Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates every damn day!
If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!
IN WHICH I'M IN A HURRY
And I am the only one?
Laci: No time to talk, lady! No time to think up the dialogue.
Laci: You want the big house down the hall.
Nanette: This entire place is the big house.
Laci: It's good to know zombies can still understand aphorisms.
Laci: If not directions.
Allie: mmmmf... oh yeah baby steal my baby...
Laci: I'm on a mission to empty all the refrigerators!
Laci: I dunno, everybody should have a mission.
Some transitions should NOT be captured.
At least, unlike TS3, this game HAS transitions.
It isn't just a FUCKING SLIDESHOW.
Remind me to complain at length about TS3, it's been festering in my mind for almost a year now.
Shit, I need to prepare an April Fools' thing.
Nanette: I've been trying to think up a clever attack phrase, but the Maker's babbling got in the way.
Nanette: So I'm gonna go with RAR
Laci: .rar is a practical and well-established alternative to .zip!
Allie: She might have gone with RAR, but she got ZIP instead!
Allie: See? Good lines aren't that hard.
Laci: You ladies want a drink? I lady want a drink.
Allie: I lady want dead lady stank off me.
Wow, even in a rush, I've still got it.
Nanette: Aren't you worried people will get sick of your self-satisfaction?
I temper it thoroughly with self-loathing, so.
Nanette: They told me I could beat her.
Laci: You shouldn't trust theys. Theys are always bad news.
Nanette: Maybe I can beat you.
Laci: I am also always bad news.
Nanette: My pride is injured. Also all my body parts.
Allie: Alright, new girl, time for your physical.
Laci: We who are about to kick ass salute you.
Allie: ♪ Sieg Heil to the President Gasman ♪
Allie: ♪ BOMBS AWAY IS YOUR PUNISHMENT! ♪
Nanette: What's she doing?
Laci: Bein' drunk.
Allie: ♪ PULVERIZE THE EIFFEL TOWERS ♪
Allie: ♪ WHO CRITICIZE YOUR GOVERNMENT ♪
Allie: Then he says a bad word.
Laci: One sympathizes.
Laci: YOU DIDN'T FIT THAT SONG IN VERY WELL
I'd been listening to it, and I figured hey, I'll probably never fit it in very well, but then hey, Allie was all like "bombs" and I was in a rush and I went "Sure, okay."
Allie: The crudity of your creative process disturbs me greatly.
Laci: OUR LIVES ARE IN THE HANDS OF A CALLOUS GOD
Nanette: GET YOUR CALLOUSES OFF ME
Nanette: Also get your torso out of my torso.
Allie: WHO'S GONNA CLEAN THIS UP IS MY QUESTION
Allie: OH, THE DUST...MANITY
Allie: I feel like I could've come up with something better than THAT.
ON A TIGHT SCHEDULE HERE
Laci: I'll wrap it up then, shall I.
Laci: I took boxing lessons in hell.
Laci: And I was in hell for decades.
Nanette: You sent my tailbone there.
Laci: No, I just pulverized it.
Laci: Get her a drink while I get her a ticket home.
Allie: Drinks are for working stiffs, not just... stiffs.
Laci: Little warning next time, Ceci...
Allie: WHO SENT YOU
Nanette: DEFINITELY NOBODY
Laci: My daughter has a funny idea of what a job reference looks like.
Laci: And my job reference has a funny smell.
Allie: Are you aware that I once beat up an entire university of zombies?
Nanette: I must have missed that well-known Allie Fact.
Allie: Check out Charnel Knowledge when it comes out this [GOD WHO KNOWS] for more details!
Laci: Or, you know, just read the chapters.
STOP UNDERMINING ME
Laci: Undermining is kind of my thing, though?
Allie: Kicking ass and taking shots is my thing.
Nanette: Is that lightning?
Laci: Yeah, it's raining.
There's only two pics showing evidence of it, but it was enough to make it into the chapter title.
Nanette: You wouldn't shoot an unarmed woman!
Laci: I wouldn't? That must be a source of great relief to you!
Laci: Oops, guess you're not unarmed.
Nanette: OW, MY OWN LOGIC
Laci: FIRST DAY ON THE JOB, BITCHES
Allie: Excellent spread control, well done.
