Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates every damn day!
If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!
In which I'm not feeling well but I have no buffer so HERE WE GO
Michael: Hey baby, your slip is showing.
Vanessa: Okay, everybody's in bed now, right?
Vanessa: It's not a great way to get my own chapter, but it is a way.
Vanessa: Sleep tight. Let the bed bugs have their way with you.
Vanessa: ♪ How do you solve a problem like Michael… ♪
Andrew: Not here. Leave one.
Vanessa: Hey man. How do you solve a problem like Michael?
Uma: With VIOLENCE
Vanessa: We need to fence this thing in.
Cory: Man, rich people have GREAT garbage clothes.
Cory: I'm assuming rich people have separate outfits for every action, like Natalie Portman in The Phantom Menace.
Cory: The one where she played Natalie Portman being bored.
Vanessa: She plays that in every movie.
Vanessa: I don't know why I'm doing this.
Cory: I know why I'm reciprocating.
Cory: I'm a reciprocating ENGINE, baby!
Vanessa: I was wondering if you could help me with something.
Cory: Do I get to pick the something?
Vanessa: Can you stop ENTROPY from fucking up my family?
Cory: I thought ENTROPY was your family.
Cory: Yeah sure I'll look into it.
Vanessa: I'm not offering my body in return, just in case my hilariously poor choice of garbage clothes gave you the wrong impression.
Cory: Your body's kind of old anyway.
Vanessa: It's not nice to say it, though.
Vanessa: The Maker's using autocomplete in Word now! What a lazy asshole.
Cory: If you're trying to get yourself killed, please do not involve me.
Cory: If you're trying to get someone else killed, though, I'm your guy.
Vanessa: I don't want more guys.
Cory: I could replace your current one.
Vanessa: But I've got him trained! At least I thought I did.
Vanessa: 'til he started macking on our daughter.
Vanessa: Yeah, seriously.
Cory: I love how fucked up you Sharpe people are.
Cory: It's like you want to experience every meaning of the word "fuck."
Vanessa: On that note, FUCK.
Man, I love it when four captions in a row just write themselves.
And then I can blow the fifth by commenting on it.
Vanessa: "Blowing the fifth" sounds like slang for giving oral sex to a journalist.
Cory: Which nobody would ever do.
Vanessa: Is there slang for pulling out a video game during a makeout session?
Asexuality, I guess.
Vanessa: Are you asexual?
Cory: More like "Eh! Sexual!"
Vanessa and Cory: *flail about like imbeciles *
Cory: Hey man, you're the one picking the pics.
Vanessa: He seems nice.
Vanessa: Not at all, no, but that's a generic expression of attraction, so.
Vanessa is also generically attractive.
Oh DO WE GOTTA
Cory: No, we do NOT gotta.
Nathen: Dangit! If only all media ever created had warned me that crime doesn't pay!
Nathen: Oh SHOOOOOOOT
Cory: Don't gotta tell me once!
Cory: Twice would be overkill.
Cory: And it's not like I'd ever underkill.
Cory: If such a thing is even possible.
Cory: GOD I MISSED THIS
Cory: Gonna bang out a mission in Peace Walker while I wait.
The Grim Reaper: BUY A 3DS, YOU PLEB.
Cory: NINTENDO IS FOR BABIES
The Grim Reaper: SONY IS FOR TELEVISIONS
Cory: Can we at least agree that Microsoft-
The Grim Reaper: MICROSOFT IS TERRIBLE, YEAH.
Cory: Wait a minute, this isn't Peace Walker, it's a blank screen.
Cory: I bet I can beat it.
The Grim Reaper: DO YOU BEAT IT OFTEN?
I stole that joke from a friend.
They can have it back if they read this.
HAHA OH MY GOD WHAT
Goopy Kimbrell: Greetings from the end of the world!
Cory: If the end of the world ever happens, buddy, I'll be there when it does.
Goopy: Your grammar is poor.
Cory: Your FACE is UGLY!
Goopy: Your insults are poor.
Cory: Your FACE is UGLY!
Goopy: You fight like a dairy farmer!
Cory: Why? Did you… want to borrow… one…?
Cory: Fuck this, I'm just gonna kill you.
