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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 391


Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates every damn day!



If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!


In which an incursion is incurred.




Elvis: WHERE'S MY MONEY, BITCH



Laci: You already made that joke with the parrot.

It's still funny.



Brooke: NOTHING IS FUNNY



Cory: Brandi, you're a fine girl.
Brandi: Probably made that joke already too.

Let me direct you to the fact that this is CHAPTER THREE HUNDRED AND NINETY-ONE.

We have made ALL THE JOKES.



Anyway I like the book version better.

Brandi: Okay, first of all, "Brandy"?

I don't like using names created by the game.

Brandi: Second of all, "#2"?!?!

It's chronological! It was only fair!



Cory: He's plugging his books again.
Jane: That'll stop once they fail miserably.

It will!



Cory: No! Spies are supposed to distrust each other! It's not a betrayal, it's a prerequisite!



Cory: It'll be fun! You, me, and B&E!



Elvis: Nice gams, baby!



Laci: Gross.



Corey: Besides, we need to start adventuring soon, because the Maker's actually starting to use the camera creatively again! We're missing out!



Yeah, for example, this is Brandi taking a picture...



...and this is the picture Brandi took.



Roger: That's about as fucked-up as a stop sign in the middle of the road!

With another stop sign sticking out of the bottom of it.

Roger: Yeah, that!



Laci: Come on, you little dingus. Haven't got all day.



Cory: YES, I'm sure I wouldn't rather bust some prostitutes! You do know prostitution isn't illegal?



Laci: They're called baby chairs! They're what people who care about their babies have.



Laci: Laci doesn't care about her baby.
Elvis: Laci doesn't care about her baby!
Laci: You may address me as Mommy.



Cory: Wanna break into the courthouse and maybe get killed?
Brandi: I wanna find and kill Brandi #1.



Cory: I'm sure she's not as hot as you! Don't put the illustration up.

I wasn't gonna.

I'm not giving this shit away.

Except when I am.



Brandi: Okay, how 'bout this. I'll send William on a wild goose chase, so you can break into his office.
Cory: Yessss! Chasing a wild goose is dangerous!
Brandi: It won't be a literal wild goose.
Cory: Aww, why?!



Brandi: William? There's a sale at the Hot Chick Store in Port Arthur.
William: How have I never heard of this?!



Cory: Okay Plain, it's time.
Jane: My name is JANE.
Cory: That's what I said. Plain.



William: Where in Port Arthur is the Hot Chick Store?
Brandi: Uh... it's on the Chick Tract.



Roger: I'll thank you not to mention those.



Cory: I love the smell of plot in the morning.



Cory: Smells like unnecessary risks.



Tracy: What do unnecessary risks smell like?

Prepared blowfish.



Jane: You are not prepared! Blowfish.



Cory: It's true.



Jane: This all seems normal.



Aw hell, the townie trap snared someone I actually care about!



Jane: Why are all these townies trapped here?
Cory: Uh... it's a glitch.
Jane: But what's the in-story reason?
Cory: Uh... classified?



Jane: Look. I know you think the governor is up to something, but we have to trust him to do the right thing!
Cory: Right, 'cuz the right thing is definitely what I want to get done.



Jane: I barely know you. I have been known by William.



Cory: Of course you have. Everyone has. He's banged the SCIA, the Police, the SWAT...



Jane: The SWAT are technically also police.



Cory: How about this, then. You help me investigate the big guy, and I'll introduce you to my big guy, no matter what we turn up.
Jane: I have been hankering for a big guy since William last knew me.



Jane: How do you get these sentences straight in your head?



Ally: My clever plan to get trapped here has come to fruition!



Ally: I wish I'd had a second clever plan for what to do after.



Where the courting gets done.



Dagmar: You guys courting? Can I come?
Cory: Not until you get your feet unstuck.



Dagmar: I'm a politician! All I have to do is deny my feet ever having been stuck, until it becomes true!



Jane: How the FUCK did you...?
Dagmar: I'm a politician! Once I see what everyone else is doing, I position myself at the front and pretend I was always there until it becomes true!



Jane: I'm starting to see why the walls around here are padded.



Cory: I love the smell of courthouse in the morning.
Jane: Smells like Victor.



Victor: ...what?



Cory: Yeah, what?



Cory: I'm super pumped that we're gonna be hiding behind a stained glass door. Nothing can go wrong with this plan.



Jane: It's your fault for describing the plan beforehand. If you hadn't, it'd be a sure thing.



CRASH

Cory: It's still a sure thing. The only variable is how much violence will be involved.



Cory: The den of the beast!
Jane: It does look like a den.



Jane: This one's labelled "People I Want to Fuck." Do you think he means, like, he's plotting against them, or...?
Cory: I'm 100% sure he means it literally. Hey, what's this?



Cory: YOU MADE HIM A CUSTOM CONTENT DESKPLATE?

I mean, I made the texture. Someone else made the model.

Cory: You had to, like, quit the game and everything to do that! For a detail nobody will ever see!

And then intentionally placed the camera to ensure that fact, yeah, I dunno. The devil is in the details, and I'm a pathological devil-worshipper.



Wren: Make my head one inch taller.



