Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates every damn day!
If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!
In which institutional change is somewhat pursued.
William: Gosh, that sounds fascinating.
Sunny: Yeah, wake me up when it's over.
William: Wow, it's like a female Bradley!
Lyndsey: Haven't been keeping up on things, have you?
You can tell it's a skintight athletic suit by the fact that instead of feet her legs terminate in weird foot-sized club things.
Lyndsey: Sometimes I feel bad for you.
Let's see if we can't bump that up to "all times."
The Unsavoury Charlatan: Yes, yes... all according to plan.
Chelsea: Don't question it, just drink it all in. That's what I'm doing.
Chelsea: I haven't eaten today, that's how.
Sunny: Hahaha! Gross.
The Unsavoury Charlatan: Imagine, if you will, something behind you.
William: I'll indulge you, if only to see where this is going.
The Unsavoury Charlatan: You were supposed to turn around.
William: Why would I do that?
The Unsavoury Charlatan: So I can stea-... OH HO HO, YOU ALMOST HAD ME THERE
The Unsavoury Charlatan: I can see I'll need to use all my skill at deception to best this mark!
William: Who's Mark?
William: Are you for real.
The Unsavoury Charlatan: No! What you are feeling is imaginary! What you are seeing is a dream.
The Unsavoury Charlatan: A dream of me being five bucks richer.
The Unsavoury Charlatan: Good day to you, sir.
William: You don't want to do this.
The Unsavoury Charlatan: I mean, dude, read my name. Yes I fucking do.
The Unsavoury Charlatan: Lil' man.
William: I feel super sorry for you, but much sorrier for the janitor.
William: Think of the janitor, would you?
William: The janitor didn't ask for this.
The Unsavoury Charlatan: What are you on about?
William: Let me just break out this museum piece and explain it to you.
William: Y'all might want to duck, this baby hasn't been fired in a while and it was never sighted too well to begin with.
The Unsavoury Charlatan: I'm a fixture of the setting, not some schlub NPC! You can't murder me!
William: Good, I'd hate to have a murder rap on my resumé.
William: Teach you to fuck with a playable character.
The Unsavoury Charlatan: My vital areas!
The Unsavoury Charlatan: Stop! Think of the bystanders!
William: They were warned, it's not my fault they're idiots.
Asia: He's right, you know.
Asia: Why you gotta be such an idiot, Asia?
The Unsavoury Charlatan: Okay, okay, pluck and grift. Pluck and grift! I CAN PLUCK AND GRIFT MY WAY OUT OF THIS
William: Pluck you, motherplucker..
The Unsavoury Charlatan: There... will be... another...
William: Yeah, well, I'll be sure to reload this puppy before I put it back.
William: You're next, Crumplebottom.
Chelsea: I think someone just died.
Marco: If you don't like sucking my dick, you can just say so.
Marco: Preferably after you're done.
The Grim Reaper: OH GOOD, WE'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET HIM AND CHARLENE TO VISIT FOR EONS.
Sunny: I'm so inspired, my muscle mass has increased!
Sunny: I'm voting the fuck out of your ticket, next election!
Jack: What's your position on shooting the Iconic Hobbyists?
William: If they're the ones who call you in the middle of the night because you had a dream about cooking, then yeah, fuck them.
Chelsea: William's trying to steal our thunder.
Marco: He'd need a storm front the size of North Africa to contain all the thunder he's already stolen over the years.
The Grim Reaper: YOU KNOW, THERE WILL BE ANOTHER ONE.
William: Yeah, well, maybe he'll understand the concept of zero tolerance.
The Grim Reaper: MAKE SURE YOU GET THE HAT. WE'LL NEVER HEAR THE END OF IT IF YOU DON'T GET THE HAT.
Kennedy: I was kinda hoping to punk that hat.
The Grim Reaper: YOU CAN ASK HIM FOR IT WHEN YOU DIE.
William: Hey baby, I just killed a nuisance. What've you done today?
Sunny: Got super strong.
William: Awesome! I'll let you choke the next one.
Chelsea: Speaking of choking, call me!
Chelsea: ...wait a second, other people flirting?!
Chelsea: When I'm RIGHT HERE?!
William: Yes Chelsea, you are very attractive.
Sunny: Oh William, it's so kind of you to take pity on me when there's a perfectly good Chelsea available!
Chelsea: Love you guys.
William: I wonder where my bodyguard went.
Sunny: What's he look like?
William: SHE looks like a photo negative, and she walks through walls.
Sunny: I didn't expect to be able to say this, but I definitely haven't seen her.
Chelsea: Stay fresh, cheese bags.
William: Yes! Let's tie ourselves down to memes, those stay fresh FOREVER.
Oh, right, you're the POV character.
I kinda forgot.
That doesn't mean I'm letting fucking DON run the show.
Marco: Who's Don?
Oliver: And that's how you make magic books appear over your head.
Bree: Man, where in life will that become useful?
Emma: I think there's a flower inspector here?
Chelsea: He's a friend.
Emma: From where?
Chelsea: ...the friend zone?
Yes, she is.
Hector: .oO(Save me some potty spaghetti!)
Bree: Wake me up when I'm a character.
Considering how that happens, you may not like it.
Marco: Yeah, take it from me, you want to enjoy your non-characterhood while it lasts.
Marco: It's not all buzzcuts and potty spaghetti, let me tell you.
Chelsea: Why did you make it in there?
Marco: Because the world is insane, and I am making myself a dark parody of it.
Chelsea: So, a glitch then.
