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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 413


Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates every damn day!



If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!


In which I squeeze another entire song in there.

Oh, and Carolina dies.



Carolina: Oh no! The cliffhanger's letting go!



Lance Price the Damned: Ilektrikόs.



Carolina: It's just static. It's just static.



Carolina: OKAY SO IT'S A LOT OF STATIC



Carolina: MY NEURONS
Rebecca: Zap her again! While she's down!



Brett: What's happening?



Brett: If you hired this clown for my birthday, dad, you did not make a good choice.



Rebecca: IT'S THE GREATEST PRESENT OF ALL!



Brett: IT'S THE WORST PRESENT OF ALL!
Jerome: ♪ SWEET CAROLINE...-A ♪
Lance Price the Damned: You did not just go there again.



Alec: On the one hand, I'm stuck in this corner. On the other hand, nobody can get to me in this corner.



Lance Price the Damned: On the third hand, MAGIC!



Alec: There's no THIRD hand!
Rebecca: That's what's magic about it!



Brett: THERE IS NOTHING MAGIC ABOUT THIS



Lance Price the Damned: Hmm hmm, flip a coin, uh... Mýges.



Rebecca: Mmm mmm mmm! Smell that pants-wetting.



Alec: THESE AREN'T MIDGES



Alec: YES! YES! I AM NOW THE INVINCIBLE SUPERVILLAIN, FLYBEARD!



Alec: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHGHGHGHGHGHHGGHLLLLLLLBRRB



SCRRRRRRRRRRRRKSHbzzzzzzzz



Alec: Tell HR you never met the guy. Protip.



The Grim Reaper: YOU HAVE GOT TO BE SHITTING ME.



Lance Price the Damned: EXPELLO SIMAE!
The Grim Reaper: DO I LOOK LIKE A SIM TO YOU?



The Grim Reaper: ANYWAY. ANYBODY GONNA EAT THIS?



Carolina: I'm... eating it...



Here lies Carolina Newcastle.

She ate it.



Rebecca: Oh, hey! Green badness! Neat.



Jerome: AUGH IT'S IN MY EYES



Rebecca Cavendish the Mean Witch: WHERE'S MY COOL WITCH NAME

I've been working on that. It's a hard one.

Rebecca Cavendish the Mean Witch: WHY

Because "Rebecca" comes from adding more letters in between the three letters of a Hebrew word meaning "to tie firmly," so I've been trying to find a three-letter antonym for that, Romanize it, and then find a name that has those three letters in that order.

Rebecca Cavendish the Mean Witch: ...okay, yeah, that'll take some time.



Lance Price the Damned: Meanwhile, there's cake!



Brett: Hello Mr. Dead.
The Grim Reaper: Beat it, kid, I'm on the phone.



Lance Price the Damned: Thanks for lending me your chapters, your house, and your lives, in that order.



Lance Price the Damned: Let me know what her cool witch name is.



It's Belinda.

Belinda the Mean Witch: It is NOT

It really is.



Belinda the Mean Witch: That's WAY too on the nose for a witch name.

Hahaha. On the nose. WITCH.

Belinda the Mean Witch: Because witches have-

BECAUSE WITCHES HAVE BIG NOSES



Belinda the Mean Witch: Belinda doesn't sound like a mean witch.

Maybe she doesn't have to be.

Belinda the Mean Witch: But what if she does?



Belinda the Mean Witch: So "Belinda" means the opposite of "to tie firmly"?

No, it's a Hebrew word for "undo" with four more letters stuck in.

Belinda the Mean Witch: "Undo"? That's not a complete antonym. A complete antonym would be "untie somewhat." Work on "somewhat" and get me a cool title, "the Mean Witch" just is NOT doing it for me.



Belinda the Mean Witch: Make sure it's something badass, to counteract BELINDA.



Deborah: With this high-powered telescope, I can see clear across the street!



The Malevolent.

Belinda the Mean Witch: What?

מעט means "somewhat." It Romanizes to "m'et." M-E-T. MalEvolenT.

Belinda the Malevolent: Makes "Lance Price the Damned" sound like a pussy name, doesn't it?



Belinda the Malevolent: Although the fact that his face doesn't always reflect in mirrors makes me think he's still got an edge in the "weird and evil" department.



