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The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 455


Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates every damn day!



If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!


In which travel to a foreign country proves fatal.

ESCAPISM AM I RIGHT



Andrew: SOCIAL DISTANCING, PEOPLE!



Andrew: THAT'S LESS THAN SIX FEET
Cynthia: I'm more of a social closer.



Vanessa: Pretty sure diseases are more afraid of him than he is of them.



Cynthia: You know what I find sexy? Fried zombie.



Andrew: Fuck this noise.



Andrew: Yeah, that's right, scream. Announce the inauguration of my sub-subplot!



Andrew: Hey baby, wanna be my person of interest?



Andrew: So yeah, my dentist brother and I, also a dentist, were wondering if you've seen the… wives, of our… friends back home.
Christy Lawson: Why are you looking for other people's wives?
Andrew: That's what we do in Sharpesvale.



Cynthia: You have the look of unearned wealth about you.
William: I have earned my wealth of experience.
Cynthia: But your actual wealth?
William: You're right, I never earned that. Our society doesn't place a premium on fightin' and fuckin' like it should.



Christy: Good news! I know where your wives are!
Andrew: Our friends' wives.
Christy: We'll be taking you to meet them real soon.



Vanessa: Don't I know you from somewhere?
Alvin Zarubin: Just my first name, probably.



Alvin: I was an Alvin long before that asshole Hobbyist stole my brand.



Vanessa: Okay, so here's the deal. I'm trying to help that dude find his wife, so I can win him away from her fair-and-square.
Alvin: I think I saw that plotline on Soap.



Christy: We're gonna get promoted!
Alvin: And also get to kill some jerks!



Alvin: To sew the seeds of your damnation!
Christy: To drum up needless altercation!



Alvin: To spread disorder at every turn!



Christy: To watch the whole damn setting… burn?
Andrew: Keep going, I'm just taking my position.



Alvin: Alvin!
Vanessa: But not really!



Christy: Christy!
Andrew: Yes, I read your nameplate.



Chris: ENTROPY will claim you all, in time!



Alvin: We're so evil, our slogans don't rhyme!
Vanessa: But it did.
Alvin: But did it?
Vanessa: Yeah, it definitely did.



Christy: But did it?



Meowth: …that's right?



Christy: Let's do another URK
Andrew: Are you all this impractically theatrical?



Christy: Careful! I might get a kill shot on you through the magics of perspective and editing!



Christy: Alternatively we can have a nice hug.



Alvin: MINE'S NOT A HUGGER, CHRISTY



Andrew: Gonna flip you like a flapjack, missy.



Christy: I fork my flapjacks.



Tour Guide: You guys gonna do something about that?
William: Let Chud have his fun.



Andrew: This is kinda fun.
Vanessa: Just think! If you were secret agent, you'd be getting paid for this! Possibly by both sides.



Andrew: Oh, both sides are paying alright.



Christy: Looks like ENTROPY's falling apart agaaaaaaaaaaaain…



Alvin: Anyone else feel a chill just now?



Andrew: Watch your step, Captain Trips.

Vanessa: Nice one, babe.



Alvin: I hate science.

You wouldn't happen to be an evil twin, would you?



Cynthia: So hey, y'all wanna play gum lacrosse?



Vanessa: That was pretty hot, how you stabbed that chick and then zapped that dude.
Andrew: It's erections like these that make me really appreciate a nice loose suit.



Vanessa: I think your sexiness is a problem. I shouldn't have taken so long to finish that schlub.
The Grim Reaper: TECHNICALLY YOU STILL HAVEN'T FINISHED



Linda Yang: THIS GATHERING IS TECHNICALLY ILLEGAL



Alvin: Large gatherings haven't been illegal since SARS.

We're currently in the middle of a SARS-2 pandemic.

Alvin: "SARS-2"? If you're gonna make shit up at least make it believable.



Lydia Couderc: Hi William!
Cynthia: Who's William?
William: IT'S MY PENIS' NAME



Cynthia: At least it's not named something stupid, like "Captain Sparkles."



Andrew: DRINK HEAVY WATER!
Alvin: OH NO! THAT CAUSES SUPERPOWERS!



