Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates every damn day!
If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!
In which bite size is the right size.
Cynthia: Been putting off your writing again, have you?
I only put off the things I love.
Jaiden: Does that mean you love us?
Only in aggregate.
William: What's an "aggregate"?
Andrew: It's a term for ground-up stone.
That's not what I meant by it.
Andrew: It still answers his question.
William: Who's the babe?
Cynthia: What you don't know…
William: Can't hurt me!
Andrew: Yeah, that's definitely not the case.
Tammy: TAKE BACK WHAT YOU SAID
Leonid: Cultural appropriation is bad!
Tammy: YOU MOTHER FUCKER
Andrew: I approve of Vanessa's appropriation of our culture.
The central misunderstanding Americans have with cultural appropriation is the belief that America itself has a culture.
William: Luckily we're from the SimNation.
Andrew: Alright, I feel like we're spinning our wheels here. Do you have any idea who we should be questioning?
William: I vote for sexy ladies.
Vanessa: Good, I might run for office when we get back.
Vanessa: Also I'm coming back with you guys. I don't think my cover identity can survive giving you a blowjob on a balcony.
Andrew: Yeah, it wasn't even our balcony.
Cynthia: This spot taken?
Andrew: Careful. Sitting opposite this guy can be hazardous to your sexual health.
William: I don't have any diseases, Chud. I did, once, but there were so many of them that they fought a War to End All Wars and wiped each other out.
William: I call it Mutually Annihilated Diseases.
Cynthia: So, you guys are definitely spies.
Whitney: Sexy spies!
William: We're not spies. Chud Spuzzstick and I, Gerd Mastodon, are dentist brothers from Port Arthur in the SimNation.
Vanessa: Which dentists are you the brothers of?
Andrew: My last name isn't Spuzzstick.
Cynthia: I'd be protesting the entire thing, if I were you.
Cynthia: Anyway you can't fool me. Shame on you for even trying.
Cynthia: You wouldn't happen to be looking for two frozen foreign chicks, would you?
William: Not at all, but, hey, if you know where we can find some, we might still be game.
Vanessa: He's so smooth.
Cynthia: He is smooth. But is he hard?
William: Like my penis is long, baby… uh.
William: …over your head.
Cynthia: No, I understood the line.
William: I mean there was something over your head. It looked like you just lost a Best Friend.
Cynthia: Did anybody else see it?
Andrew: Even if I did, I'd say I didn't just to make him doubt himself.
Cynthia: Definitely didn't happen, then. Now, if you're done making shit up, I can tell you where the local ENTROPY clowns hang out.
Cynthia: They hang out all over the fuckin' place, because a chaos-themed organization is super difficult to organize.
William: There it is again!
Cynthia: I refuse to be fooled and feel even one occurrence of shame.
Andrew: Have we met before? Maybe a long, long time ago? It would explain why you're losing Best Friends. Relationship decay.
Cynthia: No, I've got lots of friends in ENTROPY, and they're listening to this conversation, and they're super mad that I'm betraying them because they can't take the joke which they are.
Andrew: It seems like a bad idea to keep holding these meetings right in the middle of a populated area.
William: I've been hoping to goad them into an attack, honestly.
Vanessa: First rule of spy school: you don't need to be covert if you can trick the enemy into being overt.
Cynthia: What does being a pervert help with?
William: Embarassing the introverts.
Vanessa: Chud here is an introvert.
Cynthia: He would be.
Cynthia: If you were an extrovert, you'd have to say "Hi! My name is CHUD" to people occasionally, and honestly, who would want to?
YES HELLO LEONID'S CROTCH
Leonid's Crotch: RESISTANCE IS FUTILE
Andrew: We've got a lot of territory to cover.
William: Carry me.
Andrew: If I'm carrying anyone, it ain't gonna be you.
Cynthia: I get the feeling I'm gonna have to carry all three of you.
William: So, you'll come with us?
Cynthia: We will come simultaneously.
Andrew: ♪ I saw something you didn't see ♪
Vanessa: She just lost a crush!
Andrew: I think she knows William somehow.
Vanessa: Wouldn't he tell us, though?
Andrew: I guess you don't know him.
Vanessa: If you trust him, I trust him.
Andrew: Oh, well, bad news then.
Cynthia: Who's reacting? I'm not reacting. Why would I be reacting?
Cynthia: IF I WERE REACTING THOUGH I'D REACT LIKE THIS
Andrew: I was losing sight of the mission, thank you for reprimanding me.
Andrew: You bitch.
Cynthia: We'll see who the bitches are.
Cynthia: It's better to have loved, and lost, and murdered, than never to have murdered at all!
Andrew: …run that by me again?
Next time: chopped!
This chapter depicts gameplay from 22 December 2012.