Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates every damn day!
If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!
In which it's short because I'm tapped.
Bellhop: Oh good lord.
William: My thoughts precisely.
William: What do you see in him?
Vanessa: It's easier to see past the exterior when the exterior's been made artificially shabby.
Vanessa: I've been waiting a long time for someone to take me away from here.
William: Takemizu Village?
Vanessa: Quaternary character status.
Andrew: I wonder which of these people are evil.
I just generally assume everyone is.
Andrew: That does sound simpler.
Andrew: I could get used to a life of burgers and mistrust.
Jake Fairchild: Stop judging me, you fat ugly bear.
Whitney Seavey: Why aren't you wearing clothes?
Jake: All the cool people aren't.
Whitney: And most of the un-cool people are. Hmm. You might have something there.
Andrew: I might have something here!
Andrew: She looked like Melanie.
It's probably nothing.
Vanessa: Where've you been, hot stuff?
Andrew: Findin' more clones.
Vanessa: Ew, why?
Vanessa: Any clones of me?
Andrew: No, you appear to be an original.
Vanessa: Looks can be deceiving.
Andrew: Yeah, looks are jerks.
William: Did someone call me?
William: Oh, you're doing a sex scene. Yuck.
William: I don't know why you'd even bother, when neither of you are me.
Vanessa: I can't get used to these glasses.
Andrew: I can't get enough of them.
Vanessa: Hooray for the male gaze.
Andrew: And the female lips!
Andrew: Both kinds.
Andrew: Is this safe?
Vanessa: Life? No.
Andrew: That doesn't mean we have to make it less safe.
That would be a fine message for all the dipshit gadabouts currently spreading COVID-19 around.
Andrew: I'm glad it's 2012 and all we have to worry about is the end of the world.
It was a much less likely end.
Also a much less likely end: Andrew's bum.
William: BORING. Come back to me when you've got a sex scene on the Sharpe Oil Tower balcony.
Vanessa: That would just be stupid.
Vanessa: Stupid hot.
Vanessa: …so, we're done?
Andrew: I am.
Andrew: Apparently I'm not!
Andrew: I'm cool with that.
Leonid: I'm not cool with anything.
Andrew: Who knew slovenliness could be so sexy?
Vanessa: Norman Reedus.
Somehow transitioning from Norman Reedus to a blowjob makes sense.
It's such a good blowjob it's fracturing his wedding ring.
I call this image "America."
Andrew: I don't know what America is, but it sounds terrible.
Ah, yes. The Takemizu nudity plague returns.
Let's call it TAKNU-12.
Jaiden: We're topical!
Jaiden: And I'm hovering?
Andrew: I came here to save my wife.
Vanessa: And you're feeling bad about what we just did?
Andrew: More like I'm slightly less motivated to save my wife.
Andrew: …my wife. My wife. Hmm.
Vanessa: Yeah, now that you say it three times, I'm starting to feel bad.
Andrew: Let's call it a brief lapse of professionalism.
Vanessa: From the moment we first kissed to the moment you finally put your dick back in your pants, whenever that is.
Andrew: It goes in on its own. It just takes a few seconds.
Andrew: Frankly our dicks have a disturbing amount of agency.
Andrew: A lot of things are disturbing.
A lot of agency things, too.
Andrew: I wonder if he ever falls in love when he's on a mission.
I think falling in love with every eligible target is his only real mission.
William: You're looking… tired.
Andrew: Fucked a bunch.
William: A bunch of what?
William: Anyway, mornin' Chud!
William: I'm gonna keep calling you Chud after we get back to the Vale, just so's you knows.
Next time: the triumphant return of a brand new character.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 22 December 2012.