Marco: Yeah, a glitch.
Chelsea: How much longer does our world survive?
It's still going strong.
Chelsea: I... what? I thought...
Hey TS2 players with broken neighbourhoods: lern 2 'puter. Sharpesvale is almost ten years old and currently has over sixteen hundred characters. A few hundred of those CAME FROM OTHER NEIGHBOURHOODS. Y'all are grade school.
Come at me.
Marco: Big man, boxing the shadows.
Brandi: Give him his moment, he hasn't got a lot to be proud of.
Chelsea: STOP MOPING IN OUR MOUTHS
Chelsea: ...is this a punishment for something?
Bree: Can you shut her up?
Oliver: Hey, look who's NOT GONE YET
Marco: Fair point! Leave whenever you'd like.
Brandi: So is this a common house now, or what?
Oliver: He's your uncle, right.
Oliver: GIVE ME SOME REASON
Chelsea: ...witness protection.
Oliver: THAT makes sense.
Marco: And THAT makes PEE-PEE HARD.
Marco: Keep rockin' that tiny dick, Murphy man!
Chelsea: I didn't tell him!
Chelsea: I don't think, anyway. I don't usually pay attention to me when I'm talking.
Oliver: I'M SINKING
Chelsea: What are you sinking about?
Marco: Take your fuck nap, I'm fine.
Oliver: Why has he got deathphone privileges?
Chelsea: Look, if he fucks it up real bad, just remember: we're invincible in bed.
Marco: You got a uniformed chick with a do-rag in there somewhere?
Nanette: Little help?
Nanette: I don't even know which way these are supposed to bend.
Marco: Man, how much money does he WANT?
You need to pay §4127 or higher to get a fucked-up non-zombie, and §8513 or higher for a perfect rez.
Marco: Wait, did you know that when I accidentally started the zombie apocalypse?
I'M NOT ON TRIAL HERE
Nanette: He's right. You are.
Nanette: And you've always had a guilty-ass look about you.
Marco: ...people are sleeping, Nanette.
Marco: HAVE SOME COURTESY, NANETTE!
Marco: Well! What did you think was gonna happen?
Nanette: I thought, being a prison guard, I was gonna kick your lazy ass!
Marco: I know you've only existed for a few years, so you missed the part where I was a top-tier zombie kicking ass and taking brains, but I thought you might recall that you've never been in a single fucking fight.
Nanette: I'M A FAST LEARNER
Marco: You're fast, alright.
Hey, Past Grugly.
Past Grugly: Yo.
Did you catch Sharpestone in the background like that on purpose?
Past Grugly: You'll never know.
Marco: I wish I had a bindle.
Marco: Anyway, hey girl, that colour suits you.
Nanette: It does?
Marco: Granted, having been a zombie for an entire apocalypse, my aesthetic sense is... shall we say... completely wrong, but.
Marco: Shit woman, what do you WANT
Oliver: Shoot her into space.
Marco: Is this what gratitude looks like?
Nanette: If it is, I need to rethink my approach.
Marco: Or stop approaching entirely.
Marco: Hey kid. Don't get et.
Nanette: They're still children, they don't even have brains.
Marco: The hill blur's still there.
Yeah, 10 to 1 odds the game crashes when I try to save.
Marco: Weren't you just bragging about-
Marco: Alright Nanette, let's make you a bed.
Nanette: Bed is for losers.
Marco: You wouldn't be saying that if you'd been with Chelsea in one.
Hey guys, my throat keeps drying out.
Marco: Stop talking.
I'm not talking. I'm drinking lots of fluids too, I don't know what the problem is.
Marco: No, I mean, stop talking. To me.
You broke JAIL.
Fucking FLEE already.
Bree: Mornin', clone!
Emma: You can't joke about that, those actually exist now.
I think they always did.
Marco: Yeah, what're the odds that that pipe would stay in the same place over and over again?
Marco: Fuckin' zombies.
Marco: And fuckin' normies.
Bree: DOWN WITH THE STATE
Emma: POWER TO THE PEOPLE
Bree: Were you radicalized by the liberal media?
Emma: No, I was radicalized by the fun of being radical.
Emma: Hahaha. "The liberal media."
Bree: I know, right.
Bree: Do you ever worry that all our opinions come from someone else?
Emma: Show me someone who's don't.
Emma: Hahaha bad grammar.
Bree: Welp, off to the indoctrination centre.
Chelsea: Well, Do- AHEM, DOESN'T look like MARCO ended the world while we were asleep.
Oliver: Get that cough checked out if it continues.
Chelsea: Yeah, maybe it'll be something that exempts me from pregnancy.
Chelsea: You've got it made, Oliver.
Oliver: I do?
Chelsea: Everything a family man could ask for! Nothing but domestic problems to solve, as far as the eye can see.
Oliver: Is that what I want?
Chelsea: It's what I want you to want.
Oliver: Well, I guess I want to want what you want me to want.
Marco: My wants are easier to phrase.
Nanette: Do they involve shovels?
Marco: Yes, there's a burial component to them, for sure.
Nanette: Today we learned that zombies can still get heat stroke.
Marco: I'll tell Abigail, some day.
I do miss that face I made up for you at university.
I should have brought it back on another character like they did with the second Becky on The Conners.
Chelsea: You watch The Conners?
Hahaha, oh fuck no.
Got enough white trash shit going on here as it is.
Hannah: *is actually bigfoot trash*
Next time: a blip.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 9 July 2012 to 14 July 2012.
Guess I wasn't feeling this one.