gruglysims (gruglysims) wrote,
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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 376


Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!



If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!


In witch.



Carolina: Hey! That was moderately clever!



Shiloh: Some of us have our sights set a little higher.

Some of us are smart enough not to antagonize our creators.

Shiloh: You don't believe you have one.

That is also smartness-related.



Carolina: He's not smart enough not to antagonize potential readers, apparently.

Honestly, if I drive really religious people away from this story, I'm doing them a serious favour.



Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: I also have favours for your readership.



Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: You have too many extraneous characters.



That icon is extremely on-the-nose.



Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: Later turkeys!



Lisa: Big deal, it's only carpet.



Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: Your stepmom is on fire now.
Shiloh: Wow, and all I did was read!



Lisa: NPCs are still vulnerable to fire...



Lisa: ...but more importantly, we're carriers.



I could only diminish this one with words.



Shiloh: Hurry up and diminish the FIRE with words!
Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: I can't! Firefighting is good magic!



Lisa: AWW YEAH I'M HOT



Rebecca: I liked this place better when everyone here was boring.

Well, good news.



I see the status quo rapidly approaching.



Carolina: This is the moment.

What moment?

Carolina: The moment where I decide if I'm going to be a hero!

Oh, wow! That must be really cool for you!

Carolina: Given what my decision's going to be, no, not really.



Your daughter's on fire.

Jerome: Thanks!



Jerome: Her daddy's lit, fam!



Jerome: Fam?



Jerome: FAM?!



Carolina: This is a deeply inferior moment.



Shiloh: I CAN TOP IT



Shiloh: Bottom it...



Shiloh: I'm dead.



You people are the worst Terminators.



FOOMPF



She'll be back.



Oh, what a dick, what a dick!



Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: TELL THEM I DIED IN A DUEL WITH GANDALF OR SOMETHING



Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: I would also accept Dumbledore.



The Grim Reaper: I'M GOING TO SUGGEST YOU NOT TURN AROUND AT THIS JUNCTURE.



The Grim Reaper: SO HEY, ANYBODY NEED A GREEN DICK?



Carolina: You saved me!
Jerome: But the carpet!
Carolina: It's just carpet.
Jerome: CARPET IS CIVILIZATION



Lisa: Man, I never should've eaten that green dick.



Carolina: OH GOD, PREGNANCY PISS STINKS



Jerome: Yeah, not a fan.



Jerome: Wait, who died?



Well THAT was a short storyline.

Especially by my standards.



Catalina: I'll take your statement after I check out the scene.
Deborah: The what now?



Deborah: REBECCA
Rebecca: WHAT
Deborah: WHAT DID YOU DO



Catalina: Where would you even get that many orphans?



Catalina: Oops, think I Lovecrafted my brain a little.



Catalina: NOPE WE'RE DOING SAM RAIMI ALRIGHT



Catalina: I'd rather have a bitten hand than existential dread, I guess.



Catalina: I should definitely inhale this, right?



Catalina: What's this called?

Slough soup.

Catalina: I should definitely drink some, right?



Catalina: IT WASN'T RIGHT



Catalina: I BLAME THE BLACK MAN



If only this always immediately followed.



Catalina: Blue lives matter!

Yeah, but not, like, in relation or in proportion to anything.



♪ They're creepy and they're kooky ♪


♪ Mysterious and spooky ♪

Jerome: When did you get so... grown?



♪ They're altogether ooky ♪

Rebecca: Is that even a word?



♪ The rapidly-escalting problems family! ♪



Rebecca: Got any songs about best friends burning to death?

Hmm.

♪ It's better to burn out, than to fade away ♪

Rebecca: But she did both.

My, my.



Jerome: Hey, hey.



Carolina: Secondaries died, none of them were me, life's pretty full.



Rebecca: Shiloh asked me to do something before she died.
Jerome: Was it remind me of her death? Because I'm super opposed to that right now.



Rebecca: Hey man, fuck you.



Rebecca: That was an offer.



Rebecca: It's not fair, but I'm a little skeeved out that you're taking it so well.