Alvin: I don't feel super.



Andrew: Are you gonna tell us what we want to know?
Alvin: IT'S IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO ANSWER THAT FOR CERTAIN



Andrew: The kidnapped SimNationals! WHERE ARE THEY.
Alvin: Oh! They're here. Right now.



Alvin: AND YOU'LL NEVER FIND THEM
Andrew: Come on. Surely you can see that's not something I want to know!



Andrew: So, they're close by, huh? Was that your clue? Do I have to cobble together the entire picture, piece by piece, murdering my way through the puzzle box?



Alvin: I volunteer to be the first step on your road to peacefully solving the puzzle.



Alvin: Tell you what. I'll give you a second clue, if you let me go.
Andrew: I might let you live.
Alvin: Half a clue, then.



Alvin: Up.



Alvin: I also have some gossip about someone named "Jihoon,</i> if you're interested.



Andrew: I am not!



Cynthia: I am.



Andrew: "Up," huh.
Alvin: Yep, they're being held hostage in a Pixar film.



Alvin: Excuse me?
Vanessa: I'm finding it hard to.



Alvin: I don't think that's on freeze setting anymore.
Andrew: She must think there's enough Alvins in the world already.



Alvin: WHY
Vanessa: Because two Alvins is fine, but one Alvin who knows who we are and what we're doing here is one Alvin too many.



Alvin: That's really bad phrasing, you should be ashamed of yourself.



Vanessa: I'm sorry if it bugged you.



Alvin: That's even WORSE! You're really BUTCHERING the language.



Alvin: This entire exchange STINKS!



Alvin: You're really TICKING me off!



Alvin: And I'm being EATEN BY FLIES



Alvin: HUUUUUAAAAAARGGZGZGZGZGZGZZZZZZZ



Alvin: something about pests… pestering…



Vanessa: No more metaphors.



Knut Alioto: It was a freak gnat attack. They happen sometimes.
Vanessa: They do?
Knut: Yeah, gnats hate freaks.



Steven McAuley: I see you there, with your clever framing.



Cynthia: Looks like Chud came through!
William: Make sure you call him that when you congratulate him. He loves his name.



Cynthia: Names are important.



So are roofs.



Cynthia: Did you come to Takemizu to fall in love, Gerd?
William: No, but I did plan to fall into a few vaginas.



Vanessa: I'm gonna sleep on my side from now on, then.



William: You know, I've met a lot of secret agents from a lot of secret agencies. Are you sure we haven't crossed paths before?
Cynthia: Maybe. Maybe we're just star-crossed instead.



Andrew: Dad says you get to keep anything you find here.

It's the Simerican way!



Christa: THIRTY YEARS I've been stuck like this.



Cynthia: I've been stuck a long time, too.
William: Stuck how?
Cynthia: Stuck up.



Andrew: That's what happens when you don't work for a living, like I do.



Andrew: Ooh, a map! The Law of Conservation of Detail says it'll be a relevant map.



Andrew: In other news, I'm mad at someone I just met?

I'm sure it's not relevant.



Andrew: WE'RE GOING TO THE PAGODA IN THE SHADOWS
Cynthia: OKAY, FOLLOW ME
Andrew: BUT I HAVE THE MAP
Cynthia: FOLLOW ME ANYWAY
William: STOP FUCKING SHOUTING



Andrew: I'll never forget you, forgettable faces I've already forgotten!



William: I never forget a face.
Cynthia: I'm that way with slights.



Andrew: We going on a slightseeing tour?



Vanessa: I need to have a long, long talk with my libido.




Vanessa: Anyone else noticing a distinct lack of shadow?
Cynthia: He turns them off when he's posing Sims sometimes and forgets to turn them back on afterward.



Cynthia: Unlike some people, who turn me on and forget to turn me off afterward.
Vanessa: I hear you.
William: I also hear you.
Andrew: I'm pretending not to hear.

Next time: in the garden of SimBuddha.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 22 December 2012.

Tags: ea games, eaxis, legacy challenge, maxis, prosperity, sharpesvale chronicles, simblr, sims, sims 2
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