Cory: Not the sternum! I need that for whatever it does!
Cory: Okay, we're gonna say that hit was all jacket.
Cory: ARM HARM
Cory: Hey, so THIS is what those fancy grips are for! Neat!
Cory: STOP PICKING MY NOSE
You know what they say.
You can pick your friends, and you can pick your noise.
But you can't pick your friend's nose with a sword.
I think that's what they say.
They're pretty weird.
Goopy: So, can we wrap this up, or…?
Goopy: I'm getting sword bored.
Cory: You're getting sword GORED!
Goopy: Nice one!
Goopy: I'll tell my friend Sword Gord about it when I see him.
Goopy: Maybe he'll come to your funeral.
Cory: Maybe you won't.
Cory: Let's make that a certainty.
Goopy: It's supposed to be a duel to the death! DEATH! Not DEATHS!
Cory: WE DID IT WRONG
Goopy: I wanted to dance on your grave!
Goopy: Or at least have you dance on mine!
Goopy: WAIT WHY ARE YOU UP
Goopy: DID YOU HAVE… MORE…
Cory: Hit points, yeah.
Cory: Not, like, a lot more, but.
The Grim Reaper: YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT ME TO STICK AROUND? JUST IN CASE YOU NEED A RIDE LATER?
Cory: No man, I'm totally flh. I'm totally flh.
The Grim Reaper: TOTALLY FINE, I'M GUESSING?
The Grim Reaper: YEAH, YOU LOOK FINE.
The Grim Reaper: TRY TO CATCH THEM BOTH IN THE BEAM.
Cory: Thank god I roll in my sleep.
Cory: Who knew sword fights could be so dangerous?
Cory: Yeah, who else?
Cory: Now I'll remove the damaged parts and replace them.
That only works for terminators.
I think you mean-
Cory: Good news! He only punctured my bladder.
Cory: I'm sure this will fix it. Nobody ever bled to death in a bathtub.
You gonna clean that?
Cory: Hahaha no?
Cory: You get some crazy ideas, my man.
Cory: Which isn't to say that I don't.
Cory: Is that hay on her sheets?
I think it's bamboo.
Cory: I still wanna roll in it.
Cory: God, I don't know what I'm thinking.
Vanessa: I do.
Vanessa: Why the sudden attack of amorousness?
Cory: It's been a night for sudden attacks.
Cory: How the sudden nudity?
Vanessa: And the Maker helped.
Happy to serve.
As long as it's nudity I'm serving.
What's that face mean?
Cory: It means she can feel my pants bulge, and she's doing mental math.
Cory: And the numbers are all in my favour.
Vanessa: It's comforting to know that there's big dicks outside of my family.
Cory: And now, technically, inside of your family!
Cory: Man, this was totally worth getting stabbed for.
Vanessa: You got STABBED?!
Cory: I said it was worth it, though!
Vanessa: My husband will be awake soon.
Cory: I bet I could take him without pulling out.
Cory: I was JOKING.
Cory: I totally could, though.
Michael: Maybe today's the day I wake up not awful.
I know that feel.
Veronica: What's it feel like when it is the day you wake up not awful?
I don't know that feel.
Veronica: Wanna know feels with me?
Michael: Wish I didn't.
Vanessa: Oh good, the Wonder Twins are up.
Veronica: Thanks for letting me wipe my nose on you.
Michael: Anything to reduce the attraction score.
Michael: LITERALLY ANYTHING AT THIS POINT
Vanessa: Look. ANTHONY.
Anthony: Call me Benson, mum.
Vanessa: I've seen that movie, I'm not falling for it.
Cory: How did you pull the sheets up UNDER her?
Anthony: This outfit is a holdover from my magician days.
Anthony: Please allow me to correct your form.
Michael: Please allow me to CARESS your form OH MY GOD HELP
Cory: Dammit, I'm hard-wired to respond to that phrase.
Cory: I'm also hard.
Vanessa: And I'm wired!
Vanessa: Because you're hard.
Cory: I'm sorry if I leaked on your bed.
Cory: Especially if it's not all blood.
Next time: it cuts like a knife.
And it feels terrible.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 17 December 2012.