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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 417


Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates every damn day!



If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!


In which mobility is upward.



Stewart: So hey, Penny's not as cool as I was led to believe.



Nathaniel: He thinks that was Penny.
Angelica: Even Nathaniel's not that stupid.
Nathaniel: Right?



Nathaniel: OH NO I'M POINTING AN ERECTION AT MY SISTER
Lance Price the Damned: What did I just beam in on?



Lance Price the Damned: Wow, she did an evil job on this! I am very turned on.



Emerson: Please help us, mister!
Lance Price the Damned: With what? I think your potential has been fully realized.



Angelica: Please! I need to get these voluptuous curves to university!



Lance Price the Damned: But this way I know exactly where to find them!



Stewart: Where's your sense of civic responsibility?!
Angelica: He thinks evil warlocks have a sense of civic responsibility.
Nathaniel: Even Nathaniel's not that stupid.



Lance Price the Damned: Happy basting.



Stewart: Thank god she let me keep my diversion.

♪ I had a dream last night I was pilotin' a plane ♪



♪ And all the passengers were drunk and insane ♪



♪ We crash-landed in the Louisiana swamp ♪

Franklin: The smell checks out.



♪ Shot up a horde of zombies ♪

Mallory: I resent the implication!



♪ But I come out on top! ♪

Angelica: I HAVE THE HIGH UNDERGROUND



♪ What's it all about? ♪

I honestly can't tell at this point.

Emerson: ♪ Guess it just affects my mood ♪



Mallory: ♪ Sittin' in the dirt, feelin' kind of hurt ♪



Lance Price the Damned: ♪ But all I hear is doom and gloom ♪ and snippers.



Andrew: ♪ And... all... is... darkness... in... my... room... ♪



♪ Still, at-

Amin: ♪ WALL ♪

- your face I see ♪



Franklin: ♪ Baby take a chance! Baby won't you dan-
Amin: FUCK THIS FUCK THIS FUCK THIS



Franklin: Your line starts with -
Amin: MY LINE ENDS HERE



Amin: I HAVE TO PISS AND I WANT TO DO IT ON A BUSH LIKE A FUCKING BIGFOOT



Amin: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA



Amin: ...aaaa?



Amin: CALL ME BIGFIST FROM NOW ON!



Amin: No, wait! Bigfists!



Amin: So anyway yeah, check it out.



Nathaniel: Thank god, we won't have to eat Wendell.
Stewart: You sure that's not Dirk?
Nathaniel: I didn't want to learn which was which.
Stewart: In case you needed to eat them.
Nathaniel: In case I needed to eat them.



Angelica: Bethany, get a running start. The rest of us are too old, tired and fat to make that climb.



Amin: It's too steep, but that's not really the point, is it? You don't need to reach the lawn, you need to reach-
Angelica: SPACE



Angelica: CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW



Amin: CAN YOU HEAR ME OWWWWWWWWWWWW



Stewart: So, did you call the cops, or what?



Angelica: They'd just stand at the top of the hole and lecture us for not having a burglar. I called Nick. He wasn't home.
Stewart: Oh, for want of a Nick.
Angelica: If he does show up, though, I don't want him to see our dirty dishes.



WEDNESDAY: DIRTY DISHES?! WHERE?!?!



Angelica: Anybody else got a phone?
Stewart: I do.
Angelica: Hmm. But does anybody like you enough to want to help?



Stewart: I can only think of one person, and I wish I couldn't.



Stewart: Hey! Yeah, it's me. I'm in kind of a... hole.



Stewart: Yeah, like, most of us are down here. Naked.



Stewart: It's not great.
Muse: .oO(Au contraire!)



Muse: .oO(I'd go get a rope if you hadn't declawed me.)

You wouldn't be able to hold the rope, with their weight, even with claws.

Muse: .oO(I mean I don't care enough about them to help. Because they declawed me.)



Lance Price the Damned: Oh, shit! Me without my duelling cape.



Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I hear there's some Murphies in a pit.
Lance Price the Damned: Sounds like a good start.



Stewart: Margaret YOU CHEATING BITahem. Margaret? Are you A CHEATING BITahem. Are you out there?



Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Somebody call for a cheating bitch?



Mallory: Okay, time's up. Hold out your juiciest limb, Bethany.
Stewart: NO MALLORY DON'T



Stewart: Bad touch!
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: More like Infallibly Good touch!



Nathaniel: Dammit, Amin, we gave you that bowl for a reason.



