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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 428


Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates every damn day!



If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!


In which the first cut is and is not the deepest.



It's been like a month, you should get that cleaned.



Oh! You've moved into Andrew's old house.

Nothing but good memories there.



Brandi: What kind of infection gives you tinnitis?



I love what I've done with the place.



Brandi: I should've just knocked out these walls.



Brandi: And these floors.



Brandi: 'cuz now I'm gonna have a panic attack every time I wash my hands.



Brandi: Or maybe a pissface attack.

This is an appropriate setting for that.



I guess it's good to see you're prioritizing your grudges chronologically.



Brandi: What am I gonna do? I'm the fucking SCIA chief now, AND I'm in TAUTOLOGY, AND I'm in ENTROPY!

Hold negotiations with yourself?



Brandi: God, if this leaves a scar I hope it's a cool one.



Brandi: Nobody told me being a triple agent would be dangerous!



Brandi: ...of course, nobody told me anything about being a triple agent, because that would have necessitated them knowing about my other two agencies.



Brandi: Alright, what goes well with red.



Brandi: Owning clothing. Owning clothing goes well with red.




Is there a heart somewhere in Unicode...

There is!





Brandi: What.
Asia: What happened to your face?
Brandi: Slammed it in a helicopter door.



Uma: Deep cut reference! That Legacy isn't even visible now.

All the pics were still on Photobucket. I'll fix it some day.

Maybe.



♥♥♥



???



Pictured: my life, 2015-present.



Brandi: It's not pretty.



Brandi: I'm not pretty.



Brandi: But at least I can be partially obscured!



Brandi: Partially.



Brandi: Is it gonna stop bleeding eventually?

Once I quit the game, fire up Body Shop and make you a scar.

Brandi: So, never?



Not pictured: Laci immediately falling face-first into the cresting.



Brandi: Dear Overlord Punch-Volcano, we have successfully recruited both Centreborough police chiefs to ENTROPY, as planned.

Overlord PUNCH-VOLCANO?

Brandi: We think that might not be his real name.



Brandi: The governor remains incorruptible, by us, having been too thoroughly corrupted by himself over the years to have room for further corruption.



Brandi: TAUTOLOGY continues to recruit new members, unaware that they are secretly just another branch of ENTROPY, because they're too busy fucking each other to pay attention.



Brandi: I have purchased a television.



Brandi: I like to personalize my reports a little.



Brandi: Hey! It's me!
Andrew: No.



Brandi: Hey, I know we didn't part on the best of terms...
Andrew: No.
Brandi: But I was just wondering if you wanted-
Andrew: No.
Brandi: -to come see my new-
Andrew: No.
Brandi: -scar?



Brandi: It's a pretty hilarious scar.



Brandi: What, you're STILL mad about that time I fucked William and betrayed you to the zombies while we were engaged? WHAAAAT?



Brandi: Sheesh, some people can't let go.



Brandi: You can let go.
Marco: I am asserting dominance.



Brandi: It's hard to think under this thing.





Ivy: Right back past ya.



Marco: I thought it'd be a bigger TV.
Brandi: I'm a spy. Exaggeration is one of my many skills.



Leonard: This awning is, like, a beta blocker or something.



Marco: Wow! You can't dance.
Brandi: Neither can you!
Marco: There's no way out of this conversation loop.

That's why I stopped writing this chapter for eight hours.



Marco: No wonder my back needs stretching.



Brandi: Know what else needs stretching?
Marco: Ew.



Marco: But I'm up for it.



Marco: I am also up for Game of Thrones.



Marco: All that sex makes me want to sex.



Marco: And all that violence...
Brandi: Makes me want to sex.



Brandi: Like my specs?
Marco: Very specsy.



Brandi: Har har.



Brandi: And then he disappeared.



Brandi: And then YOU disappeared.



Brandi: Alright, you've had a while to think about it.
Andrew: No.
Brandi: You can't keep saying-
Andrew: No.
Brandi: -forever.



Brandi: I guess technically you can.



Brandi: But you shouldn't!
Andrew: Why?
Brandi: Wow! You can say a second word?
Andrew: No.



Brandi: Uh-oh, my proximity defenses are going off.



Brandi: Hopefully it's just the scary black horizon glitch doing it.



Jane: Huh. Nobody's home.

There's two other rooms.

Jane: Nobody's in 33.3% of this home, at least.



Jane: Nobody's ever home for me.



Brandi: Nobody's home in her, either.



Jane: Guess I might as well do some spy stuff.



Brandi: Like getting murdered by a second spy?
Jane: It doesn't come much spy stuffier than that.



Brandi: Why are you here?
Jane: Cory sent me to spy on you.
Brandi: Why?
Jane: Because you're the only person he trusts less than himself?



Jane: What? I can't hear you.



Jane: That gag never gets old.



Brandi: I'm tired of playing this game! I'm tired of remembering who knows what sides I'm on! I'm tired of remembering what sides I'm on myself!



Brandi: ONCE YOU'RE ALL DEAD THE MATH GETS EASIER



Brandi: Give me one good reason I shouldn't stab your Martian ass.
Jane: You might get my blood in your cut and end up with whatever weird diseases I might have?



Jane: I might get your blood on my cut and end up with whatever weird diseases you might have?!



Brandi: Are you even working with Cory? Or are you a plant from the SCIA?
Jane: Honestly I can't keep track of it either.



Brandi: WE'RE ALL BEING PLAYED
Jane: I mean... we are Sims.



Jane: But you're clearly not referring to that.



Brandi: Listen, and listen good. I'm-
Jane: OH GOD WHAT'S THAT GREY LINE



Brandi: If you're gonna let visual glitches distract you, you might as well kiss the rest of your life goodbye.