Jane: This is a list of his SCIA contacts across the globe.
Cory: Take some pictures.
Jane: I didn't bring a camera.
Cory: ...stay here and get captured.



Jane: You didn't seriously expect me to steal vital intelligence info for you, right?
Cory: Seriously, no. I expected it in a sort of darkly humourous way.



Jane: I thought the idea was to find out if William's on the level, not to find ways to sabotage him!
Cory: You need to up your metagame, spy-wise. FIRST you develop a devastating attack on your potential allies, THEN you find out if you need to use it!



Cory: I mean, that's a well-known aspect of our super-secret business!



Victor: Keep that 2004 face out of my sight.



Victor: God, I need to invest in a pair of blinders.



Victor: I can talk with my mouth shut.
Asia: Big deal, me too.



Victor: I'm engaged.
Asia: I'm married.
Victor: I'm interested.



William: I'm UNGUARDED. STILL.



Victor: What's up, dad?
William: Oh, you know. Taking a walk. Enjoying the sunshine. Responding to a silent alarm.



Dagmar: Walking sucks, sunshine sucks, alarms suck.



Asia: Why would you try to break the window?!
Victor: Why would you catch the ball?!?!



William: How come you keep popping up in people's thought and speech balloons lately?
Tish: Maybe I'm being promoted to main character status!
William: Be serious.



Cory: Be less serious.



Jane: Close your eyes and stop smirking.
Cory: SECRET AGENT.



Dagmar, there is an entire room of chairs behind you.

Bradleigh: What did you call me?



Cory: Okay, I found the plot device.



Tish: Getting prissy in your old age?
William: They never finished abating the asbestos in here.



Cory: Wow! This will be useful later on!

For your plot?

Cory: No, for yours! You'll be able to decide what I learned later on, and make it look like you had everything planned ahead well in advance!



Jane: What I'm doing will be considerably less useful.



Tish: Look, it's great you've installed your own alarm, but why bother? We've got this building locked up tight as a drum!
Wren: There a shitter in here?



Cory: What're you doing?
Jane: Annotating. This book of spy secrets is full of amateur mistakes!
Cory: I feel like you've maybe lost sight of our goals here, Jane.



Wren: See also.



Dagmar: Well hello there, Mister Governor!
William: Hello to you too, young lady!
Dagmar: ...I'm the one who's talking.
Wren: Well I'm the one who's rocking.



Dagmar: I'm gonna rip off your balls.



Victor: I'd like to rip off my balls in her.

Is that anything?

Victor: Almost definitely not.



William: We haven't talked in a while.
Dagmar: We've never talked, we've only fucked.
William: Yes, I do miss our talks.



William: I've got that big ol' office, all plush and warm, just begging for some hot talking.



William: Are you following me?
Victor: Technically?



William: I don't date divas. Politicians are bad enough.
Dagmar: Thanks, man.



Jane: Did you know we did 9-11?
Cory: Yeah, since, like, 2010.



Victor: Man, what is this? A big metal plate, with a... hole in it?!

It's a lock.

Victor: But where's the keycard reader?

There's no keycard reader.

Victor: Then where's the PIN pad?!



Victor: This place is like a medieval chamber of horrors.



William: It's about to be.



William: With a few modern twists.



William: KNOCK KNOCK



William: WHO'S DEAD



Jane: No?



William: No who?



William: Okay, we've lost the format.



Cory: Move that nondescript little ass!



William: If you're gonna use my stuff, at least put it back.



Cory: Easy on the moves there, Altaïr.



William: "For in much wisdom is much grief; and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow."



William: I heard that in a video game.



Cory: Did you bring your gun, at least?



Jane: I thought we'd just wait until they've left, and not have to shoot them.
Cory: I have honestly never had a thought like that.



Cory: You are literally zero fun, Plain Jane.



Jane: Some days you're the secret agent, some days you're the flowers.



Cory: She's so eager! I hate her.



William: Shot a door, saw a suspect, solid night's work.



William: TWO suspects! I'm taking tomorrow off entirely.



Jane: How did you get in front of me?
Cory: I've always been in front of you.



This situation reminds me of something.



Yeah. That.



William: Can you identify the perps?



William: From the way these stalks are bent, I deduce ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. I'm not a Native American tracker in a crappy movie of the week.




Cory: I'd call that a success!
Jane: We didn't figure anything out, and almost got shot!
Cory: That kind of progress takes months in the Dick Tracy comic!



Jane: Did you learn things I didn't?
Cory: That's basically my schtick, so.
Brandi: I'M LATE FOR MY CARPOOL
Jane: You're a secret agent with a GUN. I'm sure they'll wait.



Brandi: You mean like how you should've waited?



Cory: Well, we have an entire workday to fortify the house against her.



Brandi: It won't be enough.



Brandi: I wonder if I can keep "Slap" in my Action Queue for eight hours.



Jane: I believe in her.



Laci: You know, when I was dead I never had to mop piss.



Laci: Maybe I'll soak up some knowledge instead.



Laci: .oO(To adventure, James!)



Jane: What a beautiful day to pay insufficient attention!

Next time: spying intensifies.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 15 July 2012.

Tags: ea games, eaxis, legacy challenge, maxis, prosperity, sharpesvale chronicles, simblr, sims, sims 2
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