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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 405


Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates every damn day!



If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!


In which teenagers.




Veronica: Wait, it's us again?

I'm as surprised as you are.



Okay, maybe not that surprised.



Veronica: The view of the prison is so romantic from here.





Veronica: STOP WITH THE NEAR-KISSES



William: There a factory somewhere pumpin' out boring teenagers?

Many of them.

They are called uteruses.



Coy: We need to start regulating that industry.
Valerie: Already on it.



Patrick: How'd you get your hands in my pockets?
Veronica: They're actually plunged into your body. You're just lucky it looks non-lethal because of your pockets.



Veronica: I don't want you to die tonight unless it's in my arms. Tonight.



Patrick: I want to see some of these shots later.



Richard: Kill them.

I won't.

Richard: You'd do it if they were townies.

Hahaha, yeah. I would!



Vasyl Albee: No, seriously, that's my real name.



Veronica: Le barf.



Patrick: Mmm, barfmouth.



Patrick: Actually, snotnose.



Veronica: The attachment points have been messed up for years.

And it's survived re-installs, re-formats, the works.



Vasyl: MORE TONGUE



Richard: Hahaha, no. You may raid us on every third Tuesday, exclusively in the afternoon. Otherwise what am I bribing you for?



Vasyl: MORE PALM



Vasyl: HAHAHA VISTAS



Veronica: The view seems to be really messing him up.
Patrick: I sympathize, albeit with a different view.



Veronica: I don't know what that word after sympathize was, but don't use it again.



Veronica: YOU'RE IN MY SIGHTLINE



Veronica: Wow, I have magic eye-pushing powers!



Veronica: Now if only I could push our mouths together...



Vasyl: MORE GROPAGE



Vasyl: ...



Vasyl: ...less gropage...



Veronica: Ooh, that first pic looked fatal.



Patrick: Luckily there's a cop right there, so I won't have to go somewhere to be shot.



Vasyl: Oof, my ironic shirt!



Victor: Suspect detected.



Patrick: It was an accident.
Victor: It was a townie, so. Good news.



Vasyl: bad news



Veronica: Something would've gotten him eventually, anyway.



Veronica: At least this way I got my date spiced up!



Victor: All's well that ends well.



The Grim Reaper: WHY SO DOWN?
Valerie: Killing people looks fun. I want to kill people.



Patrick: This is inappropriate.
Veronica: Hot, right?



Coy: We look like we're kissing from this angle.
Richard: OFFICER



ruh roh o'clock



Richard: It's time for the community healing to begin.
Veronica: Pockets again!
Patrick: Stop it.



Veronica: Nothing like a good death to put the zip back in your life!



Richard: I'd call it a pretty middling death, by local standards.



Veronica: See anything good out there?
Richard: Smoky glasses + smoky windows = no.



Richard: Wait, I think I see something!
Vasyl: Greetings from beyond the g-
Richard: It's behind this transparent asshole!



Veronica: Wanna jet before it crashes?
Patrick: Uh...
Veronica: Confusing phrasing, yes. Wanna leave before the lot crashes?



Patrick: If the lot crashes, that dude won't have died.
Veronica: But then you won't get to come home and play with my Richard finger puppet!

Now you see it too.



Veronica: Who's this weird jerk?
Coy: The police chief.



Wren: Stop looking down my shirt.
Victor: Pff, at what.



Coy: At what what.



William: Well hello there, hot stuff!



William: ...not stuff?
Past Grugly: *finally woke up apparently*



Veronica: Hey Uncle William!
William: The tower can TALK?!



Veronica: He knows it was me, he just doesn't want to chat.



Patrick: I, too, am tired of chatting.




Patrick: Hey, your bodyguard's reading your mail!
Veronica: Give it a week, she'll have escalated to voter fraud.



Theresa: Who are you kidding? I'm a secret agent. We do voter fraud as a training exercise.



SNORGK



Veronica: I think he's getting tired of the makeouts.
Patrick: Fuck him, then.



Veronica: How 'bout I fuck you instead?
Harry Potter and the Hand of Pimp: Did I miss the fucking audition?



Patrick: UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU



JJ: I heard you were doing boyfriend tryouts last chapter!
Veronica: That was just so we could do an Elton John song.



Veronica: Although suddenly I'm in favour of a little healthy competition!



Patrick: I DID MY WAITING! TWELVE YEARS OF IT!
JJ: In Azkaban?
Patrick: No, in townie housing.



















Oops, went too far.



Patrick: Was that a goodbye kiss?
Veronica: With a touch of "see you later."



Veronica: See you later!
JJ: Don't be redundant.



Patrick: He seemed nice.
Veronica: He's alright. A bit fucked up, but dark wizards trying to kill you all the time will do that to a guy.