Stewart: Maggie! Baby!
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: If I'm the baby, why do you smell like you shit yourself?



Nathaniel: Sure, don't take the cannibals first.



Stewart: She owes me.



Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Would it help if I said your father dumped me?
Stewart: It wouldn't help me like you again, but it would help me laugh!



Mallory: Remember: "women" comes first in "women and children first."



Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Let's go, women and children.



Franklin: I'm not a child.
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Have it your way, miss.



Muse: .oO(PRIORITIES)



Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Who put you guys down here, anyway?
Amin: Nobody. It's a renovation party gone terribly wrong.



Amin: Can you direct me to the nearest large game animal?



Franklin: Where's Andrew, and why does his face apparently look so weird?



Stewart: Man, there's nothing in here worth publishing a paper about.

Clearly I agree.



Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I'm worried about these kids.

They'll bounce back.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I mean because their parents are such dorks.



Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Alright kiddo, you're safe now.
Bethany: Wow, really? This is a REPLICA of my bedroom, then, OUTSIDE of Sharpesvale?!



Bethany: Or are you a FUCKING LIAR



Bethany: Infallible but not INFIBBABLE, huh?!



Bethany: Alright, fuck off.

♪ Lost all that treasure in an overseas war ♪

Bethany: Christ, this again?



♪ It just goes to show, you don't get what you pay for ♪



♪ Bowin' to the rich ♪

Bethany: As you should.



Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: ♪ And worryin' 'bout the poor ♪
Nathaniel: We're just temporarily-embarassed rich.



Franklin: ♪ Put my feet up on the couch and lock all the WALLS DOWN ♪



Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: They are, aren't they? Wallius Upus.



WEDNESDAY: Where were you, these past nine years?



Franklin: OHMYGOD



Wendell? There is no god.



♪ Frackin' deep for oil, but there's nothin' in the pump ♪

Nathaniel: Don't talk shit about my pump. It's plenty oily.



Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: ♪ There's kids all pickin' at the garbage dump ♪
Nathaniel: Well we can't eat WALL



Franklin: ♪ I'm runnin' out of water, so I'd better prime the pump ♪ or the next person can fucking do it...



Mallory: ♪ I don't try to stay sober, but I end up drunk ♪



Mallory: And make poor decisions.
Stewart: Hey baby.



Nathaniel: ♪ We'll be eatin' dirt, livin' on the side of the road ♪
Angelica: ♪ There's some food for thought. ♪



Angelica: ♪ Kind of make your head explode! ♪



Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Can you tell me where this goes before I get in trouble for touching it?



Angelica: We should be calling the cops.

Yes.

Angelica: And the SCIA.

Yes.

Angelica: Boo, us.



Emerson: ...what? This isn't concrete.



Emerson: Oh no! They've moved us to a replica of our house, outside of Sharpesvale! What a nightmare!



Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: So that's what all the poop smells like, huh.



"Penny": Oh, what the all-the-poop is this.



"Penny": Guess I'll just keep movin' on.



"Penny": I wonder if there's some way to keep my promotion.



Emerson: ♪ AND ALLLLLL I HEAAAAAAAAR IS DOOOOOOOM AND GLOOOOM ♪



Amin: ♪ All is naked, in every room ♪



I'm fine with it.



Angelica: Locking us in the basement is one thing, but not feeding the cat? That's TERRIBLE.



Mallory: I THINK SOMEONE ATE ANDREW



Angelica: That's even worse than not feeding the cat!



Nathaniel: Man, we made it! It feels good to be alive.
Stewart: A little too good, apparently, Perky!



Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: What? You thought I was gonna touch that filthy diaper? Get real.



Personally I'd have a fit making someone else's bed, so I get you.



Franklin: Weird.
Mallory: What?
Franklin: All the fridges should be connected, but I can't access the upstairs stock from downstairs.
Mallory: OH MY GOD, UPSTAIRS FRIDGE IS PEOPLE



Mallory: Don't wanna don't wanna don't wanna don't wanna...



Mallory: WHAT THE COLD SHIT



Mallory: Good news, Angie! Your dad's only mostly dead.



Andrew: don't shatter don't shatter



Thank god, his dick's okay.

Next time: other dicks are also okay.

It's a dick-okay world out there.

Is what I'm sayin'.

This chapter depicts gameplay from the apparently endless 9 September 2012.

Tags: ea games, eaxis, legacy challenge, maxis, prosperity, sharpesvale chronicles, simblr, sims, sims 2
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