everything, but definitely not you.



Vicki: You really know how to help a girl overcome her mind control issues.



Stephen: So those mind-controlling axes still fucking you up a bit, eh?
Vicki: Occasionally.
Stephen: What are the odds they'll get me murdered?
Vicki: Zero! They might get anybody who messes with you murdered, though.



Stephen: I probably don't want that either.
Vicki: You're a better man than Neil.
Stephen: Oh yeah, definitely.



Stephen: ♪ If you're not into yoga ♪
Vicki: Aww, stop it.
Stephen: ♪ If you have half a brain ♪
Vicki: Seriously stop it, it's the least romantic song ever written.



Vicki: We're still totally doing this, though.



Stephen: Wow do you have muscles.
Vicki: Yeah, well. Axes.



Vicki: Thanks for bringing it up again.



Vicki: Was the siding supposed to be reminiscent of the trailer where I did most of my murdering?
Stephen: Uh... well... yeah.
Vicki: It was blue, you know.
Stephen: Well I didn't want to trigger you. In any sense of the word.



Vicki: You're such a considerate adulterer.



Ugh, those feet.

It takes me like five more years to fix those feet.



Vicki: Ooh, we get new feet? That's like getting new shoes times ten!



Stephen: Alright, so.
Vicki: Yep.
Stephen: We gonna...?
Vicki: Yep.



Stephen: Sweeeet.



Stephen: My pants were about to evict me.



Vicki: Maybe we should put some curtains up?
Stephen: I'm hoping to give Crumplebottom a heart attack, honestly.



Vicki: A noble quest.



Mrs. Crumplebottom: I don't have a heart.



That dragon is freaking out.



Vicki: One... sympathizes...



BEHIND THE SCENES!

I don't know what's happening.



Stephen: Whatever it is, it's working!



Stephen: I mean, it's working for me...



Vicki: Don't mind me. I'm just adjusting to normal penis size.
Stephen: Fucking William.
Vicki: Way too much, yes.



Stephen: Once you go Sharpe, you never...
Vicki: Uh...
Stephen: Uh...
Vicki: Hmm...
Stephen: Something about a tarp, maybe?



Stephen: ...jew's harp?



Vicki: Carp.



Stephen: You're making me nervous.
Vicki: It just fits so well in my hand. You know?
Stephen: Well don't let it slip.



Vicki: Even when I was crazy I only killed people who were threatening my family.
Stephen: That so? 'cuz I'm definitely threatening your family right now, via your marriage.



Stephen: Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned that.



Vicki: Nah, it's all good. We're doing exposure response prevention therapy for my axe-murdering.



Vicki: Ohhhhh... so. You... getting any... urges? From that thing? You wanna... mmm... throw it into anyone's forehead? Or anything?
Stephen: I WANT TO THROW A BABY INTO YOUR UTERUS



Stephen: I don't think it's the axe doing that.
Vicki: Yeah, probably not.



Vicki: Well I guess it's not the axes anymore, it's just me.
Stephen: I like an unpredictable woman.



Stephen: My first wife killed me once. Did you know that?

It was your son, actually.

Stephen: Are you sure?

Yeah, I remember it pretty clearly.

Stephen: And yet you don't remember Vicki and me flirting.

Right, and they're such comparably interesting events!



Vicki: You ever think our generation fucked things up pretty bad?
Stephen: Yeah, but our kids saw our serial killer and raised us zombies.

And a worse serial killer! Don't forget the worse serial killer.

She hasn't forgotten you.



Vicki: Our sins gave birth to the second generation.
Stephen: We missed the second generation.



Vicki: I wonder if it missed us.



Vicki: DICKS!

Things were getting too heavy.



Vicki: Well! THAT was refreshing!
Stephen: The pause that impregnates! Sometimes.



Vicki: Do you have a bathroom? I need to disimpregnate my bladder.

That nearly came out so much worse.

Next time: trippin'.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 15 June 2012 to 16 June 2012.

Tags: ea games, eaxis, legacy challenge, maxis, prosperity, sharpesvale chronicles, simblr, sims, sims 2
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