Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates every damn day!
If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!
In which objects are phallic.
The Grim Reaper: Et in Takemizu ego.
Tour Guide: Yep, we have all the bad things here. Death, roofs down…
William: I'm impressed that you only sort of needed saving back there.
William: What would you have done if I couldn't sword fight that chick to death?
Andrew: Woken up from a dream, I guess.
William: I've been defeated before, you know. I have experienced failure.
Andrew: I've always thought of you as an experienced failure, yes.
William: I'm going to push you into the pool.
William: That was the extent of my plans for the rest of the day.
Andrew: It's not a day for plans anyway.
Jaiden: Hahaha, stop! It's not appropriate for us to be playing when we have work to do.
Leonid: The higher-ups say we're gonna ambush them at every turn.
Jaiden: Won't they just stop turning, then?
Andrew: We done engaging in espionage for the day?
William: I've got the afternoon and evening marked as "free-form cloak-and-daggery" on our schedule.
Jaiden: Do you think they suspect us?
Leonid: The best thing about literally everyone being in on it is that no matter how many of us they suspect, it won't ever be enough.
Andrew: Oh good, mystical crap.
Andrew: And a Vicki clone.
Vanessa: Do not speak ill of my country's heritage of mystical crap.
Serdar Ma: And Vicki clones!
Serdar: We're all about the Vicki clones here.
Vanessa: Ixnay on the Ickiclonevays!
William: No, do go on.
William: …just as well. He probably doesn't know shit if his shit face is anything to go by.
Andrew: Tai chi is basically exercise. As a scientiLOLOGIST, I can respect that.
William: Calm down, Chud. She's my contact.
Andrew: Then why are you still calling me CHUD.
Vanessa: To embarrass you, obviously.
Vanessa: Gerd Mastodon is a much better spy name.
Vanessa: But a far inferior spy man!
Andrew: Pleased to make your acquaintance. I'm An-
Vanessa: IDIOT if you're gonna blow your cover in front of that kid behind you.
Leonid: "in front of that kid behind you."
Vanessa: I WAS DISTRACTED BY THE SEXY OKAY
Vanessa: I was looking forward to meeting William Sharpe, but it turns out he's just a skeevy old jerk now.
Vanessa: I hear he used to be a skeevy young jerk.
Andrew: This is a bad place to be having this conversation.
Andrew: Apparently it's the local standin' spot.
Vanessa: An anonymous tip says that a SimNation school bus showed up last week. There being an ocean between here and there, naturally I got suspicious.
Andrew: It does seem a bit of a stretch, as school bus routes go.
Andrew: William says he got an anonymous tip that a school bus was seen at the… scene, of that explosion in Centreborough just before it became the scene of that explosion! In Centreborough!
Andrew: I'm a scientist, I'm real good at making connections like that.
Vanessa: I hope you didn't come here to make a connection.
Vanessa: 'cuz if you did, I'm gonna have to subtract myself from the equation.
Vanessa: I don't want to become a metaphor for what the SimNation does to the rest of the world.
William: .oO(Don't look at the Vicki clone. DON'T LOOK AT THE VICKI CLONE)
Vanessa: Well, come on. Put those kissable lips to work.
Andrew: Let me make a brief case to you.
Andrew: William and I don't know who to trust, here.
William: REAL TOURISTS WOULD BE BETTER AT KICKY BAG
Andrew: You are attractive, so we both automatically trust you.
Vanessa: I am attempting not to reciprocate but my body is betraying me.
Vanessa: I don't even know why I like you.
Andrew: Yeah, I for sure don't approve of your taste in men.
William: I'm ninety percent sure he's paying her to play along.
Andrew: Is William paying you to like me?
Vanessa: He's not that rich.
Vanessa: Oh god, am I drunk or something?
Knut Alioto: You're a disgrace to the uniform.
Andrew: You're a disgrace to facial hair.
William: How'd you beat us here?
Vanessa: Yeah, you old guys move soooo quickly.