Belinda the Malevolent: Being malevolent, technically, I should step on this kid.



Belinda the Malevolent: But I have other badness to attend to.



Jerome: Okay, listen.
Belinda the Malevolent: Nope.
Jerome: What we did was a mistake.
Belinda the Malevolent: Maybe what you did was a mistake.



Belinda the Malevolent: Anyway your wife's dead, so what's the iss.



Belinda the Malevolent: That's slang for "issue." I just made it up.
Jerome: How evil of you.



Jerome: So, "Belinda the Malevolent," huh.
Belinda the Malevolent: Is it too much?
Jerome: Not with that face to back it up.



Belinda the Malevolent: We need to celebrate my transformation.
Jerome: Carolina just died.
Belinda the Malevolent: We need to celebrate that too!

I've got just the newly-renovated hellhole for you.




♪ Raven hair ♪

Belinda the Malevolent: Nope.

♪ And ruby lips ♪

Belinda the Malevolent: Also nope.



♪ Sparks fly from her fingertips ♪

Belinda the Malevolent: Let's see! Nope.



♪ Echoed voices in the night ♪

Belinda the Malevolent: Check out these losers.



Coy: Losers? Where?!



♪ She's a restless spirit on an endless flight ♪

Belinda the Malevolent: The flight ended. Minutes ago. You saw it.



Jerome: ♪ Ha, ha, witch-ay woman! ♪
Belinda the Malevolent: ♪ Hear how wrong he si-i-ings ♪



♪ Woo hoo, witch-ay woman ♪

Jerome: My wife just died, and it sti-i-i-ings! ♪



Basement bars!

Bars with STAIRS.

WHAT COULD GO WRONG



Jerome: Everything that can go wrong, has gone wrong.



Which is why the ElectroDance Sphere has been locked up and walled off.



Contessa Lucy: I'ma sneak 'round yo club, yo.



Contessa Lucy: Still sneakin' yo.



Contessa Lucy: Sneaky sneaky sneaky.



Contessa Lucy: Sneak com-PLETE. Keep makin' that sweet music, night children.



Okay.

♪ She held me spellbound in the night ♪



♪ Dancing shadows, and - ♪

Venkat: ♪ -disco light! ♪



♪ Crazy laughter in another room ♪

Brett: ZOOM! HAHAHA



♪ And she drove herself to madness with a silver spoon ♪

Dagmar: Sure, blame the silver spoon.



♪ Well I know you want a lover, but let me tell you, brother ♪

Jerome: That's racist.



♪ She's been sleepin' in the devil's bed ♪

Belinda the Malevolent: What's wrong with my bed, now?



♪ And there's some rumours goin' 'round, someone's underground ♪

Belinda the Malevolent: Almost!



♪ She can rock you in the night-time 'til your skin turns red ♪

Belinda the Malevolent: Purple, at the very least.



Jerome: ♪ WOOHOO! WITCH-AY WOMAN! ♪



Belinda the Malevolent: ♪ See how good she fu-u-ucks ♪



♪ Woo hoo, witch-ay woman ♪

Kea: ♪ That fuggo's dancing, s-u-u-ucks! ♪



Jerome: God, how many verses are left in that song?



Jerome: Also WOW what are we doing?



Belinda the Malevolent: Each other?



Kea: The rumours were true! Someone is underground!



Jerome: You waiting your turn, or something?



Amin: That was a heck of a performance.
Belinda the Malevolent: There's no sex like malevolent sex.



Belinda the Malevolent: And I'm the malevolent sexiest of them all.



Coy: Should we be sitting closer together?
Dagmar: Definitely not.



Venkat: Thank you for showing me why the floor needs to be see-through! It's the first time a young person has successfully taught me something.



Jerome: I hope you don't think less of me for... what I just did.
Amin: I think of you so little already...



Jerome: What's in the glass? Virgin blood?
Belinda the Malevolent: No idea where I'd get that.



Jerome: Oh! It's a Bloody Caesar! I can taste the hot sauce.



Belinda the Malevolent: And the celery salt?
Jerome: THAT's what that is!



Belinda the Malevolent: Jerome, you've made my tiny black heart so full! Not much of an accomplishment, but it's not literally nothing.