Nanette: WAIT I FORGOT TO SAY WHO SENT ME
The Grim Reaper: AH, THAT'S WHERE SHE GOT TO.
The Grim Reaper: FUCKIN' ZOMBIES.
Allie: Well done.
The Grim Reaper: COULD'VE SHOT-CLUSTERED BETTER.
Allie: I'm sorry I doubted you.
Laci: You are sorry.
Allie: Would you like to be my deputy warden?
Laci: A meaningless promotion in title at a dying institution? Yes, please!
Allie: God, is it dying already? It's only been-
The Grim Reaper: A HUNDRED AND TWENTY-SEVEN CHAPTERS.
Allie: ...what? It can't have been-
The Grim Reaper: A HUNDRED AND TWENTY-SEVEN CHAPTERS.
Laci: That's a pretty good run for anything in this county.
Allie: As long as there's crime, there's still hope.
Laci: That sounds like a good slogan for ENTROPY.
Allie: "We Should Go Fuck Ourselves" sounds like a good slogan for ENTROPY.
Laci: Hahaha yeah fuck those guys who aren't here.
Allie: That felt meaningful but I feel drunk.
The Grim Reaper: ANSWER YOUR GODDAMN PHONE
The Grim Reaper: FUCKING FINALLY
Laci: Yes please.
FUCK THIS TREE IN PARTICULAR
FUCK THIS PEE IN PARTICULAR
Laci: FUCK THIS POO IN PARTICULAR
Man, I can write really fast when I write really badly.
Laci: Getting a room with a framed picture of Stephen Murphy is like moving into an entirely Garfield-themed house.
Laci: HAHAHA I Think You Should Leave was HILARIOUS.
Yes, direct people away from my humour to other people's humour.
Laci: I'm an expert at redirection.
Laci: For example I'm redirecting my bafflement at Cecilia's plans and my fury at everyone I've ever loved, and everyone adjacent to them, towards executing Cecilia's baffling plans.
Laci: Which is probably totally fine and not at all a bad thing.
Laci: Although any decision-making process that ends with me mopping up lady piss probably had some mistakes along the way.
Laci: Gross mistakes.
Laci: Whew. She must have a lot of vinegar, because that was a lot of piss.
Laci: What am I doing with my life?
Marking time between storylines.
Laci: As time-markers go, machinegunning a zombie is pretty effective.
Laci: THIS HAIR IS GETTING TO BE A BIT MUCH
Laci: Also life. Is.
Laci: Getting to be a bit much.
Jesus Christ stop moaning and go do something.
Something evil, preferably.
Laci: I wanna do Alvin.
Laci: Or at least kill him.
Allie: You're losing it.
Allie: Also I'm losing it, because this is not dawn. It's... like... noon.
Allie: I might as well sleep in until evening, then!
Allie: Or just take a giant dump all afternoon.
Ah, I know that life.
Sleep in super late.
Take a huge dump.
Prepare a chef salad with balsamic vinaigrette.
Laci: I'm impressed that you'd write a script with the word "vinaigrette" in it while you're in a hurry.
And I've had to write it TWICE now!
Laci: It's fadey outside.
Allie: It's lady outside.
Allie: And she can staydy there.
Allie: A+ DIALOGUE WOULD SPEAK AGAIN
Laci: Mornin' boss...erina.
Laci: 'cuz you look like a ballerina.
Allie: THANKS I GOT IT
Laci: You eat like a pig.
Allie: Efficiently, yes.
Laci: You talk when you eat.
Laci: At least I'm getting, like, a quarter of your food on my food.
Laci: So hey, how 'bout that death?
Allie: It was pretty neat.
Allie: Or did you mean Death?
Laci: Grimmy and I are old pals, I'd never call him that.
Allie: How did you come back to life?
Laci: I would argue I didn't.
Allie: Just a sec, got a want to snap a pic because the game is bugged all to fuck and thinks I'm on vacation.
Allie: And here's the pic, because the Maker is an asshole.
An asshole who wrote an entire chapter in FORTY MINUTES
Laci: And it only entirely shows.
Next time: crazy town.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 15 December 2012.