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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 402


Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates every damn day!



If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!


Dead tree edition.



You know, I only had to crop one pic this time.

I'm pretty furious about that one pic.



Yvonne: I'm sure he'll let us know when it comes by.



Yvonne: Well, here we are! Nowhere.



Yvonne: We got here fast!



Yvonne: I don't mean to alarm you, but we're being watched.



Faith: You alarm me no matter what you do.



Yvonne: What are we doing, digging our way to China?



Faith: Dad says this is how he paid his honeymoon bill. Since we're going where he went, it makes a certain sense!



Yvonne: A quick check of my tropical clothing reveals that I don't have any tropical clothing.



Yvonne: And I don't think we should use either of these other outfits.



Holy shit, Past Grugly is experimenting with static cameras!

*sniffle*

Before you know it he'll be PRESENT Grugly.



Yvonne: Yayyyy.



Yvonne: Okay, you're making me dizzy.



I keep typing your name as Yconne.

Yconne: Why?

I dunno. Brain glitch?



Faith: We're used to glitches, we can teach you some coping mechanisms. Like, see how my hand isn't even touching the shovel? It only partially fills me with existential dread!



Yvonne: I'm ready to climb into that hole.
Faith: I've told you, it doesn't go to China.
Yvonne: I don't want to go to China, because then I'll be in China, and there'll be an Yvonne there, and I hate those.



Faith: How many bones do you think a plane ticket costs?



Yvonne:The bones are their money



Faith and Yvonne: ♪ And so are the worms ♪



Faith and Yvonne: ♪ They pull your hair up, up, but not out, to have another chance at life ♪



Faith and Yvonne: ♪ But if they pull it out they turn to bones ♪



Yvonne: Good times.



Yvonne: Found a map.
Faith: Cool, we'll know where to go when we get where we're NEVER GETTING



Faith: Just kidding, found a treasure chest.



Yvonne: Hey, that yellow chick left a plot summary.



Yvonne: Those are always narratively relevant!



Yvonne: Good news! They're calling us something cool.



Yvonne: Good news! We're more interesting than Don.



Marco: WHERE DOES IT SAY THAT



Marco: TALK ABOUT YOUR FA-

Nope.

Marco: YOUR FA-

NOPE.

Marco: YOUR YELLOW JOURNALISM

That's acceptable.



Faith: THIS IS NOT



Yvonne: Where are they piping all this water, anyway?



Yvonne: Oh god, please tell me it's water.



Faith: Farm country! It's for irrigation.

Or it's cow piss.

Faith: Why would it be cow piss?!

Because that would be funny.



Yvonne: It smells like cow piss.
Faith: I think you'll find that's us.



Yvonne: ♪ When up from the ground came a-bubblin' FUCK ♪



Brooke: THAT STINKS LIKE MARRIAGE
Yvonne: Did I say a-bubblin' fuck? I meant a babblin' fuck.



Faith: Yvonne, don't...shit.
Brooke: Why would she shit?



Yvonne: Hi, I'm Yvonne! You weren't ever supposed to know that but apparently my sister isn't the smart one anymore.



Brooke: Wait, aren't you... aren't you...
Beatriz: They're definitely not, I wouldn't worry.



Yvonne: Go cosplay my mom someplace ELSE, bad my mom cosplayer!



Yvonne: Faith! She's filling your hole!
Faith: THAT sounds dirty.



Faith: Yvonne...
Yvonne: Don't worry, I got this.



Faith: Okay, but-
Yvonne: Follow my lead.



Yvonne: BONES EQUAL DOLLARS



Faith: I'M NOT FOLLOWING THAT!



Faith: You fuckin' KILLED her!
Yvonne: Don't be dramatic.
Faith: KILLING IS AUTOMATICALLY DRAMATIC!



Faith: Okay, we're filling in the holes and leaving. Maybe she's not dead! Yeah, that's what I'm telling myself in bed tonight.



Yvonne: We'll be sleeping in prison beds if they find her. They really WILL carpet-bomb the county if they think we're MURDERERS instead of DANGEROUS IDIOTS.



Yvonne: Help me move the body.
Faith: No! I didn't help you MAKE it a body!



Yvonne: At least I'm getting skill points from this.
Faith: More like KILL points!
Yvonne: God, get over it.



Yvonne: If anyone gives a shit, they'll bring her back.



Yvonne: And by the time they do that, we'll be sittin' pretty on the beach, sippin' not-in-jail-coladas!



Yvonne: Geez, I hope there aren't any farmers around. I don't think I could convince them this is a new kind of crop rotation.



Yvonne: Man, this hole is settling funny. It's all squirmy in there.



Yvonne: Must be thin soil.



Brooke: CRUEL AND UNUSUAL



Brooke: AND CRUEL



Faith: Dammit Yvonne, can't you even kill someone right?



Faith: Alright lady, take your dirt nap.



Faith: A friend will help you move, a true friend will help you move a body, a sister will help you bury a live body.



The Grim Reaper: IS THAT WHAT THEY'RE TEACHING YOU IN MATH CLASS THESE DAYS



Faith: God, math class. We're in our twenties but we're supposed to be in high school.



She's a cool, blonde, scheming bitch



Brooke: ♪ She makes my body twitch ♪



Yvonne: ♪ The girl can't help it ♪



Yvonne: ♪ She really can't help it now ♪



Faith: ♪ It's like a high school, a high school confidential ♪



The Grim Reaper: YOU CAN PROBABLY FIND A BETTER USE FOR THAT ONE

I probably will! Once I forget I used it here.



Faith: It's so nice you'll be able to forget this.



Faith: KEEP WALKING



♪ When she passes me a look ♪



♪ I wanna burn my books ♪



♪ Give up high school ♪



Faith: ♪ Well, well, well, well! ♪



Faith: Oh christ, wait'll you see what this place is called!



Faith: I can't believe nobody else has bought a tiny square of sand between two piers!



Faith: Yeah, come pick us up. We're at... uh... the dead tree... and... the empty barn... in... the... county?



Yvonne: Are worms actually money? 'cuz if they are, we're rich now.



Yvonne: Man! Who died.
Faith: Not. FUNNY.



Yvonne: It's a little funny.



Faith: Nope.



Yvonne: ♪ IT MAKES ME CREAM MY JEANS WHEN SHE COMES MY WAY ♪
Faith: Had to get it in, didn't you?
Yvonne: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID




Yvonne: Buxom Beach?!?!



Faith: I didn't name it.



Faith: But I bet we can make it stick.

Next time: they make it stick.

Faith: Hey, which pic did you have to crop?

Fuck, I dunno, it's too late to care.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 5 September 2012.

Tags: ea games, eaxis, legacy challenge, maxis, prosperity, sharpesvale chronicles, simblr, sims, sims 2
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