Belinda the Malevolent: Will you betray Carolina? I mean marry me?



Belinda the Malevolent: And betray Carolina?



Jerome: I don't fuckin' know anymore! Sure! WHY NOT



Jerome: Just call me Mr. the Malevolent.



Jerome: ♪ Brown hair, and brown lips ♪



Belinda the Malevolent: ♪ Dates small-penised, milquetoast drips ♪



Belinda the Malevolent: ♪ Fucking morons in a club ♪



Belinda the Malevolent: ♪ You should end the chapter, and the music, scrub ♪

There's still like fifty pics.



♪ Woo hoo, witchy woman! ♪

Belinda the Malevolent: STILL?!



♪ See how high she fli-i-ies! ♪



Jerome: ♪ Woohoo. Witchy woman. ♪




♪ She got the moon in her ey-ey-ey-eyes! ♪

Belinda the Malevolent: Well of course! It's the months of moon, according to that other, worse song you did.



Kea: IT'S IMMORAL TO OWN AN EXPENSIVE TELESCOPE FOR PEOPLE-WATCHING!



Jerome: I'm glad other people still know what's moral.



Jerome: Hey baby, wanna further degrade me?
Kea: Enh.



Brett: Okay, so if I understand my rules of visual shorthand, I should be at least ten IQ points higher now!



Belinda the Malevolent: I fucked your dad.
Brett: Is that an insult? It's not a very good one.



Brett: You have been hanging out with dad a lot, lately.
Belinda the Malevolent: I'm serious. I fucked him. Twice.
Brett: I'm using my super brain powers to forget what that word means.



Belinda the Malevolent: Never forget the swears, kid. You'll need them when you get older.



Belinda the Malevolent: Oh, there's literally a whole raft of spells to replace relationship-building. Wish I'd known that a few dozen pics ago.

At least it's not fucking crashing anymore.



Jerome: Thank you for taking care of what's-his-name.
Deborah: This is a girl.
Jerome: Sorry, what's-her-name.



Brett: Fuck YOU! BOOK!



Brett: Family-stealer.



Jerome: BOO HOO, MISS A WOMAN



Jerome: SEE NOW, WHY SHE DI-I-IES?!



Carolina: Hey, I'm sure you'll be next.



Carolina: I can't see you. Where'd you move?
Jerome: On.



Carolina: Oh. Well, I'm not gonna.



FZZT

Carolina: Hope you know a good repairman.



Jerome: Wow! There's no dead wives in space!



Jerome: Or in my bed.

I mean, that's sort of a blessing.



Belinda the Malevolent: U-h o-h.

W-h-a-t-'-s h-a-p-p-e-n-i-n-g-?



I have no idea why that always hitches the game up, but it does.



Belinda the Malevolent: I feel significantly less alluring.



Belinda the Malevolent: Fixed it.



Yes.

You did.



The green-assed monster.



If you want real body horror, consider that the witch texture overlay is overlaying a different set of nipples onto her existing nipples.



Belinda the Malevolent: Right! Never gonna get naked again. Thanks!



Deborah: Mornin' doofus! Doofii.
Esther: Mama!
Jerome: Great.



Brett: At least it's Sympathy for Brett day at school.



How is THIS not a witch.

Anyway I'm not learning a new name at the end of the chapter, fuck you.



Blazej: What's life like, outside of this car?
Jerome: I would only recommend certain select elements of it.



Grmblrfrmble.

Yvette Oates: OH GOD IT'S STILL WARM



Makin' me learn a name for a SHIT JOKE.

Yvette: It WAS a shit joke.

THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT



Belinda the Malevolent: So, I got promoted. To backup dancer.

Neat.

Belinda the Malevolent: Everybody at work knew my dad.

Not so neat.

Belinda the Malevolent: What does the phrase "sins of the father" mean?



Yvette: It means your daddy fucked a celery and that means his kids'll be green for seven generations! Apparently.



Belinda the Malevolent: Attagirl! Keep that floor down.



Belinda the Malevolent: Personally, I think I can go lower.

Next time: from Laci with love.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 9 September 2012.

Tags: ea games, eaxis, legacy challenge, maxis, prosperity, sharpesvale chronicles, simblr, sims, sims 2
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