Deborah: Man, this is gonna be great for my blog.

I feel ya.



Rebecca: I am felt by ya!



Brett: .oO(I feel nothing.)



Rebecca: I want to feel everything.



Jerome: Fuck the pain away!



Rebecca: Oh yeah, turn that camera so I can get some snoggin' done.



Deborah: Do NOT fucking touch me.



Deborah: Do NOT fucking TOUCH me!



Rebecca: Fuck and touch me.



Deborah: I'm sure there's a reason I'm doing this. I can't wait for someone to explain it to me.



Everyone else is busy.



Or getting there.



Rebecca: Getting busy.
Jerome: I got it, yes.



This is not a great way to process your daughter's death.

Jerome: Yeah, I don't think I'll tell her about it when she comes back to life.



Jerome: Oh sure, distance yourself from the grieving father.

I'm distancing myself from the gyrating fucker.



Jerome: Wait, are you actually... enjoying this?
Rebecca: Why wouldn't I be enjoying it?
Jerome: ...ohhhhhh right, you're a virgin.



Rebecca: Are all men as big as you?
Jerome: HAHAHAHAHAHA



Jerome: Hoo boy, you've got a good life ahead of you.



Rebecca: You're half-fucking Lucas, you know.



Jerome: ...!



Jerome: You know it's bad when Deborah is the good half of something.



Rebecca: I look forward to how awkward the rest of our interactions are going to be.



Jerome: They're gonna be super awkward.



Rebecca: It's already setting in.



Brett: .oO(I'm not a fucking CAT!)



Jerome: .oO(You know you've made a bad decision when the best justification you can think of is "well it was legal...")



Jerome: .oO(Wait a sec, aren't I married?!)



VERY.

Veried.

Verily.



Rebecca: I wonder if this counts as "Local News" or "Lifestyle."



I shudder to think what everything in this room is made of, that absolutely nothing but the people caught fire.



Rebecca: "Dear MissSim: I fucked my dead best friend's dad today. I don't want any advice, I just wanted to use your column to brag. Sincerely: Dadfucker."



Jerome: Thank goodness consequences don't exist.



I am awaiting the promised toddler-melting with impatience.



Jerome: Hahaha wow so gothy.



Carolina: YOU CUT OFF MY HAND

Sorry.

Carolina: YOU CUT OFF MY HAND WITH YOUR BORDER!

Sorry!



Carolina: I GOT MY HAND BACK BUT NOW MY TUMMY HURTS



Carolina: HELP ME SWAT THIS BIG WEIRD BUG



Esther Newcastle.

Carolina: You know, you never let us name our kids.

I did! That's what you named her.

Carolina: Why didn't you let me say it, then?

Because you're all just aspects of me anyway, what's the damn difference.



Carolina: This is my favourite aspect of you.



Carolina: I'mma poke its eye out.



Brett: .oO(Oh, nice. Thanks.)



Carolina: Ew, we've still got that one?



Carolina: Maybe it's dead.



Catalina: You may not like it, but this is what dead looks like.



Jerome: Peekaboo!
Brett: Ghost!
Jerome: No, Brett, it's just me!
Brett: GHOST!
Jerome: You fuckin' broke or something?



Rebecca: Mornin' baby!
Jerome: Uh...
Rebecca: I was talking to the baby. Rude!



Jerome: One more nightmare on the my-life-is-a-nightmare heap.



Esther: .oO(What smells? Is it everything?)



Thanks for your service, Random Extra #31.



It's nice of you to let Random Extra #31 live in your house, Carolina!



Lisa: Let me tell you a story about your sister.



Lisa: The end!



Lisa: Try not to turn evil, get dick, and die!



Lisa: I have hidden the baby. It may or may not be alive. Good luck!



Lisa: I left the other one alone because it's clearly poisoned or on fire or something.

Next time: Some serious competition for the shortest chapter ever.

Anything to keep the streak alive!

This chapter depicts gameplay from 17 June 2012.

Tags: ea games, eaxis, legacy challenge, maxis, prosperity, sharpesvale chronicles, simblr, sims, sims 2
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