Brandi: In fact, kiss the rest of your life goodybe.



Jane: It'll be a very bloody kiss.
Brandi: For not very much life!



Jane: I want you to know that I take this personally.



Brandi: I want you to know that I meant it that way.



Jane: Ow! Why?!
Brandi: CATHARSIS



Jane: Not the hair! NOT THE HAIR! Oh god, she's gonna scalp me.



Brandi: Live by the sword, die by the sword.
Jane: I NEVER USE MY SWORD
Brandi: Live without the sword, DIE WITHOUT THE SWORD



Jane: Boob touch!



Jane: So soft.



Jane: Oh my god, it's full of hedge.



Brandi: STOP SEEING THINGS



Brandi: BE A GOOD SWORD RACK AND RACK MY SWORD



The Grim Reaper: BEEN A WHILE SINCE WE HAD A GOOD STABBING.



Brandi: How 'bout a good stomping?



The Grim Reaper: FEET OFF. I'M SIGNING FOR THIS PACKAGE.



The Grim Reaper: DON'T MAKE ME TAKE YOU, TOO.



The Grim Reaper: YOU'D GET MORE SATISFACTION FROM KICKING LIVE PEOPLE.
Brandi: I'M GETTING PLENTY OF SATISFACTION, THANKS.
The Grim Reaper: ♪ KICK 'EM WHEN THEY'RE UP! ♪
Brandi: ♪ KICK 'EM WHEN THEY'RE DOWN! ♪

♪ KICK 'EM WHEN THEY'RE STIFF ♪



Brandi: ♪ KICK 'EM ALL AROUND ♪



♪ Dirty little secrets ♪



♪ Dirty little LIES ♪



♪ We got our dirty little fingers in everybody's pies ♪

Brandi: Gross.



♪ We love to cut you down to size ♪



♪ We love dirty laundry ♪

Brandi: You can't dry-clean ashes out. Little known fact.



Brandi: Are you hiding under the table?

I don't want to catch whatever weird diseases her dust might have.



Brandi: EAT YOUR DUST



Brandi: YOU DUSTY BITCH



Brandi: Blah. Pfleh. I can still taste it.



Andrew: No.





Brandi: Did you say something about "rains"?



Brandi: Oh, never mind, it was the night zombies.



Andrew: Are you having a stroke?



Brandi: Hey, congratulations on your stupid family.



Brandi: And your stupid money.



Brandi: And you're stupid!



Brandi: I'm glad we're talking again.



Brandi: Your dad's a douche, eh?



Brandi: I wanna use him as one.



Brandi: I don't care if he's eighty, he's hot.



Brandi: He's seriously eighty, though? Shit... how old am I?



Brandi: I look pretty good for someone who's existed for as long as the world has.



Brandi: Not as good as your mom, maybe, but much easier for you to appreciate!



I almost posted Brandy from Charnel Knowledge before I realized I'd already done it.

Like, thirty chapters ago.

My brain is melting.



Brandi: He deserves it.



Brandi: No, I didn't read your mom's books. I don't care about how the Sim body works! I care about how to make it stop working.



Brandi: I mean, seriously! Math! Who needs it? I can count as high as my magazines go.



Brandi: They call them the inglorious arts of peace for a reason, man.



Brandi: Come over and I'll show you the glorious arts of war.



Brandi: We can have war sex.



Andrew: I don't want to cameo in your stupid chapter.



Brandi: I'm glad you're happy without me but I hate that you're happy without me.



Brandi: At least come over and citizen's arrest me! I've got all kinds of shit I can confess to.



Brandi: That'd be a great way to hook up with Neil, too.



Brandi: Come on, dude. We can fuck on the floor! For old times' sake.



Andrew: How 'bout... NO



Brandi: That's so weird! I knew you were gonna say that.



Brandi: This is super romantic.



Brandi: It'd be super romantic!



Brandi: Man, don't you ever get tired of that word?



Brandi: "No. No. No. No. Look at me! I can put two letters together!"



Chelsea: You here to see Brandi?
Andrew: No.



Chelsea: I am.

I'm tempted to post Chelsea from Charnel Knowledge, but it'd be kind of mean in her present state.



Chelsea: Do it. I want to know I'm hot somewhere.



You totally are.



Brandi: Andrew! You came!
Andrew: That's how Chelsea got pregnant!



Pretty sure it was Oliver who did that.

Andrew: We're the same person, genetically.



Brandi: Y'all gonna acknowledge the kiss?
Andrew: I'll acknowledge the blood...



Andrew: Seriously, put something on that.



Brandi: I'd rather put something on you.
Andrew: ...you?
Brandi: ME.



Andrew: Give me a sec, I'm caught on the geometry.



Andrew: Also I'm caught in not wanting to hang out with you, so I'm leaving.



Brandi: No?



Chelsea: I am also leaving, because I should never have arrived.



Chelsea: I am not pleased to be your neighbour.



Brandi: It's not doing much for me, either.



Brandi: Blood-red mountains reflected in a blood-red lake? We do that one already?

I feel like we've done every one already.

Including the one about how we've done every one already.



Brandi: Yeah, we're getting old.

I was old to begin with.



Brandi: So was your sense of humour.



Brandi: Oh, good! I didn't die in my sleep.



Brandi: Guess I might as well pretend it's a world of possibilities, then.



Brandi: Hey!
Andrew: No.



Brandi: Do you-
Andrew: No.



Brandi: But-
Andrew: No.



Brandi: He's into me.

Next time: someone is into someone else!

Heheheh.

"Into."

This chapter depicts gameplay from 3 December 2012 to 4 December 2012.

Tags: ea games, eaxis, legacy challenge, maxis, prosperity, sharpesvale chronicles, simblr, sims, sims 2
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