Andrew: So, how about it? Can we count on you?
Vanessa: You can do anything you want on me.
Vanessa: How's that for pathetic.
Vanessa: I guess my cover's pretty much blown. I might as well dress like a playable.
*five minutes of loading*
Vanessa: Five minutes of loading for THAT?!
Vanessa: Don't look.
Andrew: You look good!
Vanessa: But I should look great.
Andrew: You look smart, and independent, and impressive.
Vanessa: Wow! Not one word about tits or ass! I didn't think your entire gender had it in it.
Vanessa: Well, come on. Put those kissable lips to work.
Andrew: ♪ Falling in love is so hard on the knees ♪
Vanessa: What was that about "hard on?"
Andrew: You can feel that, huh?
Vanessa: Did you need to take a pill?
Andrew: I'll have you know I'm not nearly as old as I look.
Vanessa: Honestly, you couldn't possibly be.
Heidi Fuchs: Y'all're 'bout to get Fuched.
William: She doesn't know I have the magic of editing at my disposal.
Heidi: DIE, DEFINITELY-IN-THE-TUB HEATHEN!
The Toilet: *comically flushes*
William: It was the next best thing to a game show "wrong answer" tone.
Heidi: I've always wanted to kill an SCIA agent.
William: Frankly so have I, but I've managed to hold myself back.
Heidi: The stars are on my side!
William: Actually, they appear to be falling.
William: And please don't threaten Captain Sparkles like that.
Marie: Is this a sex thing? It doesn't look like a sex thing.
Marie: I need to do a poop thing.
Marie: GET OUT OF YOUR OWN BATHROOM
Marie: I NEED TO DO A POOP
Andrew: Doody calls.
Heidi: Acceptable losses.
William: Yeah, pretty much.
The Grim Reaper: ACCEPTABLE GAINS, FROM MY PERSPECTIVE.
The Grim Reaper: …AW, MAN, GROSS.
Tammy: Open the door! I hear this is the new local standin' spot.
Tammy: Aw, boo, it's only old men and ugly women and great big dicks.
Vanessa: I thought you were gonna help him.
Andrew: Then you vastly underestimated the power of your cute little smile.
Tammy: Did I just walk into the best picture ever?
The Grim Reaper: PROBABLY. I'M IN ALL THE REALLY GOOD ONES.
Captain Sparkles: .oO(Pleased to meet you!)
Tammy: EXTREME blowjob!
Heidi: Not the most dignified way to go, is it.
Vanessa: Guess he could handle himself.
Andrew: He rarely has to.
Andrew: It does free us up to handle each other, though.
William: So, hey. ENTROPY?
Tammy: Never heard of it.
William: Let me pat you down for swords.
William: No swords, but I did find this!
Vanessa: I think William is the Grim Reaper.
Andrew: It would explain his thirty-year kill streak.
The Grim Reaper: ONLY THIRTY YEARS? NEWB.
Vanessa: I don't know why I'm so interested in you.
Andrew: I'm basically the main character.
Vanessa: Is there a hormone for that?
Andrew: I'm also a super-smart scientist.
Vanessa: I thought you were a Scientologist.
Andrew: That was just my cover.
Vanessa: Oh. It's a good one! It guarantees nobody will ever ask you a second question about yourself.
Vanessa: I have several questions to ask you about yourself.
Andrew: I don't have a nine-inch penis.
Vanessa: That wasn't going to be one of them.
Andrew: Then you have a superhuman reserve of restraint.
Vanessa: Frankly that thing just looks painful.
William: It's never given me any trouble.
William: Minus all those murderers it's gotten me involved with.
William: And all those murders it's gotten me involved with.
William: I just murdered someone. With a sword. That's what I was miming.
Vanessa: Are you pretending not to stare at my tits?
Andrew: Oh, sure, it's okay for you to talk about them.
Next time: a challenger approaches!
This chapter depicts gameplay from 22 December 2012.