Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates every damn day!
If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!
In which it's hours past the appointed time but I don't care, I was busy doing other Chronicles-related stuff and anyway it's still the same day if I haven't gone to bed yet, right?
"It's a family," the game whines with increasing urgency. "This is a FAMILY simulator, so these are FAMILIES. They're FAMILIES."
Nerissa: I'd like to get familiar with him.
Lance: Hey sexy mama, can you turn on the incinerator for me?
Nerissa: How do you know about the incinerator?
Lance: I'm magically reading your evil mind.
Nerissa: That's... hot?
Nerissa: And so is the incinerator.
Lance: I like a woman who can do terrible things quickly.
Lance: Almost as much as I like fried woman.
Emmy: Don't eat me! I'm wearing a lot of hair gel!
Shane: Hey guy, what's your deal?
Lance: My deal will cost you.
Lance: Man, this incinerator is already paying for itself!
Lance: Not monetarily, you understand, but in terms of pleasure.
Shane: Our pleasures do not intersect.
Emmy: Any chance this is one of those moments where the hero swoops in at the last moment and saves me?
Lance: Do you know any heroes?
Emmy: That is a concern.
Lance: I wouldn't waste time on concern, you haven't got a lot of it left.
Lance: How do you fire it up?
Nerissa: "Toast it."
Lance: Ooh, voice activated! I bet you had to pay extra.
Lance: Was it worth it?
Nerissa: Yeah, totally.
Emmy: I DISAGREE
Shane: Am I... floating?
Lance: It only feels that way because you're in love.
Shane: I think you must be reading someone else's mind.
Nerissa: Wow, the remaining ambient heat got him already! Smell that sizzle.
Nerissa: Or don't! I'm not gonna.
Lance: Do you need this open?
The Grim Reaper: MY BEAM CUTS THROUGH MULTIPLE DIFFERENT DIMENSIONS AND EVERY LAYER OF THE PLANET'S ATMOSPHERE IN A MATTER OF SECONDS. NO, I DON'T NEED THE GARBAGE CAN LID OPEN.
Lance: That guy. So grim!
The Grim Reaper: DO I NEED IT OPEN.
The Grim Reaper: HMMPH.
Lance: Where's the red ring around your death headline?
Nerissa: You see enough death, it loses its ring.
Lance: Alternatively, you're just slow.
Brenda: No-one would know.
Meanwhile in the SOME PEOPLE household...
Nathaniel: WELL I DIDN'T ASK YOU TO BARGE IN
There's a naked guy upstairs who's actually trapped in a basement.
Emmy: Did you take your meds today?
I've stopped taking them entirely. Too many side-effects.
Emmy: Well... at least that won't affect the images, just the captions.
Lance: I know a thing or two about side-effects.
Lance: Do you have a name? It's awkward seeing your dialogue as, like... a sound effect, or whatever.
WE HAVE MANY NAMES
Lance: Oh god, this tired schtick.
Emmy: Is your stick tired?
Nathaniel: And in a basement, apparently!
For a while I thought this was gonne be the first update where I didn't have to crop a pic.
And then this pic happened, and all the cropping in the world couldn't save it.
Emmy: Wanna go for another roll, as long as Past Grugly doesn't realize you can't be here?
Fucking Past Grugly.
Past Grugly: *is oblivious*
Nathaniel: It's so hard to meet new people, trapped in a basement.
Emmy: With a bigfoot and a robot maid, you were saying.
Chris Despret: Did I just walk into a walking-into-a-bar joke?
Chris: Hahaha, a mailwoman walks into a walking-into-a-bar joke. She says "Is this a punchline?"
Rodney: Hello hot new mailwoman!
Chris: Am I hot? I'm so new, I haven't even seen me!
Rodney: Does that mean you're legal, or not?
Chris: Technically I was just born.
Chris: But I was just born thirty!
Rodney: ...I dunno, maybe still boo?
Emmy: Is there a spaceman in the basement too?
Nathaniel: The bigfoot is also a spaceman.
Nathaniel: Will you marry me, and also save me from the basement?
Emmy: You've heard the expression "Not for love or money?" Well, around here, those aren't two different things.
Emmy: You pay my back, I'll fuck yours.
Nathaniel: I've definitely never heard that expression.
Nathaniel: Wouldn't it be funny if a butterfly landed on my wing-wong?
THE LESSON LEARNED
THE TASK IS SET
THE GOAL IN SIGHT
Lance: But yeah, not yet.
THAT WASN'T YOUR LINE
Emmy: Does upstairs sound evil to you?
Nathaniel: Yeah, there's an evil warlock talking to an evil book.
Emmy: Is there a ghost and a mummy, too?
Nathaniel: So hey, how's the property value around here? Existent?
Nathaniel: HAHAHA MY DICK IS CLIPPING
Nathaniel: It kinda hurt.
Nathaniel: Was I talking about my dick too much?
Nathaniel: I was talking about my dick too much.
Lance: I just... wow. That's a lot to ask.
WE DO NOT ASK
WE DO DEMAND
AND SO OUR WISH
Lance: Is my command!
NOW YOU'RE GETTING IT
Nathaniel: This is the getting-it place!
Richard: As long as you remember that it is also the paying for it place!
Lance: He's about to pay, alright.
Dude, threatening to kill a Murphy isn't evil.
Lance: I've already forgotten about the Murphy.
Lance: WHY HELLO THERE
Emmy: WHY hello here?!
Samantha: You bugged out?
Richard: ...what day is it?
Emmy: It's Warlock Appreciation Day!
Emmy: And this just so happens to be the best business in town for appreciation-showing!
Lance: I guess I said it right... the book said there would be conseq-
Lance: No, I definitely said it wrong.
Next time: he says it right?
This chapter depicts gameplay from 18 July 2012.