Oh, good, the special ops have arrived.

Let me direct you to the highest-priority targets.



Oh. It's you.

Vanessa: And I see a perfectly good target right here.



Vanessa: Betcha I can punch him right off the roof.



POOMPF

Vanessa: Never mind, his head just exploded.



Patrick: That looked like a BLOOD cloud.
Veronica: I'm new at the whole "scissors" thing.



Patrick: YOU CUT GLASSES ONTO MY HEAD!

Maybe for the 500th chapter I'll do a rundown of my top 500 nonsensical, completely unique lines of dialogue.



Spying on the trailer trash, huh.



Vanessa: I know all your dirty little secrets now, shingle roof!



I can see why she'd want to occupy her eyes.



Long day at work?

Michael: ENTROPY sent TEN DIFFERENT KIMONO-WEARING SECRET AGENTS to lobby me on behalf of the big chaos industry.



Veronica: Don't add extra rumples, I've got them just where I want them.



Vanessa rehearses her soon-to-be controversial "Crime: No!" speech for the senate.

That's a hardline stance.

For the senate.



Veronica: Speaking of a hard line...
Patrick: Guilty.



Veronica: Let's see if we can't take some of that pressure off your pants.



In other news, their bodies definitely didn't age up wrong or anything.



Patrick: If there's something wrong with her body, you might need to point it out to me.



Veronica: Do you like my undies?
Patrick: Yeah, take them off and let me get a closer look at them.



Patrick: Oops I immediately dropped them.



Veronica: So immediately drop yours.



Patrick: Sure, that's only fair.



Veronica: ...I'd say it's a little more than fair.



Patrick: You sure you want to do this?
Veronica: It's always good to ask, but I have been haemorrhaging clothes since I came inside.



Veronica: So now it's your turn.
Patrick: My turn to what?
Veronica: To come ins-
Patrick: WAIT I GET IT



Veronica: Good, now give it to me.



Veronica: Preferably before my genitals dry up.



Patrick: So, uh...
Veronica: The pointy thing? In the fleshy bit.



Patrick: I hope I hit the right fleshy bit.



Patrick: You'll let me know if I-
Veronica: Oh yes.



Veronica: Alright feet, pilot him into port.



Patrick: You seem to know what you're doing.
Veronica: What I'm doing right now is what I've been doing my entire life: NOT HAVING SEX YET



shunk



Patrick: Oh, good, you're one of those stone-faced fuckers.



Vanessa: As a good politician, I know never to uncork a genie if you can't re-cork him.



Veronica: Well, that ship's sailed.



Patrick: Why's my dick a ship, again?
Veronica: Because it's way too big to just be a boat.



Veronica: Ooh, mood lighting!
Patrick: This is way darker than my mood right now.



Patrick: Your hair's clipping.
Veronica: You might want to tighten your focus.



Patrick: So tight.



Patrick: Thank you for consenting to be kissed while we sex.



Patrick: And thank you for the thoroughly-disconcerting hoverhand.
Veronica: I don't know how good your ass hygiene is.



Veronica: Mom was right! Your face got stuck like that!

Unlike in real life, it actually does happen in TS2.



Patrick: Might as well make use of it.



Veronica: When in Rome.



Patrick: When in Veronica.



Veronica: ...do as the Veronicas do?
Patrick: No, just do the Veronica.



Veronica: That makes this sound like a new dance craze.
Patrick: Please don't switch partners on me.



Patrick: ♪ I remember when rock was young ♪
Veronica: Bleh.



Patrick: ♪ Now I've had the time of my life ♪
Veronica: Wow, that's one heck of a goofy-ass baritone you have there.



Michael: Eight straight office hours aren't enough for you people?



Michael: Do we need to open a consulate to your evil organization of evil?



Vanessa: You're in grave danger, Mr. Whittaker.
Michael: From what?
Vanessa: Me.



Vanessa: Antiochus.



Michael: Ouch, my subliminal trigger!



Vanessa: No hard feelings. Us evils gotta evil.



Upstairs Vanessa: Call the cops?
Downstairs Vanessa: Oh, please do! I haven't briefed them in a while.



Michael: Okay well thank you for whatever awful thing you just did to my brain.
Vanessa: Let me know how it doesn't work out for you!



Patrick: YOU'RE THE ONE WHO MADE THE COMING INSIDE JOKE



Vanessa: Trust Sharpesvale to turn a coming of age story into a coming inside story.

Okay, this is getting too raunchy, let's stop.

Next time: ...oh.

Well, maybe I'll caption it less disgustingly?

This chapter depicts gameplay from 7 September 2012 to 8 September 2012.

Tags: ea games, eaxis, legacy challenge, maxis, prosperity, sharpesvale chronicles, simblr, sims, sims 2
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